Must Have Been Love
by wtvoc
Summary: AU-Human, Normal pairings. Alice thinks her roommate and her cousin are Made For Each Other. What say her cousin and her roommate? And why is it that love always has to get so very, very complicated?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

I opened my eyes.

I could barely make out the shape of his body as he moved slowly toward me in the dark.

"Bella," he breathed, leaning into my body as his arms circled around me. He tentatively moved his arm down so that his hand was perched on my hip, as if he was afraid of breaking me.

I was trying very hard to hold very, very still; I didn't want him to know how I was feeling just then. His other arm started to move toward my back, pulling me closer. He slowly leaned forward, his lips trembling as they brushed up against my slightly opened mouth. I was having trouble breathing.

His breath was coming out in slow gasps now; he traced his mouth along my jaw line, stopping right before my ear. He pressed his lips at that spot just below my ear lobe; I let out a sigh.

_It wasn't the same_.

He read the sigh as permission; he slowly started caressing my neck with his lips, pressing his mouth into my warm skin.

I was still breathing with my mouth open, and my throat turned dry as I felt a constricting tightness slowly start to choke me. _Damn_. _I thought I could make it through this without crying._

He slowly traveled from my neck across my cheek, and then he paused. My eyes were accustomed to the dark at this point; I could see the moon in his eyes from the window behind me. The deep pools reflected all that he was feeling for me. I could feel the tears start to form in the corners of my eyes. I tried to turn my head, but he wouldn't let me look away. Almost reverentially, he held my face with the tips of his fingers, barely brushing along my cheekbones.

_Oh, no. He's going to_…

"Bella," he breathed, the pitch of his voice getting husky with emotion, "I love you."

He then placed a gentle kiss on my lips, and I let the tears fall. Better to let him think those tears are because of my love, too.

I could never tell him the truth.


	2. the Fashion Plate

**Bella**

"Aliiiiiice," I whined. I stood with my arms straight out to each side and my legs shoulder-width apart. I looked to the ceiling, silently pleading for divine intervention as the flash of a white brow under a fluffy black head of hair dove around me, holding a measuring tape here and there, torturing me with the grin that kept popping up on her excited, flushed face.

"Bella. Hold _still_," she admonished me. "The torture doesn't stop until I'm duh-uhnnn," she teased in that sing-song voice she only used when she knew she was going to win. I sighed; I knew she was right. Alice was infallible; Alice could foresee that I was going to let her doll me up within an inch of my life. But that didn't mean I would take it quietly.

"But why?" I demanded. "It's not like I have a date for your stupid costume party." I pouted a little, knowing I'd end up giving her what she wanted. We both knew that I had no interest in the opposite sex right now. Boys are stupid, as far as I was concerned.

"Bella!" she groaned, exasperated at both my unwillingness to be dressed and to date. My ability to get out of Alice's little plans for updating both my wardrobe and my love life was starting to break down; I simply couldn't fight her anymore.

"The reason I'm even throwing this party is because- you. Need. Action. Come on! Please just allow me to make you a great costume. Wear it. Have fun. Dance. Be merry. Let loose, for pete's sake!" Her words were thrown out so quickly that I almost didn't hear what she said. It wouldn't have mattered, anyway. I had gotten this stern lecture on more than one occasion. Why do I put up with her? I wondered, even though I knew the answer to that one. It was simple. Alice was my best friend. She cared about what happened to me, so I let her dote and obsess. After all, what are friends for?

I met Alice a few years ago when I had just gotten my job at the newspaper. There was a local coffee shop around the corner from the office that I quickly learned served the best (cheapest) cup of joe in town; the cute high school kid behind the counter had already memorized my order, and I had only been going in every morning for a week.

That morning I was running late, as per usual. I hastily grabbed my drink and popped a sleeve on it while flashing the kid a bright smile; his answering grin was so startlingly bright that I stumbled a little…. Right into someone who was walking so quickly and silently that I didn't realize I had just tripped on her…. And dumped coffee all over her obviously designer purse.

"Shit! I'm so sorry!" I stammered as I took in her dazed look of shock. I dove for a stack of napkins and started sheepishly mopping up her now ruined purse. The Kid behind the counter was at our sides in an instant with a wet towel as he started to help clean up my mess.

"I can't believe that just happened! My klutz tendencies tend to be localized to _my_ body only!" I squeaked. I started chattering nervously about hospital visits and bumps and bruises, silently wondering how this pretty, petite and delicate-looking fashion plate was going to react to my ruining what was probably this season's It-bag or something (I wouldn't know. I had had my trusty Coach bag ever since Renee had bought it for me when I graduated from high school).

The Fashion Plate took one look at her purse and started to laugh. At my bewildered expression, the laughter turned into a snort. As her hands flew up to her mouth and her eyes widened in seeming shock, I realized that the Kid on the floor mopping up the mess was laughing, too. What was so funny? I couldn't find the humor. How was I ever going to replace a bag that probably cost a few grand?

"Your face… it's so red! You look like a strawberry!" she blurted out in a whisper. Her giggle was like a bell. It was annoying because it was so cute.

_Great_, I inwardly groaned. Blushing Bella strikes again. I felt my face get redder as the Fashion Plate tinkled in merriment. I tried to change the subject.

"I… I'll pay you for your bag! I'm so sorry," I finished lamely. Really- how _was_ I going to afford it? I couldn't even afford to move out of my Dad's house yet!

"Sorry! That's why I'm laughing. I think I owe you a cup of coffee! Daddy says I'm not allowed to buy any more "frivolous purchases", and you just gave me an excuse to go shopping! Yay!" she said with an infectious grin. She was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet; I couldn't help but smile back.

"I insist on buying you a new one. Please," I tried to insist, but her hand flew to my mouth and she shook her head.

"Nope! Not gonna happen. Daddy's loaded; plus, I have a _real_ job now. He doesn't complain about my little 'addiction' anymore… much…" she laughed. I couldn't help but smile at this tiny, merry little person in the beautifully tailored dress. I started to become self-conscious about my plain black trousers and turtleneck sweater. Style… some people had it… and then there was Bella.

"Well… at least let me buy you a cup of coffee," I began. I really didn't want her to simply accept my klutziness as a way of life as I did.

"Deal! And you must come shopping with me to get a new bag!" she trilled. Her eyes started to glow as she thought about it. I got a little scared thinking about shopping with someone who obviously had her own parking space at the mall.

As I nodded acceptance and held my hand out to shake hers, I suddenly became aware of the Kid still on the floor, ogling the two of us as we made the first steps toward friendship. "Women!" he muttered, a playful grin starting in his eyes and spreading to his lips.

The Little One's eyes appraised the Kid as he absent-mindedly kept mopping up the spilled coffee on the floor, still grinning at the two of us. She smiled a new smile; one that I could tell she reserved for the boys.

"Hello, there… Jacob," she breathed, reading off his nametag. "Thank you for cleaning that up for me!" she sang. Jacob hopped up, flashed a wide grin in my direction, and returned behind the counter.

"Wowww. He's cute!" she said, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. "Yours?" she questioned, waggling her eyebrows in my direction.

"Him? No!" I stiffened at the question. "He's just a kid!" I added. I didn't want her to know that I found "the Kid" so cute.

"Kid? I think not. Did you notice how big he is? Anyway, I saw how he looked at you. He looked… possessive," she said. I shrugged. My anti-boy agenda made me ignore any male attention. All I wanted to see was that every morning, Jacob had a smile and a coffee for me.

"No, no. I barely know him. He's my caffeine supplier, that's all," I said. I liked this girl; when was the last time someone said something like that and I didn't blush (much)?

Without a word, Jacob handed me another coffee, and one for Alice. He flashed us another grin as he hopped over the counter; he looked very pleased with himself. Still, I ignored his sideways glances. I didn't need yet another person who took such obvious pleasure in my clumsiness.

The Fashion Plate and I started to drink our coffees, eyeing each other. After a few seconds, the pixie-like Beauty seemed to consider something as she stared off into space for a few seconds. Then, without warning, she bounced on her feet again, grabbed my hand, and practically shouted, "Let's go to the mall now! Bloomingdale's will be open by the time we get there!" The prospect of malling really got her excited. Her energy would have been infectious if I didn't dread shopping so much.

"I'd love to… but I have to go to work," I apologized. With relief.

"Oh," she faltered, "I do, too. I forget, sometimes," she added. She thought for half a second, then brightened up with "Ooh! How about after? I'll come pick you up!"

I was going to object when it occurred to me that I _did_ owe her for the bag. The least I could do was let her drag my ass around the mall for a few hours, especially since she wasn't letting me buy her a new purse.

We hashed out the details of our shopping expedition. She introduced herself as Alice Cullen, Public Relations something-or-another for a company that I vaguely recognized as being big in fashion. How fitting, I thought.

And that's how Alice and I met. We love to joke about my tripping being what brought us together; she had recently found out her "Best Friend Forever" had been sleeping with her boyfriend, and she's just so full of life and energy that she couldn't have remained BFF-less for long. I, on the other hand, was prone to bouts of self-imposed loneliness. It seemed a match made in heaven.

Except for my unwillingness to go shopping with her, which exasperated her to no end. Her parents were very wealthy and didn't mind (much) that she "utilized her American Express Black Card with a zeal that was almost indecent," as her father put it. He was renowned in medical circles as the inventor of 

some fancy surgeon's tool that made him rich in his early thirties. Alice lived the life of an only child who was so adept at getting what she wanted that you didn't notice until later that she somehow managed to charm you out of thousands of dollars worth of shoes (if you were her Daddy) or into a pair of leather pants that sat on your hips at such a low angle that you were afraid to even turn in them much less sit down (and said pants are still sitting in my closet, tags attached; Alice pretends to be bewildered by my stubborn refusal to wear them in public).

The only other thing about me that bothered Alice was my unwillingness to go out on any sort of date. I even get mad at her flimsy-excuse-"group things". You'd think she'd learn after two years of fake seizures, invented dying grandmothers, flat-out refusals to step outside our house and one really well-acted allergic reaction to shellfish that she'd stop trying to set me up. Alas. Alice was relentless. She kept repeating to me that she saw great love in my future, and it would be all her doing. I let her keep thinking that.

Usually I found her insistence on playing Cupid with me tolerably annoying, like when there's a fly in the room when it's summertime. You **want** the buzzing to stop, but you're so over-stimulated by the heat that you half-heartedly swat at the noise, only gladdened when you manage to make contact. But my stupid fly _never_ stops buzzing.

Her new thing is to dangle her cousin at me. As if she didn't learn that after years of throwing "the perfect guy" at me that my automatic response is to clam up and tilt my chin at "that stubborn angle", as she calls it. Some people never learn, I sighed.

So here I stand, being tortured. I had tripped and knocked over some expensive lamp in our apartment a few months ago, and she reserved the right to call in payback at her discretion.

And her form of payback was a costume party. In our house. And I HAD to dress up.

"What are you making me wear, anyway?" I grumbled. I told her it had to go past my knees, I got to wear a bra, and nothing pink. I HATED pink.

"You'll see," she sang. Her tinkling laughter got to me. I smiled a little, but wiped the grin off my face before she could see she had won.

"Now, let's talk about your date…" she began. I could see the triumph in her eyes.

"Nuh-uhh. No. Way," I breathed out. She was relentless! I set my chin at "the angle".

"Belllaaaa… I'm telling you, you'll just adore him! I know I do. He's so hot that it's too bad he's my cousin. What? Don't judge me! He's gorgeous!" she giggled, blushing a little herself. I already knew what Alice thought of her perfect cousin. Gorgeous, sensitive, oblivious to his effect on women. She claimed he was the male version of me. That's why she thought we "belonged together" (and that phrase made me cringe every time I heard it).

"Alice- thanks, but no. I accept that your cousin will be in town, and I accept that you think we're destined for each other. But I do NOT accept that I need to be set up with him." I practically demanded that she listen to me.

It wasn't working. "Do I need to remind you that the lamp was a vintage Tiffany? You OWE me, Swan," she intoned, attempting to sound vaguely threatening. The sparkle in her eyes belied the serious expression on her face. I knew I wasn't going to get out of this one.

"Alice… I can get my own dates," I began, but her sniggering stopped me. "What?" I demanded, "I can do it!" The fact that I _wouldn't_ do it didn't matter to me.

"Nope. Sorry," she said, not sorry at all. She added, "This party is for La Bella to unwind. I want you to have someone pretty in one hand and something boozy in the other," she finished, giggling all the while. She jerked my legs together and slapped my thigh, indicating she was done with the torture.

"Alice, please?" I begged. I must've sounded pathetic, because she regarded me with a wary expression for half a second. Then she tilted her head to the side and tapped her lip. Uh oh, I thought, as a devilish little pixie grin lit up her whole face.

"I know! I'll make you a deal. You find your own date, and I won't even tell my cousin how made-for-each-other you two are! But… if you don't find a date, my cousin will do for you nicely." She was bouncing around in that energetic way she has. How could I disappoint? Maybe I could find someone so awful that she'd give up in disgust.

"Deal. Find my own date. No problem," I muttered. Where would I go to pick up a guy? Crap! How am I going to accomplish this?

Alice started clapping her hands wildly like a cheerleader. She ran to the stereo and flipped on her Happy Alice music ("Girls just wanna have fun" by Cyndi Lauper). Bouncing back to me, she grabbed my hands and forced me to enjoy myself. I gave her a thrill by letting her dance me around the house.

"This party is going to kick ass!" she trilled, as we danced a crazy circle in our soon-to-be-overflowing living room. I sighed inwardly. This was going to be a nightmare.


	3. Sunday Breakfast Beautiful

**_Happy 107th Birthday, Edward Cullen! You sure do look great for your age!_**

**Hello, chickens! Thanks for tuning in. I just want to give a major shout-out to the lovelies over at twilighted... you guys rock my socks. Seriously.**

**Special Thanks to ereeen, my pseudo beta/pseudo life partner **(joking, joking).** Go check out her story "What a horror!". Funny stuff...**

**and this chapter is dedicated to Momof5 just 'cuz it's her berfday today. **

_i've been forgetting to disclaim: Twilight, nor any of its sequels, ideas, or characters, does not belong to me. Stephenie Meyer claims that ownership._

_I, however, am completely owned by Edward Cullen._

**Edward**

This is going to be a nightmare, I groaned, rolling out of bed. I hit the "off" switch on my alarm, groaning again at the time. I flopped into the shower, letting the hot water wake me up.

_Coffee_… _Need_… _Coffee_… my mind tried to tell me. I could smell it as I toweled off. _Bless her heart_, I thought with a smile. _That girl is going to be an amazing wife for someone one day_. If she could only learn to control that nasty temper…

Rosalie had given notice on her apartment as soon as the lease was up; since she and Jasper were moving in two weeks, we just decided to let her crash at our place. The quarters were cramped, and she insisted on sleeping on a mattress, so Jasper and I alternated who got the couch. It was confusing and annoying, but I'd dealt with worse. Especially from Rose.

"Good morning, sleepyhead!" Rosalie called out from the kitchen table. She already held a steaming mug while she read the sports page. Beautiful as always, I flashed her a grin. It may have been only 6 a.m., but Rose always managed to look like she just rolled in from a magazine shoot.

"Are you all packed and ready?" she asked me. I nodded, pouring a huge cup of caffeine and flopping in the chair across the table from her. I grabbed the front page and flipped to the editorials.

After about fifteen minutes of companionable silence, Rose suddenly barked out, "Jasper! Get your ass out here! We're going to miss our flight!" With a bemused grin, I glanced over as Rose's brother and my best friend stumbled off of the couch, yawning and rubbing his belly. Rose rolled her eyes at his attempt to wake up and practically threw his coffee mug at him as he sat heavily in the chair next to her.

"Good morning to you, too," he grumbled. I grinned. These twins liked to pretend they didn't get along, but I had never known a brother and sister who were so in tune with each other's emotions, needs, and wants. Hell, one of them couldn't even move out of the state without the other following.

_How am I going to survive with them gone_? I wondered for the hundredth time. My two best friends were leaving me, just like _that girl_ left me. It was almost too much. But I would never tell them that. They didn't even know that "_We_" were no more. They'd never leave if they knew that. Jasper's new job was too important to guilt him into staying simply because I was emotionally bereft.

"You'd better be packed, Jasper Whitlock Hale," threatened his twin. He gave her a closed-lipped grimace and stalked off, coffee in hand. I laughed out loud at that one. Rose had had her carry-on bag packed for two days now; Jasper, on the other hand, still had boxes of stuff that needed to be taped up. The two of us were going to drive a U-Haul containing half of our apartment furniture and Rose's stuff after this little trip. I told myself I was going to their new town so that I could see where my two best friends would be living, but I think we all knew that I couldn't bear to see them go. This was going to hurt. I had been trying to come up with a good reason to move to Seattle, too; but I couldn't seem to find something convincing enough to leave San Francisco. Well, besides Jessica cheating on me and leaving me for that _woman_. But I couldn't tell Jasper and Rose that; they would stay, just for me.

We somehow managed to make it to the airport on time. While we were signing in our bags, I noticed Rose getting approached by two greasy-looking guys that appeared to be getting a little too hands-on for my liking. I may never consider Rosalie to be "mine", but I was still extremely protective of her well-being. Besides, she might end up punching one of them like last time, and I didn't feel like dealing with airport security. Affecting what I thought was a "jealous boyfriend" look, I stalked over to Rose and her admirers while Jasper finished up at the airline counter.

"Are these guys bothering you, babe?" I growled, putting my arm around her waist. She instinctively wrapped her arm around me and grabbed my butt, nibbling on my earlobe. It was an act we had perfected over the years. Rose got hit on _a lot_.

"No, babe. They were just leaving," she said with a threatening look. I've seen that look; it was usually misread as smoldering, but I think these guys got the idea. They stuttered out an apology and took off. We dropped our arms from each other's waists and instead linked them in a companionable pretzel as we went off to find a place to sit before boarding the plane.

"Trouble in paradise, lovebirds?" murmured Jasper as he stuffed our tickets into his pocket. We laughed, and headed off to our gate, chattering happily about our next adventure that would be Seattle.

**Bella**

Date.

Date.

_Date_.

Date?

What the hell was I going to do?

The party was tomorrow night, and I was unsurprisingly dateless. Lord knows I tried; I even went to a bar on "Ladies Night", but I got so worried by the amount of chest-revealing unbuttoned shirts and popped collars that I practically ran out of there (and of course, tripped on my way out). It was becoming clear that I wasn't going to be able to avoid being set up with Alice's cousin.

As I finished shuffling papers, I stood up quickly from my desk, in a hurry to beat the "it's five o'clock, time to hit happy hour" rush that flooded the halls of the paper's offices every evening. Naturally, I walked right into a wall and dropped all of my papers. _Shit_, _shit_, _shit_, I chided myself. I stooped down to pick up the papers, only to be met by a startlingly deep set of twinkling eyes.

"Come here often?" murmured the Wall in a mesmerizing voice. The guy swept up my papers in one hand and pulled me up with the other hand. I stammered, gazing into his face. _Gorgeous_…

"Umm… hi. Did you drop these?" he tried again. This time I came to life, blushing furiously. I took the proffered papers and immediately dipped my head down because I saw the look on his face when he noted my deep blush.

"You're Bella, right? One of the copy editors? I'm…" he stuck out his hand, when I noticed the big "E" on his sweater. I knew who this was. The New Sports guy. He had gotten dared to wear his mother's home-knit sweater when he lost a bet on the outcome of some football game a week ago. I had heard he was a total womanizer. I could see why. _This guy is trouble_, I thought.

"I know who you are," I muttered. I didn't want him to see me blushing anymore. I shook his hand and turned to leave, but he stopped me by my shoulder. I could feel the warmth from his large hand radiating through my thin ribbed sweater; did I like it? Was that attraction? It didn't feel like attraction.

"Wait a second. I haven't seen much of you. I just started here, and I don't know my way around town too well. Care to show me?" he invited. He looked hopeful, and I was almost disgusted with how much I warmed up to this invitation. I knew his reputation. No WAY would I ever date such a… a… wait. Perfect!

"You know, actually…" I stammered. Somehow I managed to ask him if he wanted to go to a costume party with me. Brave Bella! Where did that come from? Alice would be so proud…

"Of course!" he boomed before I could finish my thought. A little taken aback by his response, he sheepishly grinned that he already had a costume, but he couldn't find a place to wear it. As a huge smile broke out on my face, he answered me with his own appraising smile. With eyebrows high on his forehead, he asked when and where. I gave him the pertinent info along with the promise of "Seeya tomorrow night!" Alice was going to be so disappointed!

**Alice**

I was disappointed. Bella called and informed me in that self-satisfied, stubborn voice of hers that she had found a date. Damn. I was so sure she wouldn't pull it off!

I was bouncing around, full of energy.

The party's almost here! The party's almost here!

I had taken the week off. Luckily for me, I was so good at my job that their occasional overlooking of my absences wasn't so much a perk as it was now a requirement. I'd been buying party supplies all week, and placating my few neighbors with little gifts while urging them to go out on Friday night. I knew the party would get… lively.

I pouted. What was I going to do with Bella? This guy'd better not be a bozo. She assured me he was hot stuff; I'm not sure I believed her. Lately, Bella's tastes had baffled me. I mean, she had the hot college kid Jacob panting over her for the last three years, and she was still oblivious. And that human 

resources guy she had consented to go out with? I shuddered just thinking about him. Bella was just so, so… blind.

She's quick to point out to me that I'm tiny and cute (true and true), so guys flock. She'll rhapsodize about my porcelain skin and jet black hair, but she fails to recognize her own innate hotness. She simply thinks that brown is boring and guys either want teeny tiny, or tall, blonde, and leggy. Silly Bella.

I sighed again, and then decided to cheer up as I checked everything off of my long checklist. Then I went to my room and admired the costumes for which I had just put the finishing touches on this morning. Bella may mock me for my status as a spoiled shopaholic, but even she couldn't deny that my ability to piece together beautiful clothes was heaven sent. It wasn't until we moved in together that she realized that I tailored my own clothes and created pieces when I couldn't find them in my size. I always tried to get her to let me make her clothes, too, but she stubbornly refused. It took a year for her to let me tailor her store-bought stuff.

I ran my hands down the silky material. _She's going to kill me_, I thought with glee. I could not _wait_ to see the look on her face when she realized what she was dressing up as!

**Edward**

I absent-mindedly drummed my fingers in my lap as I waited for Rose to finish getting ready. Despite being a large suite, the hotel room we were all sharing seemed to be getting smaller and smaller each day as I had to put up with Jasper and Rose fighting. I think they were simply nervous about such a big move. Jasper's new teaching job at the University was making him anxious; he had been looking for so long for something full-time that it almost blew him away when the school offered him the position. Knowing she'd never survive without her brother in the same town, Rose quickly quit her job, knowing she'd find something soon. Rose could do that; with that supernatural beauty came supreme confidence. It didn't hurt that she usually got what she set her heart on.

_Except for me_…

"Rosalie Lillian Hale! Get your ass out here!" Jasper hollered. I snickered. The middle-naming thing _never_ ceased to be funny with these two.

The door cracked open, and two daggers glared at the two of us who were silently laughing. "I will be _ready_ when I'm _ready_!" she hissed, and slammed the door. We both sighed; we'd probably be late for the party.

"Mario Kart?" inquired Jasper. I took one look at him and dove onto the couch, grabbing for the Wii remote without the pink jacket (Rosalie's; I had left mine at home). Jasper beat me to it, and I had to suffer with pink. If I took the jacket off, Rose would kill me.

"So, this cousin of yours. Is she hot?" teased Jasper. I elbowed him in the shoulder and paid for it by losing the race. I groaned, and turned back to the screen.

"Yeah, she's cute. But what does it matter? Like you're going to speak," I scoffed. Jasper was quiet. He rarely volunteered information that wasn't directed to his sister or his best friend. It intrigued me that his students spoke so highly of him; I suppose it took real passion to get him to open up to anyone in any way. That guy sure did love his American History.

Jasper glanced at me and grinned before beating me, again. At that moment, Rose finally exited the bathroom, looking like the Greek Goddess she was supposed to be portraying. Sultry, tanned, barely covered. That's our girl.

"Nice, Rose. Am I going to have to protect your virtue all evening?" I mused out loud. Rose laughed that throaty laugh of hers. "Don't say it like you don't enjoy being my protector, Eddie," she teased. She knew how much I hated that nickname. I scowled at her and muttered, "Come on. Let's go, Peter."

Jasper had asked Rose to get him a Captain Hook costume. Naturally, the day she went shopping, he made some off-color remark about the length of her skirt being directly related to her ability to abstain from sexual activity and she got her revenge on. She decided to wait until today to show him his costume with an evil glint in her eye as she handed him the hanger. It's always comforting to have visual evidence that the usually serene Jasper can turn all sorts of shades of purple.

When he tried to find a costume shop that had the right costume, or even one in his size, they were "all rented out". I had a sneaking suspicion that Rose flashed her smile (or some of her other attributes) at the Unsuspecting Costume Shop Owners of Seattle to pull the ultimate prank on her poor brother.

That's Rosalie for you. She is definitely not a woman on whose bad side I would want to be.

I blame Jasper for his wardrobe issues. He should've known better than to put Rose in charge of procuring a costume for him, especially since when I had informed the two of them that we were invited to a costume party ("In the summer?" Rose gasped), I threatened them with my friendship if they didn't attend. They complained, but I pointed out that it would be good for them to know someone who was family (even if it was my family) when they lived in a strange town. That's the only reason they reluctantly agreed to come. I had warned them that Alice wouldn't take them coming in street clothes too kindly; both saw it as a warning that moody Edward had a moody cousin. I almost let out an ear-splitting grin thinking about quiet Jasper and surly Rosalie's reactions to my spritely relative.

"Are we ready, or what?" snarled Rose. "Let's get this over with. There had BETTER be booze and boys there, _Eddie_," she sneered. I decided to let that one go. This should be an interesting evening, to say the least….

"I'm telling you. If I'm going to survive an evening with an overbearing ball of energy, I need java," complained Rose. I secretly agreed with her. Alice was exhausting on the best of days; I hadn't seen her in years, but we still talked on the phone regularly. Alice once got Rose on the phone, and the two of them were already as thick as thieves, despite the fact that neither had laid eyes on the other, ever. Rosalie already knew she was in for a tiring evening as long as Alice was involved.

We decided to stop at the first coffee shop we spotted. Since I was dressed in the least embarrassing costume, I got voted to stand in line for drinks. The line was a little long, and I had to stand while Rose and Jasper sat comfortably in some of the squishy chairs in a dark corner.

Trying to figure out what was taking so long, I leaned over to see that the russet-skinned boy behind the counter was flirting heavily with the clueless, brown-haired customer in front of him. Sighing in annoyance, I folded my arms and shifted my weight, huffing that Alice was going to kill me for getting there so late. I knew we had an hour, but still. I hated angering the Little One.

When the clueless customer turned, my breath caught in my throat.

"Wowww…"I silently breathed out. So _that's_ what they meant when they talked about taking your breath away. _Stunning_. _Rapture_. _Perfect_. _Smitten_. My thoughts were coming in bursts of random adjectives. In a split second, I was envisioning a heartbreakingly peaceful image of me and this stranger eating breakfast and reading the Sunday paper in a big, fluffy, white bed, surrounded by sunshine and giving each other little kisses in between bites of bacon and pancakes. _Beautiful_.

Then she tripped on her own foot.

I stifled a laugh as Beautiful almost inaudibly muttered, "crap," while blushing a deep shade of red and tried to play it off like it hadn't happened. As she breezed by me, I got a whiff of her hair as she rushed by. Strawberries. Just like her blush when she tripped. I inhaled deeply and detected something flowery, too. _What is that_?

I turned my head to follow her hurried exit. She kept her eyes trained on the ground as she left, avoiding the amused expressions on the faces of those still standing in line. When I turned back around, I noticed the coffee guy was watching her leave, too. My turn was next, and he gave me a cheeky wink and grinned, saying, "That girl is my undoing. I'm going to marry her, I swear it. What can I get you?"

I didn't like him. I drilled off the three orders for coffee and skulked over to wait while the grinning boy made Rose's elaborate whipped cream confection of a drink. _Were they dating? Why did I even care_? It's not as though I was staying long enough to find out, even if I ever did see her again.

**So, doya think he's ever gonna see her again? ;)**

**Review, let me know what you think. I apologize for previous formatting errors; forgive me! I am new to this! And make sure you give a special birthday toast to our favorite Birthday Boy tonight!**


	4. Pixie Dust

**Ahh, the party.**

**So, some of you guessed correctly on Alice's choice of costume. Well done!**

**This one's dedicated, as always, to my partners in crime over at twilighted. Most specifically, I dedicate this to upthedownslide, from your favorite interloper.**

_I do not own Twilight, but Edward Cullen totally owns me._

**Bella**

"Ow. Ow ow ow. OW!" I shrieked. Alice was furiously brushing my hair. We had a half hour or so before people would start arriving, and I was trying to appease the little pixie by letting her do my hair and makeup. She was mad that I had insisted on getting that coffee. "You're eating into my prep time!" the fairy had practically yelled at me.

She really _was_ a fairy today; she was wearing an amazing Tinkerbell costume she had made, complete with wings and a blonde wig.

I heard a giggle behind me. My only friend at work (was Emmett a friend now, too?) Angela had arrived early "to help". I think it was really "to ogle", because she had hung out with me and Alice before, and she knew what I was in for when I told her I was letting the Pixie dress me tonight. Angela got to wear a store-bought, polyester Hogwarts costume. Lucky Angela. I _still_ didn't know what I was dressing up as.

"Bella. Hold STILL!" Alice warned. I had gotten a glimpse of the makeup before Alice quickly turned me around to do my hair. All I really saw was pale skin and some intensely black liquid eyeliner. I was getting shimmer all over me, too; the fairy dust Alice had covered herself in was coating _everything_.

I continued to grumble as Alice finished torturing my head. "Voila!" she exclaimed, turning me around. I gasped. Angela clapped in the background.

"What the hell am I supposed to BE?" I wondered aloud. I looked amazing, I'll give her that; my makeup looked intense and heavy, and my hair was all…. I don't know. Fluffy. Shiny. I could never achieve that kind of hair on my own.

"Almost… done," sighed the Fairy. She expertly lined and lipstick-ed my mouth with a deep blood-red color, making me blot in between each coat. The whole time she kept making me pout this way and that, making sure every inch of my lips was covered.

"Damn, Bella. That's one hot little pout you've got there!" Angela giggled. She always acted in awe of my "beauty". I rolled my eyes at her, silently wishing she'd pick on Alice instead.

Angela was even quieter than I was at work. When I told her I had a date with "the new Sports Guy", her jaw dropped. Her date was the ever-reliable Ben, Angela's boyfriend for the last seven years. He was quiet, too. Reserved. Amazing. They were perfect together.

At first, she had assumed I hadn't heard of Sport's Guy's Rep; I had assured her the Date was to assuage the thundering Pixie's need to pair me off with someone. Angela accepted that; she always accepted whatever I told her. That's why we all got along so well- she was the perfect counterpart to Alice's bubbly, insistent nature.

"Time to change!" sang my fairy. _Sigh. Very well_. She pushed me off to my room as I exaggerated dragging my feet. Before I got to the door, Alice danced over with a margarita. _Great. Just what I __needed to get in the mood_. I narrowly avoided tripping over a beverage tub full of ice, gulped down two mouthfuls of salty over-tequila'd goodness, and took a breath as I pushed my door open.

**Alice**

I couldn't take it anymore. Bella had walked into her room over five minutes ago, and I still hadn't heard a word. I carefully tiptoed over to her door and cautiously placed my ear on it, listening for any kind of reaction. Next thing I knew, the door was yanked open, and as I almost fell into my enraged roommate's livid form, my eyes popped open in mock surprise.

"Alice!" she hissed at me. "I am **NOT**. **WEARING**. _**THIS**_." She was insistent. I put my hand over my mouth, stifling a giggle. Bella was so red she looked like a tomato this time!

I pulled my face into a frown. "Bella," I admonished, "the undead don't blush." I indicated the incredibly slinky costume I had made for her, and sweetly offered, "Do you need help getting it on?"

Bella glared at me before silently nodding assent. She was so pissed at me! I loved it. Angela had described the Date as very "hands on", so I figured maybe after all this time, if I plowed her with enough tequila and her date was reliable like Angela said, that my dear, darling Bella would finally get laid after the world's longest dry spell.

"Come on," I wheedled. "When was the last time anyone besides me got grabby with you? Please, Bella?" I made my eyes puppy-dog-wide and blinked rapidly. I knew I looked ridiculous; I could never pull that one off. Puppy dog eyes were _Bella's_ specialty. It's those long lashes of hers.

After a pause, Bella pretended to sigh a big one and dropped her robe.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed. The minx! She had already put on the thigh high fishnets I had laid out on the bed; I just hadn't noticed.

"Woman, you've got great legs. I don't know why you don't show them more," I grumbled, grabbing something out of my pocket. I slowly turned toward Bella, holding my hands out with a wicked grin.

"What are those, and why are you handing me stickers?" wondered the clueless Bella.

"Darling, I KNOW you don't think you're going to wear that bra with such a plunging neckline?" I asked her. I handed the poor girl the set of sticky boobs I had been holding.

She exploded again.

"Alice! One of the parameters of our arrangement was a bra! I am NOT wearing those!" she shouted. But even as I silently took her tirade, I knew I'd win. We had already had the sticky boobs discussion months ago while trolling for fun. Sticky boobs counted as a bra.

Turning around and grumbling, Bella removed her bra and with two slaps applied the little flowery stickers. Grimacing a little, she turned around and gave a half-hearted "ta-dah." I grinned and flew to the dress. I knew it would fit like a glove.

Bella put her arms up while I stood on her bed, struggling to keep the dress from snagging on her volumized hair. I knew she wouldn't have accepted teased-like-Barberella hair, so I went for simple, sleek, and polished. Her long, dark-brown locks practically crackled with electricity as I slid the silky material of the dress over her head.

"Okay, let's see…" I murmured as I hopped off the bed. I had to make a few adjustments here and there, but finally…

"Okay, check yourself out," I grinned. I knew she would _never_ believe what I had done to her!

**Bella**

I slowly turned to look in the mirrored doors of my closet, and my eyes practically bugged out of my head. When I first saw the dress, my eyes narrowed as I realized it was a clingy, slinky one. Damn. I forgot to put "skin-tight" on my list of no-noes for the Pixie.

It was a long, black number. Plunging v-neck; plunging practically to my belly button. I would have to make sure my boobs didn't fall out. At least the ungainly things were huge enough to fill the dress out. The sleeves were long and floaty at the end, Morticia Adams-style. _At least it wasn't sleeveless_.

The back was pretty low, too; I'd really have to watch how I leaned in this thing. Mercifully, the dress reached the floor; but of course, Alice had seen fit to equip the dress with a slit that went up past the edge of my thigh high on the left side. _Dammit_! She thought of everything. I should've added "no skin-revealing" to the list, too.

At least the shoes weren't so bad. She handed me a pair of those pointy Victorian boots with all the crazy buttons, only a modern pair that had a hidden zipper on the side and hit just below the knees. The heel didn't look too scary since it had a wide base, if not a skinny frame. Stiletto would not have been appreciated.

"Alice. You can see the garter hooks with this thing!" I complained. She simply grinned and shrugged her shoulders: "Oops!" Tinkling laughter. Stupid heart-melting Pixie.

"One more thing, then we're good." She came at me with a red tube of make-up again, and something white in her hands. I figured it was a lipstick touch-up, but she purposefully dribbled the red down my chin. She was handing me the white thing (were those teeth?) and I got confused, so I asked her the question on my mind:

"What am I supposed to be, anyway?"

She rolled her eyes at me.

"I made you into a vampire, Bella."

T-minus fifteen minutes until Official Party Time. I don't know why I was so nervous.

That's a lie. I knew in this sexy getup that I was destined to fall. "Fall in **love**,"

Alice kept repeating. Right; like I could make a horn dog like Emmett McCarty fall in love with someone as boring as me. Even if I _was_ practically falling out of this damned dress.

The doorbell rang, and without thinking, I pulled the door open. Poor Ben. He was used to Khaki and Gap Shirt Bella, not Sexpot Vampir-ella. I giggled. "Hey, Ben. You look…. Tasty." I purred, licking my lips for effect. I thought Ben was going to pass out. He was dressed as Professor Snape, one of my secret fictional Boyfriends. I couldn't help it.

"Bella! Stop trying to eat him. He's mine!" giggled Angela. Ben looked at Angela with relief, breaking the hypnotized, glassy-eyed stare he was giving me. _Hmm… maybe this costume party would be fun, after all_, I thought. I could try on a new Bella for size. Vampir-ella. VampBella. _Fun_!

"Hey, Ali. Are there any more margaritas?"

**Edward**

Rose had decided that she wanted to nurse her "coffee". I would've started whining if I thought it would've done any good. The thing about Rosalie is that once she made up her mind, there was absolutely nothing that was going to make her change it. And she had decided that we were going to make an entrance.

"Come on, _Eddie_," she sneered. I swear, one of these days…

"_Edward_. Jasper's in tights. I look like sex in heels, and you're looking pretty hot over there in those big boots. Let's unwind a bit tonight, huh?" She stuck out her pouty lips. If I was at all attracted to her, I would've been putty in her hands. _But I wasn't; not anymore_.

"I'm going," I threatened, and stood up. Rose rolled her eyes and downed her drink, following me out the door with Jasper in tow. I silently held my hand out for the car keys, and for once, Rose relented and let me drive.

I practically floored it in my haste to get to the party. If I was going to lose my Sunday Breakfast Beautiful to a grinning Idiot, then I was going to go and get plastered at my cousin's stupid costume party.

**Alice**

I had been trying all evening to get Bella to join me in my hosting duties, but she wasn't having any of it. I sighed as the door bell rang again.

"Bellllla! Doooor!" I sang out. She mutinously gave me her chin and turned around, trying to look mad. The problem with that is that her outfit was so… hot! In trying to be stubborn, she looked even poutier than usual and all of the men in the room noticed.

Oddly, the only unaffected one was her actual date. I liked this Emmett character; I had heard of his "rep" from both Angela and Bella, but I didn't care. He was really funny. Plus, he practically snarled when a couple of guys tried to get a bit gropey on Bella. I think he felt more brotherly toward her than anything. There's something comforting about seeing a muscle-bound lady killer turn Mr. Softie for my friend. _It's good to know I'm not the only one looking out for her. _I sighed to myself, again. He was _supposed_ to make out with her, not act like her personal bouncer. _Oh, well_…

I was getting increasingly annoyed with Dear Cousin Edward as I kept glancing at the clock. He was almost an hour late. _Wats takin so long_? I texted him. _Be there in a minute._, he texted back. Oh, good. I couldn't wait to meet my new, other best friend, Rosalie Hale! She had explained her costume to me. I couldn't wait to see her expression at Bella's costume! According to Edward, Rosalie wasn't used to sharing the Hottie Spotlight. Grinning wickedly, I opened the door to let more revelers in.

**Bella**

Okay, so I was having fun. I'll admit it. _Perhaps it was the three margaritas I had downed before anyone even arrived_? I had switched to water since the first person walked in the door, afraid that I'd experience a Janet Jackson-like wardrobe malfunction. I grinned at the thought; the guy I was talking to seemed to take that as a sign that I wanted him to continue to picture me naked in his head.

Walking away in disgust, I adjusted my boobs when I thought no one was looking (yeah, right. In this dress? _Ever_yone was looking) and pouted at Alice again. I honestly didn't mind anymore; I was having a good time, and it was mostly because of this dress. Being VampBella made me… well, bold. I was having way more conversations with boys than I usually did. I decided to let go for once, and to allow the possibility of…. Well, I didn't know. _Something_.

The doorbell rang, again. Alice had been trying to get me to answer the door for the last hour; since I wanted to make her think that I was still mad for the costume (and when _had_ I stopped being mad, anyway? Damn that pixie. She's good!), I had been glaring at her. Since she had stepped away and was talking to some of her friends from work, I decided to answer the door.

Yowzah. Am I ever glad that I did.

Standing in front of me were three of the best-looking people I had ever laid eyes on. The woman was… stunning. I mean, really. I suddenly felt like a little girl trying on mommy's cocktail dress compared to this leggy blonde. She was dressed as Aphrodite or maybe just walking sex- she was wearing what appeared to be a pillowcase tied on as a toga and not much else except a saucy little metal cuff coiled around her toned, tanned upper arm. Her long legs had some sort of sparkly bronzer on them; her long, flowing, blonde hair seemed like it had a fan trained on it, designed to blow it around as though at a photo shoot. The fact that the high heels didn't at all go with the actual costume didn't matter; she was Hot. Gorgeous.

The blonde guy next to her was a tall drink of water, but dressed as Peter Pan. He was clearly uncomfortable in his tights; I thought he pulled it off splendidly. The innocence of the costume and his 

thoughtful expression made me smile. He was as handsome as the woman was beautiful- twins? He reacted to my smile, and I instantly felt calm. _I bet this guy is a real charmer, I thought_. I relaxed visibly.

Until I turned to the third person. Another Greek God, only this one was dressed like Zorro. Despite the sexy boots and the fact that he was wearing a mask, I couldn't keep my eyes off of his unusually shiny, coppery hair- until I saw his eyes. They were the most amazing color I'd ever seen. I wanted to frolic in their expansive green meadows. And those _lips_. My mind immediately went into fantasy mode- mostly images of me leaning in and sucking on that juicy bottom lip of his-

"EDWAAAARD!" Tinkerbell came flying out of nowhere and flew into Zorro's stunned and open arms. _Edward? This must be the Cousin_. He swung her around a couple of times and planted a wet kiss on her cheek.

The two siblings were laughing at Alice's exuberant greeting. She sheepishly stepped out of his embrace and looked up at the tall twins standing in front of her.

"Alice, Rosalie and Jasper Hale. Rose and Jasper, this is Alice." Edward introduced his cousin to the blondes.

Greek Sex Goddess stepped forward with her hand outstretched. "It's nice to-"

She didn't finish. Alice had flown into her, wrapping her little arms around the Amazon's waist. "I feel like we've known each other _forever_!" Rosalie looked stunned for a second, then laughed and admitted, "I know, right?" The two of them hooked arms as Alice slyly took in the tall form of Jasper.

"Jasper." She winked at him. Winked! Was she drunk? He simply nodded and said, "Nice to finally meet the pixie. Err, fairy." Alice hiccupped and choked on one of her tinkling giggles. _Yup. Tossed_.

"You guys, this is my best friend and roommate and co-host VampBella. I mean, Bella," she slurred. I turned up a corner of my mouth and made a show of whispering behind my hand to them, "You'll have to excuse my friend. She's _drunk_." They all laughed, and Jasper clasped my hand, murmuring, "Bella". I could tell he was desperately trying not to look at my chest.

Rosalie gave me the once-over then leaned forward to shake my hand, saying,"Nice to meet you, Bella. I've heard _a lot_ about you," and she glanced at Zorro out of the corner of her eyes.

With that, I finally looked over at him again. "I, too, have heard much of the famous Bella Swan," he said. I was stunned at how…. velvety his voice was. It was like a thousand tiny fingers dancing across my skin. I almost shivered.

"Hello? Earth to VampBella!" laughed Alice. I realized I had been staring while Edward held out his hand. I looked down at the floor, blushing furiously. I quickly shook his hand without meeting his gaze and mumbled, "Come on in, you guys. Bar's over there." Great. Chest hanging out? Check. Blush that I'm sure is visible over the entire surface of my body? Check check.

_And I had been having such a good time_…

**Edward**

I had calmed down considerably on the drive over. It turned out Alice's place was only a few minutes away from the coffee shop. We got out of the car and I mentally prepared myself for what I'm sure would be a tame evening.

By the time we found the right place, it was obvious that tame was _not_ a correct adjective to put next to this party. It was… loud. Very loud. Not just music, either. The opened windows were pouring out laughter, yelling, profanities… the sound of drunk people having a good time. I grinned as my spirits lifted. _Maybe this is what I need to forget about Jessica_, I thought.

Rosalie glossed her lips over again, and we made our way to the door. I rang the doorbell. No answer. I knocked. This time, the door opened…

…and I found myself unable to breathe.

Oh. My. God. _Breathe, Edward_. I found my breath taken away for the second time in as many hours. What are the odds? Sex in fishnets was standing in front of me; the funny thing was that I was lost in the deep brown pools of this woman's eyes. _Is this the roommate Alice has been dying for me to meet_? I mentally smacked Alice for never telling me her roommate was so beautiful. Instantly, my earlier vision of Sunday Breakfast Beautiful was replaced with Sunday Breakfast Bella. _Bella, Bella_. I loved how it sounded in my head.

I snapped to when I became aware of a blinding flash of sparkles as Alice launched herself into my arms.

"EDWAAAAARD!" she shrieked. I laughed in delight and swung her around a couple of times. She was so small, but I could feel the energy pouring off of her. As she jumped down, I noticed with chagrin that I was covered in pixie dust. I forgave her in my head. I could smell the alcohol oozing out of her pores as I planted a wet kiss right on her cheek. She giggled in delight.

I turned to Rose and Jasper and introduced them to my cousin with a wave of my hand. The girls seemed delighted to finally meet, and I noticed Alice giving Jasper the once-over with a devilish gleam in her eye. _I knew he was her type_, I thought to myself. I could practically read Jasper's thoughts as he went from confusion to embarrassment to interest in one second. Jasper took a steadying breath and gave his small smile, flickering his eyes surreptitiously from Alice's sparkling body to Bella's curves. I grinned to myself. _This was going to be a VERY interesting evening._

"Jasper," Alice said in her "I'm up to no good" voice. She winked at him. _Uh_ _oh_, I groaned inwardly. Trouble, indeed.

Alice then introduced us to Bella, tripping over her introduction. Bella exaggerated putting her mouth behind her hand and whispered, "You'll have to excuse my friend. She's _drunk_." We all laughed.

Rose glanced significantly at me from the corner of her eyes as she greeted the Roommate. _What was that about_? I wondered. Jasper was desperately trying not to look at the amazing cleavage Bella was showing us as Rose was informing Bella that we had heard a lot about her.

"I, too, have heard much of the famous Bella Swan," I told her as I held out my hand. Bella just stood there, looking at me like I had said something awful.

"Hello? Earth to VampBella!" giggled the Fairy. When she came to, Bella started blushing this amazing shade of strawberry red.

_Strawberry_? I stiffened as it occurred to me that … could _she_ be my Sunday Breakfast Beautiful? I was desperately trying to look into her eyes again, but she refused to meet my gaze as she quickly shook my hand and muttered something about the bar, blushing the entire time.

I was floored. This vision walking away from me had possibly made me fantasize twice in one day. I _never_ did that; not about total strangers. What is it about this girl that is affecting me so? _Maybe there's something in the water_…

I must've looked confused as I followed the others in the door because Alice walked over and linked her arm in mine and asked if I was okay.

"I mean, the thing. You know; with _her_?" she wanted to know. _Oh, that_. Alice was the only one who knew.

"I'm fine. Too much coffee," I muttered. I needed to clear my head.

Or do some shots. I wasn't sure which.

I ended up at the bar first thing. There was a big, burly guy dressed as Dracula pouring drinks.

"What can I get you, my friend?" he asked. I chuckled at his overly dramatic Count Dracula impression. He sounded like the Count on Sesame Street.

"How about a shot of Jaeger?" I asked, ripping off my stupid mask. _Jaeger_. That should get me nice and fuzzy.

"Coming right up." He poured me a generous double shot and I downed it instantly.

"Another?" he asked, amused. He poured, I downed it.

"Problems? Lemme guess. Women!" And with that invective, he threw his head back and laughed. The laugh was so loud and friendly that I just grinned at him, confirming his suspicion. I liked him already.

"You see that girl over there?" He indicated Bella. "She's with me."

My throat fell into the bottom of my stomach.

Of course. She was already taken.

_Damn_.

I took the next shot he offered. Tequila, this time. I'm going to be in pain tomorrow.

"So how long have you guys been… together?" I hesitated. I wasn't sure I could handle hearing this. The physical pain I had been feeling over discovering the two Vampires were "together" was thankfully being dulled by all the alcohol.

"Oh, we're not _together_," he replied. I visibly brightened. He noticed that and scowled a little. "That's not to say I won't kick the ass of any guy who tries anything. Do you see her? Man. Who knew she was so… _friendly_ underneath all those turtleneck sweaters?" he chuckled as he said that last part. _He_ thought he was hilarious, at least.

"So, are you like, her brother, or something?" I mumbled. I couldn't not ask about her. He slid me a tall glass of clear liquid; I took a sip and grimaced. It was ice water_. Probably a good idea_.

He chuckled, watching me as I watched her turn in disgust as yet another guy ogled her magnificent chest. "Nah, man. We work together. Apparently, she needed to get out of being set up on a blind date by that one over there." He pointed at Alice with the bottle of Jack he had been pouring. "She's a feisty one, huh?"

_Was I that blind date_?

"She sure is," I replied. I felt better knowing that at least Bella wasn't taken.

_Again, why_? I asked myself. _I was leaving in a week_.

"Hey, man. Listen. I don't even know her that well, but Bella seems like she's not your average girl. Good luck to you there. She's been shooting down every guy that has the balls to go up to her. Probably because their eyes never stray northward from that heaving bosom she's got on display. Bless little Alice for forcing her into that getup!" he hooted. As he settled down, he stiffened a bit and his jaw dropped open. I followed his stupefied gaze to the tanned set of arms that had just wrapped around my neck.

Rosalie was hissing into my ear, "Holy _shit_, Edward. _Please_ get this guy to stop trying to dry hump my leg!" and she jerked her head toward a blonde guy dressed up as a pirate.

Sighing with resignation, I turned into Rose's embrace and let her step in between my legs. I nuzzled her neck and she let out a big, girly giggle. I almost started laughing. Rose _never_ giggled like a girl. Her real laugh was way too seductive to ever be misconstrued as _girly_.

The pirate's eyes widened and he backed off. Rose sighed, "Thanks, Eddie. Who's your friend?" and she chucked her chin at the bartender.

"Oh, this is…" I started, but he stuck his hand out and introduced himself.

"Emmett McCarty, at your service. Can I get you anything?" I couldn't tell if he was trying to be suggestive or not. Rose appraised him with her eyes; I knew she had a thing for muscle-bound meatheads, but only as playthings.

"A Sloe, Comfortable Screw would be good," she purred, leaning on the counter with her arms pushing up her breasts. I chuckled_. Poor Emmett_. He'll never know what hit him.

Excusing myself, I wandered around, looking at the pictures on the various surfaces of the house. Most of them were of Alice doing Alice-type things, like standing in front of the Eiffel Tower surrounded by various shopping bags or standing in front of some expensive sports car. The few of Bella also had Alice in them, except for a couple that included a woman who looked just like her; must be her mother.

"Whatcha doin'?" Alice asked as she came up behind me. She had a margarita in her hand and was tossing her pixie dust all over the place.

"I'm just looking at your pictures, Alice. Whoa! I didn't know you liked to read this much, Ali." I indicated the overflowing shelves of books I had just come across. Impressive. I had read most of these. Classics. Some literary commentary. _Nice selection_, I thought.

Alice tinkled her little tinkly laugh. "Those are Bella's, silly. Like I've read anything that didn't have an Issue Number and the word "Vogue" on the cover since college!" So the Blushing Bella was an avid reader, huh? Oh, boy. _I'd better stop finding things out about her_. She was becoming a legendary thing in my alcohol-soaked mind.

Scanning the room, I quickly located where Bella was standing. I sneaked another glance at her voluptuous body. As my eyes roved over her curves, I again noticed another guy trying to…. Ugh, it was the pirate. Before I could analyze what I was doing, I headed straight over there.

**Sooo... the party begins. Stupid pirate.**

**Lemme know whatcha think is going to happen... in a review! Maybe you'll get a sneaky-peak into what goes on at the party...**


	5. Tequila!

**You guys are awesome with the sweet words and even sweeter lovin'. Thanks!**

**As always, my love pours out of every orifice for the lovely ladies over at .**

**This chappie goes to Goo82, who chose one longie over two shorties. Enjoy the looooong-ness of this chapter, dear!**

**Special thanks to ereeeeeeeeeeen for being my reader rabbit, and devadasi, the wife who left me for an exciting vacation.**

**Enjoy!**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight-related except the books and some ridiculous pictures on my photobucket account. Stephenie Meyer owns the Rights to Twilight. Edward Cullen owns me in my entirety._

**Bella**

_I cannot believe I had stared at him like that._

I had to walk to my bedroom to recover from blushing so much. Naturally, the door was locked.

_Great. At least _someone's_ getting some in that bed_.

With a sigh of resignation, I turned back to the party. My eyes scanned the crowd, looking for Edward. I spotted him at the bar, talking to my date. _Perfect!_ The Emmett Excuse. I started to walk over there when I saw Rosalie sashay into Edward's arms. He startled nuzzling her neck.

The physical pain I felt upon seeing that intimacy shocked me. It was as though someone with icy cold hands was wringing my lungs out and hanging them out to dry. _You don't even know him_, I thought angrily. Hot tears seeped to the corners of my eyes.

_Alice will kill you if you ruin this makeup_. I silently screamed. I wanted to ruin Alice's work. _Why would she try to set me up with someone who was taken by the most beautiful woman on the planet_? That's just _mean_!

Sighing in defeat, I plodded over to the kitchen and grabbed a beer that was sitting there. About to take a swig, I glanced warily at the pirate that was approaching me with a grin and a drink. I sighed again, and put the beer down.

_Maybe he won't look at my_-

Too late.

Boob-Talking Pirate introduced himself as "Mike" and started to ask me the inane questions of someone looking to get laid. I half-expected him to ask if there was an "X" on the seat of my pants ("because there's wondrous booty buried underneath"), or my personal favorite pirate line "Would ya like a Jolly Rogering?" The corner of my mouth curled up as I thought of the cheesy pick-up line, and yet again, this guy took it as a sign of encouragement. _I need to stop with the hilarious inner monologue_.

Pirate Mike was slowly making his way closer to me; I could practically see the eyebeams making a direct and lasting connection with the curves of my exposed breasts. I was frantically trying get Emmett's attention to come and save me (My hero!), but I noticed he was absorbed in flirting with Rosalie.

_Great_. She keeps taking the ones I want-slash-need. I was going to have to fight the Pirate off alone.

Steeling myself with some sarcastic comments, I stood up straighter to try and shoo him away. My back-straightening apparently made my boobs jiggle because Pirate Mike's eyes practically fell out of his head when he looked down. I sighed, ready to make with the insults when suddenly, a cool set of arms snaked themselves around my waist and neck, shocking me with the electricity that flowed when the fingertips brushed against my clavicle. Every pore in my body screamed out in pleasure as a soft pair of lips brushed against the spot just under my left ear, and the hand that was at my waist slid down to just above the top of the slit of my dress.

"Sorry I'm late, babe," the velvety voice whispered into my ear. My breath caught. _Edward_. He was saving me. Too bad his act of heroism was going to cause a massive coronary. I regretted that I wouldn't be able to edit my own obituary- _twenty-five-year-old dies from the shock of nearing orgasm due to the whispering voice of a complete stranger_.

Luckily, something brought me around. _Thank you, VampBella_. I turned into the Voice and nipped a little biting kiss right at the corner of his mouth, barely brushing my lips against his cool skin.

"I forgive you," I breathed into his mouth. I felt his breath catch. _Where did I pull the courage to do that from_? I silently marveled.

Boob-Talking Pirate Mike narrowed his eyes at my savior, but backed off nonetheless. Edward waited until Mike pushed his way through the crowd and disappeared until relaxing. He didn't let me go, though. I was hyper-aware of his hand resting on my thigh.

I couldn't help it; I looked down at his hand, mesmerized by how smooth the skin looked. His fingers were long and perfect; _I wonder if he's a musician_, I mused. _I wonder what he's like when he_-

My staring must've alerted him that he was still holding on to me. He quickly dropped his arms and took a step back. I suddenly felt like my skin had been ripped from my body. _Come back_, I silently pleaded.

Instead, I said, "Wow. Thanks for saving me." I offered him a sad half-smile. I sort of wished I had taken the drink the Pirate had offered me.

"You're welcome. Sorry if I was so forward, but you really looked like you needed a save," he explained. He really did look sorry. He shot me a crooked smile that left me without breath.

My eyes must've bugged out of my head or something because after a second, his smile disappeared, and he got a panicked look in his eyes. He muttered another apology and turned to walk away.

_No_! my heart shouted. Bella would've let him walk away; but today, I was VampBella. I didn't take no for an answer!

"Wait," I breathed out, and touched his shoulder. He paused, mid-step, and turned back around.

"Yes?" he wondered. He looked confused.

"At least let me buy you a drink," I offered, silently cringing as I realized that a) we weren't charging for drinks and b) this was my house and therefore my booze. The breathtaking smile reappeared on his lips, and he offered me his arm. I snaked my trembling hand around his inner elbow and let him lead me to the bar.

When we got there, I realized that Emmett and Rosalie were absorbed in each other's conversational skills. Emmett kept leaning forward and whispering into Rosalie's ear, and she would turn to the side and either laugh or blush. _Wow_, I thought. I bet it's hard work to make a girl like _that_ blush.

Edward seemed amused at their antics. _Wait_! I silently cheered, as I realized that he had been saving her, too. A slow grin crept up on my face, and when Edward turned around to ask what I wanted, he responded to my smile with that crooked smile of his.

"What is it?" he wanted to know. I wasn't about to tell him. Not yet, anyway.

"Oh, nothing," I replied. Time to be VampBella again: "I just thought of something…. yummy." His eyes widened a little at that. I noticed that he had yet to talk to my chest. If he was checking it out, he was being subtle.

_Oh boy_, I thought. _I've got it baaaad_.

I realized that I didn't quite know what I wanted to drink. But I knew it definitely would NOT involve tequila. I must've looked undecided because Edward asked Emmett to make two of whatever Rosalie was having.

"Two Screaming Orgasms, coming right up!" Emmett howled over the bar. The partiers nearest us started to cheer in the way that only the very drunk could. Edward tossed me a sheepish look and then turned a questioning eyebrow on Rosalie.

"Ordering the fun stuff so soon, Rose?" he teased. She smirked at me and replied, "The evening's young. I hope you don't mind that I'm monopolizing your date, Bella."

I didn't. Not if it meant she definitely wasn't _with_ Edward.

"You can keep him, Rose. Just know that he has earned himself a reputation with the ladies…" I warned. She tossed her head back and laughed the most seductive laugh I have ever heard.

"That was one of the first things he said to me, actually. I told him I wasn't impressed," she said. I think I liked this Rosalie. It's easier to like a girl when you know you're not the competition.

As soon as Emmett returned with our drinks, Rosalie decided to ignore us. Or at least me. She kept shooting questioning glances at Edward, and he was decidedly ignoring her. I wished I knew what they were silently communicating.

_They must know each other pretty intimately to be able to speak without talking_, I thought. My jealousy knew no bounds.

"Do you want to go somewhere quieter?" I hesitantly asked. Alice and Jasper seemed to be in the mush pot of some circle. I think they were doing body shots. I elbowed Edward and nodded toward Tink and Peter. His mouth dropped open and he started to laugh. Since I wanted to know why but the circle of oglers was getting steadily louder, I grabbed Edward's hand and led him out onto the patio.

The cool breeze outside hit me hard. I didn't realize it was so hot inside. A couple of people were outside, smoking. We walked over to the porch swing that Alice had insisted we buy last summer. I wanted to go find her and kiss her for the purchase.

Edward sat and held the swing steady while I tried to find a sitting position that wouldn't encourage gravity to take over my dress. I settled for curling up with my legs under me. This meant that the slit was revealing even more of my leg, but I decided that this might play to my advantage. I made sure I covered up the Ladies with my arms, though. That was one skin reveal I wasn't really ready for.

We started to talk, gently rocking due to the slight movement of Edward's legs. He told me that Jasper doing body shots was about the most outrageous thing that man had done in the sixteen years that Edward had known him. Leave it to Alice to bring out his crazy side, I said. He threw his head back and laughingly agreed with me.

"I'm a bit surprised the two of them haven't met before this," I observed.

"Well, two different cities. My family usually came up here to visit with Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme, and Jasper never joined us," he replied.

We continued talking; the easy banter that flows between two people who are no longer strangers. I told him about the paper, moving to Seattle, meeting Alice. He told me about San Francisco, how he was finishing up medical school, how he was practically a brother to Rosalie and Jasper, and how he dreamed of quitting school and focusing on his piano.

_I think I'm in lust_, my mind screamed. The whole time we were talking I was inches away from him. I was mesmerized by the play of his muscles through the tight black shirt he was wearing; he used his hands for emphasis as he told me his life story. My eyes kept flickering from his long fingers to the lean muscle in his arms, flexing… flexing… flexing… Apparently, Zorro was into working out.

He would glance at me every now and then. When I told him about high school graduation and tripping right when I got my diploma in front of the entire school, I felt my body blush again. He had been laughing, but he stopped just as I realized the blush had taken over. I chanced a glance at his face- and I was rendered breathless, yet again. His sparkling green eyes were darkened with- what? Pity? No, not pity. I decided to read it as naked desire. I started to get a little woozy and I wondered why.

"Breathe, Bella," he chuckled. I don't think I'll ever get tired of that voice. I took a very deep breath, filling my lungs up with the much-needed oxygen. Hot damn, he even _smells_ good.

Ah, finally. With the deep breath that I took, his lust-filled eyes glanced at my chest. When he looked up, he noticed me noticing. I got his crooked smile in apology.

_That's okay_, I thought. _You can stare at my chest all you want as long as I keep getting that smile in return_.

**Edward**

"Breathe, Bella." She looked like she was going to pass out. Was it because I was staring at her luscious chest? Was she holding her breath so I wouldn't give it so much attention?

I stopped smiling. So did she.

_Now what_? I decided to change the subject.

"So… was that you I saw grabbing coffee before the party?" I asked. It took her a second to recover, but she nodded her head. Suddenly, she blushed _again_.

_Was she trying to kill me_?

"You _saw_ that?" I didn't think it was possible to whisper and shriek at the same time, but my amazing Bella managed to accomplish just that.

_My_ amazing Bella?

I solemnly nodded. So it _had_ been her. Before I could wrap my mind around it, she pulled her body away from being so close to me and leaned her head forward, hiding her face in her hands.

_Oh, no_. Now I have an even better view of her breasts. If she'd only lean a little to the right…

"I cannot _believe_ you saw that. But I suppose we should get this out before you hear it from Alice, since I guess she hasn't told you already," Bella rushed out from under her hands. I gently pulled them from her face, peering intently into her eyes.

_Like melted chocolate_, I mused. I want to dive right into those deep pools and never resurface.

She smiled hesitantly as I stared at her. I shook my head a little bit to clear it up and offered her the smile that seemed to make her stop breathing.

Her eyes widened again (dive dive dive), but her breathing returned much quicker this time. She gave me an apologetic smile and then started talking quickly; it seemed like she was talking to herself rather than to me because she kept looking everywhere but at my face.

"Well, you see… I'm kind of a klutz. If there's something on the floor, it doesn't matter how far around it I walk 'cause I'm going to trip on it. I've never really had a serious accident, but I haven't been alive too long. I've been to the emergency room so often that I think they just named Trauma Room 2 the 'Swan Suite'," she laughed, ruefully. I smiled again. She was so… _adorable_. I wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss her until the apology left her eyes.

"Hmm," I stuck out my lower lip and raised my eyes upward, pretending to think. "I guess that means that I'll have to work extra hard to make sure I save you next time, won't I?" I teased. But I wasn't really teasing.

When I looked back at her to make sure she thought I was joking, my heart started pounding and I held my breath at the look in her eyes.

The deep chocolate color looked darker and her eyes seemed more luminous. Her breaths were coming quicker, which meant her chest was heaving a little. _Keep your eyes on her face, Edward,_ I silently chastised myself.

With that little line of fake blood running down her chin and the fact that her lips were slightly parted, all of the skin on my body felt like it was on fire as I was overcome with the almost uncontrollable urge to jump on her.

_What is going on_? I silently pleaded her with my eyes. _Is she okay_? Am I going to have to resuscitate her in front of everyone?

As Bella continued to sit there heaving (truly, it was only for five seconds, but with the rhythmic pulsing of her breasts and that almost feral look in her eyes, it felt like forever. I was trying with the sensible part of my mind to not attack her), I realized that I was leaning toward her. I couldn't help it. It was like something was pushing me forward, leaning into what I knew would be the most delicious kiss of my life. My head exploded into a thousand versions of kissing her.

…biting that pouty red lip lightly…

…lightly brushing my lips across hers, breathing in her sweet smell as my eyes closed in wonder…

…burying my face between those luscious, soft breasts and letting out a primitive howl of triumph…

…shoving my tongue into her mouth, only to have her respond by thrusting her quick little tongue back into mine…

…holding the sides of her face gently while I peppered her beautiful mouth with kisses so soft that she finally gets frustrated and starts to devour my lips with furious and rhythmic kisses involving her warm tongue and occasionally a light nibble with her teeth….

I was pulled out of Fantasyland by the peal of tinkling laughter.

_Alice_, I groaned inwardly. I quickly sat up, avoiding Alice's direct gaze because I just knew I was going to get an earful from her about how close I was sitting to Bella.

"Why, Edward! Bella! There you two are!" she giggled. She had known exactly where we were, I was sure of it. I noticed that she and Jasper were hand-in-hand and that Jasper seemed to have sparkles all over his face. Suppressing a big grin, I raised my eyebrows at the two of them. Jasper shrugged his shoulders and gave me a big, goofy smile.

_Good. I'm glad they've found each other_. I've known for years they would.

But that secret part of me that is a guy who will never own up to something so…. feminine… flared up in jealousy that Jasper had Someone. And that Alice had Someone.

Maybe my Someone is sitting next to me on the swing, biting her lip in concentration.

_Oh, Lord_. I wanted to bite her lip, too. Softly make my way from her lips down to her cute little chin, lightly brushing my mouth down her jaw line until I reached that delicious hollow just below her ear…

"Edward?" Alice giggled again. I snapped out of it. "What is wrong with you? You have a dazed look on your face!" she tinkled. I reluctantly stood up, thankful that I had been able to control the massive erection that was threatening to burst to the surface. I turned to help Bella stand up only to find that she was already there. Since she had been sitting right next to me, when I turned around, we sort of… smashed into each other.

I could feel her full breasts press up against the thin fabric of my shirt.

Groaning inwardly but smiling sheepishly, I muttered a quick, "Sorry." She returned my awkward smile. I turned to walk back inside, but my heart leapt into my throat when she grabbed me by the elbow again.

I turned to give her a happy grin when I noticed that she had an innocent expression on her face. Then she did something that I will never forget until the day I die.

She leaned her head back a little to look me straight in the eyes, and then she quickly dropped it down when I met her expression. I was going to tilt her chin upward so she'd look at me again when she lifted the corner of her mouth a fraction, and then I was undone. She peered up at me through the fringe of her long lashes and the slightly tilted corner of her mouth drew upward along with one eyebrow. I could not breathe, even if I wanted to.

"Wanna go get drunk with me?" she whispered. I let out the breath I'd been holding. Nodding a little bit more than was necessary, I allowed her to lead me back inside.

**Bella**

Never in all my days had I been as annoyed as when Alice interrupted… whatever _that_ was.

Had he been about to kiss me? I don't even know him…

Biting my lip in concentration, I decided it was time to go inside. I was cold.

Edward turned around and bumped right into me. "Sorry," he apologized, giving me a cute little half-smile. I smiled back, hoping to continue our… whatever. He turned around to walk away from me.

_Don't go_! my heart begged. Without thinking, I grabbed him by the elbow, hoping to convey with my eyes that I definitely was _not_ ready to let him leave me.

He turned back around with a smile already on his face, and that's when I knew I had to hold on to him. VampBella took over as I pulled one of my famous "puppy dog" faces that Alice can (almost) never say "no" to- I tilted my face down, and then slyly looked up at him through my lashes. With Alice, I gave a pout. Edward got _my_ version of _his_ crooked smile instead, and then I delivered the killer- one eyebrow, raised up.

"Wanna go get drunk with me?" I whispered.

He didn't stand a chance against VampBella. He nodded very emphatically, and I led him back inside. VampBella laughed wickedly in the back of my head.

I made a beeline for the bar. I noticed the Boob-Talking Pirate in the corner, looking sullen. There was a girl dressed like Bo Peep talking his ear off. Chuckling, I nudged Edward and pointed them out. Laughing seemed to break him of the dazed look on his face; we elbowed our way onto a set of stools, looking for Emmett so we could get some drinks.

It became clear that Emmett was gone and that no one had taken over his job. With a sigh, Edward got up and went behind the bar.

"What can I get you?" he asked me, tossing a nearby towel across his shoulder with a smile. I was momentarily dazzled by the burning look in his eyes.

_You in my room wearing nothing but your Zorro mask, Zorro boots, and Edward Smile_, I thought. Instead, I suggested shots.

Grinning wickedly, he grabbed some questionably clean shot glasses and started pouring out tequila. _Yikes_, I thought. This had better not get ugly. The last time I did tequila shots…. Well, let's just say that Blushing Bella was in full effect the next morning when she woke up next to…

"Ed-waaard!" sang a sweet voice. I looked over to see Alice dragging Jasper over to the bar. He sat down in Edward's vacated barstool and swung Alice up onto the bar like she weighed nothing.

"Oh, yay! Shots! Hey, did Bella tell you about that time she did tequila shooters and ended up-"

"Alice," I warned. I grabbed two tequila shots and thrust one in her direction; I licked her hand and threw some salt on it, repeating the action for myself. Both Edward's and Jasper's eyes bugged out at that one. VampBella chuckled somewhere inside my head. Alice put a lime wedge in my hand and grabbed one of her own; licking our salted hands, we clinked glasses and downed our shots, following with the limes.

"Gahhh," I moaned, swiping at my mouth with the back of my hand. _Tequila_.

The party raged on as the four of us continued shooting tequila. We ran out of limes somewhere around the fifth round; Alice thought it would be a great idea to go to the store for more, but Jasper was able to convince her that _that_ would be a bad idea. Pouting, Alice tried to think of other ways to keep the party going.

Suddenly, she just _had_ to know what had happened to Rosalie and Emmett.

"I saw the two of them earlier. What could they _possibly_ be doing? Honestly, Edward. I know she's not your girlfriend anymore, but can't you keep a tighter leash?" Alice said laughingly. I froze. _Girlfriend_? _Anymore_?

I _knew_ it.

I chanced a look over at Edward. He had gone very still, and when our eyes met, he looked apologetic. He gave me a little shrug, but as he opened his mouth to say something, a big group of guys dressed as- I don't know, but they were all wearing football jerseys- crowded around us, demanding shots from Edward.

"I'm not the bartender…" he tried to explain, but they weren't hearing it. Edward sighed, and resignedly started pouring.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I mumbled, and got off the barstool. I had to think.

I didn't look at Edward as I got down. My booze-soaked mind tried to think about why I was suddenly so upset. I didn't want him to have to explain. He didn't owe me anything. He was my best friend's cousin who lived in another state. I was just having fun. I was a different person tonight. Tomorrow the dress would be off, and I'd be back to being Boring, Blushing Bella, who would never get a guy drunk so that she could try to-

-_try to _what_, exactly_?

I sighed. I suddenly, desperately wanted to go to bed. Maybe Alice wouldn't notice if I disappeared…

Just as I turned down the hall to my bedroom door, it opened up and out stumbled Emmett and Rosalie, looking very disheveled. _What a shocker_, I thought uncharitably.

"Oh. Bella. Err, we were just…." Emmett tried to explain. He ended up shrugging sheepishly, and patted my head as he passed me. Rosalie smirked down at me as she strolled by, her hair swinging in her own private breeze.

Ridiculously, tears started to burn my eyes. _She gets to sleep with all of my guys_. She can have Pirate Mike, too, for all I care.

I opened the door, slightly frightened at what I might find. Surprisingly, nothing was too out of place- only the bed was a little messy. With a sigh, I stumbled over to my closet and got out a clean set of sheets. First removing my boots, I slid the dress over my head and grabbed the nearest cover-up-a robe. I was too tipsy to think about opening a drawer to find a shirt. I didn't even think to take off the fishnets and garter belt. Struggling a little with the new sheets, I finally got them on and sighed as I crawled into bed.

_Ugh_. I had forgotten to brush my teeth. I knew I'd regret that in the morning. Getting up with a heavy sigh, I walked into the bathroom, removed my crazy eye makeup and brushed my teeth. I was just coming out of the bathroom when I heard a soft knock at the door.

**Edward**

"Bella?" I called out softly when there was no answer to my knocking. I could've _sworn_ this is the door I saw her heading toward earlier. It must be her bedroom.

Could I handle seeing her bed right now? I know where my thoughts would go. They'd go right where they'd been for the last few hours… to lying next to her, kissing her soft neck and breathing in her alluring scent…

When I saw the look on her face as Alice let slip that Rosalie and I used to be… _together_… I knew that it would be a problem.

Did Bella not know how much I was dazzled by her? Obviously, Rose and I were nothing more than friends, now. Would I be able to convince Bella of this?

Or worse- what if she didn't care? Was I reading too much into our connection?

Or- maybe she was just trying to get me drunk to take advantage of me.

_Was that such a bad thing_?

I already knew that while it was tempting to simply sleep with her and return to San Francisco that I wouldn't be happy with ending things there.

I had been in her presence for only a few hours, and I already knew that I couldn't bear to leave her.

What was to be done?

I had no answers, but I knew that I needed to explain myself. What was it about Bella that was affecting me so much? Sure, she was beautiful. Sexy. Innocent. No, not innocent. Unsullied. An angel. A very tempting, very sultry, very delicious-looking angel.

_I bet she tastes good_.

These thoughts were not helping to clear my very confused head.

While I was ruminating over Bella's deliciousness, I found myself at her door. After knocking and then softly calling out her name, I decided to wait exactly ten seconds until I turned around and left her alone forever.

_One_. _Two_. _Three_. _Four_. _Five_. _Six_ (one thousand). _Seven_ (one thousand). _Eight_-

My heart started thudding as the door opened. Bella poked her head out and her eyes widened when she saw me standing there.

"Edward?" she whispered, looking a little confused.

"Bella," I faltered. "Can we talk for a minute?" My heart didn't begin again until she opened the door wider… and then it stopped, again. So did my breath.

If she looked dead sexy in that vampire costume, she looked stunning now. She had removed her makeup, and I was slightly relieved to remember that she looked even better without it on. Sweeter. She had removed the dress and was in a simple, short cotton robe that she hadn't really tied on very well. That magnificent chest was still very visible, and she hadn't taken off the fishnets she had been wearing.

Was she still wearing the garter belt, too? I swear, I think she's trying to kill me. I inwardly groaned, trying to keep the monster in my pants at bay.

"Yeah, come on in," she invited, biting her lip and swinging the door open. I walked in, and we both blinked rapidly when she turned the light on.

Her room was very simply decorated in muted colors (I bet Alice's room was more… vibrant… and cluttered) with the focal point being a big set of shelves holding stacks of CDs and even more books. I wandered over to the books, running my fingers over the titles. Absent-mindedly, I flipped through the CDs, finding one I had been meaning to buy. I picked it up and held it up, questioning her with my eyes.

"Oh, sure," she said, relieved that we weren't really talking yet. She walked over and flipped the stereo on.

"I was listening to that very Arcade Fire CD when I was getting ready earlier," she explained with a smile. "Great minds think alike."

With that, I gave her my crooked smile and sat on the edge of her bed. I noticed the pile of sheets and blankets on the floor and looked back at her questioningly.

She blushed. "I found Emmett and Rosalie," she explained.

"Ah. Oh!" I replied, laughing. I wouldn't want to sleep on someone else's sex sheets, either.

We didn't know what to say after that. I looked at the ground, wondering where to begin. Bella sighed softly and sat next to me on the bed, flopping down on her back.

"VampBella is retired!" she exclaimed, giggling a little bit. She was definitely still drunk.

_Now is not the time_, I reminded myself. Her robe had flipped up a little, and I caught a glimpse of that garter belt. I prayed for the control I knew was in me somewhere; the tequila was getting to me, too.

I flopped down next to her. We both stared at the ceiling, and somehow I found the strength to say, "It was a long time ago."

She knew what I was talking about. "Rosalie?" she whispered.

"Yes. I met Jasper when we were in grade school. Rosalie wasn't quite the… looker she was back then. She was always the annoying sister of my best friend, but the three of us were inseparable. When we hit the teenage years… well. I'll just say that Rose and I were each other's first kiss. We had one of those going out one day, broken up three days later relationships.

"Somehow, our breakup withstood the test of time because we've been friends ever since. Sometimes I think that if I wanted to get back with her she'd do it, but I have no desire to. Rose is great; don't get me wrong. But she's too… much. Too high maintenance. She needs to control, to dominate her men. And I'm not willing to put that much effort into keeping someone," I explained_. _

_Unless it's you._

I felt desperate. I needed Bella to understand that I felt no interest in having Rose like I did for her.

She was silent for a minute or so, and then she turned her head to me and kissed my cheek. "Thanks," she said. And it was that simple.

I let out the breath that I hadn't been aware I was holding. Rose _never_ would've let it go at that. Just one of the many differences between these two beautiful women in my life.

Bella started to squirm a little bit; she shimmied down to the edge of the bed and tried to remove her fishnets. I noticed she was having a hard time, and while I _really_ wanted to offer her some help, I was afraid that it would seem too… forward of me to do so.

"Ugh," she said in disgust. "I'm really going to kill your cousin," she spat out, trying to unhook the garters. I was getting a great view of her legs.

"Do you… need help?" I offered. I pleaded. She gave me a sidelong glance, and then I held my breath again as she stood up. She bent over slightly, lifting up the edges of her robe.

"Yes," she breathed, "could you please undo these garters in the back? I think my coordination is a little compromised by all the tequila," she giggled. I tried very hard not to touch her skin too much as I slowly leaned forward to undo the offensive garter belt.

_Oh boy. Look at that ass_…

If I thought _that_ was torture, Bella rolling down the thigh highs was way worse. She lifted her leg up and hooked it around the chair next to her bed, a slight frown on her face as she concentrated on rolling the stockings down her beautiful leg. I tried to look away. Really. But I was mesmerized by the rhythmic movements she was making. Roll. Roll. Roll. Remove. Other leg- roll. Roll. Roll. Remove.

She sighed; she started rubbing her calves and thighs, trying to get the fishnet pattern off of her skin.

Suddenly, with a wicked smile, she grabbed a bottle of lotion from her bedside table and tossed it at me.

"Care to help?" she grinned. My answering smile was so wide, I thought it was going to split my face in two.

**Alice**

I cannot _believe_ that Edward has never introduced me to the friend he's known since he was nine years old!

I can forgive him. Jasper is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

As soon as I saw him, my body relaxed. Usually, an attractive guy gets me all wound up. But when I turned my head to check out how tall he was… his eyes met mine for the briefest of moments, and I knew.

I knew that I would never be able to walk away from him.

He confessed to me that he felt the same way, and we agreed that we were lucky. This was, of course, _before_ the body shots began.

I had been keeping tabs on Bella all evening, even though I knew that the unintentional tag-team combo of Emmett's newfound brotherliness and the fact that I knew Edward and Bella were Meant to Be would keep her well protected. Giggling inwardly, my eyes danced with delight watching Bella.

_She really doesn't understand her effect on the opposite sex_, I thought.

I watched as guy after guy zoomed in on her "goods" and tried to talk to her. The thing about Bella is that she notices hot guys and then immediately decides they're too good for her. _That_ right there is the reason she's an awful flirt.

I mean, look at the way she handled that Jacob situation. One little party (that I made her go to), too much tequila…. and she ends up sleeping with the guy. I tried and tried to get her to take his phone calls, but she's so damned stubborn that she just decided to act like it had never happened. Poor Jacob's _so_ the smitten kitten that he just rolled with it and continues to roll with it. I had been wishing that she'd come to her senses and simply jump him, but of course that hadn't happened.

_Maybe Edward will be good for her_, I was musing as I saw the two of them escaping outside.

The chanting of a dozen drunk voices pulled me back to what was in front of me.

"Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! WOOOOO!" they shouted, as Jasper downed a shot that was nestled in between my breasts. He triumphantly returned from my mouth with the lime wedge inserted like a smile. Grinning, he spit it out and planted a big kiss right on my mouth. The crowd went wild.

Pulling me up from under him, we made our way over to the bar.

"So," he began shyly. Shy. _Ha_. Like he hadn't just had his face nuzzled in between my boobs.

"Did you plan to have Edward and Bella together, or did that just happen?"

I giggled. "Aren't they cute?" I asked. He nodded solemnly.

"I hope Rose is okay with it. She didn't seem to look upon Bella too favorably. I wonder…," he offered. With his brow furrowed like that, I couldn't help but try to kiss his frown away. He smiled down at me, and then continued.

"Has Edward told you about that? They dated for about three seconds. Ever since then, Rose has been… well, quite frankly, a bitch. To any girl that shows the temerity to be interested in him. Sometimes I wonder if she isn't still…. Well, anyway. Rose can be… spirited. Mean. Bitchy. I love my sister, and I care about what happens to her. And Edward, for that matter. But sometimes, I wish she weren't so… possessive." And with that eloquent speech, his brow smoothed. He had gotten it off of his chest.

"Wow, Jazz. I thought you were the silent type?" I giggled. He started to protest, but before he could accuse me of making light, I told him, "Don't worry. Everything will be fine." And I knew that it was true, somehow. I was rarely wrong about these things.

I made the rounds around the house, making sure there was nothing broken or stolen. The party damage was minimal, considering how loud it was. It was getting around midnight now, and I think maybe we were running out of steam as we ran out of alcohol.

"I'm going to go check on those two," I decided, and I grabbed Jasper's hand, leading him to the back porch.

When I got out there, I scanned the dark, looking for Bella and Edward. I saw them on the porch swing, sitting closely, gazing into each other's eyes. _Aww_. I knew it!

I saw Edward looking a little stunned, and then I watched with delight as he very gradually started leaning toward Bella. I couldn't see her face, but I really doubted she wasn't enjoying every minute of it. Why wouldn't she? My cousin was _amazing_.

I decided to mess with them. I said, "Ahem," but that didn't work. So, I went with laughter. _That_ got their attention. Edward shot me a very annoyed look.

"Why, Edward! Bella! There you two are!" He looked down at Bella, and seemed to get lost in her eyes again. I giggled.

"Edward?" _Wow_. These two were so absorbed in each other that they already forgot I was there!

"Edward," I continued, "what is wrong with you? You have a dazed look on your face!" This time, he snapped out of it, and he had murder in his eyes. Grinning as the two of them stood up and bumped into each other, I grabbed Jasper's hand and went to go back inside. It was too cold out here. I must be sobering up.

Bella and Edward came back inside (finally) and headed for the bar. I decided to leave them be and continued checking out the house for party damage. I had to kick someone out of my room. Yuck; sex sheets. _Hope I remember to change those later_.

I came back to the main area and found that Edward was now tending bar. What happened to Emmett? I thought I told him to stay behind the bar and watch Bella! Oh well; I guess when he saw she was in good hands, he left his post.

Jasper and I headed over, and my body buzzed when Jasper neatly lifted me up onto the bar. He was so…. masculine. It made my heart race just thinking about him putting his hands on me…

Edward was pouring out some shots. Oh, goodie! Drunk Bella is Fun Bella. She'd probably try to stick her tongue down Edward's throat. Or mine. Or Jasper's. Hmm. _I'd better push those two together_.

"Oh, yay! Shots! Hey, did Bella tell you about that time she did tequila shooters and ended up-" but Bella interrupted with a warning before I could finish. Oh, yeah! She probably didn't want Edward to hear about a guy she "mistakenly" slept with. Like, "whoops, there goes my tongue again". I giggled.

Bella tried to shut me up by making me do a shot with her. Funnily enough, her licking my hand and then her own seemed to have distracted our boys. Their eyes practically fell out of their heads when they saw that one. What IS it with guys and lesbians, anyway? Ah, who cares. It makes them so very easy to manipulate…

We did our shots and Bella grimaced. She was probably remembering what happened the last time she drank this much.

_Why not do a repeat with someone you obviously like, Bella_?

My mind kept wandering, and I suddenly wanted to know what happened to Rose and Emmett. In musing out loud, I apparently forgot that Bella didn't know that Rose and Edward had made out for like, a day. They were only fourteen, for goodness' sake!

The look on Bella's face when I volunteered that little piece of information is something I'm not likely to forget because now I feel guilty.

_What if I just ruined their chances_?

I just _knew_ that Bella's mind was racing with a million thoughts, all revolving around Rose/Edward hooking up scenarios. Sometimes, that girl thought too much.

_Sigh_. Edward looked like he was going to explain when the football team from the local community college stormed the bar, looking for drinks. _Did I invite them_? Mistakenly assuming Edward was pouring, they demanded booze and Edward got caught up serving it. Bella used that as an excuse to "go to the bathroom" (like I wouldn't see through _that_) and left. I sighed again.

A few minutes later, Edward served the last drink and hastily escaped from behind the bar. He looked confused as he realized Bella was gone.

"Ali?" he asked me sadly, "Where did Bella go?" It was sweet how he looked like his dog had died. Before I could answer, his eyes narrowed as he growled out, "Oh, and thank you so much for telling her about Rose and me. I think she's already self-conscious about the glares she was getting from Rose; then you go and tell her _that_? Come on, Alice. I thought we were meant for each other?" he demanded. _Wow_. I've never seen him so pissed! I was overjoyed. _He must really like her_!

Jasper pulled his arms tight around me and muttered, "Back off, Eddie." Edward glared at Jasper; uh oh. No one calls him "Eddie" and gets away with it. Before a drunken brawl between these two guys I loved broke out, I placed my hands on their muscle-bound chests and said, "Boys, boys, boys. We've all had a little too much to drink. Let's stop before we do something we all regret," and I hopped off the bar.

Too bad I forgot that the bar was so high up. I stumbled, and when I tried to rise with dignity, I realized I had hurt my ankle.

Whimpering, I stood up straight, and Jasper instantly picked me up. We were heading toward my room when I noticed Rose and Emmett leaving from the direction of Bella's room. _Ah, there they are_.

"Rose! Emmett! I got hurt and Bella's done. Will you please kick everyone out of my house? Oh, and tell Edward to go explain it to her! He'll know what you're talking about!" I was shouting as the door closed behind me.

"Time to get those sparkles off of your body," Jasper breathed into my ear. _Hmm_. I should have costume parties more often.

**Alors, que pensez-vous?**

**Is it better to have one long chapter with a longer in-between-updates time, or would you have preferred two shorties with a few day's in between?**

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**riiiight here**

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	6. Whooooooosh

**Okay, so I'm early- I toldja'll I'd put it up on Thursday, but the ladies over at are crazy!**

**Thanks for the reviewin' love! You guys are awesome, and it tickles me to read the predictions. Especially when it comes to lotion and Zorro.**

**This one's dedicated to jennie... the internet queen! Only YOU could have found that Dirty Batman picture...**

**...and ereeeeen, as always, for being awesome. And halojones, for being similarly awesome. Check out their stories!**

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight. The owner of all things Twilight is Stephenie Meyer, whom I hope to meet at Comicon in a few weeks. I only wish I owned Twilight._

_Edward Cullen, as always, totally owns me._

**Emmett**

By some stroke of luck, I was able to convince Rosalie to fool around with me. I've had lots of beautiful women before, but she was different.

That sounds stupid. Everyone says _that_.

I don't know what it was about her, exactly. Sure, those legs could squeeze me to death like a boa constrictor. I could bury my face in her hair and never need to come up to breathe. That sexy laugh of hers made every single hair in my body stand up straight (and not to mention other parts that, ahem, stand up straight). But… it wasn't any of those things. I got the distinct impression after talking to her for five minutes that if she asked me to commit mass murder that I'd do it. I don't think I can ever say "no" to her.

So, when she slyly hinted that it would be in my best interest to follow her and take off my pants, I was compelled to follow her suggestions.

After we came out of the bedroom, we ran in to Bella. Now, I was under the impression that the two hadn't met before tonight, but Rose shot Bella such a condescending glare that I figured there was more going on than I knew. Maybe she thought Bella wasn't good enough for Edward? I sort of wanted to defend Bella. But I was a little scared of angering Rose….

From the beginning, Bella had caught my eye. She totally had that naughty schoolteacher thing going on. Plaid skirts, long trousers. Sweaters. Glasses perched on her nose when she was reviewing copy.

But every now and then, I'd catch her laughing, or grinning that sexy grin of hers. I was totally into her, but I started off with some easy conquests when I first started to work at the paper. Something told me that Bella wouldn't be easily swayed by a beer and some innuendo like those other sluts were.

She would want _romance_. A filthy word, to be sure. I wasn't entirely positive I was ready to offer that, but there was just something about her that made me want to put forth the effort. What? I can do it. I swear! I just have to _want_ to!

So I had finally made the decision to talk to her and when I went over there, she of course smacked right into me. I chuckled because I had noticed the girl had a tendency to trip on nothing. I bent over to help her with her papers when our gazes finally locked for the first time.

_Yep, still something about her_. What was it? She looked a little confused at first, and then a glance crossed her face that I had seen before- that of rejection before I ever asked the question. I braced myself for a character attack; usually, the smart ones had really great, nasty one-liners to deliver that involved the words "man-whore", "womanizer", "threat to women everywhere", "sadistic", etc., etc., etc. One woman even managed to include all of them in one breath. I decided to head her off.

"Come here often?" I tried to joke. When she just glared at me, I tried another tack.

"Umm… hi? Did you drop these?" I was starting to get uncomfortable. Maybe she wasn't so smart after all?

"You're Bella, right? One of the copy editors? I'm…" I began, but she cut me off.

"I know who you are," she mumbled. She was trying to get out of this conversation, so I decided to just go ahead and ask her out in the most direct way possible. Sometimes, the women got so confused that they accepted before they realized what they were doing.

To my great shock and delight, she accepted my offer and then admitted that she was trying to get out of being set up on a blind date. I was grinning by then, and she apologized with her eyes and that cute close-lipped smile thing she's got going on. When my answering grin was answered with her full-on beautiful smile, I gave her the once-over, letting her know that I thought she was hot.

She blushed, and then she scribbled down her address and the time and handed it to me on a Post-it; I glanced down and saw that she didn't live far from the Paper. As she turned away, I can remember thinking, "Wow. What a sweet kid." Kid?

I wasn't quite sure I was into Bella the same way that I had hoped to be.

I was an only child; I never had any siblings to protect. Was Bella like a sister to me? I didn't even know her! Oh, well. We were going to a party. Just because I was her technical date didn't mean we had to sleep together. It also didn't mean that I couldn't pick up some numbers at the party…

When Rose and I stumbled out of the hall, I noticed that Jasper guy carrying Bella's roommate away. She had threatened me earlier with my nuts in a jar if I didn't personally see to Bella's safety. I think Alice knew right away that my intentions toward her best friend were nothing but brotherly.

I felt the same about the Pixie. That Alice is almost too much; she's so little, I could fit her in my pocket. But I really wanted these two girls to be okay, so I agreed.

I watched as fly after fly was swatted away by the sexy, sultry VampBella (she kept on calling herself "VampBella"; I think that's going to be her new nickname at work). Some guys were smoother than others, but all of them were basically talking to her chest. Not that I blamed them. It was one of the more magnificent chests on display at this party (aside from Rose's, of course).

Then that Edward guy came in. I think Alice said he was her cousin? She kept giggling that the two of them were destined to be together, which I, of course, scoffed at. But when I was talking to Rose and I happened to glance up out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that greasy pirate guy who had been hitting on Rose was now turning his vile attention toward little Bella. I don't know what it was about him, but I didn't like it.

I was about to pull away from the tempting neck of Rosalie Hale when I noticed that Edward had beat me to the punch to save Bella. She stiffened a bit when he wrapped his arms around her, but then I noticed her melt a little as Edward whispered something into her neck. Probably like before when he had similarly saved Rose.

"Check those two out," I murmured to Rose. She had been laughing at my suggestive words from earlier, but when she looked up and saw Bella and Edward acting all cozy, her eyes narrowed and she snapped her mouth shut.

"What's wrong?" I wanted to know. Rose continued watching as the Vile Pirate slinked away but Edward was keeping his arms around Bella. She snorted, disgusted for some reason. _Was she jealous_?

"Wait. Are you two really together? Is this like a swingers-type setup? I'm not opposed to that, it's just nice to be forewar-" I began.

"Don't be retarded," she snapped at me. _Whoa_. Do NOT, I repeat do NOT piss her off again. _Mentally noted_.

Rose had seemed like she was about to say something else, but then she decided against it. She turned back to me and made a lewd suggestion that I of course responded to positively. By then, Bella was leading Edward outside, and I decided it was time to take action.

Someone tried to order another drink, but I told him to buzz off. I noticed Alice and Rose's twin were starting to do body shots on the couch. I hadn't done those in weeks…

"Hey, Rose. Wanna lick some salt off of my body?" I offered. She gave me an annoyed look and grabbed my hand, leading me down the hall. As soon as we were out of sight, she threw me against a door and pressed her body close to mine.

"Hmm. There seems to be something wrong with your pants," she purred as she slowly started to rub her hand down my shirt. _Lower, please_, I thought. _A little bit lower_.

I groaned audibly as she suddenly grabbed the noticeable bulge in my pants. I think my eyes rolled back into my head. I leaned back a little bit, and suddenly she was sucking on my earlobe.

"Let's take this inside," she breathed into my ear, the lust dripping off of her lips. I didn't need to be told twice. I grabbed for the door handle and kicked the door open; I hauled Rose over my shoulder and looked for the bed in the dark.

I could make out the shelves and shelves of books along the walls; this was obviously Bella's room. _She's going to kill me_.

I tossed Rose on the bed; the barely-there skirt she had on flipped up a little, revealing her sexy red panties. I grinned, licking my lips. She beckoned me with her finger; again, I wouldn't want to make her mad, would I? I pounced on her, and she gave a little giggle.

I had to pause and take a deep breath; it simply wouldn't do to take it too fast with this Goddess. Before leaning in for a kiss, I looked into her eyes. What I saw there took me by surprise.

"Emmett…" she breathed. She looked so… vulnerable. I instantly knew she would hate that description; this woman was strong. Independent. She didn't need anybody.

I knew in that moment that I would do everything in my power to make sure that she would always need _me_.

When we were finished, I sheepishly pulled my clothes back on. _Was it good for her_? I knew it was for me. I can't remember the last time I had devoted more time to the woman than to myself.

It seemed like she was thinking the same thing, because as soon as she finished pulling her costume on, she had her arms wrapped around me.

"Thank you," she said, simply. I was surprised. No sultry minx, no funny comments, no facial slaps. Just… "thanks". I didn't know how to respond to that.

"Um, it was my pleasure?" I offered. She looked surprised at that, and then started to laugh. I laughed with her; she fell into my arms she was laughing so much. We both paused for breath, and when I gazed into her eyes, I knew I was done for. _I think I'm in love_.

Her eyes softened after that, and she said, "Come on, let's go see what we've missed." She grabbed my hand, and I hastily tried to fix the bed before she dragged me off, an annoyed look on her face.

"Hey, I don't want Bella to kill me for having sex in her bed," I explained. She rolled her eyes at that.

"Who cares? From the sound of it, it's the first sex that bed will have seen in a year," she responded nastily. Why didn't Rose like Bella? Should I find out?

"Well, I dunno. It looked like she and Eddie were getting pretty cozy…" I responded, but I stopped dead when I saw the look in her eyes. "…but I could be wrong." I finished lamely. Rose wasn't convinced.

"Let's go," she said, not at all appeased. Of course, we ran in to Bella as we were leaving.

"Oh. Bella. Err, we were just…." I tried. But I knew it wouldn't matter. I noticed Rose give Bella that condescending look as we passed her; I really didn't like it. I was going to have to investigate that one further, but not tonight. Tonight, I was going to take this woman home with me and have some more hot monkey sex.

But maybe not. Something tells me that Rose won't stand for me using her like that; and I think I'm okay with it.

We ran into Jasper carrying Alice, and since they looked like they weren't coming out soon, I decided to follow the little pixie's instructions and end the party.

"Okay, folks. Party's over. Get out!" I yelled as we returned to the living room. No one heard me.

"He said, 'GET THE FUCK OUT'!" Rose yelled. They heard that one. _I love this woman_.

People looked up and started scrambling. I headed over to the stereo and turned it off; people protested. I went over to the bar and shouted, "Bar's closed! Out!"

It took about fifteen minutes to clear the place; it looked like a tornado had run through, but nothing seemed to be damaged. I looked for Bella, but she was nowhere to be found. Neither was Edward. I decided not to point this out to Rose as I asked her if she wanted to go back to my place.

With a grin and a nod, she put her hand in mine, and I drove her home.

This was going to be amazing.

**Bella**

"Care to help?" I grinned at him, tossing a bottle of my freesia-scented lotion in his direction. His answering smile was goofy and wide and wonderful. I squealed a little bit, still totally tipsy. I was sobering up slowly, though, and I felt all tingly. Not vomit tingly, horny tingly.

_Should I sleep with him_?

I wasn't sure yet. I swung my legs over across his lap; he flipped the cap and poured a generous amount into his hands, taking a whiff of it.

"So _that's_ what that is," he murmured, almost to himself. "Freesia." He slowly rubbed the lotion between his hands, warming it up. He then hovered over my legs, looking to me for permission. I was leaning back on my elbows, my head tilted forward; I silently nodded for him to go ahead.

When his hands touched my calves, I threw my head back. Electricity, again. What is it about his touch that makes me feel so alive? My eyes rolled back into my head as the sensation took over. He was being very slow and very careful not to get too carried away, I could tell.

Did I want this to go further? I think so. Maybe not? I know I wanted it, but was it a good idea?

_You think too much, Bella_.

I decided to let him take matters into his own hands. I cheated.

Slowly sliding my legs against each other, I laid my back down on the bed with my eyes closed and let out a very quiet "hmm". Finishing it off with an exhaled breath, I opened my eyes and chanced a look at him.

He had stopped massaging my legs. He was giving me such an intense look that I thought at first that I had angered him.

Then, before I knew how it had happened, he was leaning over me, a questioning look in his eyes. I knew he wanted permission.

"Kiss me, Edward," I breathed into his face. The look he gave me was almost one of gratitude.

He leaned forward, but didn't quite kiss me yet. He was simply gazing into my eyes. He must've found whatever he was looking for there, because he let out a cool breath across my face. I closed my eyes at the sensation; I could detect a hint of alcohol, but something else that was inexplicable; all I knew was that I wanted to taste his mouth and see if I could identify what it was that could make him smell so… delicious.

With a deep breath, he leaned in to kiss me. He lightly brushed his lips against me, almost reverently gazing into my eyes as his mouth gently pressed into mine.

With almost startling speed, my hands were running through his hair and wrapping around his neck. I pulled his face toward mine, trying with all of my might to devour him.

_Where is this coming from_? I wondered. My soul thrilled with triumph as he returned my feverish kiss. I suddenly felt his entire body pressed into mine and silently screamed with ecstasy at the feeling. He broke away from the kiss, panting heavily and closing his eyes as he pressed his forehead into mine.

"Bella…" he heaved, trying to catch his breath.

It was then that I knew that we were definitely not going to have sex.

I was disappointed, but also a bit relieved.

Wait, why is he stopping?

What did I do?

Is it me?

I steeled myself for his explanation.

"It's too… fast," he faltered. Too fast? Why, because we had only met a few hours ago?

I felt a little bit irritated because I knew he was right.

"Okay," I grumbled. I lifted up onto my elbows, trying to look into his eyes. When he finally met my gaze, I saw sorrow and… more desire.

_He wants me_.

Doesn't he?

"So. What now?" I wondered. I didn't want him to go. I would _die_ if he left.

He paused for an agonizingly long time before answering.

"Just because we're not going to… sleep together," he seemed to hate the phrase, "doesn't mean I don't want to."

Oh.

Huh?

"Please understand that this isn't you, it's my own personal crap. I wish I could explain… but not right now." He was begging me to understand.

Sighing in defeat, I pulled out from under him and sat up.

"Okay," I relented. "Could I… at least call you?" I didn't want him to go. When he didn't answer, I was almost scared to face him, but I turned and looked over my shoulder at him. He looked shocked.

"Do you… you don't want me to _go_?" he asked. He looked panicked.

"Oh!" was my brilliant response. I didn't know how to answer. My slowly sobering brain was having trouble forming actual sentences.

"I thought that maybe I could stay and we could sleep together. I don't mean 'sleep together', but you know. Sleep. I don't think I should be driving. Besides, Rose probably took off without me anyway…" he finished, his voice trailing.

"I don't want you to go, either," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. His answering smile was so wide that I couldn't help but return it.

"But no funny business, mister," I admonished in my best "Mom" voice. Now that I knew he was staying, I wasn't going to let him go _anywhere_.

I was sober enough at this point to realize that my clothing would just not do. I stood up and was finally able to rummage around in a drawer until I found an old concert t-shirt to wear.

"New Kids on the Block?" he seemed amused by my choice. Blushing a little, I responded, "shut up. It's comfortable." I decided to tease him for disappointing me and turned my back to him. I dropped the robe, (painfully) removed the sticky boobs and tossed them over my shoulder at him, and then I put the shirt on. I turned around and noticed that lusty look that I was beginning to regard as my own. Grinning slightly, I hopped back onto the bed and started to pull the sheets down.

Before I could finish, he grabbed my wrists and pulled me to him again.

"You're going to have to stop that," he growled. He started to kiss my neck. Once again, my eyes rolled back into my head.

"Stop… what, exactly?" I breathed out. He kissed his way across my neck and up my chin to my mouth; he paused right at my lips, and his mouth brushed against mine as he purred, "stop being so damned sexy." I leaned in to receive his kiss, but I stopped as he gently grazed my top lip with his mouth. He leaned to the left slightly, and before I knew it, he was tracing my lower lip with the very tip of his tongue. Pressure was starting to build in the lower half of my body as the sensations of that feather-light touch shot out to the center of my being. When his tongue reached the middle of my lip, he used his whole mouth to suck my pout in, running his tongue along it. He pulled away very slowly, grazing his teeth across my now swollen lip.

For half a second he pulled his head back, and before I could protest he was back again. He dove in for the kill, moving his lips against mine as his tongue sought entrance. His hands were still firmly holding my wrists as his lips hungrily devoured mine. It was all I could do to keep up with his seeking mouth. I sucked in a shaky breath, praying for this kiss to never end. But before I knew it, he had pulled back again.

I sat there on my knees, my wrists suddenly freed, with a dazed look on my face. He smirked, looking very pleased with himself. He stepped off the bed and took off his shirt and then my heart stopped when he kicked off those boots and dropped his pants.

"I sleep in my underwear," he explained. Sure he did. My heart didn't start beating until he slid in under the sheets and patted the mattress next to him.

I quickly climbed in on his other side. "My side is on the right," I explained as I laid my head on the hollow beneath his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around me, and I lay there, listening as the erratic beating of his heart slowed to a more steady rhythm. He kissed the top of my head and whispered to me.

"Good night, my sweet Bella."

I haven't slept that well in ages.

Cruel, cruel sun. Stupid.Shiny.Bright.Light.

Didn't I vow to never drink tequila again? What happened to my "Bella doesn't drink Tequila" pact I made with myself when I …

Smacking my lips together, I was at least glad that I had remembered at some point to brush my teeth. Wincing slightly, I mentally prepped myself for the wave of nausea that typically accompanied standing after drinking that much- when I gasped.

Who was spooning me?

_Edward_.

The whole night rushed through my head like I was standing too close to the edge on a subway platform as the train whooshed by.

It wasn't a dream?

_Whooooooosh_.

I couldn't believe how I had acted last night. VampBella is definitely someone we are going to hang in the closet next to those leather pants.

He's going to think I'm some sort of… slut. Someone who just randomly makes out with strangers. Hot, intelligent, sexy strangers with eyes that-

"Good morning," the velvety voice interrupted my self-berating thoughts. I cringed a little bit; could I face him after the way I had acted? I distinctly remember thinking at some point that I couldn't possibly live without him. Was that alcohol-induced? We were both pretty wasted last night. Sighing with relief that I hadn't foolishly had sex with him, I braced myself for the awkward morning-after face-to-face. Putting on a falsely cheerful smile, I turned around in his arms, which I had just realized still hadn't let go of me.

"Hi," I breathed out, very conscious of the whole morning breath thing. His answering smile was small and sleepy; I was dazzled, again. _Nope, never going to get tired of that crooked little smile of yours, Mister_.

"This is…. Oh, bloody hell," I muttered. I had no words. How can I tell someone I just slept with (well, not Slept With slept with) that last night just wasn't me? What if he had expectations? What if he didn't like Boring, Blushing Bella? What if he had been expecting a one-night stand? What if…

I started giggling as Alice piped up with a "Shut up, Bella; you think too much", only it was in my head. Edward's brow puckered a little; he's probably trying to figure out how he ended up sleeping next to a crazy person who displays her boobs and forces you to massage her legs with lotion and then tries to force you to sleep with her and looks awful in the morning with bad breath and-

"I haven't slept that well in ages," he said softly, interrupting my thoughts with a kiss on the tip of my nose. I must've looked stunned because he suddenly flashed me My Smirky Smile and then laughed.

"Pardon me a moment; nature's calling," he murmured in my ear, causing me to shiver a little. _Well, at least I know I'm still attracted to him in the morning_. Dammit, why does this have to be so awkward?

Before he could return, I dove onto the floor, desperately looking for yesterday's jeans that held some of those minty breath strip thingies in the pockets. Success! As I shoved one in my mouth, I felt the tickle of breath as Edward leaned over my shoulder and eagerly asked if he could have one as well. Sheepishly, I handed him the little plastic container, and as I did, he held onto my hand briefly. Again, electricity.

Okay, I feel it. Does he? Should I bring it up? Isn't he leaving in a week?

"Sooo." I didn't know how to begin. "Breakfast?"

He solemnly nodded, returning to me my breath fresheners. Glad that I wasn't feeling like vomiting at the mention of food, I stood up and grabbed an elastic off of my nightstand, whipping my hair into a half-bun at the nape of my neck. I turned to Edward and totally caught him staring at my legs. I wasn't wearing pants. Whoops.

Raising my eyebrows at him, I nodded forward, opening the door, not checking to see if he followed me.

When I got to the end of the hallway, I suddenly stopped, and he crashed right into me. I didn't notice because I was too busy surveying the party damage. _Oh yeah. Party last night_. I had managed to forget in my shock over waking up next to the most beautiful man on the planet.

My living room looked exactly like Jake Ryan's house after the party his girlfriend threw him, minus the pizza on the turntable. There was even a pair of tightey-whiteys flung over my vintage copy of Wuthering Heights on top of the TV. Ugh.

I heard a moan and I noticed Alice sitting at the bar with her head lying on her crossed arms.

"Bella?" Her voice was muffled. She had what looked to be a Bloody Mary next to her on the bar. She said something else, but I didn't catch it. With Edward still stopped behind me, I scooted past him and went back to my bathroom, grabbing some ibuprofen out of the cabinet. I returned to the Disaster Area and passed two pills to my hung over friend, taking two for myself; she took them from me without looking up and shoved them into her mouth while still laying her head on the bar.

"Hey, Ali, I could only find medium chedd-" Jasper suddenly stopped in his tracks; he had come out of the kitchen and was wearing deep green boxer briefs, my purple "Kitchen Bitch" apron, and a bunch of sparkles. Nothing else.

_So_ good to see someone besides me blushing.

"Oh, Good morning, Bella. I-" he began, and then just stopped trying. Instead, he grinned at me, asking, "Want some eggs?"

"If you're making hangover food, count me in," Edward called, striding over to where we were. Alice's head snapped up and she winced in pain, but she also had a huge smile on her face as she regarded the two of us.

I flashed her the "we-will-discuss-this-later" eyebrow raise, but she still couldn't keep the stupid smile off of her face. I was glad that she had a raging headache.

"Why, Edward! I sure didn't expect to see _you_ this morning," she dripped, her voice full of implication.

I was about to start protesting, but again, Edward came to my rescue.

"Relax, Little One," he said, a little annoyed. It was cute. "I was a perfect gentleman. When I take advantage of her, I want her to be sober," he said with a grin.

_Wait, did he really just say that_?

Alice playfully slapped his arm and said something about being glad that tequila had brought to her _her_ soul mate; I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy picturing Edward in those boxer shorts he wore to bed. I suddenly wanted very badly for Alice to not be there. Composing myself, I decided to go see if Jasper needed help in the kitchen.

When I got there, he was busily whisking a huge bowl of eggs. Noticing the big block of cheese, I silently got out my food processor and started slicing the cheese into strips to shred. With a wicked grin, I turned on the Cuisinart and relished in Alice's groans of disapproval.

"Belllllllaaaaa, for the love of all that is good and pure, knock it off!" she wailed from across the house. I glanced at Jasper over my shoulder, and he had a goofy grin on his face, too. I was glad to see that I still had a favorable opinion of him as well; we were able to fix breakfast without saying anything. Not uncomfortably, but companionably. And was Alice ever lucky to snag a guy who could cook! Now when I wasn't around, she wouldn't resort to take-out Thai every night…

I made some sourdough toast and slapped butter on each slice; between the two of us, Jasper and I waitressed out four plates laden with scrambled eggs and bread. Easy on the stomach.

The four of us sat quietly at the table, each with a pensive expression on their face. Alice and Jasper would occasionally share a glance, and I felt a pang of jealousy that they got on so well after meeting less than twelve hours ago.

Risking a glance at Edward, I saw that he was intently staring at me. When our eyes met, I was struck completely dumb.

How did I get someone so beautiful to sleep next to me?

Giving him a small smile, I swallowed the last bit of toast I had and started to clean up. Seeing what I was doing, Edward jumped up to help me clear the table. Arms full of plates and glasses, we both went into the kitchen, depositing the dirty dishes into the sink.

_Okay. Now what_?

"So," I began hesitantly. Great; where was I going with this? _Brilliant_. Oh, I know!

"What are your plans while you're here in Seattle?"

He mulled over that one while I started to go around the kitchen, cleaning up the debris that was all over the place. I grimaced as a small headache started behind my eyeballs. _Tequila_.

"Well, the purpose of this whole trip was to get Rose and Jasper all settled in," he began. I turned to give him my full attention, and I was struck again by just how handsome this man was.

Why didn't I let Alice set me up with him again?

When I realized he had paused his story, my eyes came into sharp focus as I realized he was returning my somewhat intense staring. Grimacing, I turned around and continued picking up the empty beer bottles littering the counters. _I just bet I'm blushing_. I risked a glance in his direction; by the look of amusement on his face, I figured I was, indeed, turning red.

He grinned before continuing. "I came up with them because… well, I needed to get away for a bit. And they're my two best friends… this move is going to be hard on all of us. I think the last time we weren't in the same city for over a month was back in high school when I went away to a music camp for an entire summer. But something tells me this is going to be a little different…" he finished wistfully. I was a little sad at the tone in his voice; like a boy who lost his puppy. At that point I had made it around the kitchen back to where he was standing, so I surprised both myself and Edward when I stood on my tiptoes and brushed a soft kiss across his very soft lips. He looked amazed, and that sexy grin of his popped up on his mouth as he gazed down, looking at my mouth.

I think he was going to respond to my little kiss, but of course, Alice interrupted.

"Bella, do you want to- oh boy. Sorry!" she trilled, doing an abrupt about-face. "As you were, kids!"

But the moment was gone. _Damn_.

"Pixies. Always ruining my fun," he grinned. "Where was I? Oh, right. I came up here to get those two settled in and give the 'ole Edward Stamp of Approval to their new city. I figured I'd introduce them to my cousin, too. You know, so they at least knew someone in town. I'll be leaving next Thursday…" he trailed. It seemed like he couldn't finish the sentence. Maybe it was because I involuntarily pouted at the thought of him leaving.

"So. Let's cut to the chase, Swan," he said in a firm tone of voice. I immediately straightened my back, but I found his arms curling around my waist as he spoke again.

_Melting. This is how it feels to melt_.

"You have me for exactly five days. I can't remember the last time I've enjoyed someone's company so much. Will you be my personal tour guide of Seattle?" he asked me seriously, looking into my eyes.

I couldn't answer right away because my damned breathing was picking up so much. _Just answer the question, Bella_!

"I'd… love to." Brilliant. This just goes to show you what graduating at the top of your class with a degree in English Lit gets you. Your native language skills go out the window when Hottie McHotterson asks you a simple question.

"Good. I feel the need to wear normal clothes and maybe even bathe," he declared. _Mmm… Edward in the shower…. Soapy and wet_…

"As much as I hate to clean off this freesia smell…. I think I need to get in the shower, stat," he said with a sly smile, gazing down on me.

My only response? To blush, of course. He brushed the backs of his fingers across my cheek, and then sweetly planted a soft kiss in the spot where his fingers had been leaving a trail of fire across my face.

_Sigh_. This is too good to be true, isn't it?

I gave Edward my cell number as he and Jasper were getting ready to go. Alice looked sad to see her "soul mate" leaving, but she closed the door, leaning up against it with a moony expression on her face. I wished I could take her seriously, but she was still covered in pixie dust.

"Hey, Ali. We've caught good ones. They even helped clean off the underwear from the TV!" I exclaimed. I, too, was having some major abandonment issues. He's _gone_. But how was I going to handle a whole day hanging out with someone as amazing as Edward seemed to be?

I just knew I'd obsess over my behavior from last night. Maybe things would look clearer after I washed my body.

Stepping out of the shower, I braced myself for the coming day. It was past lunchtime, but the boys had promised to swing by around three o'clock to take us out for food. We didn't really have much of a game plan for the rest of the day.

Were they bringing Rosalie? I wished I had thought to ask. _I wonder how she had fared with my womanizing date_?

Steeling myself, I called Emmett's cell phone. Who should answer but the bitch herself?

"Hello." She was abrupt. She must've seen the caller ID. I feigned ignorance.

"Oh, hi. This is Bella. Is Emmett available?" I asked, pretending to be cheerful.

She paused before answering, "Hold, please." She must've passed him the phone, and he must've been sleeping because he answered in a muffled, "Whosit?"

"Oh, hey, Emmett. It's Bella. I was just…" I faltered. What exactly did I just, anyway? I couldn't ask him how his evening with Rosalie went since it was pretty obvious the answer to that was "she was the best sex I'd ever had".

I needed to get over this Rosalie obsession already. Maybe I should go see a shrink.

"Bella, can I call you back later?" he asked. With a quick, "sure", I hung up. Great. I probably came off as a stalker or something. _Get a grip_, Bella.

We weren't expecting the boys to return for another hour or so, so I decided to curl up on the couch and watch a little mindless TV. As I flipped through the old stand-by channels, Alice bounced into the room.

"You know, it's really annoying that your hangover is gone already," I grumbled. _Ooh. Ace of Cakes marathon_.

"Love is a potent hangover cure, darling," she hummed. Seriously, the girl was _glowing_.

"Lust is more like it," I scoffed. _I'm just jealous_.

"Right. You would know nothing of that, wouldja?" she teased. Giving up all pretenses that I was actually paying attention to the Food Network, I hit the mute button and braced myself for an hour-long dish session on the new hotties in our lives.

"So. Body shots, Alice? Did you not get that out of your system in college?" I began. Her eyes got all wide in mock offense, but I could see the devilish gleam taking over.

"You're just jealous!" she crowed, "Gosh, Bells. He is SO amazing, I almost can't stand it. I've heard Edward drone on and on about his best friend for years, but he never managed to mention to me how much of a dreamboat Jasper is!" She was so enthusiastic, I couldn't help grinning in return.

"Right. Like guys sit around extolling the hotness of their best buddies. And by the way, thanks for 'forcing' me into meeting your cousin, you big jerk! I don't think I said one remotely intelligent thing all evening, and even I admit I can't blame that one on tequila! He's so amazing. I'm scared I won't form one coherent sentence at all today! So much for the thousands of dollars spent on my education. Sheesh." I ranted. Alice just kept grinning at me.

"Boy. We've got it bad. I tried to get you and Edward together; don't blame me! I wonder what's going to happen tonight…"

**Ha ha. Don't kill me, you guys. This is Edward and Bella here... they're not gonna do it after knowing each other for a few hours! Besides, there's always time. He's here for a week. Or IS he? Duhn duhn duuhhhhhnnnn... (oh, no, WtVoC! What's going to happen?) Review and you just may get a juicy teaser!**

**ps- make sure you read the "special note" posted on my profile!**


	7. It Must Have Been Love

**Hola! So, I hope those of you who are new to my story-writing got the notice for my posting "Welcome Home". And for those of you who got hooked on the smut... welcome! Thanks for reading it! Over 1000 hits in less than 24 hours... I'm impressed with your ability to reread something that steamy so many times!**

**There are links for all involved music for this chapter on my profile. If you aren't familiar with 90s tunes, I'd highly recommend listening to the music, especially since I only did lyrics for one of the songs.**

**As always, special thanks to ereeeeeeen for being an awesome beta (and waitress model); halojones for threatening to make a macarobward for Comicon; Bittenev for being the Queen of Produce Porn; and Goo82 for being such a prev. -- ;) Shout out to the _pervs_ over at twilighted!!**

**This one's dedicated to my Latina Lover gustariana, who is all by her lonesome somewhere in the Caribbean. And to Cristygen: Happy Birthday, Darling!**

_Disclaimer: I own no rights to Twilight; S. Meyer does. Edward Cullen totally owns me, though. In a gooooood way._

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**Edward**

"Eddie's in loooooooooove!" crowed my soon-to-be-ex-best-friend. I scowled at him.

"Shut up and get out of here. I need to brush my teeth," I growled, elbowing the smarmy bastard in the rib cage. He grabbed my Colgate and tossed it to Rosalie, who neatly caught it in her outstretched hand without looking up from her copy of the Auto Trader. She chucked the tube back at me, again without blinking.

"Let him get ready for his skanky vamp, Jas," she muttered. I shot her a glare.

"Hey, what's the deal with giving Bella the stink eye, Rosie?" I frothed. Toothpaste was dripping onto my chest, and I didn't care. Rose had really upset Bella last night. I didn't know what happened, exactly, but I do know that Rosalie isn't exactly the nicest girl around. She's also very territorial. "I mean, you were perfectly cordial to Alice. What's up with _that_?"

The more I thought about it, the madder I got. _Who the hell does she think she is_? I decided to go in for the kill. _This was going to hurt_. But I didn't care just then.

"Is it because she was the only girl at the party with better tits than you?"

Ha!

Uh oh.

Ten minutes later, I was still wincing at the pain radiating from my chest.

"Shit, Rose. If you don't go get me some Neosporin, this is going to scar. Do you have any idea how many microbes are underneath human fingernails?" I complained. The scratch marks she left on my chest were _painful_.

"Your grave, dude. You know better than to mess with my sister's vanity," Jasper grinned. It wasn't the first (nor last, I'm sure) permanent injury she'd leave on either of our hides. _Great_.

Instead of focusing on keeping The Rosalie happy, I decided on figuring out how to pick something to wear that would make sure Bella's eyes never left me. Jasper was giving me these sidelong glances and grinning out of the corner of his eye; he's been teasing me for years now that it takes almost as long for me to get ready for a date as it does his sister, to which I always answer the same way: flipping him the bird.

But dammit, this is important! Bella's seen me in a stupid costume and my Simpsons boxers; I suppose this date should give her the impression that I'm a serious guy.

I went with what all of the women who have ever been in my life have assured me is a "hot stuff" choice: the white, rolled-up sleeves button-down and those slouchy Abercrombie khaki cargos that were described by the last girl as "yummy and pelvic muscle revealing". I suppose that was a good thing. I'll admit it; I work at my abs and I'm proud of them. Why else do guys go to the gym but to allow hot chicks to ogle the bod? _Note to self: remind me to thank Dad for the genes later_.

"Quit checking yourself out, Pretty Boy. She still respected you in the morning. You look fabulous," lisped Jasper. I shot my eyebrows sky-high and hit him with, "Bite me, Sparkles. At least I've never worn tights." Rosalie rolled her eyes at the two of us, muttering, "Whatever, losers", and stormed off to change.

"Hey, Jasper. What's her deal?" I sort of whispered. I wasn't really opposed to Rose hearing us, but I was still healing. Best not to tempt fate.

Jasper threw me a disbelieving glare and made a noise that sounds like "tsk-duh!" I raised my eyebrows at him and put my hands on my hips. I realized I looked like an angry woman, but I didn't care. I was still too irritated by Rosalie.

"Do I need to spell it out for you? Alice has obviously been filling Rose's head with images of you and Bella being the perfect couple. When has Rosalie ever been okay with the women in your life? Just look at what happened when you started dating Jessica. We all know that's not a relationship that's going to end well, and I'm not even going to bring up the woman you've got back home right now, but… dude. I know you've never seen yourself very clearly, but…" he started to look embarrassed at what he was saying. I felt slightly guilty that he still didn't know my "relationship" had recently blown up in my face.

"…you should've seen yourself last night," he continued. "I've never seen you… _glow_ like that. Seriously. It's like you've been asleep for the last few weeks, and you're now awake or something. I don't really know how to explain it. But I know one thing- it was that girl. That hot, sexy, scantily clad, blushing girl with those _legs_ and don't even get me started on her boo-"

"Allright, Jasper. Enough. Trust me, I know all about her assets," I replied icily. _Mmm. Scantily clad, blushing Bella_. "Do me a favor and never look at her chest again," I finished. Great. Now _I'm_ thinking about her heaving chest.

Jasper grinned and nodded. He kept nodding and his grin got wider.

"Jasper! Quit it! Think about my cousin instead!" I yelled, tossing my deodorant at him.

"I was!" he protested. "Your very hot, very sexy cousin. Why is it I've been made to wait until now to meet her? I thought you liked me!" he said, a frown appearing on his forehead.

Since I was already acting like a woman, I just rolled my eyes right out of my head at him. "Because she lives here and you didn't. Until now. Aren't you glad I'm letting you move?" I asked, nudging him with my elbow.

"No," he bluntly replied, "I wish you'd move with us. What's keeping you in San Fran, anyway? School? Jessica?" he snorted. "Dude, I never told you this, but I think she's cheating on you. Besides, you and Bella have way more in common. And Bella's about a thousand times hotter than Jess, anyway." He finished, waggling his eyebrows in my direction. _Sigh_. Perhaps it _is_ time to drop my bomb on him.

"Jasper…" I began, but I didn't really know how to tell him this.

"Jessica-" but I was cut off by a loud, booming knock at the door. With that, Rose flew across the sitting room and slammed the door back. Emmett was standing there, holding out a single daisy and a set of car keys. Rosalie squealed, tossed the daisy onto the couch, and grabbed the keys, kissing Emmett on the side of his neck.

"I've never gotten to drive a vintage Cadillac before!" she squealed. Haughtily glancing over her shoulder at us, she said, "Tell Alice I said 'hello', Jas. And have fun with your SkankVamp, _Eddie_." And without missing a beat, she slammed the door behind them.

"Issues. Serious issues," Jasper muttered, shaking his head. "What were you saying, man?"

"Oh, nothing important. Let's go get the girls."

Since neither of us was familiar with the city, we had no idea what to do. The old standby dinner and a movie seemed so… _boring_ for girls as fantastic as these ones, but who am I to argue with the classics? I was just going to offer the lame date idea when Alice opened the door to let us in.

"So, ladies…. How about… we…." I gulped. How is it that someone who graduated valedictorian of his high school is struck dumb by the mere sight of a woman in a miniskirt?

**Alice **

Almost three o'clock…almost three o'clock! I knew what we were going to end up doing because I _so_ did not want to do the lame dinner-and-a-movie thing. Bella's going to kill me!

"Okay, Master Baker. Turn off the cake marathon and let's get moving. Outfit on the bed. Five minutes to hair and make-up. Go! Go! Go! Make sure you slather some of that Freesia lotion on, too!" I commanded, smacking Bella in the ass as she reluctantly rose from the couch.

"I'm going, I'm going," she grumbled. Ha. I saw the twinkle in her eye. That girl is actually excited about dating!

And why not?

I gave her exactly five minutes before I stormed in there. I half expected a major bitch session over the denim miniskirt and low-backed top, but I actually found the girl _preening_ in front of the mirror. _Wow_. Edward is a good influence on her!

"What, no complaining?" I teased. She smiled shyly at me through the mirror, turning the top half of her body to check out the cut of the blouse in the back. Low and slouchy.

"Some people like to show the goods up front, but trust me- boys melt over that much back showing," I advised. Bella silently took my advice in, nodding her head slowly. I decided to put her hair up to show off her smooth, silky skin. Inwardly grinning, I relished the thought of making my cousin squirm.

The great thing about Bella is that she gives me something to work with. I barely ever have to put any makeup on her. I mean, the girl never needs blush. I let her do her own mascara and decided on some major lip gloss over those pouty lips that Edwards couldn't seem to keep his mouth away from.

"Okay, done," I finished, waving the lip gloss wand around with a flourish.

"That's it?" she breathed. "Alice, are you feeling okay? I feel like you're giving me a get out of jail free card!" she said, jumping from the little boudoir chair I had installed in her bathroom when we moved in with glee.

"Honey, you don't need much else. Who knows what we're doing tonight? I wouldn't want to cake some shit on only to have your sweat run it off. Waterproof mascara and great lip gloss are all a girl needs. Just keep this gloss in your pocket… in case, you know, you somehow manage to get it all sucked off," I teased. Then, what did Bella do? What Bellas do best: blush.

I heard the knock on the door just then, and with a quick glance at each other, we dashed off to answer it. I win! I swung the door open with a grin- and held my pout when I saw it was Rosalie and Emmett.

"Oh, hey, guys! Wh- come on in!" I stammered. What are they doing here? I nervously glanced over my shoulder and noticed Bella disappearing into her room. Great. Nothing to make her nervous about seeing Sober Day-After Edward like having his Beautiful Amazon Ex in the same room at the same time.

"Hey, Little Alice!" Emmett practically shouted. He rushed over and picked me up, swinging me around like I was a little kid. Why is it that the very large like to swing around the very small?

"I think I left my fangs here last night. Did you guys find them?" he asked, practically dropping me on the couch.

"Yeah, I think they're on the bar somewhere," I replied, rolling my eyes. Boys are silly.

"Sooo… Rosalie. How was _your_ night?" I asked, patting the couch next to me. Rosalie joined me on the couch, gracefully seating herself next to me and folding her long legs in one smooth movement. Sheesh, she really is hot, isn't she?

"Good," she offered, suggestively raising her eyebrows. _I bet_.

"Emmett seems… enthusiastic," I giggled. She grinned back at me. Bella finally entered the room, and Rosalie stiffened a little bit, narrowing her eyes. _Oh boy. Here we go_.

"Hi, Bella," she said, with a little too much emphasis. "How are you feeling today?"

Bella looked a little confused and mumbled, "Fine." She struggled putting on her flats. Flats? Oh, fine. I needed her to be as comfortable as possible, considering where I planned on taking us tonight.

"Hey, what are you guys up to tonight? Wanna come out with us?" I asked before thinking. _Whoops_. I guess that'd be taking Bella out of her comfort zone a bit…

"We didn't really have concrete plans as of yet," Rosalie replied testily. I raised my eyebrows, asking a silent question.

"Emmett seems to think that I want to stay _in_ again," she explained.

Oh. "Hey, Emm! We're all going out tonight!" I hollered at the bar.

"Found 'em!" he yelled, popping his head up over the counter. He had his teeth in one hand and a bottle of Jack in the other. Unscrewing the cap, he took a big swig of whiskey, then recapped and put it back.

"Gross! Now we'll get your cooties!" I giggled. "Use a glass next time, eh? I'm not entirely sure I'm up-to-date on all of my shots."

"Sure thing, Tink," he replied, winking at me. "There are still sparkles everywhere!"

"I know, I know. What can I say? My magic lingers," I said, laughing again. This guy is so much fun! Good thing. Rosalie looks like she needs to find the fun.

"So, where are we going, Ali?" Bella asked, searching around for something.

She located her purse and started rearranging its contents. "Oh, just a place where we can grab a bite and maybe a drink," I finished vaguely. I definitely was not going to tell her where I wanted to go. She'd instantly know what I was up to, considering it was Saturday night and all.

"Hmm," she absentmindedly replied. Good. Not paying attention is good.

There was a light knock at the door, and Bella's head snapped up. Beating her to the door, I threw it open.

"Edward! Jas! Look what we found!" I sang, pointing over at Rosalie and Emmett. Jas gave me a huge grin and leaned down to pick me up, nuzzling me in the neck. Mmm.

"So ladies. How about we-" Edward began. I glanced over, wondering what made him stop. Of course, he was checking out Bella, who immediately stopped what she was doing when the door was opened.

"Edward, are you just going to stand there, or what?" I teased. He seemed to be frozen at the door. I glanced over my shoulder and noticed that he and Bella were locked in a staring match.

"She looks good, right? Well, what are you waiting for? Come on in!" I said. Jasper shoved Edward over in Bella's direction, and a huge grin broke out on his face as he made his way over to her. She returned his smile with her own big, beautiful grin. I swear, that girl should do toothpaste commercials.

"Hey, Edward, Jasper," Emmett nodded at the two of them. "So, did you guys get any last night?" he grinned. Rosalie smacked him on the back of the head.

"What?" he complained, rubbing his neck. "It's a reasonable question." He pretended to hang his head in shame. "Forgive me? I'm a big oaf, I know," he growled, shuffling over in her direction. She pretended to look mad, but threw her arms around his neck when he got to her.

"Okay, I'm not interested in seeing these two grope in my living room. Let's get going!" I trilled, bouncing in my four-inch Jimmy Choos. Oops. Gotta keep the enthusiasm under control- this dress is _not_ that forgiving.

The six of us paraded out the door, deciding quickly to head over in two cars. I had Rosalie drive ("There's no way I'm ever letting this sweet convertible go") in Emmett's car and had Bella and Edward follow in the rental car. As long as Bella wasn't driving, I knew she'd have no choice but to follow once she figured out where I was taking us.

As I directed Rosalie on when to turn, I started to get a huge grin on my face.

"Where are you taking us, Beautiful One? And why are you grinning so mischievously?" Jasper wondered.

"You'll see."

**Bella**

I almost wished the silence were awkward. But it wasn't. Edward was driving, deftly following Rosalie's erratic speeding. He had to run a few red lights to keep up.

I didn't know what to talk about. I didn't even know this guy, but I had made out with him. I kept glancing up at him from the corner of my eyes, thinking I was being sneaky. It's hard to unobtrusively ogle a God when they're staring at you to begin with, though. I giggled.

"What?" he asked, breaking into _My_ Smile. _Melt_.

"You're staring at me," I said.

"And? You look good. Why shouldn't I stare?" he teased. His eyes were dancing, and he dropped his big grin into a sexy smirk. _Breathe_.

"Uh… shit. I have no reply. None. Do you know that I _always_ have a reply? Seriously. You're making my conversational skills revert to the Caveman Era," I complained, but with a smile. _Yeah, keep smirking, buddy. Once my brain awakens from this lust-induced fog, you're in for it_.

"So what you're saying is that I render you speechless?" he asked. I slapped his shoulder playfully. Great. Standard Kindergarten code for "I like you." What the hell is my problem?

"Okay, Cullen. Spill. You're gorgeous. You get a glowing report card from your relatives. Your conversation skills surpass my own, which I'll admit ain't sayin' much now, but just you wait. You look better in a white shirt and khakis than any Abercrombie model. Alice tells me you don't _need_ to work, yet you want to be a doctor when you grow up. And what's this I hear about giving free music lessons to disadvantaged youth? You're great on paper. So why are you still single?" My words were rushed, but I really did want to know. He frowned for a moment, but then his brow smoothed out and he said, "Are you saying I should be a model?"

I rolled my eyes at him and said, "Oh sure. I compliment your brain and your good will towards all men great and small, and you pick out the model comment? _That's_ what's wrong with you. You're vain!" I said in mock disgust.

"Carly Simon wrote that song for me," he retorted, snorting at his own joke.

"Wow, you really do live in San Francisco, don't you? Knowledge of hippie chick songs- minus one point," I said.

"Oh, you'll find my knowledge of all music is vast," he boasted. He flipped on the radio and started singing along to the first song that was on.

Duran Duran. _Hungry like the Wolf_.

I was about to sing along with him when I suddenly noticed where Emmett's Cadillac was pulling into.

"Ohhh no. Fuck. No no no no _no_!" I moaned in horror. "But it's Saturday night!"

"Bella, what is it?" he asked, concerned. He put his hand on mine as I bent my head, shaking my hair furiously. The contact from his hand was making me shiver- mostly because he took the opportunity to brush his fingers across the top of my bare thigh. But even that soft touch could not calm the horror that was slowly radiating from my stomach and up to my throat.

Captain Joe's Pirate's Tavern was a dive bar that served the best cheese fries this side of the Mississippi. Alice and I often came here for two dollar beers and half price appetizers after work. But _never_ on Saturday night.

"Karaoke! Score!" Emmett screeched, bouncing like Alice over to an empty table. There was an old man on the stage, pouring his heart out to his lady friend while badly singing "My Heart Will Go On." It was actually kind of sweet.

I slumped over in my chair, putting my head down on the table. No. Frickin'. Way. I am _not_ singing tonight.

"You are SO singing tonight, Bella!" trilled the Evil Pixie. She waved to our favorite waitress, who came over to take our order.

"Bella! Alice! Good to see you! But… it's Saturday?" she asked, a little confused. It's sad when the waitress knows a customer's aversion to bad musical arrangements and stage fright.

"And who do we have here? New friends?" she asked.

"Erin, this is Emmett and Rosalie… my cousin, Edward… and _Jasper_." Alice winked with his introduction.

"Hmm. Nice to meet you. The crowd's pretty rowdy tonight, guys. Bella, watch your beer intake. I just know _this_ one's going to bring you trouble!" she winked, pointing at the Pixie. _Erin is hilarious_. We all gave her our beer orders.

"I am. I really, truly am. Heineken, please, Erin. And if you folks will excuse me…" and with that, Alice made a beeline for the stage. _Already_?

Jasper had a bemused look of adoration on his face. I nudged Edward and nodded toward Jasper; he chuckled in response.

"So, Bella. Why the long face?" asked Emmett. Erin deposited my beer in front of me, and I took a long swig before answering.

"Alice is always trying to get me out of my shell," I responded.

He just laughed at me. "Kinda like last night? Talk about opening up a shell! That was some get-up she pasted on you. I never pegged you for a Vampire Seductress. You _seem_ to be all… Thoughtful, Introspective Indie Rock Chick who reads the _Feminine Mystique_ and quotes Oscar Wilde," he mused.

"Emmett, you know who Oscar Wilde is? I'm impressed. Who knew? The Sports Guy-slash-Dracula has a soft spot for witty banter and feminist prose! Are you writing your Mariners articles from inside the closet?" I teased right back.

"Nah. I just read that shit to get chicks," he answered quickly with a wink.

Yeah, I definitely liked Emmett.

I was going to respond when the beginning of a song we all knew started to play. When I groaned and turned, I knew what to expect. But I shook my head anyway.

"Really, Alice. Can't you be more original?" I grumbled into my beer. Edward started laughing, and Jasper was on his feet, pumping his arms in the air and cheering.

"One way or another, I'm gonna find ya… I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha!"

Alice was all over the stage, pointing at Jasper and curling her fingers in a come-hither gesture. The crowd loved it.

"She's not a great singer, but what she lacks in talent she certainly makes up for in enthusiasm," droned Edward, smirking down at me. "So… what are _you_ going to sing, Bella?" he asked. _Ha_.

"You're never going to see me up there," I haughtily pronounced, straightening my shoulders.

"Oh, really? Is that a challenge?" His voice had lowered to a husky whisper. The feeling of his breath caressing my neck was almost more than I could bear. I decided to drown my feeling of uneasiness in beer. _He's going to think I'm a lush_.

Alice had finished with her Blondie and was skipping off the stage to massive applause. She certainly knew how to work a crowd, I'll give her that.

She returned to our table with a huge shit-eating grin on her face. "Your turn next, Bells?" she sweetly asked, climbing onto Jasper's lap and reaching for her beer. He leaned over and whispered something in her ear, making her giggle devilishly.

"Nope. I told you last time, Pixiebell. It's going to take a lot to get me up there, and I already filled my drink-your-body-weight-in-tequila quota for the month, thanks," I replied, polishing off my beer. Where's Erin?

"Don't worry, Bella," Emmett said, finishing his Newcastle and swiping at his mouth messily. "I'll save you." He kissed Rosalie on the top of her head and jogged over to the stage, giving a big whoop in the process. He whispered something in the Emcee's ear. The guy grinned and nodded, turning to fulfill Emmett's request.

As Emmett waited for the current singer to finish ("Don't Stop Believin'", badly), we all fell into comfortable conversation. Even Rosalie was polite to me. I decided not to question it.

I was just about to ask Rosalie a question about her work when the guy doing the bad Steve Perry finished to scattered applause. Gulping my new beer down, we all started cheering noisily as Emmett bounded up on stage.

"Ladieeeees and Gents, put it together for Emmett, singing the Divinyls!" the Emcee yelled with glee. _Oh, wow_.

"I love myself… I want you to love me. When I feel down- I want you above me…"

Emmett was relentless. He was catwalking. He was strutting his stuff.

He was rubbing his nipples through his shirt.

We couldn't stop laughing. With each successive lewd act, Emmett was getting the crowd to their feet. I half-expected the cops to burst in, breaking up the stripper act. If it was me and my man was up there, I would've run to the ladies' room; Rosalie seemed to love it. She stood up on her chair and put her pinkies in her mouth, eliciting a very loud taxi-calling whistle.

"Impressive skills!" I laughed. She just beamed down at me and grinned a "thanks!". _Maybe she doesn't actually hate me_….

Emmett finished his act with a flourish to a standing ovation. At that point his shirt was unbuttoned, and sweat was gleaming down his forehead. He had to dodge many high fives and pats on the back as he swam his way back to our table, but he seemed to thrive on the adoration of the masses. When he finally reached us, he grabbed a glass of water and poured half of it down the front of his body. Rosalie gasped, her eyes growing wide. She openly ogled his chest, biting on the tip of her fingernail as a look of lust overtook her whole face.

"What?" he breathed down at her, leaning in and sucking face. _Oh boy_.

"Stop it!" Alice smacked Emmett on the arm. He pretended that it had hurt, and he pushed out his lip, pouting like a little kid. "Sorry, Mom," he said. "I solemnly promise to behave," he intoned, making a show of crossing his fingers behind his back.

"Bells? Are you next? Please save us from this bozo, _please_?" Alice said. She hiked her thumb up at the stage where a guy was butchering "My Girl." I violently shook my head. _Whoa. Slow_ _down on the Rolling Rock, Bella_.

She pouted. "Okay. Rosalie? Can Jasper sing?" she was grinning now. Why, oh why does my best friend have to have such a mean streak? But Rosalie was chuckling.

"I KNOW I told you he was in Show Choir in high school, Alice," Rosalie smirked. Jasper just groaned. "Rose, you _didn't_," he said, looking defeated. Alice started bouncing around in her seat, wiggling her little butt from side to side.

"Come on, Jasperrrrrr," she beamed at him. He couldn't say no.

"Fine," he said, trying to look put out. I saw the twinkle in his eyes as he turned away, though.

Jasper's voice seriously blew me away. I must've looked glassy-eyed as he took the stage and the sensuous guitar warbling of "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak started pouring out of the speakers. Jasper sang it as well as the Man himself. He managed to pull off that dreamy Southern drawl thing, and the way he gripped the microphone and sort of swayed in place was mesmerizing. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

Alice looked frozen, too. Her jaw dropped a little, and Rosalie simply looked smug.

"Hey, I'm starting to get a little jealous here," Edward breathed into my ear. I looked up at him, a small smile playing at my lips.

"Don't worry. I'm not that flaky. But it does make me wonder what _you're_ going to be singing, Buster Brown," I teased. He smirked (_swoon_), but then his brows pulled together and he said, "Sorry. I'm not going up there if you're not."

That got Alice's attention. "You're both going up there if it kills you," she threatened, then turned back to watch her man.

"Nuh-uhh," I said. _Again, with the eloquence_.

"Please?" Edward wheedled. Not. Fair. He had one eyebrow raised and his eyes were all wide as the corners of his lips turned down into a frown. He reached out to brush away a fallen lock of my hair and his hand continued a trail down my bare back. I shivered at the contact.

"You go first; then we'll see," I offered, knowing full well that I wasn't going to go up there. Not if it I could help it. Then again, with Alice's insistence and Edward's smoldering glances/smirky smiles, I might be doomed.

"I have to go to the bathroom," was my brilliant follow-up. I tripped on the chair as I got up, eliciting a chuckle from everyone at the table. Blushing, I gracelessly made a dash for the bathroom.

I needed to clear my head. We'd been here for about an hour, and I was already three beers in. Any more, and I'd probably find myself up on that stage. I did not want to be drunk again, not in front of Edward. And that was really the only thing that could get me to sing in front of a large group of people that included a co-worker, someone I was crushing on big-time, and his ex-girlfriend-slash-Amazon-Warrior-slash-Beauty-Queen.

I listened as the current karaoke-er finished her song ("Since U Been Gone"- hollowly, but sweetly done), then I finished washing my hands and left. As I turned down the little hallway and back into the main room, I froze as I noticed Edward and Jasper taking the stage. Both of them?

The boys got a lot of feminine cheers as Edward took the mic off the stand with a flourish. Back _off_, ladies! I rejoiced in my head. Is he going to sing a song to me?

He located me at the back of the room and flicked his head, indicating for me to move closer. His messy hair flew into his eyes, and he subconsciously raked his hands through it, making my heart flutter. _God, I love his hair_. As I started to walk back toward our table, his velvety voice started to caress the microphone as he gazed intently into my eyes.

"You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips," he started to sing. I groaned inwardly. _What is _up_, Maverick_?

Jasper took the next line with great zeal. "And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertiiiiiips," he sang at Alice. She got up and started whistling like crazy; Rosalie added to the noise with her own whistling.

The two guys were getting into the full Top Gun act now; Edward had passed Jasper the mic for his part, but now they shared it. "You're trying hard not to show it (babeeeeeee)" and of course, right on cue, every male in the room joined in, Emmett loudest of all.

"Baby! Believe me, I know it! You've lost that lovin' feelin'… whoa, that lovin' feelin'… you've lost that **lovin'** feelin', now it's gone gone gone. Whoaaaaa-oh…" The words washed over me, and all of the guys in the room seemed to know that the song was directed at our table. Emmett had to spread his arms out to keep them away from us.

I was very impressed by the way Jasper was able to attain the high notes that Bobby Hatfield sang. Edward was no Bill Medley, but he wasn't too bad, either. The boys finished their duet to thunderous applause, and I nearly screamed myself hoarse praising the two of them. When they got back to the table, I threw my arms around Edward's neck and planted a big kiss on his lips. He grinned and I ended up kissing his teeth. Laughing, I let go of his neck and sat down.

"That was amazing, Maverick. Ice Man," I said, taking a big gulp of the water that Erin had thoughtfully left on our table. _No more booze for Bella_.

"Top Gun gets 'em every time," Jasper said smugly as Alice nestled in his lap.

"You're next, right, Bella?" he asked me, waggling his eyebrows.

"Wrong, Brother Dear," answered Rosalie, gracefully untangling herself from Emmett's wandering hands as she swept past the ogling of all males and up to the stage. She placed a hand on the Emcee's arm and gave a wicked grin in our direction; the Emcee seemed dazed for a second, then he nodded as she whispered into his ear, a cheesy smile plastered on his face. She leaned away as he put on her selection, then shifted her weight onto one hip while standing there, waiting, bouncing a little with impatience. The Emcee kept on staring at her, his eyes alternating between her chest and her ass. Emmett growled, and Alice hushed him.

"Our next performer is this hot Mama- Rosalie! Let's give it up for the Cure!"

The Cure? I was fully expecting Def Leppard or Britney Spears.

"Jasper isn't the only songbird in the family," chuckled Edward. I wasn't surprised by that fact, but Rosalie's breathy rendition of the song blew me away as much as Jasper's spot-on version of "Wicked Game".

"However far away… I will always love you… However long I stay… I will always love you…" she sang, swaying slowly to the beat. She was singing with her eyes closed, and I could feel every person in the room being hypnotized by the beautiful woman pouring her all into the song.

"…I will always love you," she finished. I joined in the rapturous applause. How can I hate someone who just sang one of my favorite Emo Girl songs of all time?

Alice was bouncing around. "That was amazing, Rose!" She jumped up and gave Rosalie a hug as she sauntered back to our table.

"Yeah, Rosalie. Thanks for that song! You were awesome!" I smiled.

"Don't thank me just yet, Bel-" she began, but she was interrupted by the Emcee calling out on the microphone.

"Can we please get Bella Swan to the stage?" he asked, peering out into the crowd with his hand shading his eyes.

Our table fell silent, and Edward's eyes darted over to Rosalie who simply shrugged, explaining, "It's her turn."

"Bella, you don't-" Edward began, but I cut him off. I wasn't going to let her get to me. A surge of energy flowed through my body. _You wanna play games, Rosalie_?

"No, it's okay. I'll do it," I replied cooly, and I got up. Our table started cheering appreciatively, especially Rosalie. She put her hand on my arm and offered what I took as a genuine smile, silently urging me with her eyes toward the stage. I met her gaze, trying to figure her out. _Is she trying to make me look bad, or what_?

Steeling myself, I marched over to the Emcee guy. "Just give me something that doesn't suck and isn't too played out," I pleaded with him as I heard Alice start a "Bel-la! Bel-la! Bel-la!" chant. He flipped through his little binder and pointed at one; I silently nodded my assent, grabbed the microphone, and headed out onto the stage. As the beginning notes floated over the speakers, I closed my eyes and turned toward the audience. It would be easier if I couldn't see them all, especially Edward.

**Edward**

I could have killed Rose. What the hell was she thinking? I was pretty sure I'd be able to convince Bella all on my own to get up there, but I wasn't going to _force_ her into it.

"What the hell, Rose?" I asked, furiously shooting her a glare. She just shrugged at me.

"What? She would've gone up eventually. Stop trying to protect her, Eddie. She's a big girl," she threw back at me. I would've kept trying to stare her down if I thought it might intimidate her, but I knew better. I instead turned my focus to Bella as she took the stage, keeping her back toward the audience. I chuckled in amusement as incredibly 90s guitar riffs started to play; _Roxette? Really_?

_Lay a whisper on my pillow_

_Leave the winter on the ground_

My breath hitched as I heard Bella start to sing. Her low-pitched voice was already like a song in my head, but hearing this new side of her made me positively hyperventilate. _So sexy_…

_I wake up lonely, is there a silence_

_In the bedroom and all around?_

Her eyes were closed and she lightly swayed as the words poured from her lips. She was pouting a little bit as she sang, and my eyes glazed as I thought about how soft they were between mine. I smiled faintly thinking about kissing her; her taste; the feeling of her fingers as she ran them through my hair.

_Touch me now, I close my eyes_

_And dream away_

As she sang that line, her eyes opened and landed directly at me. They pierced right through my equally intense gaze and straight down to my heart. I lost all thought for a few moments; when I returned, she had a slight smile on her face as she sang the chorus. I felt a little dazed as she continued to gaze into my soul. She got more animated, holding onto the microphone and singing with gusto.

_It must have been love, but it's over now_

_It must have been good, but I lost it somehow_

_It must have been love, but it's over now_

_From the moment we touched 'til the time had run out_

I swear, this song is about heartbreak, but Bella was making it so damned hot that I was starting to feel a slight tightening in my pants. I tried doing a readjustment in my seat, but the movement managed to catch Alice's eye. She smirked at me, and when she turned back to Bella, she had to elbow Jasper because he had been caught staring at Bella, wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

_Make believing we're together_

_That I'm sheltered by your heart_

_But in and outside I turn to water_

_Like a teardrop in your palm_

She was still gazing over at me, a flirty smile on her face. My eyes travelled up to her eyebrows; they were so perfectly shaped in two inquisitive arches that I wanted to go up there and run my fingers across them. Her lovely brown hair was releasing tendrils that were framing her face, and I ached to brush them away. Her lips caught my eyes, and I had to force myself to concentrate on the song because I knew where my mind would go if I started thinking about her mouth right then.

Instead, I turned my gaze to her cute little nose, slightly pointed and straight. She had a light spattering of freckles across the bridge, but I couldn't see them under the glare of the lights from the stage. I traced to where the freckles brushed over her cheeks with my eyes, and that's when I noticed that Bella had yet to blush from being on stage.

_And it's a hard winter's day_

_I dream away…_

As Bella finished off the song with another few rounds of the chorus, I continued to gaze at her. It was almost embarrassing how transparent I was being; this girl couldn't possibly have any doubt as to my intentions at this point. I was completely blown away by her; she had it all. She was astoundingly, achingly beautiful; she was brilliant. She was warm and funny, patient and kind. And she can sing? No, not only can she sing- she can arouse every pore in my body to the point of yearning when I'm only sitting a few feet away. I have _never_ felt this way before. It hurt to think that all of my previous relationships were nothing more than flights of fancy; me thinking that I cared for someone who wasn't in the same league as this Beautiful Bella Swan.

The song ended, and Bella gave a happy grin as she bounded down the stairs from the stage, ignoring the thunderous applause. _I guess I'm not the only one who was affected by her performance_.

I gulped. Who knows what other gems lay hidden in this girl that I'm falling for? Finishing my beer, I rose to my feet as Bella pushed her way through the crowd. She smiled sheepishly and trotted back over to our table. I was still a little bit stunned. She made it all the way to us before she finally blushed, turning her gaze away from me.

"There. Happy?" she challenged, eyeing both Alice and Rosalie.

"Very," they replied in unison. Bella laughed and took her seat next to me. I threw my arm around her shoulders and leaned in to kiss her forehead. She was trembling. I cupped my hand around the back of her neck and leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"You are incredible," I told her. She drew in a breath and let out a soft hiss as I slowly moved my hand down her back. Her skin was moist with drops of perspiration, and I had to resist the urge to wipe them away. The simple act of touching her was making my pulse pick up, and I had to gulp down a breath to calm down. She leaned into my neck, and her breath teased my ear as she whispered softly to me.

"I know. You don't suck, either."

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**Bwa ha haaaa no lotion sex for you people (this time). Sorry, jandco. You'll have to wait for sweet, sweet lovin' 'til next week.**

**Captain Joe's Pirate Tavern was a real karaoke bar that got torn down. Boooo. **

**So, review, please. You get little sneaky peaks when you dooooooo!**

**And go read "Welcome Home", if you haven't done so already.**

**(goo... didja catch my mini shout-out to you? :D )**


	8. Bella's Baked Goods

**Happy birthday, my darling bittenev (readherstorystitchesandscars) and Bella-of-the-Ball (readherstoriesVolterraRocks,pianolessons,andwhenfictionbecomesreality)... and also, David Hasselhoff! This is your birthday update!**

**Enjoy the chapter, me lovelies. This one is dedicated solely to my wife, devadasi7. Enjoy your brownies, darlin'!**

**Special thanks, as ever, to the amazing beta-ness that is Ereeen, and also to bittenev. You ladies keep me writin'.**

**One more...(sorry, wife)... UNG to the ladies at twilighted. You all are the source of my awesome. Especially my new partner in crime jandco.**

_Stephenie Meyer is the Queen of us All. I own nothing twilighted except the books, the Entertainment Weekly, the Penelope DVD... and my shirts for Comicon. Edward Cullen and Robert Pattinson own me, bodily as well as spiritually._

**Edward**

Bella didn't return to the stage and neither did I, but we _did_ get to witness Rose and Jasper's rendition of "Summer Lovin'", and Emmett even tried to sing "Can't help falling in love".

Since it was getting late, we decided to start heading back. I know I was exhausted, but I hated the thought of dropping Bella off and going back to the hotel alone. _This is bad. I was going back home in a few days_…

"So," I began. She looked up at me, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Yes?" she answered. _Look at that smile. Those freckles are absolutely adorable_.

"Umm, Edward?" she giggled. "You're staring. And while I'm not opposed to the adoration, I really think you should keep your eyes on the road," she said, pointing toward the front of the car with her eyebrows.

I reluctantly broke eye contact and turned my head forward. She laughed again, saying, "So…?"

"Oh, right. So… would you be against waking up early and coming out for breakfast with me?" _Please, please say yes_.

"Of course!" she practically gushed. She sounded a little relieved. I saw out of the corner of my eye that her brow puckered, and before I could ask why, she asked.

"Edward? I know you're leaving in a few days, but I guess I was wondering…"

She faltered a bit, but then she seemed to take courage from an unseen source and plowed ahead. I'll admit I was dying to know what she wanted to ask me. I hoped she would beg me to move to Seattle and stay with her forever.

"…where is this going? I mean, this has been a great last couple of days, believe me. Hot guys don't often wander into my bed and sleep over, but you know, just sleep. They don't further take me out and ease my mind as I sing in public. They certainly don't take me out for breakfast on Sunday, and well- I guess I'm just really trying to ruin a dream weekend by speaking out loud about it," she chuckled, nervously playing with her upswept hair.

I considered for a few minutes on how to answer that, which seemed to make her nervous.

"I'm sorry. It's just… I can't remember the last time I felt this way. Usually, I avoid boys, and lately, well- I haven't had any _second_ dates. This just feels so insanely unreal. Here you are, gorgeous Doctor. And there's me- boring, blushing, bumbling, brown Bella. I mean, sure. I can alliterate like no one's business, but-" she laughed, but when I glanced at her, I noticed pain in her eyes. As if she was waiting for the other ball to drop.

"Bella," I began, gently taking her hand that was nervously twirling the loose tendrils of hair on the side of her head. I held one finger out as I softly swept it across her jaw line, then I reached down and pulled her hand to my lips and kissed it, never taking my eyes off the road.

"I don't know what this is, but I know that I don't want it to end. 'Dream weekend' sounds like a _perfect_ summation to me," I said. And I meant it. In that moment, all of the crap with Jessica melted away, like a bad appetizer that was forgotten as soon as the entree arrived.

Bella drew in a rather large breath and let it out slowly. A small smile played on her lips, and she raised both hands in a clasped gesture up to her mouth. I probably could've guessed what she was thinking, but I was dying to know anyway.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked with trepidation. How had this girl's opinion come to mean so much to me? All evening, my mind was trying to dredge up everything Alice had ever told me about her. Piecing it all together, I realized that all I knew about her was that she was shy, worked at a job that wasn't good enough for her, and that she was the female version of me (whatever _that_ means). I still had no clue how that mind of hers worked, but I was dying to find out.

She slowly lowered her hands to her lap, biting a corner of her bottom lip. Her gaze strayed to a point somewhere outside her window. _What _are_ you thinking, Beautiful Bella_?

I pulled into the driveway outside her house and shut off the engine. I turned my body toward her, nervously raking my hands through my hair. _Time for a haircut_.

"Bella?" I began again. _Why wasn't she answering_? _Am I being pushy_? I reached for her hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so pushy. It's just-"

But she didn't let me finish.

**Bella**

"Bella? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so pushy. It's just-" Edward was saying. He looked so cute sitting there all worried. His brows were pulled toward each other, and the look of concern on his face was adorable. I _do_ believe the boy thinks I'm having second thoughts!

I decided that it was time for him to know exactly what I thought of our little dream weekend. I pounced on him.

I must've taken him completely by surprise (truly, he seemed like the kind of guy who must have women trying to grope him all the time) because his eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened as I quickly unbuckled my seat belt and launched myself at him. My arms snaked around his neck, pulling him toward me since he had leaned all the way against the door at the first sign of my attack. I knew I had a wicked grin on my face, and I decided to let VampBella out to play again.

"Edward," I breathed in his face. I could smell the lingering traces of beer on his lips, along with that indescribably sweet scent that I was starting to associate with my lustier feelings. He didn't wear cologne, that much I could tell. He smelled clean, too. Irish Spring, maybe. _Who cares_?

His face started to relax once he discovered that I was trying with all of my might to pull him toward my mouth. That sexy half smile appeared on his face then, and he chuckled warmly as my head started to tilt slightly, all of my attention now on his mouth.

I leaned up toward his lips, but before I could lay a kiss on him, I let VampBella tease him a bit. My lips brushed right up to his, speaking instead of kissing.

"You know, asking what someone is thinking is such a chick thing to do," I whispered against him. He groaned, letting out a breath. _Snickerdoodles_. The man smells like snickerdoodles. Cinnamon, with a hint of sweet.

He was going to answer, but I interrupted with "I think it's… hot." Before he could respond, I nipped at the bow of his bottom lip with the tips of my teeth. Looking up at him through my lashes, I drew his lip in, teasing it with the tip of my tongue. He had stopped breathing at this point.

"Breathe, Edward," I whispered, letting his lip go. I wanted to tease him like this all night.

He, however, had other plans.

He leaned his head back a few inches, looking down at my face. Using the back of the tips of his fingers, he softly stroked the left side of my face down to my chin and lifted my face toward his. His gaze turned toward the chin he held in his hand and very slowly started to move as though he were tracing the shape of my mouth using his eyes. His continued slowly upward, moving along the shape of my nose. He tilted his head to the side and his breathing picked up a little as he leaned in and touched the tip of his nose to the corner of my mouth, slowly tracing my cheekbone as he made his way up to my temple. He placed a very soft, light kiss there and then returned to using his nose to trace along my skin, going across my brow and ending with another soft kiss on my other temple.

My breathing had picked up by this point; the feeling of his gentle touch was making my entire body very aware of the rest of him. I tried desperately to concentrate on the soft kisses he was planting on my face, but my eyes kept wandering. His hands were on each of my shoulders, and I briefly contemplated various scenarios in which his hands would be all over my body. His fingers were long and well-taken care of; no rough calluses. _These_ were the hands of a man who did not have to perform manual labor. I noticed a small scar on the back of his arm and made a mental note to ask about it later.

Since he was in the middle of brushing his face across my brow, my head was tilted down, and I found myself staring at his chest. My mind went to the beautiful image I would keep locked in my heart forever of him standing in my faintly lit room, removing his clothing to jump into bed with me the night before. To say that he must spend time at the gym was an understatement.

I wish I had let VampBella discover the contours of his abs last night. The memory of the definition of his body was threatening to make me shiver.

These thoughts lasted approximately half a second, and I made myself give my full attention to the sweet kiss he was placing on the side of my face. He then repeated his first sweeping trace across my other cheekbone, ending at the other corner of my mouth, completing the circuit of my face. My breathing hitched, and I slowly looked up to meet his eyes.

Unbelievably, he still gave me a questioning look of permission before he could lean in to kiss me. Was this guy kidding? Who am I to deny a request like that?

I lowered my lids and parted my lips, leaning up toward him. I saw the look of gratitude cross his face again as he slowly dipped in, capturing my lips with his.

We stayed like this for a few seconds. I was relishing in the wonder of the moment- this beautiful man was kissing _me_.

Slowly, torturously, he started to move his lips against mine, deepening the kiss. His hand moved from my shoulder to the nape of my neck, pulling me closer to him. The center console of the car jabbed into my side, but I barely noticed. His kisses deepened, and I returned them with fervor. I felt his tongue probe against my mouth, seeking permission. Of course, I relented. I met the soft tip of his tongue with mine and I could feel it down to the center of my body as our tongues danced. _I want that tongue all over my body_.

We continued to kiss, pausing every minute or so to catch our breath. One of my hands took on a life of its own as it slowly started to move down his neck…across his collarbone…. and down to the top button of his shirt. I popped it open without realizing I had done it.

Edward broke from our kiss and glanced down at my hand with a sly smile on his face. I looked down in horror. Were we in high school? Were we really getting steamy in a car in my driveway?

"What is it?" he breathed at me. I met his gaze and got lost in the deep green expanse of his eyes, my hand resting on the now exposed skin at the top of his unbuttoned shirt.

I must've been staring at him for longer than a moment because he started to chuckle in that low, seductive way that made my muscles clench involuntarily. I raised one corner of my mouth and wickedly lifted an eyebrow, giving him that same puppy dog look that had seemed to throw him off at the party.

"Do you see what you do to me?" I whispered. "I didn't even realize I was trying to undress you." His eyes darkened, and before I knew it, he was leaning in my direction so that the center console was now pressing into him. My arms dropped in surprise as he held me on both sides of my head, tilting me slightly to the side.

"I'd like to see what _this_ does to you," he breathed into my neck. He used his nose again to trace along my jaw line, ending at the hollow beneath my neck. I pulled in a deep breath, knowing full well that _that_ particular spot was my weakness. You could conquer Bella with a kiss right _there_.

He gently placed his lips on The Spot and my toes curled involuntarily. Embarrassingly enough, I knew that this simple act was making all of the parts of my body that wanted sex to react. Edward seemed to sense this, too, because he slid his hands down so that they were gently gripping my upper arms, only he brushed his thumbs across my breasts. Feeling him touch me there only made it worse- my nipples were now very hard, and the Bella part of me hoped he didn't discover that.

Of course, VampBella was slowly gaining control. I turned my body in the direction of his caressing thumb and I could feel his breath catch as my nipple made contact with the fleshy part of his thumb. When he started breathing again, I felt a thrill go down my spine at the sensation of his breath against my neck. He started to rub with his thumb now; I actually felt my eyes roll back into my head as I lost all muscle control in my neck.

Then, without warning, he pulled away.

"Bella," he croaked. "As… arousing as this is…. I do not want to get busy in a car. Look at the windows!" he gestured. _Wow_. We really did steam it up in here.

"Come on. Let's get you in bed. I mean… ugh. Let me walk you to your door," he amended, running his hands through his hair. I was getting very possessive of that gesture. My mouth was hanging open, and my neck was still tilted to the side. I could feel the nerve endings in my body slowly coming down from the havoc he had caused, and I contemplated jumping him. But, alas. I knew he was right. _Dammit_.

"Okay," I reluctantly agreed. "Let's get me to bed." _Will you be joining me_? I was afraid to ask. Mostly because I was starting to recognize that Edward did things a certain way, and sexing in a car was definitely not his m.o. He was a _gentleman_. VampBella sneered at the word.

Without a word, he was out the door. I sucked in a deep breath, willing my body to calm down. He was suddenly at my door, holding it open for me with a sweep of his hand.

"After you, m'Lady," he grinned, taking my hand as I stepped out.

"I don't think ladies get busy in rental cars," I huffed, raising my chin and haughtily walking toward the front door.

I could feel his laughter as I made my attempt to look angry walking away from him. I glanced over my shoulder and shot him a coy look as I slipped the key into the lock.

"Well, it's been a pleasure, Bella," he began haltingly. I looked up at him through my lashes, trying to will him to come back inside with me.

He stared at me for a moment, desire building up in his gaze as he raked me up and down with his eyes. He leaned in toward my mouth but at the last second veered off and put his lips next to my ear.

"I'll pick you up around eight for Sunday breakfast, Beautiful," he breathed. I smiled at him as he pulled away, and I decided to play nice as I reached up and placed one hand on his face.

"Good night, Sweet Prince," I said. He leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead.

"Sweet Dreams, Beautiful Bella," he murmured. I quickly turned around and went back into my house, wanting to savor the moment over and over as I tried to fall asleep. Morning could _not_ come fast enough.

I woke up three minutes before my alarm went off. That was something that usually annoyed me, but that's only because I had never had breakfast with a gorgeous person to look forward to.

"Edward," I whispered to myself. Even _I_ could hear the longing in my voice.

The simple act of saying his name aloud got me motivated. I hopped up and made a mad dash for the bathroom.

It took me exactly fifteen minutes to get in and out of the shower, including teeth brushing and moisturizer application time. I knew that no matter what outfit I put on, Alice would simply veto it and march me back in here to change, so I went with the robe.

Walking out into our living room, I noticed the Pixie snapping her cell phone shut. I was about to inform her of my intended breakfast plans when she looked up at me and bit her lip. Her face fell into a look of discomfort as she stared at me for a few seconds before speaking.

"Bella-" she began. She paused, took a breath, and continued, "there's been a change in plans."

"What plans, Ali?" I asked. I had no clue what she was talking about. Did we make plans for today? Had I violated the Girl Code? I hope it wasn't shopping, because then I'd feel no guilt for violating the co-

"That was my parents letting me know that they just spoke with Edward, and they made it clear that we were taking their favorite nephew and favorite daughter out for breakfast. Just the four of us," she finished, her brow furrowed as her eyes beamed an apology at me.

_Deflation_.

"Oh," I said, for lack of anything better to say. I played with the frayed edges of my robe tie, feeling my jubilation leak out of my body. Alice started to look like she was going to cry, but I couldn't do that to her. After all, Edward and I were… oh, I didn't even know how to finish my own sentences. We were new; that's it. New. No label. Nothing to report.

"Don't worry about it, Alice," I tried to reassure her. "Just give me some time a little bit later this afternoon, okay? Edward and I have some things we need to talk about." _Like whether I would ever be able to stand next to him without wanting to shove my tongue down his throat_.

"Are you sure? I mean, I could always try to convince them to make it for another day. I know you're busy with work all week and-" she began, but she was interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

"Seriously, Ali. Don't worry. This is probably Edward right now- I should take it," I said, checking the caller ID. Yep.

"Before you apologize, I already know. How could you break our date?" I giggled. I didn't want him to feel bad. Hearing sorrow in his voice would make me want to climb into the phone just so I could comfort him.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. Have you _met_ Esme? The only person I would hate to disappoint more than my Aunt is you. I promise to make it up to you. What can I do?" he asked. He really did sound miserable. _Poor baby_.

"Tell you what. I'll make Alice leave this afternoon, and I'll let you come over and help me bake. I promised to bring some stuff for the lounge at work tomorrow, and I could use the help," I said confidently. It was a ruse. How could baking possibly interest someone like Edward? I just wanted to spend time with him, but I really _had_ promised to bake something. My brownies were _famous_.

"Deal," he responded, almost immediately. "I'll even get Jasper to take Alice out so we're alone," he offered. Hmm_. Alone with Edward_.

"Agreed," I laughed. Hey, my morning may be ruined, but at least I still got to spend time with him.

Then, maybe we could figure out what we were doing.

I decided to go to the grocery store and get prepared for this afternoon.

**Bella**

A little after lunch, Alice finally returned to the apartment, _sans_ Edward. We talked for a little while about what her parents were up to, catching up on our week. We hadn't done the roommate/BFF bonding thing all weekend because of the party, so it was nice to do something that was routine, especially since I was having a mild panic attack.

I was going to have Edward alllllll to myself. For at least a few hours.

Alice assured me that she was going to monopolize Jasper for the entire night and "not to expect me back any time soon." When I had asked her what her plans were, she gave me a withering look, tilting her head to the side and shaking her head.

"Silly Bella. Am I asking you what you're doing with Edward tonight? Consider me the Military Gay Policy- Don't ask, don't tell," she tinkled. Her eyes were sparkling, as though some of that damned leftover pixie dust were sprinkled around the irises. She looked so happy, so refreshed. It was thrilling to witness- _my best friend was in love_.

It occurred to me in that brief moment that I ought to be shocked that Alice was in love after knowing Jasper for only two days, but I couldn't bring myself to find that reaction. I guess when it's right, it's right. _Right_?

"We're only baking, Alice," I admonished, finishing off my turkey sandwich. "I told the girls I'd make Bella Brownies for tomorrow," I finished, somewhat offended that she'd suggest I would use my baking skills for anything other than sweet, tasty, delicious, edible… biteable…. rich…. moist…

"Bella!" Alice yelled, waving her hand in my face. "I asked you to make _us_ a batch. Where was your mind, just then?" she asked, smiling up into my dazed expression.

"Nothing," I dully answered, vaguely realizing I had answered her with an inappropriate baking word. _Great_. I can't even _talk_ about Edward without my mouth going haywire. And I'm supposed to entertain him in this apartment, alone, for hours?

I was already afraid that I had given him the wrong idea about me, and this is what I spent the next few hours obsessing over as I waited for Alice to leave. Edward was coming over around five, and when he had called to inform me of this, we made plans to order a pizza and watch a movie.

"Boring date stuff," he had said, and I imagined his sexy half-smile as I listened to the smooth voice he was using on me over the phone.

Stop! Sexing! In! Your! Mind!

Double-checking to confirm that I had the right ingredients for brownies, I decided to waste some time by getting a coffee. Hopping in to my car, I tried to filter out my jumbled Edward thoughts as I absent-mindedly drove to my little coffee haven.

The place was remarkably dead for a Sunday afternoon. I noticed Jacob (gulp) at the counter, and bracing myself for the flirting that would no doubt transpire, I walked up to the counter with a carefree smile on my face.

"Bella!" he said with a smile. _He really is a hottie, isn't he_? I thought. I still couldn't believe I had "loved him and left him", as Alice so eloquently put it.

"Heya, Jake," I said, forcing cheerfulness into my voice. _I wonder if I should tell him I met someone_…

"Here's your usual. I saw you coming and got right on it," he grinned. He was always grinning. I smiled back- how you can you resist a guy with perfect teeth?

"So, how was the party?" he asked nonchalantly. He always seemed to know what was going on with my social calendar. I had a sneaking suspicion that he had a little Pixie-bird on his shoulder, whispering "Ask Bella Out" encouragements into his ear.

"Great. We didn't have the cops called on us, and I only found three mysterious pairs of underwear. No farm animals this time, either," I replied without thinking. As he handed me my coffee, his fingers brushed up against mine, but I ignored the warmth he was trying to impart.

"So Bella…" he began, faltering a bit as I cast my eyes down. _Is he going to ask me out again_?

"I was wondering what you're doing this weekend? My buddy's band is playing this club, and-"

"Oh Jake, I don't know. Work's been kind of nutty lately, what with the uhh, economy and stuff," I interrupted, and quite lamely, I might add. Economy? _Sheesh_. I knew I was blushing- mostly because his grin got even wider. Why do men seem so enraptured by that?

_Edward seems to respond well to it, Bella_.

The next thing I knew, I was daydreaming about Edward staring at my chest_. Hmm. Zorro_. I had found the Zorro mask under the counter behind the bar, and instead of returning it, I had tossed it in my underwear drawer before Alice saw me clutching it. _You_ know; a memento, or whatever.

_Are you afraid you're never going to see him again_?

"Bella?" Jacob's voice brought me back down to Earth. I realized I had been standing there in a daze, holding up the line of people that had formed behind me.

"Sorry," I muttered, shuffling off to a table by the window. I sat back, gazing out into the street. Now, what was it I wanted to discuss with Edward again?

Oh yeah. Us. _Us_? _Is there an Us_?

Bella the Great Overthinker started to analyze_. On the one hand, he's Alice's hot Cousin that I'm pretty sure she would've gone for if it weren't for those pesky incest laws. On the other hand, she's been insisting for a while now that we're MTB. Then again, he lives like, a thousand miles away. But I can afford plane tickets and an internet video camera, right? I have unlimited texting. Is this possible? Do I know anyone who's ever survived the long-distance thing?_

_Should I have sex with him before he leaves on Thursday_?

My shifty and traitorous mind suddenly went into fantasy mode again.

_The doorbell rings and I answer it in one of Alice's uber-revealing micro minis and high heels _(heels? Oh shut up, Bella. Go with it.) _I gasp when I opened the door because there's Edward, wearing his Zorro getup._

_Only he's wearing super tight black leather pants and his shirt is buttoned _halfway_ down. Boots- mask- hat- earring. _(Earring? Okay, _that's_ hot.)

"_Why, Edward. I wasn't expecting you this early. I was just going to go and change-"_

"_Don't bother," he growls at me. He grabs me by the waist and immediately goes for my neck. He starts planting nibbly little kisses along my jawline, making growly animal sounds as his mouth starts getting sloppy with his increasingly open-mouthed kisses._

"_Edward!" I squeal, running my hands along his back. While he's nuzzling my neck and burying his face in my hair, I reached down and grab his shirt by the buttons, ripping it off of his body. _(Okay, clearly I need to stop reading those Harlequins late at night when I can't sleep.)

_He jerks his head up and takes one quick glance at his now bare chest before snarling at me and attacking my mouth with heated, tongue-thrusting kisses._

(Did I remember to close the door?)

_My hands firmly planted themselves in the soft, silky hair at the nape of his neck, running up slowly until I was clutching handfuls of it, locking his mouth on to mine with the force of my grip. We were lapping at each other's tongues like dogs _(dogs?) _and his hands started to travel down, grabbing my ass as-_

My phone rang. _Sigh_…

"What is it, Alice?" I said with an exaggerated sigh. I just knew she was checking to make sure I hadn't chickened out on my lame, boring date.

"You're not chickening out, are you?" she asked, the threat implicit in her tone.

"No, Mom. Baking and Boring Movie. We're still on for tonight," I answered in a flat voice. _Freaking Alice_.

"Good. Make sure you shaved. New set of underoos in a Vicky's bag on your desk. Okayloveyoubye!" she chimed out, not bothering to wait for a response.

I laughed a little, shaking my head in wonder at the Pixie's planning. I was expecting to have an Alice Original Wedding Gown hanging in my closet by the end of the week.

Returning Jacob's good-bye wave, I headed back to the house. _Shave_? I guess it's a good thing I still have an hour before Zorro arrives.

Right before five, I found myself with freshly shaved, freesia'd-up legs and new underwear. _At least they aren't crotchless_, I thought with a grim smile. The lacy panties were going to drive me insane- mostly because the way the seams were placed, I knew I was in for some friction. _Hmm_…

My phone rang, and for a millisecond I panicked, thinking it would be Edward cancelling on me. Caller ID alleviated my fears as I picked up the phone.

"Hey, Angela," I chirped. _Whew_. "How's it going?"

"Good. How are you, Bella? I'm calling because you mysteriously disappeared on me on Friday night," she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

"What are you talking about? You guys are the ones who took off early. Alice said she saw you and Ben leave at like, eleven. Did the two of you have something _important_ you needed to be doing?" I asked, laughing. The two of them were always turning in early. _Old married couple_.

"Don't change the subject. We went to go find you to say good-bye and I saw you dazzling Zorro out on the porch swing. So… what happened there? Was that Alice's cousin?" she asked, excited for info. I blushed remembering the Swing Interlude.

I went into "Edward is Gushworthy" mode, spilling out the story about how he had saved me from a wayward pirate episode and our bonding out on the porch. I was just getting into the details of making out and "sleeping together" when the doorbell rang.

"I may need to hang up in a sec, Ang. That's probably him," I said, interrupting myself. I went over to answer the door and grinned as I saw Edward standing there. _Man, look at that smile. And those eyes_….

"Okay, Bells. I'll leave you to your Hot Zorro Edward," laughed Angela, and I snapped the phone shut with a resounding click.

"Hey, Gorgeous," Edward said, leaning in and kissing me right next to my ear. I looked up into his face and briefly got lost in the sparkle I saw there.

"Hi," I breathed, silently cursing myself for my loss of brain function as I stared at him. He was still leaning in toward me, so I bravely kissed him softly on his lips. Before I started shoving my tongue down his throat right then and there, I stepped back and allowed him in, shutting the door after he entered the house.

"So I stopped by the video store and picked up some DVDs," he started. "Wow, this place really looks different at night when half of Seattle isn't sprawled out on the floor," he commented, giving the living room an appraising sweep.

I giggled. "I know. Alice's parties are always a carefully controlled chaos that I usually duck out of early. This has got to be the first party she's thrown in recent memory where I didn't end up in my room alone and reading to avoid being set up on some date with the perfect guy," I said, taking the DVDs and placing them on the coffee table. Edward followed me as I walked over to the kitchen, and I offered him something to drink as I started to get out the bowls and utensils necessary for baking.

"So before we watch a movie, I need to make some brownies for work tomorrow. I thought we could order pizza and bake while we're waiting for it to arrive," I told him. He said that it was a good idea, so I started to direct him to the fridge to get out the eggs.

After washing my hands, I tied my Donna Reed apron on and commenced with the ingredients. We chatted about trivial stuff; I was amazed that I wasn't at all nervous to have this amazingly beautiful and intelligent and smart and and and _hot_ guy in my kitchen, watching me sift flour into a bowl.

"Are you even using a recipe?" he asked, amusement clear in his voice. I was just finishing up with melting the chocolate on the stove, and I set the hot pan on a trivet next to the other ingredients.

"Nah. I've made these so many times that it's practically rote at this point," I answered, turning around and looking up at him.

I jumped back into the counter a little bit because when I had turned around, I realized he was right behind me. My skin started to tingle at the closeness, and I realized that he was going to kiss me.

Which would totally distract me.

Blushing, I decided to get back to baking. Feeling sheepish for being so jumpy, I got some guts and hopped up onto the counter, deciding I was going to maintain eye contact at all times.

"Hey, guy. Baking is not some clever euphemism, you know," I winked, deciding once and for all that I was going to be Bold and just run with it. But I really _did_ need to make those brownies.

Adding the wet ingredients to the dry, I grabbed my spoonula and started lazily swirling the batter around, maintaining eye contact with Edward. He seemed to be mesmerized by the movements I was making while stirring- probably because it involved a lot of upper body motion.

"You're good with your hands, aren't you?" he murmured, slowly raking his eyes from my face down to the bowl and back. His smile spread slowly on his face, and I gave him a wicked, knowing look in return.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I said in a low tone. I returned his scrutiny, looking at _his_ body. He had chosen another button-down and some dark-rinsed jeans that probably cost more than my entire shoe collection to wear.

As I pulled my gaze from his pants, I slowly raked him up and down, my final gaze resting on his mouth. _Hmm_.

"I _do_ know this recipe really well. It's my Grandma's, but I've been making it so long that we just call them 'Bella Brownies' now. The secret's in the butter and the slowly melted chocolate," I instructed, but I don't think he was paying attention. His eyes were fixated on my hands.

"Sounds delicious," he said after pausing. He looked up at me again, that delicious smile making me tingle. _Is he going to kiss me, or what_?

"Oh, these things are dangerous. Few people in life can withstand the power of Bella's Baked Goods," I said, vaguely aware that I was making it sound dirty. Okay, so I was doing it on purpose.

"Of that, I have no doubt," he murmured, taking a step toward me. He was now standing in between my legs, but the bowl was in between us, providing a frustrating barrier.

"Could you get that pan over there, please," I said softly, tilting my head toward the chocolate. He reached over to grab it, and I broke eye contact to watch the play of the muscles straining in his arms as he lifted the pot up and held it above the bowl I was holding.

"Now- very slowly- pour. Not too fast, please. I like it… slow," I breathed out. His crooked smile made me bite my lip, and I felt the weight of the chocolate being poured as I continued my lazy swirling movements with my hand.

"That's… perfect," I sighed out. I was getting lost in his eyes again. I only managed to break our locked gazing by drifting down toward his mouth. _That smile should be banned_, I thought. _I think I'm actually getting aroused by those lips._ I was about ready to toss the bowl aside and reach up, running my hands through his outrageously mussed hair. _I wonder if he gives himself sex hair on purpose_. The stray thought made my mind turn toward sex… _I could make that hair seriously messy after a nice session of_-

"Bella. That looks done to me," he interrupted. I was startled out of the beginnings of one seriously hot daydream, and a good thing, too.

"Hmm… is that so? Are you an expert in baking, Edward?" I asked. For some reason, I got the chills speaking his name like that. I was using my low-pitched voice to my advantage now, keeping it husky and breathy. I think he liked it, too, because his breathing picked up a bit.

"There's really only one way to know if I've done it right," I continued, dipping the tip of my index finger in the batter. I raised my finger, slowly tilting it from left to right, letting the velvety mixture drip off slowly. Keeping my eyes on my finger, I slowly lifted my hand up to Edward's mouth.

"Open up," I whispered. He parted his lips to allow my finger in. I crooked it a bit and dipped in. He closed his mouth and I felt the tip of his tongue slowly trace around the tip, making sure he got every single bit of the chocolate off. I was definitely having breathing problems now; I slowly pulled my finger out, gliding down so that his lip was pulled with it.

"How does that taste?" I asked, my voice practically croaking I was so turned on. He smirked again and as he leaned in, he dipped _his_ finger into the batter.

"Unbelievable. That's something I wouldn't mind putting in my mouth again," he answered. I wanted to watch what he was doing, but I was way too mesmerized by the blazing desire I saw in his eyes. They were dark emerald now, and the depth I saw there was making me breathe very quickly.

I felt rather than saw his hand lifting toward my face and I loosened my jaw, opening my mouth to receive him. He placed his finger between my lips the same way I had done to him, and I curled my tongue around the tip of it, swirling it around and around. He quickly pulled his finger out of my mouth and dipped it back in the batter. Before I could react, he had smeared chocolate on my mouth and leaned in.

I was ready to accept his kiss, but he had other ideas. Holding me by my chin, he brought my face up to his and with a big grin, he started to lick my bottom lip, starting from one end and moving across the curve of my mouth. When he got to the bottom of my pout, he gently sucked my lip in, lightly teasing it between his teeth. My breathing picked up as he turned his head and started using gentle nibbles on my top lip, making sure he got every little bit of batter off.

"There," he said, smirking in satisfaction. "How did _that_ taste?"

"It didn't suck," I replied. He chuckled, letting go of my chin and kissing me on the nose. _No_.

I grabbed him by the shirt with one hand and tossed the bowl aside with the other. Roughly, I pulled him in, bringing him between my legs so that he was leaning against the counter. My hand now freed from bowl, I used it to run my fingers through his hair. _Still so very soft_. I was watching the play of his bronzed locks as I moved them this way and that, marveling that there was no product there. He really _did_ wake up looking like this, didn't he?

As I was admiring his hair, he took the opportunity to lean in and whisper in my ear, "I thought we were supposed to be making brownies, Bella." The tickle of his cool breath on my ear was more than I could bear and I snapped to, pulling him in closer with the hand that was still clutching his shirt. I wanted him to kiss my neck…

…but my other hand had other ideas. It roughly clutched at the hair it had been stroking and jerked his head up to my face. He seemed surprised at the action, and right when I was starting to panic that I had hurt his neck, he gave me a playful growl.

"I thought you liked it slow and soft," he said. Glassy-eyed, I nodded my head. _Sure, sure. Whatever you say. What were we talking about_? I was in a totally lust-induced fog.

"Oh, fuck slow," I growled. I threw my arms around his neck, pulling him in. As our lips crashed into each other, I felt a thrill pulse down my spine. The electric feeling was something I would never get used to. Or be able to live without.

I could taste the brownie batter as our tongues danced. I was desperate to lick every inch of him. My brain started to swirl as I got lost in the increasingly frantic kissing; I wanted to savor his taste, the way his hands had felt as he rested them on my hips. He had slowly started to move them around my back, pulling me closer to him. I wrapped my legs around his waist- it was as though we were trying to become the same person, we were so desperate to get closer to each other.

I don't know who broke the kiss. It must have been mutual since we were both panting heavily. I raised one eyebrow at him, inviting him back. He dove in for my neck, lightly biting it as he nuzzled his way up to my favorite spot- right below my ear. I moaned at the sensation; I could feel my nerve endings light up all the way to my breasts and ass and especially between my legs.

My moaning cued him to suck on my skin even harder. _My eyes are actually rolling into the back of my head_, I marveled.

That's when the Pizza Guy decided to show up.

The both of us groaning, we broke apart and started laughing.

"I think I really need to take up baking," he said, straightening his shirt and adjusting his belt buckle.

"Whoa, there. If I had known baking would get you that keyed up, I would've dragged your ass back here to do a pineapple upside-down cake instead of being subjected to karaoke last night," I said, hopping off the counter and trying to maintain any semblance of composure.

"Is 'pineapple upside-down cake' some new position I need to learn?" he asked, his laughter trailing as he walked off to pay the pizza guy. I giggled and finished pouring the brownies into the pan, popping them in the oven.

Setting the timer, we decided to put a temporary halt on making out until the brownies were done. Once I had pulled them out of the oven, we settled on the couch, and a minor argument ensued when I found out which movies Edward had picked out to watch.

"Seriously? _27 Dresses_? Are you trying to score points or something?" I teased.

"What? I thought I couldn't go wrong with a romantic comedy. We can always watch this one," he said, handing me _The Messengers_. I shuddered.

"Eww. This choice was obviously made so that I'd bury my face in your shoulder at all the icky parts," I scoffed, making a face. "For your information, most horror movies are comedies in disguise. The only truly scary movie is _Stephen King's It_, and that's because clowns are wrong. Just wrong. Ugh." He was laughing at me now. "What? They are. Besides, if you want me to jump into your lap, just ask," I finished, poking him in the arm.

_Oh boy, I feel all gidd_y; _it's like I'm in high school again_. I realized right there that I was smitten. Head over heels. I can't remember the last time that I flirted with anyone, and here in front of me was a guy that I _never_ would have had the courage to go for, ever. _Thank you, Tequila! I will never disrespect you again_!

"What is going on in that beautiful head of yours?"he asked. His velvety voice had interrupted my hilarious inner monologue. I gave him a sidelong glance as I took a big bite of my pizza, trying to be coy.

Then a large blob of pizza sauce fell on my shirt.

Edward tried to stifle his laughter. I tried to look stern and annoyed, but it was just such a Classic Bella Moment. Before I knew it, we were both rolling around on the couch, gasping for breath. I'm pretty sure the laughter was an outlet for sexual frustration, not to mention an excuse to brush up against each other on the couch. _Why are we playing these games_? I wondered. I sat up suddenly, and before I could stop myself, Bella's Inner Monologue became…. audible.

"Screw the movie. Let's make out," I said.

He raised a perfect eyebrow in my direction and sat up straight. We stared at each other for a second, both of our sets of eyebrows raised sky-high. I appraised him, wondering whether he was going to take the bait or chalk it up as a joke. _Great. So much for telling him what I was thinking_.

With a crooked grin, he tossed his half-eaten pizza over his shoulder and leaned toward me, going for my slice- to toss it, I presume. I beat him to it and likewise tossed it over my shoulder (_Alice is going to kill us_), beckoning with one finger in his direction. His smile was taking over his face as he leaned toward me. I couldn't help myself- he was so cute. I brought my hand up to his hair, softly brushing the tangle that had fallen on his forehead. He closed his eyes at the sensation, momentarily lapsing into a look of bliss.

"Mmm," he sighed, "I love it when you do that. It feels like heaven." I ran my fingers through the rest of his hair, bringing my hands to rest on the back of his neck. He opened his eyes and the smile left his face as he gave me a smoldering look. I was stunned by how intense it was- like he was trying to get into my head just by looking at me. At that moment I felt completely naked, and I don't mean in the literal sense. It was as though he was pouring through my head, opening up all the doors into the catacombs of my mind. It was a strangely soothing and erotic feeling. For the first time in my life, I was not embarrassed by the intimacy. I wanted this man to know everything there was to know about me.

_What a turn on_.

"Take a picture. It'll last longer," I whispered, trying to bring him closer to me.

"Bella," he frowned at me. I don't know why I did that. It's as if I were trying to ruin the moment. But he didn't let it deter him. Leaning in to me, he brushed his mouth against mine, and I returned his soft kiss with one of my own.

The sweetness lasted approximately five seconds. He started to move his mouth and I followed, deepening the kiss. A delicious tingle was starting somewhere in the middle of my body, and it was making me giddy with anticipation. Channeling High School Make Out Bella, I leaned backward, bringing Edward with me until he was lying on top of me, one of my legs bent and resting on the back of the couch. He was so tall his legs were dangling off the side, but I don't think he was minding all that much (or noticing). Grinning into my mouth, he started to kiss me with urgency, and I could hear an occasional moan rumbling in the back of his throat. These little sounds were driving me crazy with want, and I returned them with some moans of my own. I started to move my hands down his back, grabbing onto his shirt and lifting it a little each time. He had managed to scoop one arm under me, and he was using the other to touch me all over, starting with my hair. His kisses were delicious; I was getting lost in the taste of him; the feeling of his velvety tongue as we lapped at each other. The tingling in my body was now centralized between my legs, increasing in sensation as his hips ground into mine.

"You smell amazing," he purred into my ear, lightly nipping at my ear. I moaned in response, licking my lips at the sensation. _What could be better than having a hot guy between my legs_?

That thought made me giggle a little. He pulled back, his brows wrinkling as he looked at me.

"Something amusing the beautiful lady?" he asked. That made me giggle more.

"I was just thinking that life doesn't get much better than making out on the couch with a hot guy between my legs," I told him. His grin was wide as he pushed himself off me, raking his hands through his hair and sitting up. I pouted as our bodies moved away from each other.

"Where are you going?" I whined, tugging at the collar of his shirt.

His face grew serious as he paused.

"Bella- I don't know about you, but uh…" he paused, having to gather his thoughts.

"Look. I like you. I mean, more than I should. But we've technically only known each other for a few days, and well- do you think this is too fast?" he said in a rush. His eyes were pleading with me. _Did he want me to agree, or to attack? _Wait.

"Wait. What do you mean, more than you should?" I wondered. Did he have some compelling reason against liking me?

"I just- look. I know we need to have this conversation and all, but… ugh," he muttered, combing his hair back with his hand. Let _me_ do that for you…

"Bella, I'm… leaving. In a few days. I'm not really opposed to… keeping in touch with you. Not at all. I think you're incredible. But… I live… and you live here…" he faltered. I bit my lip and closed my eyes; did I have to beg? Would I plead? Should I cry?

"Would it be pathetic if I told you that I was desperate to keep you here?" I whispered.

_There. I said it_.

An _enormous_ smile lit up his face.

"Not even a little bit pathetic," he assured me. "I feel the _exact_ same way, believe me. But- I have stuff back home. Stuff that needs to be taken care of."

Like what?

He leaned over and kissed me sweetly on the cheek.

"Come on, Swan. Let's finish up this stupid movie. If we keep making out like _that_… I'm afraid I won't continue to be much of a gentleman," he warned, a sexy smile gracing his lips.

"Why Edward, whatever do you mean?" I giggled. At least he wasn't rejecting me. I was relieved and…. frustrated, all at the same time. I turned my head, determined to stop thinking about Edward in the Zorro getup.

The rest of the movie played without any further groping, but I did snuggle into his side as the film progressed. When it was over, we flipped on some mindless TV and started chatting again. I was amazed at how comfortable this was, as if we had been doing it forever. He asked me questions that were pointless yet utterly important, like my favorite kind of food (_good_ Chinese), childhood goals (astronaut and becoming a Fly Girl), what kind of car I learned to drive on (ancient chevy pick-up, still at Charlie's house). His attention was rapt, and I knew he would remember everything I said. It was shockingly intimate and refreshingly candid.

It was during this comfortable conversation that I knew I was in love.

There was some point during the questioning that I started to yawn, and Edward looked horrified that he had kept me up so late.

"I can't believe how selfish I'm being. Here you are, totally humoring my nosey questionnaire, when you have to be up for work in a few hours. I'm so sorry!" he said, anguish in his voice. Silly Edward.

"Don't even worry about it," I yawned. "Unless I wake up and realize this whole weekend has been the most torturously delicious dream, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be in a good mood despite the lack of sleep."

He chuckled at that. Standing up and leaning over me, he lifted me into his arms like I weighed nothing at all. "Even when she's half asleep, she still has a way with words," he murmured, placing a kiss on my forehead.

I vaguely felt myself being carried down my hall, but I was drifting off to sleep. I turned my head in toward his chest and inhaled; I smiled, already associating Edward's scent with a feeling of comfort.

He laid me down on my bed, pulling the blanket over me. Leaning over to kiss my forehead once again, he started to whisper "good night" to me, but my mind awakened for one crazed second as I realized he was going to leave.

I reached for some reserve strength as my hand shot out, grabbing a fistful of the front of his shirt.

"Stay with me," I breathed, opening my eyes to meet his. A lazy smile spread across his face as he nodded, lightly brushing his lips across mine. I let go of his shirt and felt the movement on the bed as he kicked off his shoes.

"And don't forget- you sleep in your underwear," I reminded him, hearing a soft chuckle as the whispering sound of Edward removing his clothes brought a smile to my face.

Turning over on my side, I waited for him to climb into bed and rejoiced in sleepy happiness as I felt him mold his body around mine. I passed off into blissful slumber, knowing that the man I had been waiting for my whole life was wrapped around me.

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**Awww. How sweet. Do you really think it's going to last? **

**--evil genius**

**So, let me know how you like Baking with Bella. **

**And if you're feeling frisky, I just put out a new story called "Saturday School" that is a new thing that the amazingly talent (and hot) jandco and I have come up with. More Au-Human Twilight-y goodness.**

**PS- for those of you waiting for the sequel to a certain one-shot I penned... patience, Grasshoppah. It may or may not be near completion. Soon. **


	9. But It's Over Now

**sooo sorry that i haven't updated since the late 80s, you guys. **

**WHAT CAN I SAY... I WENT AND SAW ROB AT COMICON**

**so this is the longest chapter i've ever posted. enjoy. **

**thank you twilighted pervs... IT'S A SMUTMERGENCY! ACTIVATE THE SMUT SIGNAL!!**

**i dedicate this to jandco because she's on vacation and it's making my heart fail. and to bitt i say this: NSBA!**

**special thanks to bittenev, upthedownslide, forks1, and gustariana for inadvertently giving me ideas for this chapter.**

**but you guys, i promise. this whole thing was mapped out before i began writing it.**

_disclaimer: i own no twilight rights, but edward and rob can use any part of me that they want. _

**Edward **

Waking up next to Bella was swiftly becoming my favorite pastime. She was still sleeping when my mind started to awaken, and a slow grin crept upon my face as I remembered where I was. I tightened my grip on her, and she mumbled my name in her sleep.

I hadn't told her yet that she was quite the sleep talker. That first night (_God, was it only two nights ago_?), she had quite the conversation. All I could make out were a few "Edward"s interspersed with contented sighs. I had to remember to breathe every time she spoke. Her soft voice had a different ring to it every time she said my name, and I can remember hoping that there was something more there than simply a dream because I was the last person she saw.

I think I had managed to convince myself that I mean more to this girl than can be possible. Now that I was awake and she was here in my arms, I decided to watch her sleep. My thoughts drifted to stolen moments that we've shared over the weekend, and I don't mean all of the kissing.

But that part was good, too.

Bella was blowing me away. She's obviously intelligent; it's rare that anyone holds my attention for very long because I'm not much of a conversationalist; the everyday things that seem to interest people bore me to tears. But Bella- she's well-read, and she listens to good music. And I saw many classical selections, and not just the ones you buy for five bucks when they're on sale at Borders. She has taste. Class. And she's not overly concerned about her appearance, which is a big change from the girls I've been used to. Look at Alice, with her _de rigeur_ wardrobe. Bella strikes me as a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl, but she's so beautiful that I would never call her plain or boring.

Still, what was it about her that was captivating me so completely? She was so _genuine_. No guile. Most girls I had been with were always so… mystifying. Bella seemed to be of the "what you see is what you get" camp, and I definitely liked what I saw. Her wit amazed me; I know she thought she was boring, but that was definitely not the case. It was all I could do to catch up with her.

_What does she see in me_? _Is it because I'm good-looking_?

She stirred a little bit, and I laid my head back down on her pillow, nuzzling into her neck. I could still detect faint traces of whatever that shampoo is, and I suddenly felt possessive of that smell.

"Hmm," she sighed. _She must be waking up_.

"Good morning, Beautiful," I whispered into her ear. She shivered.

"I could get used to waking up like this," she smiled in a small, sleepy voice.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked her. I wasn't ready to let her go. _Ever_.

"I did. I really did. Honestly, I never go all night without waking up a few times. I feel like I've been asleep for days," she answered. Suddenly, her body stiffened and I saw one of her eyes shoot open.

"Oh, crap. What time is it?" she said in a panic, leaning over to grab her alarm clock.

"Relax. I know you have work today- you've got time," I replied, pulling her back into my body. She moaned softly, molding herself into me. _Uh oh_.

I tried to shift my pelvis from her, but it was too late. She had noticed Little Edward making an appearance. _Traitor_.

"Why Edward, what's going on down there?" she teased, wiggling her cute little ass right into me. I groaned, hugging her tighter.

"Bella," I murmured, burying my nose into her hair. _This is torture. I want her so very badly._

She giggled and turned around to face me. _Thank God_.

"I'm very happy to see you this morning, too," she whispered, planting a soft kiss on the stubble on my chin.

"Hmm. I think I really like seeing you all scruffy like this," she said. She tilted her head up so that she was looking right into my eyes. We stared at each other for a moment, and I felt completely naked right then. It was a moment just like the one we had when she was singing to me- I felt like our souls were interlocking.

She leaned up on her elbow, still not breaking our gaze. With a lazy, beautiful smile, she leaned over and took my earlobe in her teeth. Letting out a soft hiss, I felt every muscle in my body relax as I melted with the sensation. I could feel the electricity of her touch singeing my skin as she slowly nibbled her way from my ear and down my jaw line.

"Did you just bite me?" I chuckled. It felt amazing. She had gone from nibbling with her lips to using her teeth.

"Sorry," she giggled. "Okay, I'm not sorry. You look so yummy with your stubble that I just had to have a taste," she said. I growled. Suddenly, Bella was on her back and I was hovering over her, gazing at her with the most intense look I could muster. I was still tingling all over from the contact her teeth had made with my jaw.

"And _you_ should see _yourself_. 'Delicious' comes to mind," I said. She had a dazed look on her face as she looked up at me. How did we come to this after only two days?

There's no way I can go back home now.

"I need to get ready," she whispered. _Was I scaring her_? She shook her head as though she was coming to, then she shoved me aside and hopped out of bed before I could react.

"Sorry," she giggled, again. "I knew if I let that continue that I'd be late for work. Those pieces aren't going to edit themselves!" she finished, grabbing her robe and heading for the bathroom.

I flopped back onto the bed, trying desperately not to think of Bella in the shower. All steamy. Wet. _Naked_.

Damn.

I got up and got dressed, deciding to go make some breakfast for us so I wouldn't be there when she needed to get dressed. By the time Bella came out of her bedroom, I had coffee and pancakes ready.

"Ooh, and he makes breakfast, too!" she said, sitting down. We ate together, talking as if we'd been doing this for years.

I couldn't get enough of her. She was just so interesting. Her opinions, her comments- they were thoughtful; intelligent. I felt myself being mesmerized by her very presence.

As she cleared the plates, she glanced at the clock.

"It's time for me to go…" she mumbled, a frown crossing her face. _Would I be pushing myself on her if I asked to see her again tonight_?

"So, what are we doing later? I get off work at five," she threw at me over her shoulder. I saw a faint blush cross her cheeks and I smiled at her.

"Can't get enough of me, can you?" I teased. _Thank God, she wants to see me as much as I do her_.

"Hmm, I'll have to think about that," I answered with a smile.

Five o'clock? I've got eight hours to plan another date.

"Well, we could always bake a cake or some muffins…." I said, waggling my eyebrows at her. She giggled.

"I'm going to remember your baking fetish for later, you know," she answered, smiling with her one eyebrow raised.

_Sex_.

We left at the same time, and I walked her over to her car, leaning in to kiss her good-bye. I watched her drive away, and I got into my car in a daze.

_How am I ever going to get on that plane in three days_?

After two hours of moping around the hotel room, Rose was getting annoyed with me. Since I was still pissed that she was such a jerk to Bella, I ignored all of her death stares and kept huffing as I tried to keep myself occupied.

After clicking the remote through every channel the hotel had to offer twice, Rose finally threw her magazine down and stalked over to me.

"Alright. Let's have it out," she said, sitting next to me on the couch.

"No. I have nothing to say to you, Rose," I said, keeping my eyes on the television.

"Edward. Look at me," she insisted. Warily, I tore my eyes away from the TV and met her steady gaze.

"Look. I don't hate Bella," she began, but I interrupted.

"You've got a funny way of showing it."

She sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. You know how it is."

"Actually, I don't. You're always like this, so it doesn't surprise me that you'd be such a royal bitch for no good reason."

That seemed to sting her a bit because she winced. After not speaking for a few seconds, I turned my head back to the screen.

"Look… why don't we go to the newspaper and surprise them both with lunch? Separately, if you prefer..." she added, taking my surprised look for annoyance.

"That's… a good idea. Thanks, Rose," I said. If Rose wanted to try to play nicely, I wasn't going to question it.

We left an hour later, and I silently prayed that Bella wouldn't mind the interruption. I was pretty sure Emmett wouldn't since he and Rose had been texting what I only assumed were lewd messages back and forth all morning.

We pulled up in front of the impressive brick building fifteen minutes later.

The hustle and bustle of a daily newspaper was a bit daunting, but I followed as Rose confidently walked through the halls, peering around cubicles looking for Emmett. She seemed to get a kick out of the jaw-dropping stares she was getting as she strutted her stuff- she was wearing another sexed-up outfit- and she slowed to a saunter when she saw Emmett round a corner.

"Emmett!" she cooed, running the last few steps toward him. A huge grin lit up his face when he saw her. He gathered her into a big bear hug, grabbing her by her butt and lifting her up to kiss him. She giggled and enthusiastically returned his kiss. He put her down, leaning into her ear to whisper something that made her blush.

"Hey, Edward," he greeted, nodding at me once he stood up. I nodded back, raking my hands through my hair as I glanced around the floor, looking for Bella.

"Her desk is around the corner," he said, tossing his head over his shoulder. He put his arm around Rose and led her away. She was molded into his arms, gazing up at him with a look of adoration.

_Wow. She's really into him. Who could have guessed _that_ would have happened?_

I cautiously peered around the corner, hoping to surprise Bella. I felt a rush of breath enter my body as I took in a deep breath. _There she is_.

I took a moment to admire her hard work. She had a pair of adorable thick-framed glasses perched on her nose as she furiously scribbled notes using a thick red pen across someone's article. _She's so cute when she's concentrating._

I took a roundabout way toward her desk, trying to sneak up on her without her hearing me. She was so intent on what she was doing that she completely failed to notice that I was there as I leaned over her, putting my face right next to her ear. I took a deep breath, inhaling that same scent that was all over her pillows, and I was instantly taken back to this morning when I had awakened next to her. _She smells like a fresh summer morning. _

_Man, I'm becoming a sap._

"Are you too busy to take pity on a lonely man and have lunch with him?" I said into her ear, causing her to gasp and jump back. Her head bumped into my chest and I chuckled as she brought her hand up to her throat, breathing heavily.

"Edward! You scared the… Hi!" she breathed. She turned around, and I smiled as I took her in. Seeing her in the desk in her glory was such a turn-on. I had never had a sexy secretary fantasy until just that moment.

"Hey, gorgeous," I said, brushing my lips across hers. She smiled at me, glancing nervously around her.

"What, are you embarrassed to be seen in public with me?" I teased. A sly grin crossed her face, and she brought her hands to the back of my neck, bringing me in for a more proper greeting.

"Not at all, Dr. Cullen. I want to see how many people notice that Boring Bella has a hot piece of ass trying to mount her in the office," she responded. _Rawr_. I love this side of her… I guess she was right when she warned me that she had a witty comeback for everything. But she never told me it'd be such a turn-on.

"Well, Rose and I decided we should surprise you guys with lunch. I think she missed Emmett almost as much as I missed you," I said, hoping that speaking of Rosalie wouldn't upset her. Her smile dimmed slightly, but she pasted a brighter one on, leaning over to grab her purse. She stood up and I offered her my arm. Her smile was genuinely large this time as she took me by the elbow, and I led the way out into the brisk sunshine.

The week passed this way. Bella's job really was demanding, even though she played it off that she merely sat at a desk all day long. She would come home, I would meet her at her place soon after, and we'd sit on the couch, alternating making out with watching bad movies. It was like I was in high school again, and I couldn't have asked for a better introduction to Seattle.

For the next two days, Rose and I would meet Bella and Emmett for lunch (although never together), and we'd all spend our evenings as each prospective couple. I hadn't seen much of Alice and Jasper; they were in their own little world, spending all of their time either in Alice's room or back at our hotel room.

I spent every night sleeping at Bella's place. As desperately as I wanted to be with her, we kept it platonic. It took every fiber in my body to not grope her as we lay together, our arms wrapped around each other. I could sense that my leaving was troubling her, and I didn't want to complicate things with sex. I still had things to take care of back home- mainly, med school- and I still wasn't sure how things were going to end up.

I needed to tell Jasper and Rose about the end of Jessica. I could feel their pointed glances every time they saw me being happy around Bella, and I knew that they disapproved of me being with someone when they thought that I had a girl waiting back home. It bothered me slightly that they could even entertain the idea that I would do that, but then again, I _was_ the one who purposefully held back the pertinent information.

I guess I have a talent for placing myself in complicated situations.

For Wednesday, I wanted to actually leave the house and take Bella out, so I asked Alice for advice on what to do. I knew I was going to get unsolicited what-to-wear advice as well, but so it goes when you involve the Planning Pixie.

"Ooh, that's a good one. I have just the place!" she said, hopping up and down. Alice pulled her phone out of her purse and hit a speed dial number; I heard her make reservations for two at seven, and she quickly jotted directions down on a piece of paper.

"Take Bella to this place. It's Italian," she said, offering me the paper.

"Alice, please for once keep in mind your subjects at hand. Nothing too over-the-top fancy, please," I said, warily taking the directions from her.

She tsked at me. "_Edward_. Come on; give me more credit. This is Bella's favorite- it's a little hole-in-the-wall place that makes amazing minestrone. Trust me," she said, rolling her eyes and walking away with a shake of her butt. I chuckled, cheered at the idea of taking Bella somewhere I knew she would enjoy.

I picked Bella up at six, mentally prepping myself for seeing her. I knew it had only been a week since we met, and that this was probably normal behavior. _Right_? Completely normal to have to take a few cleansing breaths before you see someone. It's not as though I'm obsessed with her or anything.

_Right_?

I had found myself dreaming about Bella all week. The odd (and slightly comforting) thing was that they weren't (all) sexual in nature. Sure, I had a pretty decent interlude this morning involving Bella in chaps and boxing gloves like in that Christina Aguilera video that Rose had kept sending to me from YouTube ("You need to find the fun, Edward"), but most of my daydreams involved nonspecific flashes of Bella. Smiling. Throwing her head back in laughter. And more often than not, I was focused on her devastating puppy dog stare with the eyebrow and half grin. That one killed me.

She answered the door, and she was wearing a skirt.

There was nothing special about the skirt aside from the girl in it.

It looked to be a simple, somewhat gauzy number that swayed softly as she pulled the door open. Simple.

And yet I couldn't pull my eyes from it. I allowed some dirty thoughts to creep in, most of them involving sitting next to her in a darkened room, hearing her soft giggling as I ran my hands up her skirt… doing things to her as we sat in a roomful of contented diners….

Contented.

"Hey, Edward," she breathed. "I can't believe how much I missed you today. I had to fight the urge to call you about a thousand times…" she said, but she trailed off, probably because I was sort of staring at her.

_I cannot leave this woman tomorrow morning_.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts and grabbed her hand, kissing it softly on the palm. She smiled up at me, reassured.

"Come on, let's go," I said, pulling her out the door.

"I'll be scarce when you guys get back!" I heard Alice call out before the door shut. Nodding my head, I chuckled as I led Bella over to the car. Placing her in the seat, I leaned in for a brief kiss. She smiled at me and asked, "So, Gorgeous. Where are you taking me this fine evening?"

Not wanting to get lost in staring at her lips, I simply grinned and shut the door. I didn't need for it to be a surprise, but I knew we'd never get anywhere if I started dwelling on how sexy she was.

We drove to the Italian joint in blissfully happy chatter; she told me about work, I told her about breaking up a knock-out, drag-out fight between Rose and Jasper. It was as though we had been doing this for years- just another date night between a couple who is filling each other in on their days at work. I refused to let myself think about the fact that I would be out of the state by the next day.

After enjoying an amazing meal in which I spent most of my time trying not to make my adoration obvious while touching her as much as possible, there was a noticeable lull in conversation as we waited 

for espresso and tiramisu. I couldn't remember the last girl I had taken out who wasn't afraid to scarf down a huge meal and then order dessert to boot. _So nice to not be with someone who is self-conscious about her weight or appearance. Not that she needed to be_.

"So…" she began, nervously fidgeting with her napkin. Shit. Here it comes. I've been wondering all week how this conversation was going to go, and I still had no idea what to say except…

"Ask me. Go ahead. Ask me to stay," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Her eyes got wide as a huge smile overtook her face. I almost couldn't stand how beautiful she was in that moment; I was seeing it in her eyes- she was hit as hard as me with this, this… love. It was love.

I was in love.

_Love_.

_Wow_.

It just hit me at that moment. My jumbled, not-so-subtle-nor-eloquent statement and her reaction to it- _we were in love_.

It wasn't lust.

I _swear_.

"Bella?" I asked, suddenly afraid that my reading of the situation was off. My heart sank as it occurred to me that this could all be one-sided; maybe I was just a fling; maybe she was a serial heartbreaker; maybe Alice was completely wrong; maybe-

"Stay," she whispered.

_Stay_.

"Let's get the hell out of here," I grinned, reaching over the table for her hand. That spark I felt as we touched was no longer shocking to me, but still as noticeable as ever.

As I practically threw a wad of cash on the table, I helped Bella into her coat and led her outside. I was giddy; I felt like I was on a first date and I was hoping she would let me get to second base.

_Would she? Which one was second base again? Groping_?

As my mind ran away with thoughts of getting to grope Bella, we rushed to the car, giggling like crazy people. Were we crazy? For the zillionth time, I annoyed myself with my obsessive thoughts over whether this was too fast.

_But_, I argued with myself, _you know this is right_.

_It is._

You always hear people say "when it's right, it's right" or something like that.

And this was right.

Did I want to rush this? I had rushed with Jessica, and look how that ended up.

_Edward_, I chided myself. _You were never in love with her and you knew it the whole time_.

Bella giggled nervously, and I looked over at her as I drove.

"What is it?" I asked, aware that we really hadn't spoken since she had uttered the most beautiful word in the English language: _stay_.

"You have the most intense look on your face. What's going on in that gorgeous head of yours?" she asked nervously. She was fidgeting with her hands, so I leaned over as the light turned red, kissing her gently on the side of her face. I took one of her hands and pressed the back to my lips, keeping my eyes on the road as I drove on toward her place.

**Bella**

I was fidgeting, and it was driving me crazy. But I couldn't seem to stop.

I was desperate.

He was leaving.

"What are we going to do about… us?" I whispered.

I heard his sharp intake of breath. It was as though he were saying, "Finally."

"I think.. ah, hell. I'm not sure. All I know is that I can't stand the thought of leaving you. Leaving _us_," he said after awhile.

"I'll be back next week. I was thinking-" he said, taking a deep breath before continuing, "-we could maybe keep talking. I do need to go back ho- back to San Francisco. There are some… things that need to be taken care of. But I'll be back in a week or so- Jasper and I are driving the rest of his and Rose's stuff out here, and I'll most definitely need to get my fill of Bella after a week away," he said in a rush. His Bella-melting smile appeared, and he glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes as he said, "I would love it if we could keep talking while I'm away, though."

"More so than we already have been?" I asked, amused. I was so relieved. I think if he had really taken me up on my request to stay that I would have eventually talked myself out of believing this love was anything but my need to get laid by a really hot guy.

Plus, it seemed so damned romantic to have a phone relationship. I'd be able to keep my thoughts cleared without his face in front of me. I could get to know this guy on a different level- the level where 

my judgment didn't get clouded by that messy hair or lost in those emerald green eyes of his. And I could get to know him better; make sure he was as kind, as passionate, as _wonderful_ as he was when he sat in front of me.

And I'd be able to keep from wanting to jump him every time he glanced at me, like he was doing now. It took every bit of dissolving willpower that I had left to jerk the wheel out of his hand and mount him right there in the rental car. Again. _Sigh_. How am I going to get him back to my place and not sleep with him?

And why did I not want that, again?

_Oh yeah. Willpower. Just met him a few days ago. Hmm_. My reasons seemed so _weak_ when I "voiced" them out loud in my head.

"So. Long distance. Does that ever work?" I asked. There was a pregnant pause before he answered my perfectly legitimate question.

"I don't know, but I'm willing to find out." He looked at me then with those eyes, and I realized that it could, indeed, work.

I would _make_ it work.

He pulled up into the driveway and was at my door before I could gather my jumbled thoughts. All I knew at this point was that he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him, and that we had made an unspoken agreement to take things slowly.

Hopefully, my resolve to not have sex with him tonight wouldn't weaken.

Then again, knowing that we had the house to ourselves and that he was most likely going to spend his last night before boarding that plane in my bed wearing only boxers was not going to make things easier for either of us.

Especially me.

We let ourselves in and made superficial conversation. I offered him a drink; he declined. I asked if he wanted to watch a movie; he declined.

"So, what next, Beautiful?" he teased, waggling his eyebrows. I playfully pushed him away, giggling as I did my best to make bedroom eyes at him.

"Well, we could just go to bed," I said, relishing the look of pure delight that crossed his features. He grabbed me and pulled me into his chest, hugging me tightly.

"You are too much sometimes. Don't ever change," he whispered into the top of my head.

Could this guy be any more perfect? He even says the most clichéd things, ever- and makes them sound so _sexy_.

I decided to just go with it and took his hand, leading him to my bedroom.

Begging for a moment to make myself presentable, I went into the bathroom to remove my makeup and brush my teeth. I knew somehow that he wouldn't mind that I was removing the "mask" of Evening Bella; Edward wasn't the type of guy who appreciated the ruse so many women put on in the pursuit of a man.

It's almost stunning to realize that a guy might like me for _me_; not for my representative.

Steeling myself, I opened the bathroom door and walked out, wondering what he could be doing as he waited for me.

Not much. Only putting in my favorite "mood" music and laying across the top of my comforter in only a pair of black boxer briefs.

_Ung_.

"I hope you don't mind; I noticed you had this Massive Attack CD and it sounded good," he said with a wicked grin. He was lying on his back, propped up on both elbows with his legs crossed at his ankles. If he had been fully clothed he would've been drop dead gorgeous; but here in nothing but a flimsy piece of fabric between him and my eyeballs, he was Sexy and _Dangerous_.

No Sex. No Sex. None.

But surely, stealing a few bases would be okay?

I knew I was blushing as I crossed the room. I was desperately trying not to stare at his… his…. package. _Was it really necessary, God, to make him perfect in every way? You should've given the other guys out there a chance._

"I- I need to change," I gulped, going over to pull out a simple cotton nightgown. I didn't really have much in the way of sexy lingerie, and I silently cursed myself for making a stink every time Alice tried to get me into that La Perla store she was always droning on and on about.

_Edward likes Cotton Underwear Bella_, I chided myself.

Turning my back to him, I slowly slipped out of my clothes. I could hear his breath catch as he watched me get undressed. Slipping the cotton shift over my head, I turned around and forced my eyes to stay on his face.

"It's cool; I don't mind if you ogle me," he said with that sexy smirk of his. "Come on, you have to work tomorrow and I have a flight to catch. And Bella, honestly. I know that I'm irresistible, but do please try to control yourself."

_Jerk. Get out of my head_.

Still, I knew he was right.

Forcing the grimace away, I crawled across the bed, bringing my body up until I was sitting on his lap. I don't think he had expected that as his eyes took on the glow of a deer caught in the proverbial headlights.

"I've been ogling you since I met you," I breathed into his face. I kissed the corner of his mouth and leaned back, noticing his held breath and the dreamy look in his eyes.

I'm glad I seemed to effect him as much as he effected me.

And I don't mean the dazed expression.

I had suddenly become very aware of his very umm prominent erection.

And it was right underneath where I was sitting.

_Allrighty, then_.

I made two decisions right then and there:

There was no _way_ I was going to make it for over a week without seeing him and I was going to do something about it and

I was going to give him something to remember me by

How I was going to reconcile these thoughts I hadn't decided yet.

So I ignored the first and went straight to the second.

And I started to trail kisses down his body.

Starting with the corner of his mouth; I never kissed his lips.

I could feel the tendons in his neck tense as I trailed across his jaw and down to his ear; his sharp intake of breath as I lightly traced his lobe with the tip of my tongue made his erection jump under me. _Man, oh man_. I was going to need a change of panties by the time I was done.

Nipping his skin between my lips, I made my way down to his collarbone. _His skin is so soft and it smells amazing_.

My thoughts were becoming hazy and lust-filled as I made my way to his chest. I just couldn't stop running my hands over it. He worked out; I had noticed it from the first time I saw him in that Zorro getup (_hmm… Zorro… I wonder if he'd let me put the mask on him one day_…), and I had been dying to feel the smooth but hard lines of his chest. He had a light spattering of hair there that I hadn't noticed before, and I leaned forward to inspect.

I kissed him right in the middle of his chest, and I lingered at the spot right between his beautiful pecs. I brushed the soft area with the tip of my nose, grinning into his skin as I saw the evidence of his breathing picking up. His chest was rising steadily and often. _Let's see what happens when I make my way down…_

_And there it is_.

There was no movement from him as I started to kiss my way down his _eight_-pack abs. _Eight_. Yikes. I let my hair trail down, tickling him as I kissed along each of the abdominal muscles. I was using an open-mouthed technique, slowly tasting his skin. That salty and slightly sweet taste was driving me crazy, and I could feel the muscles in my pelvis start involuntarily clenching and unclenching with each sloppy kiss that I trailed along his body.

I was moving in an uneven zigzag pattern down his body, occasionally (and purposefully) brushing myself up against his boxers. I was a little intimidated to be moving in that direction, considering how prominent he was. Honestly, I had never been with a guy who was so…. huge before. And there was no way I was going to tell him that, either.

My eyes were closed now, savoring in the taste of him; the feeling of his muscles clenching every time my tongue touched his skin. My chin felt the hair just beneath his belly button, signifying the start of the "happy trail" that led on to bigger and better things. _Time to tease…_

I kissed his navel and lowered my chin more until it hit the edge of the waistband of his shorts. His erratic breathing stopped completely.

"Edward, are you okay? I mean, if this is too much…" I said, sitting up. He groaned, loudly; I think he was having trouble forming thoughts. This was the most intimate that we have been, and I was getting myself all worked up.

But I hoped he didn't think I had changed my mind about the sex.

Before he could answer me, thereby taking us out of the moment, I dove back in.

But not to his abs or his waistband.

I went for the Sex V.

First, I put my mouth right above the center of his waistband, breathing hot breath onto his little happy trail. I could feel the muscles in his abs tighten under my lips, and it felt delicious. I was definitely having issues with my panties now, and I prayed to God that I didn't… leak through on him. That would be too embarrassing.

I know he expected me to go lower, so I went the exact opposite. Trailing my hair across him again, I lifted my head to his hip, finding the ridge of it jutting out as he shifted his body toward my mouth. An impatient hiss escaped his lips as he realized that I had moved from where he wanted me to be.

_Look at that muscle_, I thought to myself. He had a deep, deep V running from his hips down to his…. cock. I assumed. The ridges were so finely shaped that it looked like a sculptor had done the job, and I was again impressed by his level of devotion to molding his body into such a pleasing shape for my perusal.

And my tongue.

I flicked it out, lightly tracing the edge of the V as it went down down down… and when I got to the waistband of his boxers again, I repeated the action on his other side. Down down down. _Yummy_.

He stopped breathing altogether; his muscles were clenched so tightly that I could picture his perfect ass cheeks squeezed together; I glanced at his thighs and noticed the muscles popping out there, too. His toes were curled.

_Good_.

"Why Edward, you seem to be all tense. Perhaps I should stop…?" I teased, lifting my face away from the fabric under my mouth.

He visibly relaxed, his muscles trembling as his body settled down.

"Bella, I thought… we weren't… going to…" he said, his words coming out in breathy gasps. _So hot._

"We're not," I whispered. "But that doesn't mean I can't…"

"Can't what?" he managed to ask. His dazed expression was clearing, and I realized that I had brought us out of our lust-filled, muscle-clenching moment.

Probably a good idea. I wasn't entirely sure that I would be able to keep my panties on if we had continued on in that vein.

"I think that if these boxers came off that umm I might not be able to keep myself in check," he said sheepishly. _Gah_; he was so _cute_ when he was trying to be a gentleman.

"I know what you mean," I whispered, again. I saw disappoint darken his face, and he started to sit up. Probably so he could maintain some semblance of control.

_But I'm not done yet_.

"Edward, just because I am adamant about keeping our clothes on, doesn't mean we can't.."

"Have a good time?" he grinned. I slapped at his side playfully, and his eyes widened.

"I never figured you for the rough stuff," he said, smirking.

"You have no idea," I said, and then I pushed him back down.

And firmly planted myself between his legs.

His eyes got all wide in anticipation, and a lazy grin flashed across his face. His eyes were blazing now, and I almost lost concentration as I gazed into them.

It was so much easier to do what I wanted to do to him when I felt so strongly about the guy.

I scooted back a bit until my knees were level with his; I stuck my ass out as I bent over, using my elbows to keep myself propped up on his legs as I leaned in.

I felt his erection strain against his boxers as he lightly (and involuntarily) thrust his cock at me.

"Edward," I admonished. "If you can't keep still, this won't work. And we simply cannot have _that_ happen," I said, using my best scolding librarian voice.

"Yes, Ma'am," he murmured, never taking his eyes off me. He lazily put his hands behind his head to watch the show, and I felt another jolt of moisture between my legs when he gave me that crooked half-smile that he knew I loved.

_Cheater_.

_Two can play the tease game._

I kissed the tip of his cock through his boxers.

Glancing up at him through my eyelashes, I saw him throw his head back, his eyes closed in ecstasy.

_Ha_.

I grabbed his hips, lightly running my fingertips under the waistband there. Leaning in again, I placed my mouth right at the head of his dick again, breathing a hot blast of air into the material.

He was whimpering.

_Ung_.

His sounds were so damned hot. I was getting myself worked up just listening to him.

I breathed a hot trail down the entire length of his shaft, lingering at the base. I could clearly see the outline of his cock through the dark material of the boxer briefs, and my mind went wild with lust as I imagined ripping them off of him.

But not tonight.

_No_?

No.

_Okay_.

I realized my fingers were coming dangerously close to removing his shorts, so I let go and traced a path to the sides of his erection.

I used my thumbs to rub up and down next to him, not on him; _that_ job I saved for my mouth with its hot breath.

He was gasping now; I knew he was going to come.

"Bella," he groaned, and hearing him say my name like that nearly sent me over the edge. I was tingling; I could feel how swollen I was down there, and I sincerely hoped he wouldn't be too brain dead to pay some attention to me.

I could go for some dry humping myself. Or was this dry blowing?

Pressing my lips right on his firm shaft, I traced up and down faster and faster; he was gasping and suddenly I felt him seize beneath my mouth. Keeping contact with him through my lips, I looked up and saw a glorious sight-

Edward was having an orgasm.

Because of me.

I let him ride it out, completely dazed by the feeling of his muscles tensed beneath me. When he was done I gave him a moment to collect his thoughts, even though I was pretty sure he wasn't having many of those.

When his eyes opened, he carefully moved his head down to look at me. I sat up, grinning lazily at him while slowly gyrating in place.

"Wow," he whispered, bringing his hands up to grab my arms. I let him pull me down and accepted some very breathless kisses from him.

"Problems?" I teased. He still couldn't draw a regular breath, and I could feel his erratic heartbeat beneath my chest as I lay on top of him. He kissed my cheeks, my forehead, my nose; I felt like he was thanking me.

"It's your turn now, love," he purred into my ear. I shivered; I just _loved_ it when this man touched my neck.

"Just let me go clean myself up," he said, making a move to get up.

"No!" I practically yelled. I didn't want him to let go of me.

Chuckling, he got a wild-eyed gleam as suddenly moved, too fast for me to realize that I was on my back with Edward hovering over me.

"Now, I have to ask," he said as he began tracing light circles with the tips of his fingers on my arms. I was getting goose bumps from the contact and I liked it. I shivered in anticipation, wondering if he was going to return the favor that I had just bestowed on him.

"Hmm?" I mumbled, realizing he was waiting for my response. He seemed to be regaining his strength as I was losing mine; his touch was making me melt.

"What exactly was that just now? I can't remember the last time I uhh, made a mess of myself like this, and I'm pretty sure it was back in junior high," he laughed. The sound of his velvety voice coupled with that seductive laugh was making me tingle, and I realized that he would very soon find out just how wet I was down there.

"Oh, just something I've been waiting to do for about five days now," I answered, not really thinking. _Did I just tell him I've been planning on dry blowing him since the moment I met him? Gah_.

"Really," he murmured, suddenly very interested in my chest. His fingers were rubbing along the edge of my nightie, alternating between my shoulders and just underneath the straps. Swiftly, he leaned in and put his mouth right over my nightgown… on my breast. I sucked in a big breath and hissed as he blew hot air right onto my nipple. _Oh, Lord. Give me the strength to at least let him return the favor. Must not lose it _now.

"Edward," I breathed. This seemed to make him go frenzied. Before I knew it, he was traveling down my body, running his hands up and down my sides as he slowly made his way to the V between my legs. A part of me wanted to yell out for him to take his time, but that part was fading away. The other ninety-nine percent of me desperately wanted his face between my legs.

_Stop thinking so much, Bella_.

"Christ, you're wet," he growled. Before I could do it for him, he placed his palms on the insides of each thigh and spread my legs. I gasped. _Yes. Oh God, yes._

He paused for a millisecond, but it was long enough for my brain to start screaming. Please please please please _please_ do not stop.

He didn't.

He looked up at me and our eyes met for one brief moment; it was enough. I saw so much love and adoration there that it took my breath away, again. I felt so loved in that I almost could have done without the next part.

Almost.

He dove in.

And I couldn't take it.

He was nibbling_. Oh God, the nibbling_.

He kept taking these deep breaths, and every time he let them out, the hot air was making every nerve in my body light on fire. Part of me wanted him to just rip my panties right off; but then again, this was so fucking _hot_.

He was using the tip of his tongue to rub up and down and the damned friction from the cotton material was driving me crazy. My panties were now soaked with a mixture of juices from both me and his mouth. He started to focus on my clit, teasing it with his tongue. I was mewing now, I was so desperate to have him inside of me. My legs were twisting; my hands were gripping the sheets so tight that I think I ripped the corners off of the mattress. I felt the pressure building, and he reached under and grabbed my ass with his strong hands, bringing me up to him. I managed to open my eyes and look down to see the sexiest thing I have ever witnessed.

His coppery hair was sticking up in all directions, and it looked amazing right where it was- between my writhing legs. His neck was moving up and down as he brought me to heaven, but what made it perfect was that he was intently watching my face, his green eyes blazing with fire.

And then I lost all thought as my vision exploded along with the eruption from the center of my body. Waves of pleasure rolled through me, and Edward squeezing my ass as I came made the sensation more vivid. I could hear my moans and it crossed my mind to be glad that Alice wasn't home, because I knew for sure that I'd never hear the end of it.

As I rode out the last vestiges of the first non-self-induced orgasm I'd had in over a year, I became aware that Edward still hadn't moved his mouth from where it had been so intently… munching away. He was blowing hot breaths into my core, almost causing another orgasm. It tickled, and I involuntarily squirmed at the feeling. He finally looked up from where he had been so busy just a moment ago, a ridiculously self-satisfied look on his face.

"Hmm. Dry blowing. I like it," he said, practically purring at me. He crawled up on me and stopped when we were face-to-face. Never putting any weight on me, he leaned in and whispered into my ear, "I could get used to this."

"What, never removing our clothing?" I asked, still completely out of breath.

"No. Never removing me from your side," he whispered. _Oh_.

He rolled over and pulled me in, tucking my body into his. It felt so right that it brought tears to my eyes.

One more week, and we'd see. I knew that in seven days, there was no way I was letting him go again.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

I wasn't going to make it.

It had been five days; I knew he would be here in two days, but it wasn't enough.

We talked on the phone constantly. I got to know even more about him than I had the whole past week, and I still couldn't get enough. I had assigned a stupid ringtone specifically for him, and every time it played, a goofy grin popped up on my face. It got to the point that whenever my phone started singing, Alice or Angela or Rosalie would just roll their eyes in my direction, knowing that a lot of giggling was about to ensue.

Rosalie had been spending an awful lot of time at our place all week as Jasper and Edward had both flown back to San Francisco to see to the moving of Rosalie and Jasper's furniture. She didn't need to do anything, so she opted to stay back and start getting situated. Alice gave her an open invitation to crash at our place, and despite the strained relationship the two of us had, she took it. When she wasn't with Emmett, of course.

Sometimes I felt like she was going to start an actual conversation with me, but then she'd change her mind in the middle of a thought. I almost wanted to yell, "What, Rosalie? What the fuck do you want?" But I chickened out every time.

I was afraid she was going to tell me off for taking her old flame. And quite frankly, I didn't want to hear any of the sordid details of their history.

Alice came home that day to find me morose and practically sobbing on the couch. She had gotten pictures from our costume party developed at Target, and I was systematically going through them, trying to catch glimpses of Edward. Every time I saw his coppery hair, I would absent-mindedly (okay, so I was doing it on purpose) rub the picture or bring it to my mouth, remembering our last night together. God, I missed him. _Would it be too early to call? Is he on the road yet?_

"Bella," Alice said. I didn't answer. "BELLA." she tried again. This time I looked up with tears in my eyes.

She sighed. "You know you're going to see him in a few days, right?"

"I know," I sniffled. I was pathetic, squared. "I just miss him so damned much."

"I know, sweetie," she said, sitting next to me on the couch. I heard the door open and Rosalie strode in, her perfect hair and perfect body glowing with an unearthly sheen.

"What's up, bitches?" she said. Ah, Rosalie is such the sweet-talker.

"Hey," I mumbled. Alice flickered her eyes in Rosalie's direction, but kept on rubbing circles on my back.

"Jesus, Bella. If you miss him so badly, why don't you do something about it?" Rosalie said, barely glancing up from the magazine she was flipping through.

"Rose," Alice warned, glaring at her sitting there all perfect and beautiful at _my_ bar.

No. _The bitch was right_.

"No. She's right, Ali. She's so fucking right," I said, a new strength pouring through my body.

"I'm going to do it."

"Do what, sweetie?" Alice asked, her wary voice taking on that "don't anger the crazy person" tone.

"I'm going to go down there. I'm going to fly down there and tell him that I love him."

Alice perked right up, grinning at me.

"Go get 'im, Tiger!"

**Edward**

Bella's alarm going off was the worst sound I had ever heard.

She was so upset that she rolled over and whispered, "Just go. I can't stand to watch you leave right now." I knew what she meant. I simply leaned over and kissed her neck, whispering into her ear, "I'll call you when I get home." She simply nodded, and I felt awful because I just knew she was going to cry as soon as I walked out of the room. I quickly jumped into the bathroom and cleaned myself up a bit, grinning at the memory of why it was that I was so dirty.

So very, very dirty.

Hmm.

Dry blowing.

Bella is incredible for a thousand reasons, but dry blowing? Wow. Something I will never forget. Her enthusiasm; her technique. Holy shit, the way she smells? _Amazing_.

_Great. Morning wood. It's bad enough waking up with it, and now I've got this beautiful woman here and I can't…. ugh. I'd better get going._

I opened the door to the bathroom and stood there for a moment, taking in the beautiful sight of Bella laying there. It was bittersweet, however; she was curled up in a ball and I knew she wasn't sleeping. But I was going to respect her wishes, because this was going to be as hard for me as it was for her.

I didn't want to go.

But I did.

"I love you," I whispered as I shut her bedroom door behind me, but I knew she didn't hear it.

XXXXXXXXXX

The whole week back in San Francisco flew by in a blur of packing up Jasper's crap (how many books with the words "Sherman", "Lincoln", or "Dixie" in the title does one man really need?) and talking to 

Bella. I called her every single day as soon as I got the opportunity; I missed her like crazy. I missed her so much that I got choked up just thinking about her. The way she smelled, and God her taste- I was now sporting an erection every time I remembered our last encounter together. Every time I shifted a little, Jasper would grin up at me. I didn't exactly tell him what happened, but he could guess from my goofy expression the entire plane ride home that something good went down.

"Oh, shut up," I told him. "I hear you whispering sweet nothings while on the phone to my cousin every five seconds."

"I can't lie, my brother; I think I love that woman," he stated, proudly. That's one thing about Jasper; once he makes a decision, he sticks to it. It's one of the reasons I've been friends with him for so long. He's the most loyal person I've ever met, aside from his sister.

"Just remember, if you ever hurt her…" I started, but he waved me off.

"She'd hurt me back, and way worse than _you_ ever could," he said, chuckling at the thought. We both got a laugh out of that.

"Okay, Edward. I think I've got everything here. I'll pick up the truck in the morning and we can start loading. I know how anxious you are to get back to that delicious slice of Bella Pie you've got up there in Seattle, so we'll leave as soon as we're ready," he said, covering the last of his books up in a double layer of bubble wrap.

"That's the last of it, finally," he sighed. "I'm going to go make sure everything is ready to go at Rose's place; I think she said she was getting calls from Edison or something. I'd better go talk to that old bastard landlord of hers, make sure everything's five by five." And with that, he walked out, leaving the door wide open.

I started picking up the bits of trash that had accumulated all over the apartment. I was sweaty and dirty, but it felt good knowing that we were finally on our way back. I had been spending all week trying to figure out what to do about Bella and Seattle.

Because I was definitely leaving San Francisco.

I had been toying with the idea of quitting med school for a while now; my heart just wasn't in it anymore. It's sad when you realize that your dreams and your parent's dreams no longer mesh; I had known when I got in to Stanford that I no longer wanted to be a doctor, but I also knew that my true passion for music was never something that could possibly pan out. So, I went. It's pitiful that I felt a stronger sense of obligation to my parents than to myself, but what can I say? I've always had a strong sense of duty. I would always do what was right.

But now, I'm not so sure. I have my degree; I have my license. But I wasn't so sure I wanted to continue with this residency thing.

I wanted to pursue music. Maybe bum around and teach a little bit.

It wasn't like I needed the money.

I hated being unsure of anything.

But I was sure about Bella.

Just thinking her name out loud in my head made me feel giddy. I suddenly wanted very desperately to talk to her again. It had been a few hours; why not now?

I heard a noise at the door, and assuming it was Jasper, I called out over my shoulder, "Hey there, jerk. You forgot to close the door. Oh hey, we need-" but I didn't finish.

I could not _believe_ who was standing at the door.

What was she doing here?

In a rush, I ridiculously remembered that I had yet to fill Jasper and Rose in on the break-up of my previous relationship. Every time I talked about Bella, I could tell that Jasper wanted to talk to me about it. He was a stand-up kind of guy, and I know that his believing that I was still with Jessica was probably driving him crazy. He had told me that he really liked Bella, and that he had liked what he saw in me when I was with her. But he hadn't brought it up, yet; gotta love the Guy Code.

Honestly, the only reason I hadn't brought it up is because Jessica had simply left my mind. We were together for a while, but again- my sense of honor and all that. Plus, I had gotten bored into complacency with her. She was easy to be with; there had simply been no feeling. Plus, I had always felt like she wasn't really mine, that I was sharing her with someone.

Turned out I was right. I never thought that someone would be _Lauren_, but that's beside the point.

All of these thoughts rushed through my head as I stared at the figure in my doorway. She stepped in hesitantly; probably because the last time I had laid eyes on her, she was telling me she was in love with her best friend and they had been having lots of hot lesbian sex behind my back.

"What are you doing here, Jess?" I asked, annoyance entering my tone. She was walking toward me, an imploring look in her eyes. _What does she want_? I had put all of her crap in a box and shoved it in Lauren's arms right before leaving for Seattle, and I had certainly never left anything of mine at her place. I hoped she didn't want to beg for me to-

"Edward. I'm pregnant."

My world fell.

Not because of her words.

But because when I wheeled around to look her in the eyes and see if what she was saying was true, I didn't make eye contact with her.

I made eye contact with Bella.

Who promptly turned around.

The last thing I saw of her was a swirl of her long, brown hair as she left.

Barreling past Jessica, I ran to the door, calling out to Bella.

But she was gone.

Probably forever.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**oh no. is your heart fail?**

**don't kill me.**

**at least i gave you dry blowing... remember the dry blowing...**


	10. Cab Plane Alice

_Blank, blinding._

_I need a cab._

_Cab._

_There._

_Airport please._

_That must have been Jessica._

_I need Alice._

_Airport already?_

_Fast._

_No, I don't have anything to check on._

_Just please give me a seat back to Seattle. I don't care._

_Yes. Yes, two thousand. Here's my card. Thanks._

_Thanks._

_Now boarding._

_Blank._

_I thought we were in- I thought he might-_

_No. it doesn't matter now._

_Doesn't._

_He wouldn't do that to her._

_He wouldn't do that to me._

_He will do the right thing._

_He is going to be a father._

_But not to my child._

_I'm glad we never-_

_Edward between my thighs._

_No, stop._

_86 degrees? Are we there already?_

_Alice._

_Need Alice._

_I haven't talked to Charlie in a while._

_Alice._

_Alice? Can you come and pick me up?_

_I can't talk about it._

_No. No, things are not okay. At all._

_Work?_

_Oh Rosalie._

_Yes Rosalie would be fine._

_I'll be waiting outside._

_Curb. Oh good. Bench._

_Oh hey Rosalie._

_Late? I just called Alice._

_Oh. A whole hour?_

_Oh._

_No._

_He's-_

_I'm not sure, Rosalie._

_Please. I need Alice._

_Yeah. Home is good._

_Thanks, Rosalie._

_XXXXXXXXXX_

**just something to tide y'all over. i don't know when i'm going to update this what with breaking dawn coming out in three days and all!**


	11. Twin Thing

**hello, lovelies! sorry it's been over a week... i won't bore you with details.**

**i apologize for putting you into a minor bit of heart fail last week... but, uhh you read the prologue, right? you were warned. NOT a wine and roses story... **

**i promise to address all of your baby daddy issues later. but we're going to dive into the mind of the character who is me, scarily enough.**

**Rosalie.**

**you all kept asking me "what's her deal?", so i figured it was time to hear what she had to say.**

**special thanks as always to ereeen, my busy little beaver.**

**dry blows to jandco and bittenev. **

**Goo82 is awesome because her story is amazing and because of the Dashboard Confessional rec.**

_disclaimer: Twilight no es mio. pero Rpattz puede tenerme siempre que el quiera._

(how was that, querida? did i get the tenses right?)

**Rosalie**

I didn't hate Bella.

Really.

I just-

Ugh.

It's hard to explain.

I love Edward.

Not like _that_.

He's my Brother.

We've known each other forever.

Jasper knows what I mean.

Twin thing.

I never had to explain my actions to Jas.

So when he told me to lay off of Bella, I got a little pissed.

But I understood.

Completely.

I know everyone thinks I carry a torch for him, Edward included.

I don't.

I haven't.

Not since I was fourteen.

We were each other's first kiss.

Mostly, I wanted to do it because I wanted to know what it was like.

Plus, he (along with Jasper) was the most coveted guy in school.

I was the most popular girl.

It made sense.

But frankly- it had been like, well.

Kissing my brother.

I tried; I did. He was a decent kisser, for someone with no experience.

Then again, he always has been good at reading other people's thoughts, and I think because we knew each other so well, he was able to give me what I wanted.

He used too much tongue, though.

And that pausing for breathing thing?

Annoying as shit. I know most girls swoon at a guy who is all into "controlling his passion."

Not me.

I say cut the crap.

We had ended our "relationship", if you want to call it that, in that freshman way- one day we held hands; the next we were back to bickering.

And so it's been for the last decade or so.

That doesn't mean I don't wanna kick to the curb every last girl in the parade of skanky dilettantes he's shoved into my path.

None of them were worthy of him.

Or of me.

I've known for a while now that Edward would need someone with my fire that was at heart of a sweet temperament.

And that was Bella.

I knew it the moment that she took my karaoke challenge.

I had suspected it when I first saw her standing there in that "VampBella" costume of hers- the getup was worthy of me- and I give her mad fucking props for pulling it off. But her blushing? That's the sweet that Edward needs.

And when I saw his dumbfounded reaction to it, I knew.

They were going to fall in love.

Hard.

I guess what irritated me the most is that I always figured that I would be the one who would find Edward's soul mate. I mean, aside from Jasper, I knew him best. Plus, I'm a girl. I know how scary I am and I like it; that's why it's been so easy to frighten the losers and deadweight off with my "jealous ex" act.

Okay, so sometimes I took it too far.

Hey, it's not _my_ fault those dumb bitches couldn't take a well-placed insult.

The truth is a motherbitch sometimes.

And so am I.

But Bella was never once intimidated by my antics.

In fact, she threw a lot of my shit right back at me.

I started to like her.

Anyone who can rock the stage singing bad 90s tunes and then blush at the praise is pretty fucking epic, if you ask me.

But I wasn't going to _tell_ her that.

Fuck, no.

And Edward is so damned dense sometimes. He accused me of giving her the stink eye.

Doesn't he know a cool appraisal when he sees one? Shit, I do it all the damned time.

Moron.

Speaking of morons, fucking Emmett.

Gah.

I hate to say it, but I think I might be in love with him.

Which is _so_ cramping my style.

Jasper thinks I'm batshit crazy.

He never said so, but I just know.

Twin thing.

Emmett- how can I put this?

He knows when to keep his fucking trap shut.

Big bonus on a guy.

Then again, he also knows when I need to stop being such a cunt.

It's a first for me, okay?

He told me that if I didn't have a problem with Bella, then I should try being civil.

Fine, says I.

I can do civil.

Fuck off; I can.

So for the rest of that week, starting with Edward and Jasper flying back to fucking Granolaville, I started to implement Operation Get on Bella's Good Side.

Easier said than done when the girl thought I hated her guts.

Maybe the boys were right.

At least Alice knew. She had told me over the phone before we met that the three of us would be thick as thieves.

I told her "whatever", rolling my eyes.

Then Edward left.

And I could see that Alice was right.

Not that I'd admit it.

Bella had one of the smartest mouths of anyone I'd ever met. She could certainly put Emmett in his place. She was completely unaffected by his rascally charm. It was great seeing both her and tiny Alice browbeat him into submission. They were like the older sisters he never had.

Jasper liked her because when Edward made his first call back from ho- I mean SF, she was soothing herself by watching North and South Vol. 2. I say it's because of Patrick Swayze; he maintains her heart is full of songs of the Confederacy.

And why do I like her?

_Sigh_. Okay. yeah, I like her. I kind of love her, actually. Fuckin'- A. The girl is pretty much awesome.

It's annoying.

Alice told me about the Bella's Baked Goods sexin' with Edward. I'm impressed. Who knew KitchenAid was the latest and greatest in sex toy manufacturing? Plus, she'd babble on and on about ceramic dishes and various sea salt textures until you wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up- but then she goes and shoves a steaming spoonful of homemade chicken alfredo casserole with broccoli and fucking sweet red peppers under your nose, and all of your annoyance flies out the goddamned window.

She's smart. Sassy. Funny as shit. She cooks. Bakes. She's hot. Decent taste in music. She can write- even though she hasn't told anyone (okay, so I was snooping around in her "goodie" drawer and found her diary- sue me). If she was a guy, I'd do her.

I had a girlie crush on her, come to think of it.

Unfortunately, I act like a standard sixth-grader when I like someone- so instead of punching her arm or snapping her bra- I was a plain old bitch.

Hey, I never said I was mature.

And again- Edward liked her. I almost felt like I _had_ to give her shit.

Don't misunderstand me- I am not a lesbian, nor do I have lez tendencies.

I just… liked Bella.

She's cool.

It was time to start acting like it, I guess.

So when Alice called me, all frantic-like, babbling about "Bella- something's wrong, what the hell did Edward do-" I got all business-like, grabbed the keys to Emmett's car, and hauled ass to the airport.

When I saw Zombie Bella sitting at the curb, I knew something awful had happened.

The sparkle was gone from her eyes. Her skin was wan, the alabaster beauty replaced with a sick, ashen pallor that scared the shit out of me.

If I didn't' know any better, I would've asked who died.

But I already knew.

She and Edward had died.

I'm going to fucking kill him.

"Bella? Are you okay?" I asked, rolling down the window.

She didn't hear me.

I tried again, but it was pretty obvious that the girl was dead to the world.

What the fuck happened?

_Edward_.

Dead. Meat.

I was so proud of Bella for hopping on that plane to be with her man. I mean, I've been known to fly across the country to get laid, but that's me. I bet Bella's never done anything _close_ to that daring before.

I'll admit, I had goaded her into it. I was hoping to see that spark again. She had been looking so sick and feverish lately, and I knew Edward Reunion Sex was the cure-all.

Plus, I figured that he could use a shove to get his ass to move out here.

Jessica was a problem, but I knew VampBella would fight that bitch for a tasty piece like Eddie.

I couldn't stand Jessica.

See, Edward and I had the same sort of taste in partners.

High-maintenance. Pretty. Slightly naïve. Adventurous. Stupid. Disposable.

The difference was that _I_ didn't keep mine around for long.

Edward, on the other hand, had this exasperatingly annoying need to make things _work_.

Jas and I had tried time and time again to break Edward's stubborn habit of keeping the bitches for longer than was necessary, but by mutual unspoken agreement, we had decided to let Edward figure this one out on his own.

So we never told him of Jessica's infidelity. Oh, you may argue that this wasn't very loyal. Sure.

But Edward doesn't take too well to confrontation. Especially regarding things that are so close to home.

Besides, Jessica was such a slut (Jesslutca. Heh.) that I _knew_ she'd eventually get caught in the act.

And I think she always checked out my rack, but hell. Who doesn't? I've even caught Eddie staring a few times.

I had mentioned Jessica to Alice the other day in passing, and I think Bella might've heard the conversation.

But we never spoke of it.

I had hoped Edward would be kicking her cheatin' slutbag ass to the curb by now.

Is Bella in Zombie Fail Mode because of Jessica?

He's dead. Meat.

How could he pick Pitiful Jessica over Sweet Bella? I had to resist the urge to call him up and chew his dumb ass out over the phone.

Instead, I sighed and got out on the curb to help Bella into the car.

"Thanks, Rosalie," she said dully. No emotion.

"Did you bring anything else?" I asked, slinging her small duffel into the backseat.

"What? No," she answered, a brief flicker of life and pain flashing in her eyes as she buckled up.

I desperately wanted to ask what had happened as I shut the convertible top. I figured the noise of driving topless would prevent conversation, and I wanted to give her the opportunity to speak.

Even though she thought I hated her.

I guess it was time to lay those fears to rest.

I put the car in fourth and pulled away from the curb.

Laying my hand on her arm, I took a breath and said, "Bella-"

"She's pregnant," she said. No tone.

Blink.

"Wha? Who? How? Jessica? _What_?" I shrieked the last word.

Fucking idiot.

Pregnant?

Shit.

"Shit."

"Yup."

I slapped my Bluetooth and called speed dial sixty-nine.

"Hey, Babe," Emmett growled. "What're you-"

"Get to Bella's. Now."

"Why, what's wro-"

"Just do it." I slapped my ear again.

"Rose, what's-"

"Come home. _Now_." I knew Alice was already worried, but this needed her immediate attention and I wasn't in the mood to fuck around.

I floored it, barely glancing at the road because I had my eyes on Bella most of the time.

It scared me how indifferent she looked. Luckily , Alice had just given me a key because I doubt Bella had the presence of mind to be concerned with things like keys.

I watched as she made her way inside, aimlessly wandering around the living room.

I didn't know what to do.

Fuck.

Luckily for me, the Paper was nearby and Emmett came barreling in wielding a baseball bat and breathing heavily.

"What the fuck are you doing, you moron?" I hissed. When it became clear to Emm that no one was in mortal peril, he dropped the bat and wrapped me in his arms. Placing a soft kiss on my head, he finally noticed Bella, who had decided on a plan of action- watching a blank TV screen.

"What-"

"Shh." I wanted to wait for Alice.

She arrived about twenty minutes later. By then, Emmett and I were sitting at the bar, warily watching Bella in case she moved.

She never did.

I wanted to go to her, to like, hug her or something.

I didn't know how.

Emmett, to his credit, didn't say a word. He kept shifting uncomfortably as I sat there, still as a statue.

Alice came flying in, a scary and determined look on her face. She took one look at Bella and slowed down. Gingerly seating herself on the couch, she put her arm across Bella's back, leaning her head on her shoulder.

I made my way over and repeated the gesture on the other side, finally being able to comfort a person in need.

Bella leaned forward and started to sob incoherently. Alice looked questioningly at me over the hunched form of Bella, mouthing the words "What the hell?"

It wasn't my news to tell.

Before I could react, Bella's muffled voice came through in a strangled whisper.

"Jessica's pregnant."

Emmett hissed behind me, following with a beautiful string of expletives that I would normally have complimented.

Now is not the time.

I chanced a look at Alice; Catatonic Bella was one thing; but teary-eyed Alice? I would break.

Shocker.

Alice wasn't teary-eyed. She was _pissed_. The steely-eyed fire I saw there almost consumed her entire face.

I felt a thrill go through me. I briefly envisioned the two of us in spandex, pummeling idiot Edward with a double clothesline maneuver, Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling-style.

But just as all-consuming as her face was, the fire extinguished as quickly. She looked like a lost little girl now, and I was afraid I would have to comfort her, too.

Too much hugging. Ugh.

But as many have done before and will probably do again, I underestimated the little Pixie's vigor. True strength is something that not everyone possesses. I've got it coming out of every orifice.

Bella hasn't realized hers yet, but the potential's definitely there.

Alice was made of it. I could see resolve in her expression now, a determined, "here's-what-we're-gonna-do" look- PR Alice has just patched into _this_ conference call.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Bella stood up.

We all watched with varying degrees of worry as Bella stumbled to her room. The door shut quietly, and three minutes later-

Roxette started to blare from behind the door.

Fucking "Must Have Been Love."

Must have.

It's a good thing Bella had taken the entire week off for her "surprise Eddie" trip because she had been in no shape to do much for two days after her return.

Except listen to that damned song.

On the day that she knew Edward and Jasper were supposed to be here, she opened her door and called out for me. We had all decided that Bella was really in no shape to be left alone for long, and since I still hadn't felt the need to find a job, I was elected to stick around on the condition that I play nicely.

I don't think Jasper and Emmett necessarily trusted that I could behave, but Alice put faith in me. They begrudgingly left Bella in my care.

I know I was the only one there that day, but I was still surprised that she asked for me.

Cautiously, I went to the door. She was still playing Roxette, but the volume was low.

The curtains were shut. The room smelled like no one had left it for two days. I tried to lighten the mood by commenting on Bella's stink, but she just sat there on her bed wearing a ridiculous old t-shirt, staring off into the distance.

"Are they here yet?" Her voice was scratchy from disuse.

"No. Almost. Jasper's been texting me, warning me of their proximity."

She nodded vaguely.

"Rosalie- please. Do not let him in." She was begging; she had finally looked at me, and I couldn't stand the shiny pain I saw there. Pain so vivid it was making her eyes tear up. Only- she couldn't seem to cry.

"Are you kidding?" I tried to hide my sadness with bravado.

"I don't want to talk to the trouser snake, either."

"Rosalie," she admonished, and I almost laughed at the mothering tone in her voice.

"He's your best friend. I will not have you break that for me."

"I know he's my best friend. That's why I'm cutting him off. Part of my job as awesome BFF is to tell him when he's being fucktarded. This is definitely one of those times."

She smiled weakly and returned to staring at nothing.

I knew that words wouldn't move her, so I would have to do it myself. I approached the bed and took Bella by the arm. She didn't acknowledge me, but she didn't resist, either.

"Bella, seriously. You need to bathe. And hell, I'll be the first to admit to loving Roxette, but this repeat shit? Please. You're killing me. I don't like Northern Europe _that_ much. If you really want to slit your wrists, put on some old Dashboard Confessional," I said, babbling as I led her to the bathroom. Once we were at the door, she took over, indicating with a nod that she was going to take it from there.

Her eyes silently implored me to wait for her before she shut the door. So I did.

I opened up the curtains and windows, willing the unusually sunny Seattle day to burn off the bad vibes in the room.

The beep of my phone indicated a text message. Shit. I checked it- yep. They're here. I gave Edward about ten minutes before he came a-knockin', trying to explain his lame fertile ass away.

No way was he getting in that door.

I heard the shower turn on and went over to Bella's drawers, picking out something for her to wear. At first I thought I'd get her something hot, just in case Edward did get a glimpse. But I decided that _that_ would never happen; not over my dead body, anyway.

If he was going to go around knocking up skank ass lesbian hobags, then he didn't deserve my friend.

Or my forgiveness.

I didn't really know if I would get over this.

Emmett had been spending the last two days trying to convince me to butt out, but I know he was doing it half-heartedly. He was just being a good boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

Yeah, boyfriend. I think I might have been tamed by that crazy beast.

Alice thought it was funny, because she indicated that Jasper may have mentioned my history with the male population.

Maybe I'm growing; but there's something inside me that just likes having Emmett around. And trust me- I've never wanted to keep them for more than a few days before.

I'm not sure what it was; I think I liked that he called me on my shit.

That's rare.

But we were talking about Bella, weren't we?

Sure enough, ten minutes later, the doorbell rang.

My eyes narrowed, my hands balled into fists. I could feel a red sheet of anger covering my eyes. Breathe, Rose. Breathe.

Glancing over my shoulder, I noticed that Bella's bathroom door was still closed. The shower was off; she must be near ready to come out now. Hoping that she would stay inside, I quietly opened the bedroom door, making my way to the front of the house. The was an insistent pounding on the door until just before I got there, and I got pissed to think that Edward could be so indignant and impatient as to start acting like a jerk by pounding.

I crossed my arms over my chest and jutted my hips out, putting on my most annoyed look, ever.

But I was unprepared for the comedy as I opened the door.

Jasper and Edward were rolling around on the porch, tusslin'. I suppressed the huge grin that was threatening to pop up on my face as I watched the moron twins try to fight for dominance.

Problem was, they had grown up together. They knew each other's moves way too well.

Jasper got the upper hand and Edward was about to pop him in the neck when I got just annoyed enough to end the shenanigans. I cleared my throat, loudly, leaning against the opened doorway and clucking in distaste when the two froze, looking up at me.

Edward quickly stood, brushing off his pants and helping Jasper up. He rushed me, trying to get past. Like _that_ ever worked. Edward didn't have the heart to ever get violent with me.

I punched him in the nose. He staggered backward and I noted the sardonic grin on Jasper's face. Jasper didn't help, though. And Edward had the gall to look at me like I did something wrong.

"Edward," I said. Honestly, who the fuck does he think he is?

Don't lose your temper, Rose.

"Go. Away."

He straightened up, holding his nose. Normally, he has this long rant about respect and loyalty every time I deck him.

Not this time.

He knows he fucked up.

I can see the pain in his eyes.

I almost want to comfort him.

He looks he needs a…. hug.

And I want to give him one.

Damn Bella.

Damn her for unleashing my protective and mothering nature.

Jasper came up behind Edward, putting his arm around his shaking shoulders. I let out a frustrated breath, crossing my arms and moving so that I was blocking the door. I met Jasper's eyes, silently thanking him for saving me from my moment of weakness.

Twin thing.

"Edward, I love you. But right now, I kind of hate your guts. I don't want to hear about you calling her. Do _not_ try to get to her through me. And say 'hi' to Jessica. Make sure she's taking care of herself. Oh, but I forgot. You're a doctor, aren't you?" I sneered, my lip curling at the mention of her name.

Jasper flashed me a withering look as Edward's head slumped onto his chest.

That was mean.

Whatever.

He deserved it.

I turned around, noticing the brief flicker of the curtains. Bella saw that go down.

Good.

I slammed the door behind me, not at all pacified by the satisfying reverb the crash made as I stomped down the hall.

"Bella!" I summoned, impatiently stamping my foot. I turned around to see her behind me. She had put on whatever I had laid out on her bed, but she didn't look much better. Her hair was still soaking wet, lying in sopping strands that were barely combed down the sides of her head. Her face was red, but her eyes were clear, so I knew that she still wasn't crying. And that hangdog look was still coating her expression. Seeing Edward was not helping things.

I broke. I lost it. I cannot stand it anymore.

"That's it. We're going out."

"Rose, I don't want to-"

"Doesn't matter. I have just appointed myself your Decision Maker for the next 24 hours. Like _Friends_ with dirtier jokes and Gunther takes the form of a hot college student."

"What? No, I don't-"

"Uht! Tuh tuh tuh. Decision Maker. Rose. Not Bella. We'll wait while my brother takes his Bastard-Producing friend away, and then we're going to go snag you some Hottie Brown Boy Action. Something tells me that Jacob kid knows his way around a mattress."

"Yeah. He actually does. But Rose, I don't think this is such a great idea," she said, trailing away.

WAIT.

"What are you saying?" I asked, my voice a dangerous whisper.

"Umm… I thought Alice would have told you. I kind of had a one-night stand with Jacob a while back. I was really drunk and sort of… brought him home," Bella admitted, obviously embarrassed as that blush covered her face and neck in zero seconds flat. Well, I'll be damned. See? Spitfire. Who knew she had a Drunk Fuckin' Tendency deep down in there?

"Bella," I said, my voice placatory. Did I really need to spell it out for her? "The only way to overcome is to move on, right? What better way than by plowing hot territory you've already conquered? Come on. This is wonderful! I thought it would be tough to get you to touch Jake's penis. I had no clue it'd be a return engagement! Shit, this is great!" I enthused. I mean, I knew it wouldn't work. But I've been told that my insistence is great at eventually wearing people's resolve down.

And I definitely insisted that this happen. There's no way I could stand to see Sad Bella anymore.

And wouldn't it just kill Edward to know that Bella's rebound was with someone almost ten years younger than him?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**ahhh. we'll start hearing from our favorite couple next, i promise.**


	12. I Am Going to be a Father

**oh, ladies. i'm so sorry. life has finally taken precedence over fanfiction. i'm sorry this took so long. and i go back to nursing school on monday... **

**special thanks to my beaches Ereeen, Caitling, jimmy, liz, rosana, halojones, mahdee, and the other loverlies in my chat box. you complete me.**

**i dedicate this to bella-of-the-ball and goo82 for the musical suggestions. **

_disclaimer: stephenie meyer owns twilight stuff. and i want to thank the person who leaked the 12 chapters for giving me inspiration._

**Edward**

Letting Bella run off was the hardest thing I have ever done.

I heard Jessica speak. I _heard_ her say it.

My mind was with Jessica; but my heart left with Bella.

I loved her. But I could not tell her _now_. Not anymore.

I was going to be a father.

"Edward, I'm pregnant."

Those words echoed in my dreams.

But every morning when I woke up, I could still feel Bella next to me. I could smell that soft Bella smell; taste that sweet Bella breath on my face.

Then I would wake up, my arms wrapped around a pillow, and I had to will all emotions away as I realized that I had lost the love of my life. I wondered briefly if she dreamed of me, too; whether she still sighed my name in her sleep. I wanted to fall back into Dreamland where we could be together.

She _was_ real, wasn't she?

I didn't know anymore.

I am going to be a father.

Ten minutes after I lost Bella, _she_ walked into my apartment. Lauren. My eyes narrowed as I zeroed in on her face. She looked the same- sour, cool, calculating. We regarded each other like two gunslingers at high noon. She flinched first.

"Edward." Her voice was still as annoying as ever. Like she was trying to be above everything and everyone.

"Lauren."

The three of us stood there, no one really knowing what to say.

Sighing, I went first.

"Are you sure?"

Lauren looked like she was going to scratch my eyes out. Bracing myself for impact, I waited for the blow. But Jessica rolled her eyes at the two of us, saying, "You guys. If we're going to make this work, you two are going to need to behave. Remember what 

we talked about, Babe." She nudged Lauren with her elbow, breaking the bitch's Edward Glare.

Wait. What?

"_We're_ going to make this work?"

The two girls had their arms folded, looking at me with that "duh" expression.

Did I miss something?

"Edward. I told you last month that I was in love with Lauren," Jessica explained to me slowly, as though I were a child.

"Yes. And you and I are having a baby together."

I was amazed that I could get the words out without vomiting.

"Yeah? And?" Lauren was angry yet amused. I'm not five, dammit, but I seemed to be missing something here. I mean, this happened all the time, right?

Boy meets girl.

Boy has semi-warm feelings for girl.

Boy walks in on girl eating out her best friend.

Boy gets the hell outta Dodge.

Boy meets his soul mate.

Original Girl tells boy he knocked her up.

In front of Beautiful Girl.

Who leaves.

Yeah. Common.

I sighed, running my hands through my hair. Jessica got that same glazed look in her eye when I used to be with her- she had told me it was her "sex look." I must've caught her looking at Lauren.

Lauren.

_Lauren_.

My eyes narrowed. I was put in this shit situation. Twenty minutes ago, I lost the love of my life. Now I have to deal with the Beaver Banger Twins?

"So lemme get this straight. Ha ha _straight_. My own word choice astounds me." I couldn't have kept the sarcasm out of my voice if I had wanted to. "You expect me to allow Lauren to be here for _our_ baby?"

"No, Edward," cooed Lauren. Her hippie bohemian "I swear I'm into chicks" look was somewhat sullied by her nasty acrylic claws. Do girls really think those are attractive?

She looked like a cobra, ready to strike as she delivered her punch line.

"Jess and _I_ are raising this baby. We're allowing you to participate since you were good enough to donate the sperm."

Great. Good. Awesome.

I traded the sweet, feisty, beautiful Blushing Bella for two vicious harpies.

All in one moment of Jaeger-induced weakness.

I'm never drinking again.

I am going to be a father.

The next few days were a blur of packing and nagging. I nagged Jessica to get to a doctor; she nagged at me to be nice to "Mommy Number 2"; Lauren nagged at me for everything from the unsuitability of my apartment to making sure my insurance was up to snuff.

I sighed as I gave the hospital my word that I would stick around once my residency was over. The Cardio Department was eager to have me, and my father could not have been more pleased if I had informed him that I wanted to open up a family practice with him. I hadn't told my parents of my big news yet; I knew I could count on Alice to keep quiet for at least a little while, and I really wanted to preserve the peace for as long as possible. I could picture my mother's reaction; she'd want to be here, helping with cribs and baby books.

But once I told her about Mommy Number 2? I knew the lectures on responsibility were forthcoming, and it wasn't something I could handle just then.

Telling Jasper that Jessica was pregnant was harsh. He doesn't generally overreact to anything, so when his eyes bugged out, I knew just how bad this was. Then I told him Bella heard it all and he got stony-faced. He _still_ thought that Jessica and I were together during the Bella Era. I set him straight, even though it didn't really matter much anymore.

"Edward. Are you sure it's your baby?" he asked. Like a good friend would, he didn't mention Bella once I had explained the break-up. I knew he'd most likely never mention her again, for my sake.

"My baby? Well, she says it is. We're going to the doctor today, so I'll get a timeline," I replied absently. Bella was distracting me. Her face kept popping up in my head. I didn't hear Jasper, and my musings were interrupted by his impatient sigh.

"Dude. Rose and I never said anything, but-"

"Jasper, whatever you're going to say changes nothing. The truth is- there's no real way to know if it's mine until the birth because I'm not making her go through any unnecessary procedures. And what am I supposed to do? Ignore her until there's a baby? If it is mine, Jas- well, shit. I need to step up. It's the right thing to do."

My mouth filled with bile. Right thing. When do I get to do what I _want_ to do?

I wanted to quit the hospital.

I wanted Bella.

Bella.

Fuck.

I wonder if I should-

Better not.

As Jasper and I stuffed the last of his crap into the U-Haul, Lauren's stupid red Scion pulled up next to me.

She stepped out of the car, and we gave each other the gunslinger greeting.

"Edward."

"Lauren. Where's Jessica? Is everything okay?" I asked. I wanted her to go away. I had a long drive ahead of me, and the last thing I needed was to be irritated the entire trip there. To Seattle.

"Keys," she spat out, challenging me with her penciled eyebrow.

"What?" I questioned wearily.

"Keys. So we can start in on the baby-proofing."

Jasper looked simultaneously horrified and amused. He ducked into the driver's seat, turning on the engine- giving me an out.

Whatever. I tossed her the house key.

"Stay out of my room," I sighed. What did it matter, anyway?

Jasper and Rose were gone.

Replaced by Jessica and Lauren.

And Bella-

No.

Can't think about that.

With a resigned sigh and no glance back at Lauren and her stupid Scion, I climbed into the cab of the truck.

"It's going to be okay, my brother," Jasper said calmly, patting my shoulder.

Oddly, I knew that.

This is the worst situation I have ever found myself in, yet with that one pat on my shoulder, I knew that everything was going to be fine.

I'm going to be a father.

Jasper and I drove northward in amicable silence. Every once in a while one of us would comment on a billboard or something. But for the most part, we remained absorbed in our own heads.

And just guess where my head was?

I realized it had only been a few days, but I missed Bella terribly. I mean, she was beautiful and I was immensely attracted to her, but-

I missed her company.

Her friendship.

Her laughter.

Her wry sense of humor.

I wasn't one to make friends so easily. Why, oh why did I drink so much Jaeger that night?

We continued driving, switching off so that we could get there as quickly as possible. I knew Jasper was anxious to get back to Alice.

At least one of us was going to have the Happy Ending.

And it seemed like Rose and Emmett were getting along rather well, too.

Damn it.

Why did I get screwed?

I started to get ticked off.

As I exited the freeway, I got progressively more and more pissed. Jasper was eyeing me warily- probably because I kept jerking the wheel around.

I silently dared him to say something.

_Do it, Jas._

_I dare you. I need to vent. Do it._

_Say her name._

"Everything okay?"

_Come on._

"You seem… pissed."

_Quit fuckin' around._

"Alice feels really bad about this."

_This is all Alice's fault._

"She wants to talk to you, but she doesn't know what to say."

_How about "You screwed my best friend over, you dick"?_

"And Bella-"

_There it is._

"Don't say her name, Jasper."

"Edward-"

"I'm serious."

"Be reasonable."

_Reasonable, schmeasonable._

"You haven't said anything about all of this. I think we should talk."

_I think I should scream._

"I can tell you're feeling like shit."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Keep shoveling, Watson. And I want you to- where are we going?"

I hadn't realized that in my seething anger, my self-loathing, my feeling of righteous, indignant _rage_- I had turned onto their street.

Bella.

My eyes narrowed.

My heart started pounding.

I needed to see her.

Needed.

I wanted to explain.

Seeing her would make me feel better.

It would make her feel better.

I had to tell her.

"I have to tell her how I feel, Jasper."

"Edward." His tone was full of dismay- and warning.

"Don't."

"I have to."

"Dude."

"Use your words, Jasper."

"Don't be a dick. You can't go in there. Rosalie won't let you in."

"Screw Rose."

"Incest, buddy. And don't be rude."

"Shut up."

"Turn around."

"Fuck you."

"Eddie-"

No.

That did it.

I screeched to a halt and was out of the truck before he could react.

"Edward!" he was yelling. But I ignored it.

I needed to get to Bella.

I ran up the walkway to the front door.

Jasper's legs were slightly longer than mine.

He got to me right when I made it to the porch.

He tackled me.

I felt the thrill of victory as blood rushed through my limbs.

Yes.

An outlet.

Finally.

I swung blindly. I wasn't interested in hurting him; I wanted to be the one who got hurt.

_Because let's go ahead and admit it, Edward._

_I needed it. I am a bastard._

_Or, rather- I make bastards._

I felt the fleshy pounding as Jasper's fist hit me in the eye.

Yes.

More.

I roared, diving backward to knock him off of his feet.

Too bad he knows me.

And Jasper ain't afraid to fight dirty.

He always was better at strategizing.

He grabbed at my hair; certainly a maneuver he picked up from his sister.

_Ow. That really does hurt._

I leaned forward and he fell over me, taking me with him.

We started to roll around on the porch.

_This is ridiculous._

And just what I needed.

He got me on my back, ready to pound if I didn't submit; I wound up, ready to punch him anywhere that was up.

I heard a loud "ahem" above us; Rosalie was standing there, a bemused and annoyed smile on her face.

Jasper rolled off of me, and I sheepishly stood, self-consciously brushing at my now mussed and dirty clothing as I helped him up.

I eyed Rose standing there, blocking the doorway. Who the hell does she think she is? She hasn't taken my calls. She refuses to talk to me. I could be having evil twin girls to rival her bitchiness and she wouldn't know. Why does she have to be such a jerk?

My thoughts were gone now.

I rushed at her; I wasn't going to touch her, but I hoped that once- just this once- that she'd back off.

She didn't.

She punched me in the bridge of my nose.

I hadn't been punched by the Hale Twins since the fifth grade when I accidentally walked in on their mom in the shower.

Accidentally.

"Edward," she said, the disappointed mother tone in her voice irritating me to the core. I wanted to be angry, but the fight left me. I wasn't even mad at her for punching me, because we all know I deserved it.

Clutching at my nose, I felt no comfort as Jasper came up and put his arm around my shoulders. I was starting to lose the anger, and debilitating sadness was finally taking over.

Rose punched me because of Bella.

Jasper punched me to keep me away from Bella.

Bella.

"Edward, I love you. But right now, I kind of hate your guts. I don't want to hear about you calling her. Do _not_ try to get to her through me. And say 'hi' to Jessica. Make sure she's taking care of herself. Oh, but I forgot. You're a doctor, aren't you?" Rose was vicious. I felt the thrill of returning anger tickle my spine, but I dropped it.

It's not as though what she had said wasn't true. Or appropriate.

My head dropped down; I could no longer think.

_I guess I need to return to San Francisco._

"Come on," Jasper murmured in my ear. If I weren't a guy, I would've pulled him into a hug and started sobbing.

And I knew he would have let me. But _he_ knew I needed to retain something in this debacle, and it might as well be my pride.

"Thanks, man. I really needed that."

"I know."

He shoved me back into the truck, reaching into his pocket for his chiming phone. Probably Alice, making sure something ugly didn't happen. She had impeccable timing when it came to things like this.

"Come on," I said. I was determined to overcome. I had to stop thinking about Bella.

I was going to be a _father_.

"Let's get you moved in, man."

Jasper eyed me over his phone, sizing me up.

"I'm cool, man. Seriously. That was it. I'm done. I won't hurt her any more than I already have. Tell Alice."

He nodded slightly, turning his head so that I wouldn't hear whatever it was he relayed to my little cousin.

Straightening my spine and putting hard steel into my eyes, I resolved then and there that I was going to be all about Jessica from now on. No matter what had happened previously, I needed to keep my focus on my job and my new family.

Even if it included a lesbian or two.

And I was going to have to stop those ugly thoughts. Lauren's a person, too.

Sighing heavily, I glared at the cloudy sky, willing the weather to match my mood.

I have to move on.

And for four months, I did.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I barely remembered the plane ride home. I had nothing with me; no magazines, nothing to occupy my time. But I cannot recall any thoughts I had on the entire trip.

I came home by taxi to discover that my apartment was unrecognizable.

It didn't matter.

There were scarves covering all of the lamps. New throw pillows and blankets on the leather couch. Lots of purple and burgundy. Patchouli incense was burning.

It didn't matter.

My bedroom remained untouched; at least I had some sanctuary where I could go and be alone with my thoughts.

Jasper's old bedroom looked like a nursery.

Time to man up, Edward.

I called my parents.

Edward Sr. was not pleased. They both knew that Jessica and I had broken up, and I got the very stern lecture about responsibility that I had been dreading. I assured them that I was doing everything I should and that I was pouring myself into my work.

Which I did.

I picked up every shift that they would let me take.

I made sure I was never home.

I tried to go to the doctor's appointments, but they always mysteriously changed times or dates on me.

I was being pushed out of my own child's life as I had been pushed out of my Happy Ending.

It made me into a right grumpy jerk.

For months I lived in this hollow Edward shell; Edward had been raised so that he knew all of the proper responses to inane questions. Why yes, unusually fine weather we've been experiencing. No, Ma'am, this is my natural hair color. Yes, well- I've got a child on the way. Yes, not everyone gets married. Yes, your daughter sounds lovely. No, Sir, nothing's wrong. Everything's swell.

I talked to people. Chit-chatted. Responded. Smiled.

Felt nothing.

For months I made the motions of living, of having an existence. But I couldn't muster up any sort of excitement.

But then one day Jessica called me, urging me to rush down to her Doctor's Office, and I suddenly felt the first surge of emotion that I had felt since I let Jasper and Rose deck me back in Seattle.

Fear.

Was the baby okay?

In a blur, I made it downtown to the cramped little office, running in to the lobby and not even getting odd looks since I was still wearing my scrubs. The MA at the receptionist's desk raked me over, probably wondering who the disheveled doctor was.

"Jessica Stanley. Where is she?" I barked. Her eyes took on recognition and she led me to a small room where I met gazes with Lauren.

She didn't look too happy to see me.

"Edward!" Jessica sang. She had been very warm and sweet to me lately; Lauren never missed an opportunity to let me know that it was nothing but hormones.

"Look," she breathed, pointing to the small, grey screen next to them.

The baby.

My untrained eye guessed that it was a boy.

A boy.

Edward the third.

Wow.

It's really in there.

I leaned in to the screen, my hand steadying my body on Jessica's arm.

"Is that a-"

"Bouncing baby boy? Yep," the tech said. She was beaming at the pretty couple.

Jessica grabbed my hand and I looked down at her; I couldn't help it. A big, goofy grin lit up my face.

"Wow."

"I know."

I saw Lauren out of the corner of my eye, glaring at me as I held Jessica's hand.

We were having a fucking baby together, for pete's sake. Allow me this one happy moment, oh ruiner-of-my-

Happy moment?

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess it was.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A month later, and Lauren and I were still making old spaghetti westerns together. Her attitude toward me would never change; no matter what happened, she couldn't give Jessica this one little thing to make her as happy as she had been these days.

Sperm.

Jessica eventually dropped the United Lesbian Front as her waistline and happy mood expanded. I still wasn't spending too much time at home, but I dropped by my place and their place occasionally to make sure the pregnancy was going smoothly.

The hospital was loving having me around; the nurses were loving it, too.

Too bad for them that I no longer had a heart left to penetrate.

Or the will to penetrate anyone, for that matter.

I was starting to become annoyed with being a doctor and attractive.

Everyone kept trying to get me to go out on dates.

Lauren kept shooting me the evil eye; I half expected her Gypsy Grandmother to come after me, yelling curses in crazy Slavic dialect and throwing crow's feet at my head.

Jasper and Alice were the only ones from Seattle talking to me, but they never said anything deep or meaningful, and certainly no updates on Bella.

Bella.

She wasn't leaving me alone.

Her body and face and laughter permeated my dreams.

You'd think I wasn't getting any sleep because of it; on the contrary, I couldn't wait to go to bed every night.

I was getting a full eight to ten hour's worth every night.

I wished I had a picture of her; but maybe it was better like this. There was no way she looked as good as I remembered.

I wonder if she's on Myspace?

Or maybe…

Hmm.

Rosalie Hale was one of the most talented programmers that I have ever met. Years ago, she opened up a one-woman web design firm that specialized in… awesome, as she put it.

She really was amazing at it. She could work wherever she wanted, and she always had the best tech toys. That, and her fetish for cars made her the ideal woman, really.

For someone else.

Emmett was a lucky guy. I hope he realized it.

Rose had her own web page that she usually kept updated; I hadn't checked it in months because quite frankly, seeing her words in her blog would serve as a nasty reminder that she was no longer talking to me, and was, in fact, pissed.

Like it was my fault that I got Jessica pregnant.

Okay, so I forgot to wear a condom. It was my fault.

Shit.

Not helping.

I clicked my MacBook Pro on (Rose's Christmas gift to me), sitting as still as I could while the startup ran.

_Just a quick, friendly check on a dear, old friend._

Right?

No ulterior motives here.

Not a one.

Rosaliehale dot com.

_There she is._

I smiled at her music choice for the day; you'd never think to look at her that she loved old school jams.

"It's Tricky" by Run-DMC.

I laughed out loud for the first time in months.

_Thanks, Rose. Even when you're not talking to me, you make the failure feeling go away for one bright moment._

My eyes glossed over her notes; the things she was doing, how much she loved Seattle, the accounts she just landed. Ah, so she finally decided to go back to work.

My finger shook as I clicked on the "pictures" tab.

_Wow. She and Emmett are still together?_

_Good for them._

Where's Bella?

Shit. I said it out loud.

Yes, I was looking for pictures of Bella.

My breath caught when I finally saw one.

And then my heart dropped down to the bottom of my stomach.

She was standing in a park, laughing. Looking up at the guy whose arm was around her, his eyes focused on her face.

That college kid barista.

My mind went blank.

Next thing I knew, I was on my email.

Newspapers use that same email format as any other business, right? First initial last name at the company dot com?

**To:bswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com**

**Subject: Hello**

**Hi, Bella. I hope this email finds you well. I was going through my CDs and I realized that I accidentally kept your Jeff Buckley. I really have no wish to return it because you're right; he really is the Nick Drake of the 90s. But- call me Mr. Conscience- I feel like I should return it.**

**Should I mail it? I can send it to Jasper, if you want it back.**

**-Edward**

**PS- How's the paper?**

I hit send before I could think about stopping. Was that too cold? Too forward?

_Shit._

_What did I just do?_

She probably hates me.

And that sounded like a cold acquaintance email.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck._

_I am an idiot._

_Poor impulse control._

Clearly, I needed professional help.

I walked away from my laptop, slamming it shut.

_Shower. A cold shower will wake me up._

Ten minutes later, I was desperate to see if she had responded yet. It was only 2:00; plenty of time for her to respond before I had to respond for rounds at the hospital.

There was a new message.

_Shit._

_Open it, coward._

**This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification**

**Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:**

Oh.

I laughed; of course! Her name isn't Bella; it's Isabella. Silly me. Change the address and try again.

**To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com**

And I hit send again.

Wait.

_What the hell am I doing?_

The Gods of Google had given me a way out, and I had fucked it up again.

Bracing myself for the reply, I decided to sit right there for the next few hours until she responded.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**i know, i know. it hurt to write it, trust me.**


	13. bridget and tom and gisele

**hello, darlings.**

**i know, i know.**

**first off, allow me to apologize PROFUSELY for not updating in over a month.**

**i could give a jillion excuses, but as you all know... saturday school. real life. jandco. these are the things that i love that occupy my days.**

**so yeah...**

**major thanks to all of you who will still read this. i am going to make a concerted effort to keep updating on a better schedule. and no; i didn't lose my mojo. trust me- i know exactly where this story is going, and i would never abandon it. it's my baby.**

**i must dedicate this to my jimmy, who encourages me to keep writing. and who practically embarrasses me. seriously. stop with the praise, dude. i already love you. you don't have to keep stroking me. i mean my ego.**

**i also dedicate it to the pearl jam album "vitalogy", which is what i was listening to when i wrote it.**

**and to acireamos. stop working so hard. school is fail. we should all quit. slinky projects are stupid.**

**and to upthedownslide, for our late night galactica jam sessions.**

**and to bittenev and le jen. and gustariana.**

**and to gallantcorkscrews. my little nessie. (shut up, jimmy. she's not usurping your place in my heart or my pants.)**

**okay, long and in-joke-filled author's note over. but those things needed to be said. my ladies need to know how important they are to me.**

_disclaimer: twilight ain't mine. but this edward, SS edward, TAB edward, and skeevy jasper can have me whenever they want. simultaneously. as long as jandco and liz are invited, too._

**Bella**

"No, seriously, Bella. You need to stop moping. I'm getting sick of it."

"Sheesh. Thanks, Rose. Tell me how you really feel."

It had been a while.

A time in which I zombied around, making the shell of Bella react to the world around her.

"You're being melodramatic, Bella."

I know.

"You barely knew him."

I know.

"And honestly, I love the guy to death, but he's way too absorbed in his hair to really make anyone much of a good-"

"I know, Rosalie. Shit. You don't have to repeat yourself."

"Yes. Yes, I do. I am in charge of you now, remember? No more Edward-induced moping. Call up the hot kid. Come on," she snapped. It was her new mantra. Her obsession. I sort of wished she'd go back to fixing cars or designing web pages, but Rosalie Hale had proudly declared herself She Who Makes Bella's Choices a few days ago; I'm pretty sure she was joking, but the funny thing about Rose was… I couldn't tell. Yet.

And I knew I was being melodramatic; I did. What right did I have to get all hung up on some guy?

_He's not just some guy._

This I knew.

But-

_He's going to be a father. _

This changes things.

I couldn't just be the girlfriend. He's not Tom Brady, and I didn't want to be some Gisele Bundchen bitch who stood idly by while her boyfriend supported his ex through a pregnancy. It's not right.

"It happens every day, Bella," Alice had gently reminded me, patting my hand while I sat all comatose on my bed, trying not to react. I knew that. I did. But hell, I was never one to go with the flow.

_He needs to take care of Jessica._

"Call him," Alice had urged me. I felt awful for this; Edward was her family, for crying out loud.

"You're my family, too," she had reminded me. It really hurt to see Alice this way. Her usually buoyant self seemed a bit deflated lately, and I'm sure it was all because of my stupid love life. Alice had been so very sure about B&E 4Ever; I think she was just as perturbed by her reading of the situation being off as she was by the hurt from the two people she loved the most.

Well, Jasper's on that list now, too. I smiled a bit, thinking about Jasper. They were oddly perfect for each other. He complemented her feisty persona well. I'm glad she has someone.

Even Rosalie had Emmett.

Le sigh.

Nighttimes were the worst for me. I would lay there, wondering if my handling of the situation had been the right thing to do or the exact wrong thing. I mean, I couldn't just date a guy who was having a baby, could I?

Could I?

He lived in another state, dammit.

He had gotten his girlfriend pregnant.

A girlfriend that Rosalie says cheated on him.

_Doesn't make it right._

I just wished he had told me he had someone else back home.

_He didn't act like he had a girlfriend._

Jasper assured me they were on the outs.

_He didn't act like he had a girlfriend._

Rose was so quick to place blame on Edward's gorgeous head. She ranted and raved and frothed at the mouth while Emmett desperately tried to calm her down.

If I were Emm, I would've wondered at Rosalie's passionate and deeply personal upheaval over the Edward Baby Daddy news, but he seemed remarkably unfazed by the entire situation. From what I gather, Emmett + Rosalie was a golden combination, and Jasper couldn't have been happier that his sister had finally found someone who could handle her fiery temper and passionate personality.

Unfortunately for Edward, that passion transferred into seething anger as Rose still refused to talk to him.

All four of us had tried unsuccessfully to get her to calm down about the whole thing, but she was hearing none of it. I didn't want her to be angry on my behalf. Jasper didn't want her to cut out one of her oldest friends. Alice didn't want a rift between two people she loved, and Emmett had tried to reason with her, but that only made her angrier.

She just needed time to calm the hell down.

I loved her for it; I really did.

But-

_Fuck. I'm sad._

_I'm really, really sad._

I feel like I missed out on something great.

It was time for me to move on.

Getting ready for bed, I firmed my resolve. I _would_ get past this. Nothing would stop me. Mopey Bella was going to hang in the closet and be replaced by a better-dressed, stiff upper-lipped Bella. No more Melodrama. I will let him have a baby and even coo at it when the pictures made their way into my house.

And if he had a boy who looked just like him, well. Lucky world. Two little Edwards running around and breaking hearts.

Jumping into my new pajamas (because in a fit of teenage girl angst, I tossed away my NKOTB shirt), I crawled into bed.

Sometime in the middle of the night, I heard my door creak open.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale. I am okay. I do not have a gun to my forehead. The cyanide is locked away. So stop checking on me."

"It's not Rose," I heard the velvety voice from my dreams whisper. I froze. Froze completely.

_He's here._

And I wanted to tell him to go away. I did. I wanted to tell him off. Scream at him until my lungs burst; until the breath in my body soured with ugly words and repressed emotions.

But I just couldn't.

I think I'm never going to get over him.

Dammit.

And damn him.

He closed the door behind him, and I could just make out his form in the silvery moonlight trickling in through the window. His hair was standing up, as if he had been running his hands through it, wondering what to say.

What _would_ he say?

"Bella," he whispered, the quiet pleading implicit in his tone making the hairs on my arms stand up in recognition.

_I forgive you_.

And I did. I forgave him. Stupid, stupid Bella. I wanted to hurt him, to tell him that I've been in agony. I wanted to hit him, to kiss him. To be assured that he was as miserable without me as I was without him.

And I knew that I forgave him. All of my resolve to move on, and the minute he says my name, I'm his again.

_You knew this all along_.

I did. It's why I hated to hear Rose count off his faults or berate Jessica. Because I knew at the end of the day… I would be weak. I would take him back. In a heartbeat.

He softly crept over to me; I hadn't made a move or sound of recognition, so maybe he thought I was sleeping. I decided to try and breathe evenly, wondering what he would do. I shut my eyes and tried to appear as sleepy as possible.

I could feel him looming over me, pausing. Wondering what to do next.

"Bella," he began again. His voice was louder; more insistent. _Good. Work for it. You overfertile_-

"I know you're awake. No one sleeps that evenly, especially not you," he said, and I could hear his grin. His sexy, smirky, half-grin-

And dammit. Now I'm smiling. My eyes popped open.

And there he is. Beautiful. It's not fair.

Somehow, he was on the bed with me. My eyes must have forgiven him, because the Edward I barely knew wouldn't have been so forward. His lips were all over me, and every cell in my body screamed in triumph. Kissing. Tongue. God, it felt like it had been years. This is what I needed.

He was on me, his warm body covering my small one with a stupid sheet in between us. Why, oh why- on this, of all nights- did I not kick off my covers while I slept?

He kept murmuring my name, and the timbre of his voice as it shimmered over me made me want to weep with desire. He kissed my neck, lightly tasting my skin as he alternated his kisses with his voice. Bella, Bella, Bella. I was starting to get drunk off of my own name.

He pulled back a little, propping himself up on his elbows. I could feel his hardness between us, taunting me. Teasing. It was getting hard to concentrate.

_Concentrate on what?_

_Isn't this what you wanted?_

I stopped thinking.

My hands grasped the back of his neck, and I raked my fingers violently across his scalp, pausing at the top of his head to pull him back. He looked both frightened and turned on by my slightly violent gesture, but I brought his mouth crashing down to mine with a swift jerk of my wrists. We lapped at each other, barely able to keep our mouths in one place for too long. His hands started a teasing dance from my neck, fingertips brushing lightly down my shoulders and across my ribs; he leaned slightly to one side and I gasped in surprise as one hand firmly grasped my breast. My response was a deep purr, my moan in his mouth making his tongue work faster.

My hips involuntarily started to pulse underneath him as his hand worked between us; squeezing, playing- teasing my nipple. I ached. I ached to have him play with my other tit. I ached to have him between my legs. I ached to hear him tell me everything was going to work out.

"Bella," he breathed, louder. More insistent. He sat up and started to shrug out of his shirt. I quickly followed suit, ripping my nightgown off of my body and making sure that damned sheet was nowhere near us.

His eyes zeroed in on my naked form; well, nearly-naked. It was still dark, but I could see him biting his tongue as he stared at me sitting there, breathing heavily. He leaned in and instead of kissing me, he swerved to the side and breathed into my neck. I could feel the heat from his mouth but it made me shiver; I wanted to squirm, to make my body come in contact with his mouth, but this was better. Oh so much better. His lips were almost touching me, almost caressing my skin. Almost. The breathing, the hot blast of air that occasionally hit my skin was practically unbearable, and I had to bite hard on my lip to keep from either crying out or shoving his face against me or just _something_. The waiting was driving me mad. His face was going lower, but slowly. Too slowly. My eyes were rolling back into my head_. I am melting_. Across my shoulder blades. His hair brushed across my chin, and I took in his smell- that cross between Irish Spring and sunshine and some unidentifiable spice.

My breath hitched when he got to my nipples. He paused for a moment, then took in a deep breath; he was smelling me, too. I wondered what I smelled like to him; I hoped my fragrance was as irresistible to him as it was to me. _Please, Edward. Quit teasing me. Please._

He did.

My head jerked back and I grabbed his head, pulling us both down with the force of my movements. He was kissing me now, kissing my breasts. Licking. Sucking on them. Nibbling. Grabbing with his teeth, pulling back. The nerves in my body were on fire; I could feel it in my pussy. I knew I was moist. I knew it. I wanted him to know it, too.

I pressed on his head, forcing him to let go of my nipple. I gasped at the pulling sensation and then my breathing deepened as I pressed his face down. Down across my stomach. Down my abdomen. Down to the edge of my panties. I let go of his head. I looked down.

He was looking at me, panting. I saw him grin at me right before he leaned down and blew hot air right on my panties. Oh god. The squirming. I couldn't stop squirming underneath him. He elbowed in between my legs, and I helped him out by lifting my knees and spreading. Come right on in. God, yes.

All this time. And I made it _this_ easy for him.

And I don't even care.

He was kissing my knee, making his way down. Kissing down my thigh.

Right before getting where I needed him, he switched to the other leg.

Fucking tease.

He made his way back down. His feather light touch was driving me insane. His lips were soft but insistent. When he got back down, he paused or hesitated; I wasn't sure which. I stretched my legs down to the side, allowing him… easier access. He hissed and came forward, pressing his mouth into the crease between my leg and the side of my panties. Fuck. Oh my lord, but it felt good_. I am fully wet now._

He continued with the teasing kisses, flicking out his tongue every once in a while. What the hell was he waiting for?

I bucked my hips toward his face ever-so-slightly; his breath hitched, and then he took in a deep breath through his nose. So sexy.

Before I knew it, he had ripped my panties to the side and dived in with his tongue. Swirling around. Licking right up; pointed tip of his tongue. Up. Teasing. Mm. teasing. My hips took on a mind of their own. He hooked my leg around his shoulder, giving him a new angle. Oh god. Mm. I worked my hips into a rhythm that followed his lapping. Yes. God, yes.

"Bella," he moaned. I was going to come. I didn't know which spot would shudder first. His tongue was working me from so many angles that I had a variety to choose from. And he hadn't even penetrated me yet with his fingers or _anything_.

"Edward," I finally said. I just realized that in my lust, I haven't talked at all. My voice sounded out of place; full of passion and love. _Edward_.

I kept moaning his name as the orgasm swept through me. He was back on me, his face buried in between my legs, his neck straining as he moved, bringing me to ecstacy.

Edward.

"Edward."

"Edward."

I awoke riding out the last spasms of orgasm.

I wanted to weep.

Another dream.

Another fucking dream.

He's not here. He never was. Never will be.

I have never felt more disgusted with myself in my entire life.

I thought I had decided to get over it.

I did.

I will.

I am.

I will get over this. Get through this. Intact.

It was still early; my alarm hadn't even gone off yet. But I knew he'd be up. He got to work early.

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to fucking call him.

I need to be over this.

_Edward_. Need to.

My thumbs worked quickly, finding _his_ number. Taking a deep breath to calm my still racing heart, I listened to the ringing as he picked up with a hushed voice. I could hear the sounds of the coffee shop in the background.

"Bella?" He sounded disbelieving. And still cute. Biting my lip and shutting my eyes, I decided it was too late to back out now_. I'm in. I'm so fucking in_.

"Hey, Jake."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**ack!**

**i know, i know.**

**SORRY**

**but... **

**yeah.**

**so... you still with me?**

**perhaps your love will make me write more, faster. sooner, even.**


	14. All EMTs have Eight

**i'm getting better. i mean, it wasn't over a month this time!**

**i know, i know. too many stories... i suppose i could just drop one. heh.**

**thanks to my girls for getting me through a rough week.**

**i dedicate this to TAB edward and his chucks.**

**and as always, to my old lady, jandco. she has a new story out- and you'd better be reading it!**

**oh, and tasha? REVIEW**

_disclaimer: i do not own the twilight._

**Bella**

I did it.

Rosalie was right. Time to move on.

I think I'm ready for this.

I've never been so overburdened with people who gave a crap about me before. I mean, when I moved to Seattle, I didn't know anyone at all. It was Bella's Great Experiment; can she live outside of Small Town, Washington and in the Great Wide Open? Renee always wanted that for me, to see the bigger picture. When we lived in Arizona, things were different. I was a kid. And then moving out to Forks with Charlie, I lived such a sheltered existence as the sheltered daughter of the chief of police; not exactly something that made the guys come a-callin'.

So when I came out here, it was with excitement and some serious hesitation. I had no doubt I could eke out an existence as a writer, but then I found myself editing other people's work and living in my own little hidey hole of coffee-shop-work-drive-to-Forks. Meeting Alice was one of the greatest happenings of my adult existence.

Then I met her cousin.

And life just seemed like it was finally happening.

Until….

Well. No use in dwelling, right?

Edward was… a blip. One tiny chapter in my life story.

And as I think this, I gulp. Big time. I didn't want him to be a blip.

But… time to move on.

Right.

"This is great," enthused Rose, sprinting about my apartment like a fire had been lit under her ass. I came out of my room, sort of dazed and grinning. She had looked over at me, asked what was up, and I blurted out, "Ijustaskedjacoboutonadate." She looked totally stunned for exactly one-and-a-half seconds before a huge grin lit up her already beautiful face.

"No friggin' way. Bells, that's fan_tas_tic!" Then she hopped over to her laptop and googled him. Googled him. I didn't even know you could do that.

The Jacob facts were these:

He was into sports. Played in his college. We saw the pictures.

His myspace and facebook revealed that he had a lot of friends. Like, a lot. Mostly girls. "Big shocker, Bella. You've _seen_ him, right? I mean, I know you're still wearing your Edward Goggles, but baby. Take a gander. This is some choice meat you've got panting after you," she told me with that know-it-all sultry voice of hers. I hated that she was right. I _know_ Jake's hot. I doubt I would've slept with him otherwise, tequila-be-damned.

Ugh. Tequila. Never. Again.

Alice came home in the middle of Rose's Bella Date Excitement, and her as-of-late hangdog expression turned a little sparkly when Rose enthusiastically relayed my bold maneuver.

"Aw, Bella. That's awesome," she said, but I still saw that worried-for-me look that she had been sporting. Poor Alice. Stuck with a best friend who was in love with her cousin.

Her cousin.

_Stop thinking about him_.

I tried all week to think about my date instead.

I tried to get excited, and I must say. The prospect of not spending another night on the couch moping and listening to bad 90s breakup tunes _did_ get my blood boiling.

On the Big Day, everyone had gathered in our living room like I needed the moral support or something. I realized that there was a "don't say his name" rule in effect when Emmett got smacked for suggesting that "Edward the Fertile doesn't know what he's missing." I sort of loved him for that. Emmett was swiftly becoming one of my favorite indispensible humans on this planet.

Jacob had given me only one hint about our date: to wear something comfy. Alice insisted "comfy" included a skirt to which I of course replied with a "gimme a break" glare; Rose shushed her and told me that my standard jeans and a t-shirt combo was always a bonus. Love the Rose. Love the Emmett.

Love them all. I needed to pour my love out _somewhere_.

As seven approached, I actually started to sweat. Every date that I had been on in the last year had gone so badly that I think I might have been jinxed. Then _he_ comes along and makes me hope again. _Sigh_. Will it ever become easier to think about _him_?

_Maybe once the baby's born_.

Jacob. Jacob Black.

Jacob's smiling face pulled me out of my temporary funk. Maybe this date wouldn't be too bad, after all.

I stepped out of my room wearing my lucky jeans and a cardigan with nothing beneath. Comfy Bella. and apparently, Hot Bella.

I heard two catcalls from the couch; both Jasper and Emmett were playing some game on our new Wii; a gift from Rose, who insisted she couldn't subsist anywhere that didn't have competitive gaming as a viable entertainment option.

"Damn, woman. You are lookin' goooooood," whistled Rose, circling and grabbing at me.

"God, Rose. Quit hitting on me. I've found a man; stop confusing my inner minx," I laughed. And it was good to laugh. Not enough laughter.

Alice clapped over from the bar where she was nursing her martini. "Bella, it's like I couldn't be prouder. You got all gussied up without a peep from me, and you done good, kid!" She was trying. She was trying hard. But still- I felt guilty. I know the failed Edward/Bella setup had really done a number on her matchmaking savvy. Poor Alice.

There was a knock at the door, and everyone froze.

"Showtime," I muttered, walking over and putting on a wide smile.

I opened the door, and for one moment, my breath actually left my body.

Wow.

"Hey, Jake."

"Bella, you look-" he gulped. His eyes widened briefly, and then the largest toothpaste commercial grin ever lit up his face.

He held his hand out and I clasped it; I couldn't help but notice how sweet my little white hand looked in his large, brown, calloused one. Smiling nervously at him, I glanced over my shoulder and said, "Hey, everyone. This is Jake. Jake- everyone. We'll see you later."

"Have fun, kids!"

"Don't stay out too late."

"Don't do anything we wouldn't do!"

"And what is that, exactly, Rose?"

Smack.

"Ow. Bye, FrankenBella!"

And so forth.

Jacob was chuckling as he led me down the driveway. He still hadn't let go of me, and I didn't really mind. He opened up the door to his old Malibu and kissed the back of my hand briefly before handing me down. That kind of move should have made me groan, but the joyous and genuine smile on his face really wouldn't allow for that. The kid meant it. And I kind of liked the treatment.

I sort of needed it.

"So, where to?" I asked, nervously straightening out my sweater as he got in. He looked over at me and smiled again; I think a girl could get used to a smile like that. It was warm and inviting; not smirky and full of secrets.

"Well, I really don't know how you'll like it, but Bella. Let me be honest. I could not have been more surprised that you called me, and well. I just… ah, shit. Oh fuck, I mean. Dammit! I'm trying to be a gentleman here, and I just keep fucking swearing…. I mean. Oh hell. Heck. I'll stop talking now."

And just like that, I was laughing. Like, for real. An honest-to-goodness, I'm-happy-to-be-here-laugh. He was just so _endearing_. And I needed that. I really did. A kid was flustered around me. It felt good to be wanted.

After my laughter died down, I looked up and saw that he was blushing. Blushing. Like I did. And his skin's pretty damned dark to show a blush like that. I put my hand over his on the stick shift and he sucked in a deep breath before turning his head slightly to meet my gaze.

"Jake? Tell me something about yourself. Tell me something true."

And that started our conversation.

It felt good. To talk. He told me about his home life; how he and his sisters were the only Blacks to go to college; how he had to get good grades to maintain his partial scholarship, and how he had to work full time to afford college and still take care of his dad back home. How he loved running. How he sketched in charcoal and pencil.

I filled him in on my dreams and hopes and desires… all but the one. And I think he knew. He knew that I was broken. He could tell. But I wasn't ready to tell him why yet.

He took me to a local pizzeria that I had always been meaning to try- he apologized for the lameness of the venue, but he assured me that I would die once I tried their calzones.

He was right. The goodness of the food and the humorous conversation more than made up for the greasy atmosphere. Jacob really was funny. And sweet. And just- not _him_.

We had one of those chick flick moments where I had sauce on my lips and Jake hesitated before swiping it away with his thumb. This is ridiculous. I mean, I have slept with the guy, and we were having this awkward date. I kind of hated how I was acting at the moment- I mean, what the hell is wrong with me? Why had I been avoiding him all this time?

Is it because he's so much younger than me?

_Only a few years, Bella_.

I know, I know. I guess the idea of dating a younger guy just sort of weirds me out.

_Well, stop it, already_.

Right. As he pulled his hand back, I quickly grabbed it and kissed his palm.

The sharp intake of air through his nose almost surprised me with its intensity. My thoughtless gesture was probably going to be taken wrong, and for once- I didn't care. I mean, I had gotten to Edward this way, hadn't I? Maybe I could snag me a college boy, too. Score.

_Sigh_.

I chanced a glance at him, and the intensity, the desire I saw there made me pause. What am I doing? The last thing I need is to rebound on this kid who's had a crush on me since the day I spilled coffee all over his workplace.

Grinning awkwardly with my lips pressed in a thin line, I shifted my gaze toward the door, wondering just what my next move would be. God, what if he thinks he's getting some tonight?

_Am I prepared for that?_

Why not, right?

Ugh.

He stood up and held his hand out to me; I took it.

"Come on. Time for phase two of the date," he said, forcing a cheeky grin. I smiled back; I couldn't help it. His amusement, even when an affectation, was completely infectious. Except for my mini-freak-out just then, I was actually enjoying myself. On a date. A first date. With Not Edward.

_Stop obsessing. He was never yours_.

I followed Jacob outside to his car and silently got inside.

"So," I said, to break up the weird silence that had settled in the car. I focused on anything- the dashboard. The blue-green light of the radio channel. The stick shift. The interplay of veins and muscles on his arm as he drove and shifted. The soft, smooth, nearly hairless brown skin that rippled as he moved. Anything but that burning intensity that I knew was focused on me.

He waited a minute before a deep rumble poured from his chest. Furrowing my brow in confusion, I asked, "What? What's so funny?"

"Honestly, Bella. It's like you've never been on a date before. You look so nervous," he said with an open smile. _If you only knew_.

"Hey," he said, gently now, all laughter set aside. He wrapped his big hand around my slightly shaky one and gave it a brief squeeze before letting go.

"Look. I know there was someone else. Recently," he added, this time not cracking a smile or looking to me for a response. I gulped. Rose must've-

"I can just tell. You were all sparkly for awhile. I mean, a few weeks ago. And then one day you came in and the light in your eyes had dimmed. And Bella, look. I think you know that I like you. I mean, a lot. You coming into the shop every morning? Highlight of my day. Of my week. You're like, the highlight of my life. And I know that sounds stupid because I don't know you and we had a- we had something. And my friends keep telling me that I'm an idiot with all these chicks… I mean, girls. All of these- ah! Why can I not express myself around you?" he said, frustrated and cute and laughing at his own words. I had to smile in response; I just had to. He was adorable when he was flustered.

It took me exactly three seconds to realize that for one tiny moment, my thoughts were focused on someone other than _him_.

And while that hurt, it didn't bother me anymore.

Calling Jake had been a good idea.

Even if I didn't feel it for him, it had definitely been a good idea.

"Jake," I interrupted, needing to be clear with him. I felt like some sort of declaration was coming from him, and I while I wasn't opposed to going out and having a grand old time with a handsome boy who clearly wanted to show me the world… I simply wasn't ready.

Would I be? Would I ever be ready?

I sure hope so.

With Jake?

Possibly.

He had put both hands on his steering wheel, obviously trying to focus on driving and not putting his foot in his mouth. The Jacob I had always seen at the coffee shop was so laid back and carefree that this almost disturbed me. But it hit me at that moment, while I was reflecting on whether opening up was a good idea-

This guy liked me. Like, really liked me.

I'd better not hurt him. That wouldn't be fair. Just because I was having a diseased love month, didn't mean that I needed to spread my infected emotions all over the place.

"Look, you're right. I mean, I just needed… a night. A night where Alice didn't look at me like she expected me to tell her my dog just died while someone shit in my Cocoa Pebbles. A night where Rose didn't try to cheer me up with stories of…. Well. Yeah. I just-"

"Hey, Bella? I don't care why you called me. I'm just glad you're here. You don't need to talk about it. Let's just make this about you and about me. And how much ass we're about to kick," he said, finally glancing at me out of the corner of his eye as he pulled to a jerky stop in front of… an ice rink.

Oh, Lord.

Was he taking me ice skating?

Bella + Slick Surfaces ER Trips Reminders of Doctors Thinking about-

"Don't look so freaked out," he chided, stretching as he got out. I waited while he jogged over to my side of the car, and he pulled the creaky door open and stuck his hand down, like he was challenging me to get out. I tentatively placed my hand in his palm again, choking down my misgivings about participating in an activity where I could injure myself and those within a ten-foot-radius, including my date.

"Look, I know. You're clumsy. So the hell what? I'm medically trained," he said, having to practically drag me across the parking lot.

Wait, medically trained?

"Medically trained?"

"Yeah. I'm training to be an EMT during school; who knows? Maybe I'll be a fireman when I grow up. Anyway, the EMT thing will help pay the bills," he said over his shoulder, bringing me to the door and leading me inside.

I don't know anything about this guy at all.

We entered the building and were hit by a blast of cold. Panic started to set in.

"Bella, seriously. Relax. This is broomball; no skates. No skates, I promise. And I won't let you fall."

_Can you really promise a thing like that?_

"Broomball?"

"Yeah. Like hockey on ice. Only in your shoes. That's why you're dressed comfortably?" He was looking at me like a mental patient; I must've had a majorly crazed look on my face. I relaxed a bit; still on ice, but as long as I got to wear my Chucks, I supposed I'd be okay.

And I really did believe he wouldn't let me fall.

Jacob was enthusiastically greeted by a group of boys- they looked to be fifteen or so- and there was a round of laughter, high fives, and grins in my direction as they not-so-obviously checked me out, ribbing each other and congratulating Jacob. I blushed, of course, and moved in closer to his side as he put his arm around my shoulders.

"Guys, don't be such poozers. And get out on the ice," he said, and the way that they all scrambled, I knew that Jacob was a person of importance to them. Asking for confirmation with raised eyebrows, he told me, "I coach a hockey league here once a week. Those're my boys. Come on; let's play." And he grabbed my hand and led me out to the rink.

It was crazy out there; I could see a big trash can with broom handles sticking out of it, and the rowdy group of boys and some other older guys were out there, whooping it up and having a grand ole time. There were a bunch of girls out in the bleachers, ogling. But I was the only one who was going to be out on the ice, it would seem. No.

"Jake, I think I'm just going to watch," I said, nervously shoving my hands in my pockets. No way am I making a fool of myself in front of all of those people…

"Aw, come on, Bells. Don't you trust me?" He was gazing at me, a look of yearning on his face. Oh, alright. Yeesh.

I took a step out on the ice, testing Bella's Balance. So far, so good.

We started to play. Kinda like hockey, only not.

And I had a great time.

Unbelievable. Usually, physical activity gets me into trouble.

But Jake was amazing.

We had a crazy time; running, skidding. Whacking the ball. I had no idea what I was doing, but that didn't seem to matter. Jake was keeping the guys away from me, making sure I didn't get hurt. Making sure I didn't fall.

And it would have been perfect… except for one thing. Instead of hurting myself, as per usual-

I whacked Jake right in the gut. With the butt of my broom handle. I don't even know how it happened.

I turned too fast and felt a jolt as I made contact. With horror, I turned around and saw Jacob sort of stand there with a stunned look on his face. He was hunched over and clutching his belly, and I swear. He looked like he was going to vomit.

"Holy shit! Jacob, oh my God oh my God," I breathed, dashing over to him. Too bad I was standing on ice.

As I rushed to check on him, I sort of took him down. Hard. He landed on his ass, and I landed on my knees right next to him. But I'm used to that kind of pain. I was worried about his belly. He just laid there, curled a little, so I started unbuttoning his shirt, sure I'd see an ugly and spreading purple bruise on his abdomen.

But no.

He has to go and have a tiny little purple area and _eight_-pack abs. Eight. Good God.

"Are you okay?" I breathed, running my fingertips over the "bruise". And his muscles. Lord Almighty.

"Bella? I'm fine," he grinned, and I had to grin back when I realized that I had been caressing him a bit too long. Catcalls started floating around and I snapped back; I could feel the burning in my cheeks as I realized that the game had stopped, and everyone was watching me give Jake a rubdown in the middle of an ice rink.

Jacob winced slightly, grabbing my hand.

"Your hands are cold," he whispered, encasing them with his. He started to rub vigorously, grinning the entire time. He has such dark eyes; it's almost unreal.

"Let's get the hell out of here," he said, sitting up and braving the pain. I couldn't meet anyone's eyes as he led me off the ice, and I must admit. I was staring at his damned abs rather than braving the smirky looks on the kid's faces out there.

He looks as good as Edward. Just as tall. Darker, though.

"Hey, you're limping!" he said as soon as we made it to dry ground.

"Yeah, well. I'm used to it, trust me," I said with a sheepish shrug.

"I know. What's that about?" he teased, still not bothering to button his shirt up. I'm pretty sure he noticed my ogling, and of course, he didn't do a damned thing about it. I mean, why not? If I had a body that good, I'd show it off, too.

"Come on, let's get you home so you can get off that leg," he said, and it wasn't even suggestive. He was simply concerned for me. It was nice.

We were mostly silent as he drove me back to the house; I started to wonder where the night was headed. I couldn't just… I couldn't. Not again. Not ready yet.

And he knew that.

Pulling to a stop in front of the driveway, he turned the car off and turned my way.

"Jake, I had a great time-"

"Me, too. Look, let me get this out before I lose my nerve. I don't know what kind of guy makes _you_ sad, but he's definitely an idiot. But it's obvious you're not a hundred percent, Bella, and let me tell you something. I'm worth a hundred percent. Or at least ninety-five," he grinned, chuckling before he continued.

"The thing is- I know you're worth it. So I'm cool. With, you know. Helping fix you. If you want me to. Not that you're broken! Dammit. What I mean is- I'm here. When you're ready. Because I know you had a good time tonight, and there's no way you can say you didn't. How many guys take a shot to the stomach and come back for more? So yeah. When you're ready to call me, you let me know. And if you just wanna talk, that's cool, too. I'm just- I'm here. For you. Cool?" He was holding my hand now, and he looked so sweet and earnest and young that I couldn't help but smile at him in return. He stopped smiling and looked at me all intense and for one second, I thought he was going to kiss me, but I realized something. Jacob was a gentleman. And he wouldn't be so intrusive. Despite our drunken hook-up history, despite his obvious… enthusiasm for me- he would never do something so uninvited.

So I did it instead.

"Thanks, Jake," I said, leaning forward. He held his breath as I leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth. He still (purposefully, I'm sure) hadn't buttoned up his shirt, so I brushed my fingers lightly over the injured site and whispered into his ear, "you really should cover that bad boy up. Unfair to the girls to flash that all over the place."

And with that, I grinned at his stunned expression and let myself out of the car.

I could hear him chuckling as he drove off, and he honked once as he drove away. What a dork.

I almost couldn't believe it. For the first time in over a month, I hadn't dwelled.

And it felt fucking amazing.

Whipping out my phone, I sent one text message out.

_So, what are we doing tomorrow? Please, no sports._

**aww. i like jake. and eight packs.**


	15. Lauren's Indian Batik Phase

**don't beat me. i know. i haven't updated since the late 80s. but be advised.... i know what the next chapter is. it'll be faster.**

**i'm dedicating to the loves of my chat box: upthedownslide (who doesn't even read this story), smellyia (wind beneath my wings, love), bittenev, gustariana, le jen, tnuccio and her daughter (who got to smell rob), jenniesmith my new partner in crime), jfly (who kept me amused during an obstetrical conference with rude texting), acjireamjos, halofuckenjones, gallantcorkscrews (my little nessie), mistressamri (my real life friend), shabbyapple, qjmom ( who forces me to write emmetty smut), and hell. there's probably some bitches i forgot. so sorry.**

**numero uno dedication, though, as always. jandco. seriously. i miss you even when i'm talking to you. and antidote? gahung. i love you. i just do. let's run away together and start that commune thing. you bring the sublime tunes, i'm all over the microbus.**

_twilight no es mio._

**Alice**

_This sucks._

"Alice?" Bella was in the living room, waiting for me. Sighing, I hung up the phone. I didn't want to. But dammit. These two are just ruining all of my plans.

"Coming, Bella. Just let me get my shoes on."

We were going out to lunch, just the two of us. Lately, there had been so much going on what with Rose being our shiny new third musketeer. Which meant that Emmett was always there. And then I had Jasper now, and well- Jake's been here a lot, too. All of these people. Bella and I just didn't have Us time anymore. And I kind of missed her. Don't get me wrong; I was completely happy with my Jasper. How could I not be? He's perfect. And completely mine.

But there was this missing element to my happiness. I mean, I had the boyfriend. My best friend had… a nice young man. And I had this new best friend who had her own Mr. Perfect. All of my friends were happy.

But then there was the small matter of Edward. Edward, the moron. And I am not referring to overly fertile Edward; I'm referring to the "I need to be the good guy" Edward.

Idiot.

Anyway.

Lunch.

I was looking forward to it being just the two of us. Bella's had such a hangdog look of late, but I must admit, Jake's been really good for her. When the two of them are together, she smiles a genuine smile.

The problem was that Jake wasn't permanent. A band-aid. I could see it, and Bella certainly knew it. And Jake's such a sweetie and I just don't want him to get hurt.

We had decided to try something new; that was Bella's theme song of late- "Sumpin' New." She was all smiles and chipper these days, and while we all knew it was a complete act, we all played along. Anything to keep her from falling off the edge.

I asked myself for the zillionth time since the Edward Incident why things had gone this way, and I was determined to find out why. I mean, I know my cousin and I know my best friend. And I still didn't get why things had turned out the way they did. Why it was that I was living with a sad little shell of a person who was seeing a hot college student and why I was no longer able to have a normal conversation with my relative and other favorite person on the planet.

The hostess seated us and we had to stifle giggles at the crazy décor in the place. It was like an emogoth threw up in a museum of modern art or something. I had heard good things about this place from someone at the firm; that'll teach me to follow the advice of someone who has Fall Out Boy on her iPod. Hopefully, the food wouldn't make me want to cut myself.

"So."

"So."

I hated how awkward we had become. Ever since Bella had started dating Jacob Black, it was as though she felt like she was doing something wrong. And I know I had everything to do with that. Bella felt like she let me down the instant she hopped on that plane and came home to Catatonia.

"Bella, can we just… talk?" I was desperate to get our groove back. I had been in Jasperland, she had been in Bellaville. Time to come home.

"Look, I'm just going to say this. I talked to Edward yesterday." She had been breaking open a roll and she paused slightly, tilting her head to the side. She recovered quickly and in an attempt to appear nonchalant said, "oh?"

"Yeah. And look. I know that you don't want to talk about this, but I feel like we need to. Because I miss you, Bella. I miss us. And I know this sounds like we're broken up or something, but you know what? I don't even care. You're my best friend, and I just… miss you." Great. Now I feel lame.

She let out a huge sigh, and I could see that there was relief there. Good. We're finally talking.

"And how is… your cousin?" She couldn't bring herself to say his name yet, which is normal, I suppose. It's only been a few months, but still. She was obviously not over it; this really pissed me off. I _know_ they're meant to be together; I just do. Stupid fucking Jessica. Stupider fucking Edward.

The thing is, I was at first baffled by both of their reactions to the whole situation. It took a long, drawn-out rant from Rosalie followed by goalie Emmett and level-headed Jasper to get me to see the light. Bella's silence made me remember the whole thing with clarity.

Rose had been ranting extensively while Bella listened to Roxette for the 13543254th time that day; she was ready to fly out to California for the express purpose of kicking Edward's ass. She wasn't even making any sense; she just kept mumbling something about lesbians and mutant sperm. I would have found the whole thing mildly amusing if it weren't so damned tragic. I was curled up on the couch, leaning on Emmett's shoulder while he pretended to be occupied with the sports page for a rival paper.

When there was finally a break in the string of profanities, Rose sat down with a huff and swiped my Coke, gulping it down without pausing for breath. I took that opportunity to take my turn and rant.

"Who the hell does this Jessica person think she is? Did you guys know that they were already broken up?" I know Edward had told me that in confidence, but I was so mad at him that I felt like all bets were off as far as his love life was concerned. _He hurt my friend_.

"The pigfucker," Rose uttered. "I mean, seriously. Seriously? Jessica? Shit. How could he be so fucking stupid? He's a doctor, for crying out loud. You'd think he'd know to cover that shit up. Who the hell knows how many strains of hepatitis she's contracted in her skanky-ass life." Rose could be quite eloquent when the occasion called for it. I could see that she was about to go off again, so I interjected.

"Edward is… hanging in there. I mean, he's doing the best with what he was given, you know?" I still wasn't sure what was going on there. He was so falsely cheerful when I had spoken to him the other day, and it hurt. It really hurt to hear his natural positivity shadowed by his need to do the right thing.

Because that's what he was doing, and I realized that now. He was sticking by Jessica because it was the right thing to do. He'd be chivalrous and "do right by her", even if it meant that he was basically locking himself into a life that he had never wanted nor imagined.

I didn't want to talk about it. I really didn't think she was ready for this conversation, and quite frankly- neither was I.

"So Jacob seems pretty great, huh?" I was trying very hard to stay supportive. But Bella went on the defensive.

"Alice." Her tone was all disapproval.

"What? Bella, I'm trying here," I said, folding my arms and giving her my best maternal look. She regarded me for a few moments and then sighed, taking a sip of the ice water that the waiter brought to our table. There was an awkward silence as we both tried to figure out what to say. I suddenly felt like the entire line of questioning I had regarding the hot hot hottie barista was cut off, and I was fumbling around in my head, trying to find a safe topic. Oh yeah- duh.

"So Jasper and I are great," I sputtered, pinching my own thigh under the table. _She knows that, Alice_. She probably can hear just how great he is on a nightly basis.

Bella laughed. She laughed heartily.

"What? Stop it. I really am trying here," I protested, both amused and angry at the same time.

"I've… never seen… so awkward!" She was howling, and while I was still annoyed, my amusement and relief was taking over. Bella was just so- _happy_.

I couldn't help but laugh along with her. Okay, yeah. I still thought she was perfect for my cousin, but she was also a person, and one of my favorite people at that. Her happiness was one of my top priorities right now, and dammit. If she was going to find the happy with NotEdward, then so be it.

Her laughter died down, and I could tell that it had been a while since she had laughed like that. So I went with it, carefully avoiding any mention of my cousin.

"So Jacob. Seriously. He's like twelve. Where does he take you, the Family Fun Center? Miniature golfing?" She giggled, turning her face down, and I noticed her neck and ears turning bright red.

"Holy shit! He did, didn't he! Or bowling. Bella- did you go bowling? Because if that's Jake's thing, we really ought to discuss getting you your own set of shoes-"

"It wasn't bowling. We played broomball." She looked up, finally, pursing her lips and trying to stare me down- but I could see the twinkle in her eye. Wait, what?

"What the hell is broomball?"

"Ice hockey. With shoes."

I spit my water out. "Jacob put you on _ice_? Has he _met_ you?"

"Shut up. It was great."

"You didn't fall." My tone was all disbelief.

"Alice. I'm not the National Disaster you think I am." She was trying not to smile.

"Oh, yes you are. So wow. How was it? Did you score?"

Bella blushed, again.

"No. I didn't mean 'score', ya goof. I meant broomball?"

"Oh, right. Um, yeah. I –uh- kind of sort of took him out with my broom?"

"Typical." I couldn't help the giggles that shook my body.

"Shut it. We had loads of fun. Plus, I got to see proof that Jake works out, so that's a bonus."

"Ooh, pray tell. Six pack?"

"Eight."

"_Eight_ pack."

"Oh God, yes."

"W-o-w." My appreciation for Jacob Black suddenly spiked.

"And Ali- he plays hockey. Coaches it, too."

"That's so- hot."

"Tell me about it."

"Is he any good?"

"I don't know yet. He has a game coming up, though."

"Are you going?"

"We. We're going."

"Bella-"

"Alice. Come on. I'm putting myself out there. Support me. Be my cheerleader."

"I always am." I held my hand out to her, and she clasped it tightly. And just like that, things were back to normal. We probably looked like a couple of lesbians, but who cares?

"Bella, you know I only want to see you smiling. And Jacob certainly makes you smile."

"He does." Her voice was softer now, a faint smile tugging at her lips. My heart was glad for her, but at the same time, I felt a little wistful. Jacob might be great, but he just wasn't Edward. And we both knew it. If things were going to work out with Jacob, I could only hope that he never knew what he was lacking. That wouldn't be fair to him.

I heard her phone chime with a text at the same time mine went off. I answered my phone- it was Rose with one warning: "Do not talk about HIM." I sighed. Why did everyone always assume I had no tact?

"Who was it?" I asked, guessing it was Jake, which was confirmed by another blush.

"Jacob. He sends me lewd pictures all day."

"How very frat boy of him."

"Stop. He knows I need a laugh."

"Oh, did you tell him about- " but I stopped. Whoops. I almost broke my vow to shut up about Edward.

"Alice. It's cool. I'm cool now- you can seriously say 'Edward' if you need to," she murmured, breaking eye contact as the server took our order. I was dying to talk- I mean, it was an open topic now, right? She said his name, right?

I could sense her hesitation- she was playing with her watch, she checked her phone- anything but met my gaze. When I saw her eyes glittering, I realized she was doing it on purpose.

"You jerk!" I tossed a piece of bread at her and she cracked a grin, brushing her hair out of her face as she leaned forward. She propped her elbows on the table, folded her hands flat and leaned her chin on them. Looking at me seriously, she said, "Go ahead. Ask. I know you want to know."

"Has Edward called you?" I blurted out. _Rose is going to kill me_.

But Bella was right. I did want to know.

She laughed. "Nope."

"Really?"

"I don't think Rose is letting him."

"But still- it's Edward. He'd find a way."

"Well, he hasn't. And Alice- it's cool."

No. I didn't get it. Where was the Edward I knew and grew up with? There's no way he'd ignore Bella, even if they were never involved, involved. He just wasn't the type to ignore love like that.

"Alice? I promise. I'm okay. What about-" she gulped. "-Edward. Is he-"

"I don't know, Bell. I don't know." I was practically whispering. I had spent so much time focusing my sympathy on Bella while being inwardly pissed at Edward that it occurred to me that I hadn't been sympathetic toward him in the slightest. I inwardly cursed myself for being an ass. It's like, just because he was a guy, I assumed that he'd deal better or something. Or maybe it was because he was so far away- out of sight, out of mind.

"Al? You okay?" She sounded concerned, and I wanted to cheer up, but my stomach was dropping as I realized what a jerk I had been.

I wasn't there for him. I had assumed this entire time that he was the one who would recover faster since he was male. Knowing I wasn't a great friend to my own cousin made me feel like a huge a-hole.

"Yeah," I smiled sadly. "I'm fine."

"Alice." Clearly, she didn't believe me. What can I say? I always did wear my heart on my sleeve.

"Alice. Have you talked to him? You know, make sure he's okay?" It killed me that she's the one who was broken, yet she's the one offering me the comfort and thinking of other people.

Our salads arrived, and I used the rearranging of plates and bread as an excuse to collect my muddled thoughts. This entire time I had placed blame at Edward's feet. Not because he had gotten someone pregnant, but because he chose to drop the other woman. But now that I saw that I was being a jerk about it, I started to reanalyze my thoughts. Too many thoughts.

"Alice?" Bella had her fork poised at her mouth; her eyes were bright, and she looked at me questioningly before taking her bite.

"Come on. We used to talk about everything. Go on. It's okay, I can't reiterate this enough."

"Well-" If she was as okay with this as she said, then maybe I could talk it out with her. I'm sure she had all kinds of insights on Edward's motivations and all, so maybe we should just talk about it and get it all out there.

"I guess I've been rude to Edward. You know, for not going after you."

"Alice," she intoned, her voice almost disapproving. What?

"You know Edward better than I do, yet I can see that he's just not that kind of guy."

"What, the kind to ignore a real connection?"

"Dude, he's having a baby." It was the first time since she found out that Bella had acknowledged the fact, and it wasn't lost on me that she was staring at a big bowl of lettuce when she said it. Like she couldn't bring herself to be faced with it, only she was forcing it out by speaking the evil out loud.

"Yeah, I know. And he's the type who needs to do right by the girl," and I spat out the word "girl", "but still. Why would he ignore you just because-"

"Alice. I refuse to be caught up in that situation, first of all. And come on. If he were the kind of guy who had a baby with one girl while making out with another- I'm not sure I'd want to be with him. That's just not right. You don't screw with a family, Alice. You just don't."

And I saw that she was right. I knew it, I always did. But speaking it out loud like that really cemented things. Still, if it were me? I never would've accepted that.

"How can you be so blasé about this?" I asked her. "Really. He hasn't called. And sure, Rosalie has a lot to do with that. Love her, by the way. But really- don't you feel like he owes you some sort of explanation?"

"Alice. Has it ever occurred to you that he's hurting, too? I mean, yeah. We had something. We did. And I dunno, a part of me still hopes there's opportunity for something later there, but I don't know. His life is going to change. He's going to have a child, Alice. A _child_. Can I deal with that? Could you?" Yes. And Yes. But I didn't say that out loud. It was enough that she was talking about it. I wasn't ready to challenge her conclusions. Yet.

"Okay. As long as you're okay with it." And I hoped she was.

But if she wasn't- at least she had a distraction. A really hot one.

"So- have you revisited the Jake sex yet?"

"Alice," she hissed, looking from side to side. Honestly, it was like she had locked VampBella in the closet or something. Back to Prude Bella.

"What? He's the last person you slept with. He might as well be the most recent, too." I grinned, spearing a tomato and popping it into my mouth. She smiled up at me, and I knew that she was nowhere near sleeping with him again. And I fervently hoped that she would be. It might be the only thing to take her mind off of Edward forever.

Did she want that? Did I? I bet he sure didn't.

I think it's time to call talk to my cousin.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Jasper, I'm going to go see Edward."

He dropped his newspaper and goggled at me, his thick-framed glasses falling down the bridge of his nose.

"Pardon me? Little one, that is a fantastically horrifying idea. No. No. Edward is not doing well, and the last thing he needs-"

"-is for his favorite cousin to ignore him. I'm going. Cab's on its way, love. You cannot stop me. I don't suggest you try." He frowned, getting up and putting the palms of his hands on my shoulders. I lithely side-stepped away and heard my phone ringing; perfect timing.

"Yes? Alright. Thank you." I punched the "end" button and trotted over to my room, grabbing the suitcase and carry-on.

"Be a dear and help me out to the cab?" I asked sweetly, kissing Jasper, who hadn't moved since I had ducked out from under his arms. He was giving me that look that he gave, the one that told me I had just suffered a psychotic break. I got it from him all the time, but it was usually because I was forcing him to watch the DIY network or trying on outfits for him. I hoped this didn't make him angry.

He sighed and sank down a bit, picking up my suitcases. "Tell him I say 'hi', and that Rose does, too."

"Fuck you, Jas. I most certainly do not. But tell that skank I say-" Rose was yelling, but the squeal I heard indicated to me that Emmett had probably tackled her or something. Honestly, I loved that guy. And Jasper was glad to not only have another male presence around, but someone who could semi-control his crazed twin.

"You'd better not meddle," he warned me playfully, lifting me up as we got down to the waiting cab. I would miss him, but this was _important_.

"Hey, I'm going for support only. No talks. Plus…. I dunno, Jas. I think I want to gauge the situation. No way he's happy there with no one but Jessica for comfort. It's just not possible."

He sighed. "Alice- you have to be nice. Remember, Edward's never really been without any of us for very long, and this is an emotionally trying time. Just… don't exhaust him with your innate cheeriness. Be real. Be real for him. He needs it."

"Will do. And hey- I love you."

"I love you, too. Now scoot, Fairy Love." And with that, he kissed me on my nose and swatted me in the ass. _Sigh_. My dreamboat.

A short plane ride later and I was stepping out into a foggy San Francisco afternoon. I suppose I should call him, see if he'd like to see me. I knew if I had warned him that I was on my way that he'd try to talk me out of coming out here.

"Alice?" I could hear the TV in the background, and there was a muffled sound as he was probably trying to get to where he could talk. I explained that I was at the airport and needed a ride, which was met with a pause.

"You're here."

"Yes."

"Now?"

"Yep. Should I call a cab?"

"No."

Another pause.

"Edward?"

"Just… okay. I'll be right there."

Busying myself with finding a Starbucks, I went and waited. He was there less than an hour later. I launched myself at him, putting on a smile as I was shocked. Shocked at his disheveled appearance.

Things were not going well for my dear cousin, and I felt awful. His tousled hair had lost its luster. He had dark circles under his eyes, and the usually smooth skin above his brow was furrowed with worry lines. This was not the happy appearance of a guy on his way to fatherhood.

Oh, Edward. What has she done to you?

"So. How're… things?" I wasn't sure how to mend this. This rift in our relationship. But I was going to try, dammit. For him. For Bella.

"Great." Ha! Like I believed that one.

"And Jessica?" Might as well rip off the band-aid first thing.

"She's… doing well. The… baby's doing well. Lauren's doing well."

"Lauren? Her friend?" I was confused.

"_Girl_friend."

"Oh. Huh?" Why did this suddenly make a lot of sense? Did I know this? I couldn't remember if I knew this. I think I did. Oh, Alice. You done fucked up.

I gave him a hug. He was twice my size, but I felt like I was enveloping him with my love. Dammit. It wasn't supposed to be this way. For any of us.

We got back to the apartment, and I was shocked again at the appearance. His usually neat order was infiltrated by… crap. And not even baby crap. Girlie crap. Scarves on the lamps. Ugly sandals kicked off by the door. Piles of Cosmo mags littering the coffee table. There was no longer any trace of Edward in this apartment. Was she living here?

He apologized with a look and was about to say something when I heard Jessica's high-pitched giggle coming from the direction of the spare bedroom. I guess that answers that. Damn- I had been hoping to stay here for the weekend.

Edward shook his head and indicated that we sit on the couch. But I couldn't have the conversation I wanted to have if _she_ was here. Especially if her _girlfriend_ was around.

Suddenly, the two girls came stumbling out of the extra room, stopping short when they saw me. I had never actually met Jessica, but it's pretty obvious that she was the one with the bulging belly that was not at all covered by her "My Mommies Love Me" shirt. Just like on _Friends_. Ugh. I plastered my Corporate Alice smile on my face and bounced up. I'm in PR, I can be nice.

"You must be Jessica! I'm this one's cousin, Alice." I've discovered over the years that if you're forcefully cheerful, total strangers have no choice but to be sucked in by your mirth. And at the very least, they have to be civil.

"Oh, Alice! Umm, hi?" Lauren was tugging at her arm; looks like they're headed out. Good.

"Edward, we're going for some lunch. Did you want us to bring something back?" Jessica was trying, I could see that. But Lauren was scowling. Whore.

"No. You guys go enjoy yourselves." He was stiff-mouthed, smiling like a robot. My heart cracked a bit at witnessing the exchange. Oh, Edward.

"So," I said after the door had shut. We listened to the two girls giggling as they stomped down the hallway, and I had to shake my head to rid myself of the image. Time to get down to business.

"So Ali, what brings you here?" he asked, pressing his hand on top of mine. I looked up at the dull green eyes above me and gave him a soft smile. I would have to be gentle. I was prepared to yell, but I wasn't prepared for this lifeless Edward in front of me.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," I whispered, and it was true. I wanted to ask a zillion questions, but suddenly, I couldn't think of a single one. My head was throbbing, and I just felt… sad.

So to make myself feel better and to make him feel better, I just hopped up and dove into his arms. He wasn't even shocked by it. Being related to Alice meant one needed to have a certain amount of reserve strength set aside for sudden attacks of emotion. Like this one. I hugged him fiercely, and he hugged me back with as much, if not more, need.

"I'm okay, Alice," he whispered into my hair. But I didn't believe him.

"Maybe you will be. Eventually. But Edward, I just- I don't understand. Why haven't you called Bella?"

"Sheesh, Al. Don't pull any punches. I can take it, really," he said wryly. But he was used to it at this point.

"I guess I felt like… I don't deserve it. Talking to her, I mean."

"But Edward," I said, exasperated that even my perfect cousin could be such a… boy. "She probably could have done without the wondering. Do you know she-"

"Alice," he interrupted. "I don't want to hear it. Really. I don't. I sent her an email, and she didn't respond."

Wait. What?

"Wait. What? Bella? When?" Okay, she did _not_ tell me this.

"Two days ago, actually. I was sort of hoping to- reestablish. Something. I don't know. I miss her, Ali," he finished, trailing off and looking out the window. He ran his hands through his hair, but the limp locks simply flopped to either side of his face.

"I know. I do, too," I whispered, wishing I could take it back the moment I said it. He cringed and didn't turn back to me. _Way to put your foot in your mouth, Alice. And Isabella Swan, you are dead meat for not telling me about the email._

"Sorry. I didn't mean- ugh. Hey, let's go do something. Get you out of the Cave of Wonders here. What's with the bejeweled shit, anyway?"

"Lauren is in an Indian Batik phase. She's… I dunno. I don't really care. As long as they stay the hell away from my room, I'm fine."

"Why are they living here, Edward?"

"They're not. I gave them baby space, and they just sort of… took over. My apartment is nicer."

"I guess I don't blame them, it's just… Edward. Don't get lost."

"I'm trying, Al." He picked up my arm and led me out the door. "I'm trying."

**Bella**

To: bswan()

Subject: Hello

Hi, Bella. I hope this email finds you well. I was going through my CDs and I realized that I accidentally kept your Jeff Buckley. I really have no wish to return it because you're right; he really is the Nick Drake of the 90s. But- call me Mr. Conscience- I feel like I should return it.

Should I mail it? I can send it to Jasper, if you want it back.

-Edward

PS- How's the paper?

What in the blue fuck.

Are we really going to do this now?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**oh, bella. oh, edward.**


	16. Hot Doc Cullen

**happy thanksgiving, little turkeys! i think i glazed over for a bit there because i have to eat two thanksgivings every year. TRYPTOPHAN COMA, LOVES.**

**okay, so at the end of the last chapter, a few of you pointed out that it should've been an email sent to "iswan(at)seattlestimes(dot)com" and not "bswan(at)seattlestimes(dot)com". i have no excuses. just lemme say LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE and don't copy and paste from a previous chapter just 'cuz you're feeling lazy. **

**and the last two lines of the chapter were bella's thoughts and not the email. some of you were confused. apologies, again.**

**this one's for bethaboo and angel/edwardzukorocks. and DDofEve, who couldn't wait for this bitch to update. and mistressamri for eating my deep fried turkey today.**

**and as always, to my jandco. the beavis to my butthead. the ben to my jerry. the tomstu to my rob.**

_NOT MINE_

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: Buckley

Edward-

Wow. You can keep the Buckley. I'll just burn a new copy from Jasper.

The paper is… the paper. As long as people continue to mix up "you're/your", "there/their/they're", "shutter/shudder", etc., Bella will always have a job.

Hot doc cullen, huh?

-Bella

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Blame Rosalie

Hi, Bella-

Yeah, I know. I tend to be a bit on the deficient side when it comes to technology, and I think I'm like that because it just irks Rosalie so much. So when she started her website years ago, she informed me that I was getting an email account and created it for me. She claims it was supposed to say "hot dog", but that's got to be the flimsiest excuse she's ever come up with for mocking me.

Why do I keep it? I think it's because it makes me laugh. And I don't even think about it until someone points it out. I guess you caught me. I'm vain. What can I say?

-Edward

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: Vanity

Edward-

For starters, you could say you're going with gmail or yahoo and create a _real_ email account.

On second thought, I like it. You're right- it is funny.

By the way, in the interest of full disclosure, you might have my Buckley- but I still have your Zorro mask. And you're never getting it back.

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Zorro

Bella-

I've been looking for that. I lost my deposit on the costume, thank you very much!

Don't worry about it.

So, I almost don't want to ask this, but- does Rosalie hate me?

Do you?

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject:

Edward-

Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. Things at the paper are crazy, and life sometimes gets in the way of correspondence, right? I mean, I know how busy you must be, so it's nice that you can take the time out of your day to write to me.

As to your question, I'm not going to lie. You know Rose. Overprotective. She claims that by being protective of me, she's protecting you, too. I have no idea what the hell that even means, but she seems so confident with that ridiculous statement that I simply let it slide.

And no, I don't hate you. We only hung out for a week, Edward. It would be ridiculous to harbor any feelings of anger, wouldn't it?

-Bella

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Friends

Bella-

I'm really glad to hear you say that. This sounds so contrived, but would it be cool if we could be friends? I truly think we would get along as friends.

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: sure, sure

Edward-

Friends. I'm chuckling as I type this, because quite honestly, the Bella of last year would never believe Now Bella that a guy she had made out with heavily would end up not in the dustbin, but in the "friends" category. Hell, I'm growing, aren't I? I can have grown-up male friends.

So yeah, let's try the friends thing.

And since we're being friends and all… how are you?

Are you doing okay? Be honest.

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Fine

Bella-

Thank you for asking. I'm hanging in there. As well as can be expected, if you know what I mean.

Do you feel okay discussing this? I mean, ugh. I just tried typing and deleting about five different sentences before deciding every single one was either too much or too cold or just too stupid.

Help? You know what I mean, right? About discussing this?

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: I know.

Edward-

I do know what you mean. And… look. I know this is the internet phenomenon, me being able to say this because I sure as hell know that I could never do this on the phone or in person, so I'm going to just type this out and hit send without even rereading it. And I'm an editor; you know how much that is going to kill me!

Here's the thing, Edward. I'm okay now. I am.

But I wasn't. Not at first.

I thought we had a connection. And I know you thought that, too.

Was our time too short?

I've spent an insanely, alarmingly large amount of time devoted to self-analyzing the events of one week of my life. I have driven Rosalie crazy by replaying Roxette over and over without taking a shower. I have made some truly wonderful friends in the aftermath of that week. That week that ended with you finding out you got someone pregnant.

And look, I now know that you guys weren't together at the time, and that there's some question about Jessica's sexuality. Yeah. Alice filled me in on everything once I sort of woke up from my stupor and was aware enough to ask hard questions.

The thing is this- I've been trying to figure out why I reacted the way I did. I could have called. I could have clarified. But I realize now that I was scared. Scared of what it might mean. I mean, we only knew each other for a week! And the minute I heard the word "pregnant", my mind shut down. I'm not excusing it, or saying that it was logical or even rational. It's just what happened.

Looking back now, months later, something occurred to me. I was beating myself up over the way that I had reacted (or not reacted, as it were), and that's when it hit me. You didn't call me, either. You tried to come down here, but you let yourself get stopped. And I'm not blaming you or angry with you or anything. I understand.

It's as though we had our moment, and it just slipped away.

And Edward, let me tell you something. When I realized this, this missed opportunity thing- it didn't even make me sad. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty or anything like that, please understand. As I type this, I realize that the real purpose of this email is to tie my thoughts together and sort of spill it out in some pseudo-therapeutic assignment, if I believed in therapy.

So there you have it. I hope that this doesn't make you feel bad or anything. I truly do wish you the best. Myself, too. We both deserve it.

-Bella

PS- you're going to make a wonderful father. I hope she realizes that. And I hope you do, too.

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Thank you

Bella-

You have no idea how much that email eased my mind. I've been sitting here in this mess of a situation, wondering where I went wrong and how I could fix things. There's not a whole lot that I regret in life because I like to think my decisions have been well thought-out, but the things that I do regret all seem to have happened in the last few months.

And yes. The way I have been handling this situation is one of those regrets.

As are you.

I won't lie, Bella. I, too, thought that there was a "maybe" with you and me. I'm very glad that you were able to admit it, and you're right. There really is something that is so liberating about typing these thoughts and feelings out in an email. I'm trying to imagine the two of us facing each other and having this conversation, and I laugh a little bit, knowing that I'd just be running my hands through my hair in embarrassment the entire time and well- you'd probably do a lot of blushing. Sorry- you do blush a lot. It's one of the things I really like about you.

I've been backspacing a lot in this message, so I think I'll just leave it at I'm very glad you felt comfortable enough to hit "send". While I'm not entirely eased, I do feel a lot better about things in general.

For that, I must say thank you. I hope you keep taking care of yourself. And maybe one day we'll meet again, and maybe we can make it through a conversation without messing with our hair or blushing.

-Edward

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: Sheesh

Gosh, Cullen. You're sappy.

Can we just go back to karaoke and costume parties?

Life's too serious now.

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Agreed

You're the one who kept my mask. No more costume parties for me.

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: Question

Edward-

So, I have an odd question. I know Jasper is into American History and all that, but what else is he into? I really want to get him something fantastic for his birthday since he's been so great. Ideas?

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Answer

Bella-

Thank you for reminding me about Jasper's birthday. In all of this craziness, I nearly forgot. I had ordered him this Civil War Chess Set the Franklin Mint made years ago from eBay. It's been sitting at the bottom of my closet underneath shoe boxes and piles of scrubs. I'd better put a bow on it, I guess.

I'd recommend books, but he's got tons of those. What the guy could really use is someone to get him playing his guitar again. I suppose that would be tough to wrap.

Maybe music? He doesn't have an iPod, but Alice will probably get him one of those. Sorry I couldn't be more help.

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: Thanks, anyway

Edward-

Actually, music was a great idea. Rock Band. Alice is going to kill me, which is reason enough right there. I let Emmett in on the idea, and he has called dibs on drums for life. Fine by me, I'm more lead singer material, anyway.

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Bella and the Holograms

B-

You said you liked Jem, right? I laughed heartily at your email because the first thing I thought of was you fronting a band of crazy, glamorous girls. Only in the eighties. I have no idea why, but that's what was in my head.

Sorry it took so long to get back to you- the hospital's been crazy and well, quite frankly, I've had a lot of stuff to deal with; Jessica's been a little sick lately, and she's pretty high maintenance when she doesn't feel well. I feel bad, and I've been doing a lot of doctoring lately. Only not getting paid for it.

That sounds terrible; I'm more than happy to accommodate her. It's just… well. I don't want to burden you with my problems. Sorry. I'll shut up now.

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: No worries

E-

We're going to end up being friends, right? Friends can tell each other about their problems.

For instance, I'm supposed to go out dancing tomorrow night.

I can't dance.

Yikes.

Any advice?

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Arthur Murray?

B-

If I lived closer, I'd show you how. My mother made me take ballroom dancing classes in my youth because "All gentlemen should hold doors open for ladies, give up their seat on a bus to an older person, and be able to Waltz." I must say, those three rules have generally held up, so I must give my mother points.

I sincerely hope Alice isn't making you go dancing. That little Pixie needs to learn when to take "no" for an answer at some point; God knows I've never been successful in my attempts, and maybe you can help her with that.

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: Right

E-

Like I'd be the one who could say "no" to Alice. I have a hard time telling the grocery store "no" when they ask if I want to donate a dollar to muscular dystrophy.

And no, it's not Alice. I have a date.

Sorry. Too much?

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Not at all

Bella-

No, not too much. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to let me know. I mean, I'm having a baby, right?

No, this isn't at all awkward. He typed, his inner voice reading it back awkwardly.

No, seriously. It's cool.

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: Awkward

Edward-

Stop being funny. It makes me want to call you, and I think Rosalie would kill me dead. She's been after me to go out lately, and now that I'm actually doing it, she's been laying off a bit. That, and I think Emmett's been running interference for me. Honestly, I hope you know she's in good hands with him. Jasper's been pretty diligent about monitoring Emmett and his intentions because, well. I sort of let the cat out of the bag that Emmett's got a horn dog's reputation, but he's surprised all of us (and I think himself most of all) by being a good Boyfriend.

You'd be happy for your friend. I know we all are.

Speaking of which, I wouldn't be too shocked to hear of an engagement from your cousin and best friend forever. Those two are meant to be, and we all know it.

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Ugh

B-

I apologize in advance for this email. I just really need to vent for a minute, and then I'll be okay.

I'm not really sure what you know about my situation, but in short- Jessica, my ex-girlfriend and current babymama, is a lesbian. I actually caught her cheating on me with her best friend, Lauren. And that was before I met you.

The two have taken over my apartment, and it's really starting to get to me. I don't mind that they've redecorated. I don't mind that they have thrown out all of my meat products and beer. I don't mind that my TiVo is filled with Ellen and edited-for-TV reruns of Sex and the City.

But now they're attacking my music collection, and while I do not condone violence toward women in the slightest… I'm gearing up to punch someone.

Don't judge me. I won't really hit them.

But is it bad that I really, really want to?

Okay, I'm done. Sorry. How was your day?

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: not at all

E-

Oh, dear. Yeah, Rosalie filled me in on your tragedy a while back. And can I just say that I admire you for sticking it out. I really get now why we ended up the way we did. You want to do the right thing, and that's very admirable.

However… if you can get yourself out of your own personal episode of Friends, you should. Because Edward- you're not Ross. You're much better. I hope you understand that.

Now, while I'm laughing hysterically in my mind because I just compared you to a dorky anthropologist (when clearly Gunther was the unsung hero of that show), I'm also a little sad for you. I think you need a vacation, and that you should come and visit your cousin, best friends, and new friend. Sometime soon, before the baby is born.

When's the due date, anyway?

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: I just might take you up on that offer

B-

Thanks. It's nice to know that I'm not Ross. Secret time: I loved that show. But don't tell anyone. Rosalie always made me watch it with her, and I acted put out every time.

Although I must disagree with you- Mike was the hero. He played piano.

She's due in about eight weeks.

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: Time flies

E-

Two months? Wow. Where did the time go? I've been so busy with the paper and friends lately that I just didn't notice the passing of the months. Has it really been five months since we've seen each other? Have you aged? Grey hairs now? I bet you look even better with age. The unfairness of the disparity of the sexes is that you men get better with age and we women just get liposuction.

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Re: Time flies

B-

I sincerely doubt that you're going to deteriorate with age. No grey hairs yet, not that Carol and Susan haven't been trying. Alice said I looked like someone beat my dog in front of me when she was here, so I guess I don't look too great.

Time certainly does fly; I myself cannot believe how long it's been. I think I should visit you guys soon. At the very least so I can assess how well the Holograms are doing, and to see if I can steal my mask back from you.

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: Never

E-

I don't appreciate your threats. You will never find it. I have it hidden well.

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: Never say never

B-

Lemme guess. Top drawer, on the right.

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: dammit

E-

Okay, seriously. How did you guess? Am I that predictable?

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: No

B-

Not predictable. I'm just that good.

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: agreed

E-

You are that good. Never forget that, ever.

I hope you're taking care of yourself while you're taking care of other people. I think Alice is worried about you.

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

B-

I talked to Alice yesterday, and yeah. I agree with you. She's worried about me. I wish she wouldn't be. I'd ask you to intervene on my behalf, but I don't want you to get yourself in trouble with Rosalie by revealing our email friendship. Just take care of her, would you?

Better yet- I think I've finally decided to come and visit you guys. I need the weekend off.

-E

To: hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: When?

Edward-

That sounds great. When can we expect you? Is it going to be a surprise for everyone else?

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: soon

B-

I'm thinking next weekend. And yes, let's keep it a secret. Otherwise Rosalie will probably just try to talk me out of it. And I don't feel like arguing with her over the phone.

Do me a favor- hold her back when I get there?

-E

To:hotdoccullen(at)rosaliehale(dot)com

Subject: sure, sure

E-

I'll wrestle her to the ground if need be. She's been forcing me to go to self-defense classes with her lately, so I might as well use them against her.

See you soon, okay?

-B

To: iswan(at)seattletimes(dot)com

Subject: next weekend

B-

Definitely. Maybe we can have lunch or something?

Got to go. The mommies are calling. Sigh.

-E

**ohhh shit. the mommies are calling.**

**so i just wanna remind you guys about my and jandco's "a very cullen christmas" collaboration contest. i've gotten several PMs from some of you, and i must say. i am beyond stoked to see what you come up with! i'm going to put ALL submitted stories into a c2 once they start arriving, so keep checking for that. and remember, if you have questions, just ask. i keep getting hints from my nearest and dearest that my socks shall be knocked off, and i just CAN'T WAIT.**

**also, you will love what jandco and i are writing. :D **


	17. the Three Week Plan

**anyone need an update?**

**so I'm done with the school thing for a bit. and the first thing on my writing agenda was to update this bitch.**

**as always, this story and my heart are dedicated to jandco, the red ryder BB gun to my ralphie.**

**thanks for stickin' with me on this one. you guys make me happy with your reviews. you just do.**

_not mine. not any of ours. _

**Bella**

Just when you think you're going to be okay. Just when you wake up and stop thinking about it, that stupid law of broken hearts has to pop in and he has to call. Or email.

I was healing. I was. Jake was healing me. Not in the way he wanted, and I felt terrible about that, but I was for once was being completely selfish and just letting it happen.

After that first date of ours, Jacob started calling me. Like, every day. And I almost always answered the phone. He was funny; it was easy to forget the shit that was going on in your life when you had a sweet guy cracking stupid jokes designed to make you blush and giggle. So I went out with him again. I met his friends.

They were so… young. And fucking merry. It was hard not to grin around all of them. And I had never seen so many tall, dark-haired hotties. It was like I was surrounded whenever I went to Jake's apartment. He shared a place with five other guys; it was amazing that they all fit there since they were these huge, hockey-playing, wise-cracking youngsters. I mean, Seth would watch TV all sprawled out on the couch with his goalie mask on; Embry was always, always hungry and their apartment was littered with pizza boxes; Paul was a grumpy jerk, but he was so sweet to his girlfriend that you just had to forgive him. Sam was never around because he was engaged and stuck in wedding planning hell, and Quil was quiet, but always smiling.

These boys were just… college guys. Trying to make it. And when I hung out with them, it was easy to forget my heartache and just be me. I was spending more and more time with them, making me slightly guilty that I wasn't seeing as much of Alice and Rosalie. The two of them were caught up in their own boyfriend's lives, anyway; we all made a point to eat dinner together a few times a week, just the three of us. Rosalie had tried to institute a Sunday Breakfast ritual, but I'm no Carrie Bradshaw. More like Charlotte, I guess. Or maybe Stanford Blatch.

I always came home at night, though. Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to stay the night at Jake's. And it wasn't for his lack of trying. I just wasn't ready.

But I had finally decided to be ready when I got Edward's email. Dammit.

That month or so that we sent messages back and forth, I think both Jake and Rose knew something was up because I was… bright. Excited, even. And I knew it. But it couldn't be helped. Especially after that word vomit message I sent him- it was so damned liberating. I went back and read the message after it had been sent and I cringed, expecting to never hear from him again, which I both dreaded and prayed for. I almost didn't want to know what he wanted to say, but at the same time I was so desperate to believe that he was in the same place as me that I was compulsively logging onto my work website, seeing if he had responded.

And then he did. And it was all uphill (downhill?) from there. The tone of our emails changed, and I almost felt like we were on the road to friendship from then on.

Except for that teeny, tiny detail. The whole Bella is Dating Again thing. I mean, I know he knew; we had sort of danced around the topic. And it wasn't like he didn't have someone- he had _two_ someones. Three, if you want to get technical. And well. Okay, I'm out. I can admit it to myself, even if Rose gives me significant looks every time I bring Jake over. I wasn't over Edward. My head spinning and the grin on my face every time I saw a new email from him at work was proof enough of that.

Dammit. How can one guy and one week cause such havoc on my heart? It's annoying. Alice would probably launch into her rhetoric about how we were meant to be together; I'd really rather hear how we could live apart. I mean- he's about to have a _baby_. Some things are sacred. I can't just start calling him and making things awkward, could I? What if Jessica answered? What if the other lesbian answered?

What if _he_ called _me_ and Jacob answered? No. I don't want anyone hurt by this. I can lock away my heartache and live off of it. I'd have to. I'm not going to let anyone else get affected by my stupid crush. What does that stupid break-up math say? It takes three times as long as the duration of your relationship to get over it? Three weeks, then. I had never really devoted any time to thinking about it, just moping and hopping onto another guy. So, from right here, this point. This is my three week get-over-it mourning period. I, Isabella Marie Swan, will get over Edward Cullen three weeks from today. _Then_ I will let Jacob Black in. And _he_ will go and have his stupid beautiful baby boy.

Three weeks.

Right.

I read the last email with a sigh. Was he really coming out here? I was frightened of this possibility yet insanely excited about it. It's too soon. Hasn't been three weeks. Hasn't even been three days. Would I make it?

No. And what's worse is that Rosalie would see right through it.

Luckily for me, I didn't have to deal with it. Edward sent me an apologetic email, telling me he couldn't come out this weekend due to hospital obligations, begging me not to think of him as some flake who makes promises he doesn't keep.

I never thought that. He never promised me anything. I told him "some other time". Hopefully in three weeks or more.

Jacob called me later that day, inviting me over for our usual Monday night pizza and _Chuck_ viewing. He had TiVo. They couldn't afford to buy brand-name bread, but they had Tivo. Emmett and Jasper understood because they told me to drop it; guys are so dumb sometimes.

I met Jacob and the guys with a big batch of brownies and Kool-Aid mix; Paul swung the door wide and swept his arm out in that "welcome" gesture, the brown of his skin highlighted by his gleaming white teeth. He wrapped me in a bear hug and snatched the brownie plate from my hand, holding it out behind him as the others zeroed in on the goods. Jacob came out of nowhere and yanked me out of Paul's arms, lifting me lightly like I weighed nothing and brought me to the enormous orange beanbag sofa in the middle of the floor. They never put away their Rock Band instruments, simply choosing to kick the drums out of the way so that I wouldn't have to strain to see over the kit. What gentlemen.

"Bella, these're awesome," Seth said, spewing crumbs out of his mouth. I mean, he actually had a Kool-Aid mustache. I stifled a giggle but was unsuccessful as Jacob poked me in the ribs.

"Yeah, Bells. We should keep you as our den mother," he said, shoving another in his mouth. I had to make a triple batch with the way these guys ate.

"Oh, I just bet you'd like her to mother you," Paul sneered, licking the plate. Gone already.

I blushed. These guys always made me blush. I think they all assumed that Jake and I were doin' it because of our history, but we hadn't… not yet. I wasn't ready.

And he knew that. One of the reasons I liked hanging out with Jake so much was that he just didn't pressure me.

Not that Edward ever pressured me. _Sigh_. It was just a different dynamic. Everything was different. These guys made me feel like I was in college again, which was both good and bad. I had even taken to picking up their weird boy slang and mannerisms, which amused Emmett and annoyed the piss outta Rose. I sort of had no idea what I was doing, but at least I had fun doing it. They were all right- I really did need to find the fun.

Which I'd never do if I kept insisting on thinking of Edward. Three weeks.

Maybe I'd start early.

"Hey, Jake. Let's go do something."

His eyes brightened as he perked up. "Really?" The guys all looked interested and started shouting out suggestions.

"No, no. Just me and Jake." They all grumbled but also started ribbing each other. I ignored the hooting and grasped him by the hands, giving him the brightest smile I could come up with.

"Just you and me, kid," he said, giving me his big, wolfish smile.

_He's so handsome. But it's not the same._

_Sigh. Three weeks._

The good thing about Jacob Black is that he's always ready for anything. If I decided to get all girl on him and want ice cream at ten at night, he'd drive around until we found an open Baskin-Robbin's. If I wanted to have a _Buffy_ marathon, he'd watch it with me. So when I said "let's go do something," I did it knowing that he'd really take me somewhere. Anywhere. Bowling. Chuck E. Cheese. Down to the freezing-ass cold beach; I knew he'd have something unplanned and wild and _fun_.

But never did I think he'd come up with this one. I felt underdressed.

"Jake, this is- too much," I said, buttoning up my cardigan over my t-shirt. Jake had decided tonight, of all nights, that we were going to go somewhere nice. And of course it was the same Italian joint that Edward took me to.

I just couldn't get away from _him_. But I was determined to be okay. I smiled through dinner; I responded to the outrageous flattery Jake was throwing my way. He even pulled out my chair and everything. He was wearing cargo shorts and some tight-fitting burgundy tshirt that was probably from Abercrombie because it was lewd and pretending to be some sort of camp counselor shirt. The leather flip flops really completed the outfit; it was cold outside, for crying out loud. But Jake, of course, pulled it off. He somehow managed to look like he belonged in this slightly upscale eatery with his California surfer's look and bright smile. I was noticing most of the female (and some male) wait staff ogling him, and well. I couldn't blame them. The guy looked good.

I wondered for the thousandth time why he pursued me so heartily. He could probably get most girls he'd go after, and he was so much younger than I was. Well, a few years younger. But still- there's a world of difference between a guy who works at a coffee shop and a girl with her career and confused heart to deal with. He was so easy-going and fun, and I was so serious and up in my head all the time.

Staring across the table from him as he twirled his spaghetti with gusto and used his hands in big, sweeping gestures to tell me ridiculous stories about his hockey brothers and his dad back home and the misadventures of the guys on the reservation, I simply stared at him, smiling and nodding and laughing my ass off. Oh, Jake. I feel so guilty being with you sometimes.

But I was finding myself staring at him, trying to envision staying here. By his side. He was a little immature in some ways, but so far past me when it came to things like facing what was bugging you. I found that out as he walked me to the car.

"So, Bella?" he ventured, opening the creaky car door open for me and handing me in. It was almost like he was unused to treating a girl that way, and he was making a really big effort to be a gentleman. On other guys it would have rung false and irritated me, but on Jake, the fact that he was trying so hard was just more endearing.

And that's the real problem. I was charmed by Jacob Black; I was. But I wasn't sure I was into him in _that way_. And the guilt was gnawing at me because I knew he was certainly interested in _me_ in _that way._

"Yes?" I responded as he climbed in the driver's side and folded his legs in. He really had a tough time accommodating because his muscular legs were so long. I doubted he'd be comfortable in any car, but in this old clunker, he looked especially awkward. He started the car, not responding, looking for all the world like he was about to tell me my kitten died.

"What am I to you?"

Oh, God. Why now? It hasn't been the three weeks yet.

I'm really starting to resent my resolutions. Maybe I should just get over it already.

"Um," I stalled, picking at a frayed edge on my purse. I should go shopping, and I grinned, thinking of Alice just then. Her favorite words, especially if they ever came out of my mouth.

"Jake," I said softly, turning away. I could practically feel him grasping the steering wheel, and my throat sank into my stomach with the guilt I felt. Why can't I just let everything go and be with him?

Maybe I should try.

He had pulled into my driveway; I didn't even realize we were headed back to my place, and I noticed the lights were all off. No one was home.

I turned back to find that he really was grasping the steering wheel; I could see the tension in his knuckles and I was a bit worried about the circulation in his hands. Reaching over, I gently tried to release his grip on the wheel, but he was so much stronger than me.

"Jake," I repeated. I didn't want to hurt him. I could never hurt him.

He was breathing hard, and I was starting to worry about hyperventilation. I had taken that CPR class back when I worked at a daycare back in college, but I doubted I'd be able to recall any techniques. Something about Airway Breathing Circulation, but I couldn't remember what those meant anymore.

His breathing stopped abruptly, and I think it may have been because I was leaning so close to him. In all of this time of us hanging out, he had never once tried to kiss me. Despite our history; despite the fact that we have already technically (drunkenly) slept together, he had never tried to so much as give me a peck on the cheek. Big bear hugs, certainly, but he was painstakingly careful to always make sure that the hugs were clearly for friendship purposes, which I always appreciated. Like I said, Jake might be a bit immature, but he was really quite astute at knowing that I wasn't ready for the intimacy stuff that comes inherent when a boy and a girl hang out and at least one of them has some feelings.

I had been scared in the beginning that he'd try to kiss me, but he never did. And I never wondered why until just now. I had given him the one kiss on our first official date, and that was the furthest it had gotten.

Time to plunge in, Bella. It'll only help with the whole three week thing.

So I did.

I kissed Jacob Black. Not on the corner of the mouth, and not a quick peck. I leaned up and planted my lips squarely on his. I had kept my eyes open and almost laughed at the look of absolute shock followed by a burning, fierce look of desire that it nearly stole my air. But he got over it and finally removed his death grip on the steering wheel to instead lace his fingers through my hair.

And it felt good. Like, really damned good. We made out. In a piece of crap car. In my driveway. I half expected the Chief to come stomping out of the house, hands on hips as he glared at me, Jacob, and the hunk of metal blocking his garage. This thought made me giggle, and our lips broke. No tongues, but not exactly dry, either.

"What the hell, Bells?" he grinned, letting go of my hair but sliding his hands to my shoulders, mock-pushing me away. "Do I taste funny or something? I know I ate half of a loaf of garlic bread, but you had some, too. Do I need a mint, or-"

"Just shut up, Jake."

And grinning mightily, I grabbed his chin and kissed him again.

And so it went.

For the next two weeks and four days, Jacob and I made out. We started not hanging out so much at his apartment, and the guys noticed. They at first tried to guilt me into cooking for them, which I didn't mind, but Jacob would always reprimand them for being total dicks and pull me out of the apartment, dragging me to our next date. Go karts. Comedians. We even spent an evening at Costco, buying three hundred dollar's worth of food that I'm sure wouldn't last the guys a week.

No matter what we did, I had a blast. And I slowly but surely started to feel like I might be able to like Jake.

It was both a thrilling and frightening thought. Am I really so inconstant and fickle that a plan to get over someone in three weeks would work?

I sort of hoped so. It's not like Jake is the real thing, just a distraction. Hey, I can be honest. And while it's not fair to him, I'm certain he knew that this couldn't go anywhere. I mean, we were just too different.

I hate that I've turned into such a cynical jerk. Me and my stupid deflated heart.

Our making out had gotten on the heavy side. Not heavy petting, but pretty close over-the-clothes action. Like I was in high school again, desperate for a base to get crossed. I mean, it felt good. It was pretty obvious that Jake was no spring chicken (rooster?), and it was no wonder, what with him being all hot and sweet and charming.

But, bless his heart, he was never demanding like most guys I had ever made out with. Not that the list is exceedingly long or anything, but in my experience, most guys are pretty much focused on the Big Three: your lips, your tits, and the spreading of your legs.

_Even Edward._

Every time _his_ name popped into my head, I had to shake my head to banish the image of his hot mess of hair from my field of vision. The lines and definition of his gorgeous visage were starting to blur, and I took that as a positive sign that my dumb plan was actually going to _work_.

It was getting easier and easier to focus on Jacob. And tonight, my focus was to round another base. Again, I was determined. And I would not be deterred.

Not that I thought Jake would try to stop me or anything.

I made sure that Alice and Rosalie were scarce that evening.

And I invited Jacob in.

We were sitting on the couch, watching a movie and eating popcorn that I had fried on the stovetop. I even went standard girlie and got a horror movie that Emmett had left laying around, insisting that I loved them. But of course they scared the bejesus out of me, and I kept leaning into Jake at the creeptacular parts. On purpose, of course. He chuckled every time I did it, breathing his smooth, hot peppery scent onto my neck.

At some point, he started to rub my arm. Affectionately. I never got the creepy feel-you-up vibe from Jake. Everything he did could be construed as friendly, except for when he got his fierce desire look that I was getting from him quite a lot in the last week.

And I must admit, that particular look was starting to be something I was looking forward to.

_You just need to get laid._

I banished the ugly and errant thought away. Focused, instead, on Jake and Bella's hormones.

I decided to kick 'em a little.

I'd seen this dumb movie before; Emmett had made me watch it twice. I knew a gimmicky scare was coming up, and I used it as an opportunity to jump and clutch Jake's arm. He chuckled, and I threw him an irritated look. As our eyes met, I grinned and leaned in. Kissed him. Took him by surprise. He kissed back, though. Quite heartily.

I grabbed his upper arm, marveling again at how freaking big he was. So strong. I ran my other hand up his chest, clutching at his shirt. He was enthusiastically kissing me now, his tongue stroking mine as he leaned down. But I wanted to control the situation, so I pulled myself up and straddled his lap. Definitely new territory.

And he wasn't going to let me stop pioneering.

After a few minutes of hot making out, he finally, finally took the lead. Put his hands on my hips and squeezed.

And it felt good. Felt great, really. Just… different. I sighed into his mouth, and he took it as a sigh of pleasure, so I just let him think that and kept kissing, letting my brain and body just _go_.

And go.

I wasn't even thinking. Just feeling. And being felt. Felt up. And it felt… damned good.

I didn't want to dwell on anything. But one thought floated through my head, repeating like the mantra it had come to be:

_It's been three weeks._

It's go-time?

I broke away from Jake, pulling out of his grasp and standing up. He looked shocked and out of breath, and he self-consciously adjusted his pants while giving me this heartbreakingly questioning glance, like he was asking if I was okay.

I answered by holding out my hand. He grasped it, allowing me to pull him up.

Without a word, I turned and dragged him (not unwillingly) to my room. It was dark and a little cold; I had somehow forgotten to close my window, and I could see the clouds rolling in around the very bright moon. I had let go of his hand and I was just standing there. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and allowed the familiarity of my room comfort me, to calm me as I tried to decide what it was, exactly, that I thought I was doing. I slowly turned around to face him, but I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes just yet. My brain started churning with questions that I didn't want to answer, and I felt a slight sense of panic as I realized that _he_ was the one asking the questions. I had to will his velvety voice to leave my head, but it was tough. Mostly because I was desperate to hear it again, even if it was only my imagination.

Was I going to sleep with Jake? How did I suddenly end up here?

That's what I get for letting my body act before allowing my head and heart to catch up.

I opened my eyes.

I could barely make out the shape of his body as he moved slowly toward me in the dark.

"Bella," he breathed, leaning into my body as his arms circled around me. He tentatively moved his arm down so that his hand was perched on my hip, as if he was afraid of breaking me.

I was trying very hard to hold very, very still; I didn't want him to know how I was feeling just then. His other arm started to move toward my back, pulling me closer. He slowly leaned forward, his lips trembling as they brushed up against my slightly opened mouth. I was having trouble breathing.

His breath was coming out in slow gasps now; he traced his mouth along my jaw line, stopping right before my ear. He pressed his lips at that spot just below my ear lobe; I let out a sigh.

_It wasn't the same_.

He read the sigh as permission; he slowly started caressing my neck with his lips, pressing his mouth into my warm skin.

I was still breathing with my mouth open, and my throat turned dry as I felt a constricting tightness slowly start to choke me. _Damn_. _I thought I could make it through this without crying._

He slowly traveled from my neck across my cheek, and then he paused. My eyes were accustomed to the dark at this point; I could see the moon in his eyes from the window behind me. The deep pools reflected all that he was feeling for me. I could feel the tears start to form in the corners of my eyes. I tried to turn my head, but he wouldn't let me look away. Almost reverentially, he held my face with the tips of his fingers, barely brushing along my cheekbones.

_Oh, no. He's going to_…

"Bella," he breathed, the pitch of his voice getting husky with emotion, "I love you."

He then placed a gentle kiss on my lips, and I let the tears fall. Better to let him think those tears are because of my love, too.

I could never tell him the truth.

**ahh, the infamous prologue. you were all right, it was jake. but i betcha were scared it would be edward at some point, weren'tcha? keep with the fun guessing in your reviews; some of you have almost convinced me to change my original ending for this story; it's still up in the air, but I do enjoy reading your theories.**

**so don't forget, it's deadline time for the christmas contest! check out the c2 I made for it, the only c2 i've ever done. i'm really looking forward to reading whatcha'll have come up with; should make for an interesting week of funtimes for me and jandco!**


	18. Mick dispenses with sagelike wisdom

**happy new year, everyone!**

**so i sat down to write this last night and hit play on the ole itunes. first song that came up decided the writing. thank you, mick jagger.**

**special thanks to limona; one little suggestion makes for better angst, eh? heh heh**

**no thanks to my favorite reviewer, birdman94. he absolutely refuses to give me the one thing i've asked from him. why, birdie? why do you wanna hurt me so bad? ladies, don't you think it's rude of him to deny me this one small thing that I ask of him? what it is is of no consequence; he denies. so rude.**

**dedicated to jandco, nominated for a gazillion twilight awards. you'd all better go vote, people. some of my favorite stories are nominated.**

**Edward**

How ironic. My life is one giant Rolling Stone Song. You _can't_ always get what you want. Sing it to me, Mick.

I had to physically stop myself from writing more in that email. It was ridiculous. Why. Why can't I have this?

_You're going to be a father_.

Oh, right.

Sighing out loud and a little huffily, I flipped off my iTunes and went out into the living room to see what they wanted. Jessica had finally given in to her craving phase and was constantly wanting either In-n-Out, Animal Style (who could blame her) or Funyons or guacamole. And naturally, I was the bitch boy sent on the errand. Lauren didn't know how to drive, which was utterly ridiculous. But Baby Daddy drove the nice, sensible Charger and was more than happy to get unhealthy, bright green foods for the mommy.

I had become so complacent and eager to avoid confrontation that I no longer recognized myself. And the constant, seething rage that was bubbling underneath my epidermis was starting to itch and chafe. Every turn, every snide comment and every demand from the girls- it all made me grit my teeth and just do whatever they asked. It wasn't worth the tight-lipped grimace that pervaded my face when I tried to hold back a retort, so I just started caving and doing as they asked. They hadn't exactly started taking advantage (except for the taking over my living room bit), but I could feel it coming.

But how could I deny the wishes of the woman carrying my child?

If it _was_ my child.

_Sigh_. I needed to stop the uncharitable thoughts. Jessica was really in as much pain and annoyance as I had been lately. Lauren was starting to become seriously overbearing, demanding Jessica stay off her feet and freaking out at every tiny little bit of discomfort Jess was feeling. Sometimes we shared these exasperated looks, but hell. I couldn't necessarily fault Lauren for caring, right? So dutiful Edward did their bidding. He went and earned a paycheck. Shopped for car seats and strollers since "that's the guy's job".

I was starting to feel lost inside of my body that did the things that it was supposed to do.

So when I wrote those emails to Bella, it was as though a separate part of me was doing it, the part that was still hopeful and optimistic about my future. I couldn't help it. It was too fun. And I was glad to see that she was okay.

But one tiny part of my mind was full of crushing, suffocating regret that she had obviously moved on, and had not been as affected by our separation as I was. Oh, I was more than glad for her sake. If I knew that she was as empty inside as I was, I didn't think I would have been able to refrain from ignoring the mommies and flying up north.

Yet that's exactly what I wanted to do. I wrote her an email suggesting that I should come up for a visit, and as soon as I typed it, I knew that's exactly what I was going to do. I needed to get away. Get away from edematous ankle hell and go do something other than another's bidding.

"What do you need, Jess?" I asked, having just stuffed some tshirts and my toothbrush into a duffle. I wasn't going to tell them where I was headed. They didn't need to know. They weren't my keepers, dammit.

"We're out of that yummy multigrain bread from Trader Joe's, Edward. Could you go grab some?" Lauren simpered, a smile barely containing her distaste for me. I wasn't sure if it was because she had drunkenly tried to make out with me once years ago or because she knew that I had stuck my dick inside her lover or what, but she just acted like I was a stepping stone on her way to bigger and better things. Sure, it occurred to me more than once that she was only here in the capacity of leech, but I refused to let that dictate how I acted toward the mother of my child. I suspected that was one of the reasons Rose was still not speaking to me. She _hated_ Lauren therefore hated that I was being nice to her.

"Yeah, sure. I have to go out of town for a few days," I shot over my shoulder before she could reply. I smiled in perverse pleasure, picturing her pretty, pointy nose crinkling and her mouth about to complain. But I slammed the door shut on her in my head.

When I got back, I tossed the bread and some other stuff I knew Jess liked on the counter and rushed to my room. I had a flight to catch.

The whole trip I was fidgeting like crazy. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Could I see Bella? I'd have to be stealthy about it. I knew Rose, and I wouldn't put it past her to sock me one again. And I would have to let her. Rosalie Hale was not one to admit she'd been wrong or to apologize unless the transgression was totally blatant. But the thing is, when she's defending someone she cares about, well. She turns into Mama Bear. Defending with claws out 'til death. And somewhere in my absence, she had taken on Bella. For that I was glad. If there's anyone who would take good care of Bella besides me, it was my best friend. Plus, she had Alice and Jasper. Bella would be okay. She had inherited my friends.

I wasn't unaware of the flight attendant hitting on me, but I just didn't need that. It would be good to rid some of my tension with a stranger, but hell. I was getting too old for that shit.

Besides, there was only one girl that I wanted anymore. And I didn't get to have her. I'd have to reconcile that with myself before I could start having meaningless sex again. Otherwise I'd never stop. I didn't want to be that guy- again, I'm too old for that. So I smiled politely, mentally berating myself for giving up the chance at sex. Was this maturity? I hoped not.

I stepped off the plane to a light misting and allowed the cool air to sweep into my lungs. San Francisco might be soggy and cold to match my mood, but there was something cleansing about the Seattle rain. I felt a renewed sense of vigor, and maybe it was because I had escaped the stifling atmosphere of my apartment and responsibilities, but I felt possibility wash through me. Or maybe it was the prospect of seeing my friends. Maybe it was the possibility of seeing Bella. _Maybe_? _I'm so delusional._

I couldn't decide if I should go to Alice's first or not. I had decided my best cover was to go with Jasper and Rosalie's birthday- I came to give them their gifts in person. That's feasible, right? And I could throw in that I needed to get the hell outta Dodge for a weekend, which was mostly true. I didn't think anyone would question that. Besides, no one knew that I had hinted at visiting in the Bella emails, and I knew she wouldn't tell anyone. She was trustworthy.

Just being back and thinking about her made me want to see her desperately. But I knew I couldn't show up on her doorstep anymore. I decided to go to the scene of our first meeting- that hole-in-the-wall coffee shop. I named it to the cab driver and we were off. My palms started sweating, a slow grin hitting my face. She had been adorable that day- tripping and blushing and smelling _outstanding_.

I decided I'd get a coffee and head over to Jasper's and Rose's, figuring the odds Alice would be there to be pretty good. _She_ was always glad to see me, and she'd protect me from Rose if she was there. Clasping my overnight bag over my shoulder, I stepped out of the cab and heard the squeal of the tires as the guy sped off. Maniac. My grin in place, I walked to the door of the coffee place-

-and Bella was there. Oh, God. She looked radiant. Sipping coffee. This was not how this was supposed to go down. She was clacking away on a laptop, her brow furrowing in concentration. I stood there like a moron with my hand on the door and what I'm sure was the world's goofiest grin on my face. Coming here was the best idea I'd had in months; I felt renewed, vigorous. My foggy mind started to clear a bit, and I frantically scrambled for what I'd say, what my excuse for suddenly showing up would be.

Should I go up to her? What would I say? I did tell her I was going to visit, and I wondered what her reaction would be, whether she had meant it when she said we'd do lunch. We could go right now. I didn't know the area, but I'm sure she had a haunt or two she'd like to visit. I was trying not to think too much about our previous date because that just wasn't constructive, but it was difficult. I could practically smell her, she was so close. My mind was desperate to have her near me again, and I could feel the smile taking over as I decided I'd just go in. No preparation; I wouldn't create something witty to say to explain my sudden appearance. I'd simply let it happen.

I took a deep breath to open the door when I saw _him_. That guy from the picture on Rose's website. The Coffee Kid. Not working, sitting down with her. She looked up at him, and I saw her in profile, saw her face light up at him. He picked up her hand and played with her fingertips.

The fog came back.

I turned on my heel, flagged down a cab, and went to Jasper's.

"Holy shit."

Jasper was standing there, half a sandwich in his hand as he stared me down.

"The hell are you doing here, man? It's fucking good to see you!" Jasper didn't curse unless he was unsettled, so I took this as either a great sign, or a worrying one.

"Like I'd miss your guy's birthday," I said, clasping him on the shoulder and doing the handshake one-armed guy hug. Maybe I was being affected by the same sex lovefest going on in my house, but I kind of wanted to hug him for longer than the Guy Rule One Beat allowed, but I didn't, of course. No use in alienating _everyone_ in the Hale family.

"Edwaaaaaaard!" Thank God for Alice. She always makes me feel better. She hopped up into my arms, squeezing me something fierce.

"You know, one of these days, you're going to break someone's neck with that," Jasper said, his affection obvious in his voice. He was looking healthy, robust. Alice was doing that, and for that I was glad. I looked around; the place actually looked like home, and I could see Alice's Touch all over the place. Rosalie was a leather sofa and neutral colors kind of girl, but there were splashes of bright all over the place. It was homey and comfortable, and I was glad to be back. I carried the little one over to the couch and dropped her there, plopping down next to her and tossing my bag beside me.

"Do you need a drink, Edward?" Alice was treating me like a cancer patient; she was worried, I could tell. I must look like hell. Flight notwithstanding, I knew that I had lost weight in the past few months. I'd have to work on that so people would stop fussing over my appearance. And the first step in that was to get over Bella.

"No, I'm good. Thanks," I said, putting my arm around her. She leaned into me briefly but then hopped up, saying she had some stuff for work to take care of. She skipped out, blowing a kiss at Jasper and promising me that we'd do dinner. Settling into the couch, I asked if Rose was there and Jasper shook his head.

"You okay, brother?" He was still looking unsettled, but I just felt this sense of peace at being there, being with my friend.

"No. But thanks for asking," I answered, a small smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

"How's… Jessica?" he asked, seeming like he didn't know where to begin. And it was weird. I hated that it was weird. We hadn't been this weird since discovering we had slept with the same girl back in our undergrad days.

"Look, can we just… not talk about it?" I asked, starting to sound whiny. He chuckled before answering.

"Naw. We can't not talk about it, Edward. This is serious, otherwise I wouldn't be using double negatives to make my point." He stretched his legs out on the coffee table, kicking over Rose's Kelly Blue Book. He was leaning back, his legs too long for the pajama bottoms he was lounging around in. He must not have a class on Fridays.

"You have a point to make?" I asked, trying to sound amused. But we both knew I knew what he was talking about. "You didn't even know I was coming up here."

"I knew you would eventually find an excuse to do so, after that stunt you pulled. Our birthday seemed to be as good an excuse as any, right?" Damn him for knowing me so well.

I leaned forward and pressed the butt of my palms into my eyes, propping my elbows on my knees and sighing deeply. Maybe I knew subconsciously that while Alice would be good to talk to, Jasper was the one who would force me to talk about it.

"Jasper-" I began, but he cut me off.

"Look, Edward. Who knows you better than I do? It's time to face the music," he drawled, looking not at me but at the ceiling. He was the picture of ease, and I was irritated that he was always so calm.

"You always do what everyone wants you to do. Gran wanted you to take ballroom dancing, so you did. Esme wanted your help in organizing that luncheon for society wives, and you called the caterer and created an auction. Carlisle wanted you to go to med school, and Rosalie wanted you to buy a horsepower-driven, good ole fashioned American car. You let Alice pick out your shoes, and you let me dictate your reading list. And you most certainly let those lesbians tell you that organic is the only way of eating, so my question is- when are you gonna do what you want?"

I didn't answer him.

"Edward. What do you want? And you know I'm talking about Bella. I know what you felt for her, what you're feeling now. It's plain as day, man. I never saw anyone as sunshiney as the two of you when you were together, and that was after a week. You don't just ignore a connection like that. So you knocked a girl up. So the hell what?"

I let him continue. I _did_ need this.

"I can't understand why you just let her go."

I was getting angry. Whether it was at him or myself, I wasn't sure yet.

"I figured that I'd give it a week. Rose would have killed me otherwise. But then you just… stayed away. I thought to myself, 'He's just giving some distance.' But that distance turned into a permanent vacation. Where did you go? Where are you now? Stuck. Because she's trying, man. She's hurt and bewildered and letting someone else heal her. It's like you've locked yourself away in an attic somewhere, allowing the pain to take over. But the thing is- you're ignoring her. You're ignoring yourself. And that just sucks."

Indeed it does.

"I have one question for you. When are you ever going to do what you want? Because I'll tell you right now, once that baby is born- and I know you- you will close the door on getting your way for a very long time."

He sat up and leaned on his elbows like I was doing; I hadn't removed my palms from my eyes yet. I couldn't. I couldn't look at him because I'd either punch him again or do something unmanly and I didn't want to react. I'd never stop if I did.

"I'm not saying go to her. She's okay right now. I have to say, I really dig that chick. She's kind of perfect. But she's on the mend, brother. I don't know if it's time or this new guy or what, but she's getting better. No sparkle yet, but it's only a matter of time."

No.

"I'm not saying you should desert your duty, because you're no derelict. But I am saying that you don't always have to do the right thing. For one thing, you have a funny idea of what's right and what's wrong. And lemme tell you- trusting those two girls is not right. I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. You need to figure out your plan, because I know you. You're not. You're just going along with whatever they say. You think it's your duty to be with that girl, Edward, and it's not. She's a grown-up, sort of. So fucking grow a pair and figure your shit out. Please. I'm tired of my sister's bitching."

With that, he got up and walked to the kitchen, returning with two beers.

"Here. What say we ignore my little diatribe and you make with the presents already. Rose should be back soon, and this is probably your chance to let her forgive you. Just don't say the name 'Lauren'. It makes her lip curl, and no one likes it when a pretty girl makes an ugly face."

I knew there was another reason I came up here.

Rose did, indeed, come home soon after. She had Emmett in tow, and he was grasping several shopping bags in each hand. He grinned when he saw me, dropping the bags and thumping me on the back. Rose had her eyes narrowed, but I handed her a Blue Box. I had learned from the best- always approach a girl who was mad at you with Tiffany's.

"You asshole." She opened it up and saw the simple chain. Turning around so I could fasten it for her, she lifted her hair for me and I slipped the necklace into place. She dropped her hair and I hugged her from behind. I knew I was forgiven.

"So, I assume Jasper pulled your head out of your ass for you." She strode over to the couch and took a swig of my beer. "About time." Those two with their twin thing. It was kind of nice, never having to have the same conversation twice. Even if the two approaches would be different.

"Yes, Ma'am," I grinned, glad to be in a setting where I didn't have to let the fog take over my brain. Alice came back a short while later to find the four of us engaged in a thoroughly engrossing World Tour set, me and Jasper rocking the guitars and Emmett singing with gusto. Rose had gotten good on the drums, and Alice just goggled, obviously happy that her favorite people were enjoying themselves.

"I love having you here," she whispered, wrapping her thin arms around my waist. I simply nodded.

"You should move," she sighed, switching over to Jasper. Well, that's something I could start my list of things I wanted to do with.

After spending the entire weekend with my friends, I felt a renewed sense of purpose.

Jasper was right. It was time to start doing what I wanted to do.

I just needed to figure out what that was, exactly. And whether Bella was a part of that plan.

**ooh. what's he gonna do? i guess i'd better make it gooood…**


	19. Sexy Sadie, What have you done?

**hello, darlings. i dunno if this was what you were looking for, but at least it was less than a week, yes?**

**this one's for gallantcorkscrews, who gets emotional at blowjobs. it's not my fault jandco writes them so nicely. and don't threaten me, darling. you couldn't leave. you'd never find out if scotch edward wins his bet, now. would you? **

**dedicated to jandco and bittenev, the priscilla and colonel to my elvis, respectively.**

**Edward**

What do I want.

Whaaat do I want.

I want my apartment back, for one thing. But that's too heavy to tackle right now.

I want to talk to Bella. But I was going to listen to Jasper on that one. For the moment.

Funny how entering the foggy cloudbank of San Francisco had cleared my mind. I was tired of being nonreactive, of not participating in my own life. And it was definitely time to do something about it.

But I couldn't just do something overnight. Drastic actions lead to bad consequences. I would have to make a minor change and see if it stuck. Because I knew what my ultimate goal was. I didn't voice it out loud; I didn't even think it to myself. But right there in the back of my brain where all of my hopes and desires were simmering, I just _knew_.

But I couldn't deal with that yet. I had a baby on the way.

I decided that I needed something that was just for me. Something that didn't involve another person.

I wanted my music.

I had been playing the piano since I was a kid; most people give up their lessons when they realize how much practice goes into it, but not me. The piano had been my escape when I was younger, and until I started going to med school, it had been my constant companion. But what with the MCATS and studying pathology and doing internships and this and that, somewhere, somehow- I lost it. Lost the time to play.

I didn't really think about any of this as I boarded the plane, though. I didn't think about anything the entire flight home. I sat there, letting this calm feeling flow over me; Jasper's words had not only affected my state of well-being the entire weekend, they were starting to affect my future actions. I could tell. And I just let it happen.

The entire weekend, I didn't see Bella. I had been early for birthday stuff for Jasper and Rosalie, but they were all glad I was there. I didn't ask if they were doing a dinner or something on Wednesday because well, I didn't want to hear that she was bringing a date, and I'm pretty sure no one wanted to have to tell me that, either. Well, maybe Rose; but we had come to a sort of truce, and she was talking to me now. Thank God, too; it had hurt being all of these months without her. And I was sort of pissed at myself that I had let her be that kind of friend for me.

But I knew them- they were doing it for my own good. They always had. They knew enough to understand that I had to stew over stuff for a while. I guess Jasper just got a little tired of stewing, but hell. I needed it. I needed that entire conversation to happen. Because now I was waking up, and the new sense of purpose and determination felt _good_.

I opened the door to my apartment, glad that Jess and Lauren weren't there; they probably went back to their place to get more crap to bring over. Without complaint, I tidied up, folding the throw blankets, tossing the scratchy homespun sweaters in the laundry basket and putting away the bread and emptying the dishwasher. I'd have to start insisting Lauren do the dishes; if she weren't so good at taking care of Jess, we'd've had a conversation a long time ago.

Leaving a note that I'd be back with dinner, I grabbed my keys and drove over to my parent's house. They had a Victorian overlooking the Bay, and it always made me feel good going there. They were currently up in Seattle, visiting some friends, so I let myself in, allowing the smell of wood cleaner and laundry take over. This was one of their many houses, and they didn't use it often, but they kept it empty instead of renting it out so that I'd have somewhere to play if I ever wanted.

I hadn't been able to in a while. I dropped my keys on the counter, flipping on light switches and enjoying the cool interior as the clean, sparse furnishings comforted me. My mother had excellent taste, and it was refreshing after the hectic, bright colors of my overcrowded apartment.

I couldn't help the smile that invaded my face when I saw her- my _baby_. Sleek and black. I gingerly sat on the bench, simply letting the comfort of the hard surface relax me as I cracked my neck side to side; I rested my hands on either side of me, staring at the polished surface of the cover, knowing the keys were underneath and allowing a sense of anticipation to fill me. I lifted the lid, almost reverentially, and placed my feet on the pedals.

I didn't play anything, really; just washed my fingers over the keys and felt the music humming around me. Soft, then loud. The sound of my fingertips hitting barely registering over the quiet hum filling the room. The acoustics were excellent because of the wood floors, and I stared at a blank wall, pouring out my relaxation through my hands. I went on like this for several minutes, getting used to the almost automatic feeling of the music. It was so easy to fall back in, like driving after you've been on vacation for far too long.

After going on with the purposeless music for a bit, I began to play with a greater sense of purpose. I could feel the look of determination cross my face as I tried to make it more complicated, to play something that I had been toying with years ago. My great unfinished sonata, I liked to joke to myself. Gentle yet infuriatingly full of ache. I had started it after breaking up with my college sweetheart, and I had stopped when I realized I was writing it out of spite.

Out of nowhere, images of Bella popped into my head. _No_. I didn't want to associate her with the pain of that time. I was still young then, inexperienced. Bella was different. A stupid error that I didn't know if I could rectify. The music changed. I rewrote it in my head as I went, the keys almost clacking as I thought of how idiotic our non-communication was. Banging, tapping. Furious. Her sexy smile in my head egged me on, taunting me with its promise. I sighed then, forcing myself to stop that ridiculous thinking. My memory of Bella didn't need to go this way- so I softened the music. The tinkling of keys turned sweeter, then; I got out of the lower octaves and moved my hands to the right, my fingers nearly tangling on themselves as I played gentle runs up and down, up and down. Bella's laugh filled my head, her neck straining as she threw herself into it. She was always so unaware of herself when she had been amused, not realizing that her joy spread out to those around her. She'd bring her head forward, the laughter turning into soft chuckling as she quieted, her grin remaining and her hand coming down, attempting to cover my large one. I imagined she was with me, her hands hovering over mine as I played.

I liked the direction this was going. Against my better judgment, I replayed images of my time with Bella, but I studiously avoided the more graphic images. That wouldn't get me anywhere. Pleased with where the song was going, I knew I'd remember all of it. I could continue. The music came to me easily.

I was interrupted by my cell phone, and I grunted when I saw it was Lauren.

"Yes?" I said as politely as I could. Best to keep it neutral. I didn't want her to interrupt my enjoyment.

"Jess wants Stucky's cheese fries and a Monte Cristo." Her voice was disgusted; she hated it when Jessica wanted greasy food.

I sighed. "Okay, I'm on my way." I snapped the phone shut and reluctantly pulled the cover down on the keys; I'd have to come back later.

I pulled into a parking spot and walked over to the bar that Jess and I used to frequent when we were dating. It was a hole-in-the-wall, and the dive atmosphere was oddly comforting. Since it was still early, there were only a few probable regulars at the counter. I sat down and ordered a couple of sandwiches and a salad for Lauren. The barkeep acknowledged by way of grunt and went to fill my order. Swiveling around on the barstool, I leaned back on the bar and propped myself on my elbows, looking around. It had been a while since I'd been there, and it looked different when it was still sort of light aside. I noticed the pool tables and dart board were empty, and the jukebox wasn't on yet.

Then I noticed the piano. It had always been there, and I had always joked about Billy Joeling it, doing a Piano Man performance for Jess. I turned to the bartender and asked if I could play; he grunted again and shrugged by way of reply, going back to refilling a ketchup bottle or whatever it was he was doing.

I made my way to the back and sat down at the piano. Pressing a key, I noticed it was sadly out of tune, but the resonance was decent. I pulled a bluesy thing, kind of testing the waters. It was different from my beautiful instrument back home, but it lent an air of authenticity to the bar's pseudo-seedy atmosphere, and I found myself grinning as I launched into _Sexy Sadie_- sure, it was feeding into the Piano Man thing, but oh well. I was enjoying myself. I didn't sing, but I kind of hummed under my breath, finishing with a flourish. I had made it a little bluesy, a little whiskey-filled. I pushed up from the bench to find that the bartender and three patrons had all turned and were staring at me.

"Where'd you come from, fella?" the bartender asked. He had a brown paper bag with my food in it held out to me, a look of shock on his face. Sheesh, you'd think he'd never heard the Beatles before.

"I hope I wasn't too loud," I mumbled, digging into my pocket for my wallet. The guy waved at me while shaking his head and said, "No charge if you come back later and play again." Really?

I handed him a twenty and said, "You've got yourself a piano player."

And that's how I started my little rebellion. Small steps at first. I had come home and dropped the sandwiches on the counter, sort of grinning and not paying attention to what was going on around me. The girls were there, rearranging furniture and complaining about how hungry they were. I didn't even notice. I was walking around in a different kind of fog now, and that fog was a little red.

"Lauren. Pick up your dirty dishes next time, would you?" I practically snapped at her, going into my room to figure out what I was going to play tonight. Their looks of shock barely registered as I passed them by. Maybe they needed a wake-up call, too.

I was at my laptop, scrolling through my iTunes to see what kinds of songs I thought I might be able to get away with playing at Stucky's. There was a tap-scratch at my door, and I looked up to see Jessica standing in the doorway, holding on to either side as she propped herself up. I jumped out of my chair and led her over to the bed; she wasn't quite enormous as she still had some time left in the pregnancy, but she was starting to get a little unsteady in her gait with the passing days. She looked tired and weary, and I instantly felt bad for talking to Lauren like I had.

"Are you okay?" I asked, not quite knowing if she would appreciate my touching her. Things were always different when Lauren wasn't around, and I assumed that since the TV was off and I couldn't hear any noise out there that she had left. Lauren wasn't exactly the most inconspicuous person there was.

"I should be asking you the same question," she replied, closing her eyes and leaning back on the bed, propping herself up with her elbows. She looked like she wasn't getting any sleep, but that wasn't exactly news with a pregnancy. I mentally looked her over, remembering the report from the last doctor's visit. I knew she was fine, but I still wanted to make sure she was doing everything she should be. Without answering her, I started grilling her softly over her prenatal vitamins and whether she was drinking enough water. She answered my questions, forgetting her reason for being there. Luckily for me, pregnancy made her incredibly scattered.

"Why don't you go ahead and rest, Jess," I offered, walking over to the closet to get a new shirt. I could feel her eyes on my back as I changed, but I no longer cared. She had made her choice and intentions known, so it's not like it was a big deal to get shirtless in front of her.

"Edward, you seem…" But she didn't finish her thought. And I knew what she was going to say anyway. I could tell that I was being more energetic than I had in months. And maybe it was the renewed sense of purpose I had. Maybe it was my excitement over having seen Bella. Or maybe I was just glad to be getting out of the apartment.

"Hey, I'm going out for a bit," I tossed over my shoulder. She looked shocked. I hadn't done anything aside from work lately. Well, work and run errands.

"Of course. Have a… good time," she finished, and she started to heave herself off of my bed. I rushed over to help her up, trying not to laugh at her obvious discomfort. She just looked so cute waddling around; accommodating a baby (my baby) shouldn't be funny, but it was.

"If you need something, text me. It'll be loud there, and I might not hear my phone," I told her as I helped her over to the couch. She stopped me by putting her hand on my arm and said, "Hey. Just go out. We won't bug you tonight. Go take care of yourself, Edward." I had almost forgotten how nice Jess could be in the absence of Lauren.

Silently chastising myself for my less-than-generous thoughts, I left the apartment and drove down to Stucky's.

I was doing this.

The bartender, who it turned out was named Mack, was pleased as punch with my playing. People seemed to really respond to the tunes; I thought it was because they were so drunk, but Mark insisted that he couldn't recall such enthusiasm (in the form of bar tabs) from the patrons. He asked if I'd like to come and play a few nights a week for a percentage of tips, but I told him I'd play for free. Well, as long as he kept me in whiskey, of course. Lonely piano players need whiskey. Mack had looked startled, but he grinned, slapping my palm with a hearty whack and welcoming me to Stucky's.

And the piano playing was only the beginning.

Seems it was easy to do what I wanted once I got started.

And I didn't keep it exclusive to dealings at home.

The next big thing I wanted to tackle was my career.

I had never really wanted to be a doctor.

I just didn't know what else to be when I grew up.

And my father had been quite insistent on med school. Since he was footing the bill, well. I didn't see it fit to contradict him. And I truly enjoyed what I did.

It's just… I wasn't as excited about it as I had been initially. Just finishing my residency was a major departure for me; I was ready to move on, and I didn't think I wanted to stay on a medical floor. But I didn't really know what I wanted to do, so I simply proceeded as per usual, going along with what I was already doing, not challenging the direction my life was taking.

No more.

I no longer went through the motions of performing rounds and instructing med students. I found myself seriously questioning my reasons for being there, at that very hospital. I could easily blame Jasper for making me think this way, or Jessica and Lauren for making me so discontent with my lot in life, or Bella for rocking my foundation so heartily that I felt off balance, or even Mack for offering me a job as a wayward pianoman.

Turns out I didn't need to place blame anywhere. Whoever, whatever the circumstance- I was _glad_.

Glad.

And then I got pissed.

I almost felt like I had been robbed of something, and it came crashing around my ears one day when I got three turfs who I, in turn, turfed on up to ICU, got hollered at by the charge nurse for taking the last of the gross sugar-free creamer, told a man his wife was dying, and walked in on some people going at it in an empty patient's room. I had had enough. The worst part was that I had nothing to bitch about.

_Oh, yes you do._

Not really, anyway.

The real question was- what was I planning on doing about my discontent?

Without answering my own question, I did something that I never would have considered doing even a year ago. I started making silent inquiries about working elsewhere.

And maybe the hospitals I was looking into were slowly drifting north of my current location.

But I didn't acknowledge that particular thought. I felt like I was doing what I wanted, and that was quite enough.

For the moment.

**ooh, it's getting' there. iiiiiit's getting' there. HE'S gettin' there.**

**oh, and stay tuned. i have a big announcement about a fun, new endeavor coming soon. **

**WATCH YER INBOXES**


	20. the Kellogg's Variety Pack

**Hi there, little ginsper fans…**

**I love everyone who has read the blog and shown their support by writing some truly incredible reviews. You guys make my heart melt with the things you've posted and PM'd. Seriously. It's just… it makes me all emo. So keep checking out the blog I linked on the profile… there's some pretty cool broads associated with it.**

**To you, you delicious broads who make me smile. **

**And of course, to my jandco- the Cash Warren to my Jessica Alba. We're calling ourselves "Team Sweden".**

**Bella**

"He _what_?" Alice practically screeched, startling Rosalie, our server, and practically every patron in the swanky restaurant.

I had waited a week to tell them. It just- I didn't know. All this time, Jake and I had been getting closer, and I knew that he liked me a lot more than I was comfortable with, but hell.

"He told you he loved you." Rosalie had something of a manic glint in her eye, and I couldn't exactly identify it. I didn't know if my gossip was positive or negative. In fact, I didn't really want to know. Her schemes were scarier than Alice's shopping jags.

"What did you say?" They looked at each other and then turned as a unit to face me. My own fault for sitting across from them. Alice primly folded her hands and rested her chin on them, pursing her lips and putting on a rapt expression. Rose had one eyebrow sky-high, all judgment and groomed.

"Nothing," I sighed. Nothing. That was so shitty. I said nothing.

"Wait. Hold up. Hottie Hockey Barista tells you he loves you and your response was- what? To cry? Hug yourself and shudder in pain? Quit being a fucking emo, Bella. I hate Hot Topic, but for you, I'd shop there. Please don't make me."

"Shut up, Rose. I can't handle jokes at a time like this. W-o-w," Alice said, drawing out the "wow" and hanging her mouth on it. "Isabella Swan- breaking hearts and her own limbs all over Seattle."

"Ha ha." I was uncomfortable telling them this stuff, but luckily for me, my salmon had just arrived. I used that as an excuse to gather my thoughts, took a forkful, and then I purged. This was why I needed my girls.

"It was intense," I began, chewing thoughtfully and swallowing before continuing. "I mean, Jake likes me. And I know that. But I was having fun, you know? He's young and different and so fucking honest. Forthright. I should have seen it coming."

"But… love? I mean, it's only been…" Alice's brow was furrowed, thinking. We had all had an odd little bout with our relationships lately. Alice and Jasper were practically married. Emmett had all but moved into Rose and Jasper's place, meaning Jasper was spending a lot of time at our place.

I tried to picture myself making the same shift to Jake's, but all I could see was Seth's goalie mask and pizza boxes and needing to sew patches on sashes because I would surely turn into a den mother.

Then, in the darkest part of my mind where I let bad thoughts flourish and Edward and I were happy, I saw that my moving in with him would complete my otherwise perfect circle of friends.

But that's just not how things happened.

So, I focused my energies on Jacob and prayed to God that he'd either live with me as his best friend or that I'd learn to accept his love and maybe, just maybe, one day when I was caught off-guard- maybe I could find room for him in my heart, too. As more than an amazing friend.

I knew that I was starting to heal, because I was able to accept this as my new reality. And it wasn't unfair or good or negative- it just was.

I sighed again, coming back and realizing that Alice and Rosalie were glaring at me, impatient and needing more information.

"What? Eat up. It's not my fault you all ordered salad," I said lightly, trying to shake the subtle foggy feeling that Edward's name always managed to coat my brain with. Rose scowled and still managed to look like she was on the cover of Italian Vogue.

"Fucking Jacob. Only a boy would have the stones to tell you that shit," she muttered, shoveling frisee into her mouth and flexing her jaw back and forth as she thought. She pointed her fork at me for emphasis.

"You have to get yourself out of this shit, stat," she said, popping a cherry tomato in her mouth and looking at Alice to pick up the slack.

"Oh, right. Bella," Alice sighed, putting her fork down and folding her hands in her lap. Great. Jacob intervention. I busied myself with scooping off a piece of salmon and put it in my mouth quickly. It was hot in the middle and I tried to disguise that because I didn't trust myself to not lash out at my well-meaning friends. "You guys are getting so serious so quickly." She brought her hands up, her right-hand diamond glittering fiercely, mesmerizing me with the facets. Alice's knuckles were tight, despite her relaxed attitude. It would take someone who knew her well to recognize how tense she was.

"Alice," Rosalie chided, coming to my defense before I could swallow, "just because Jacob loves Bella, doesn't mean she reciprocates. Right?" She looked at me pointedly, the top corners of each eyebrow practically knocking her bangs off her head. My salmon suddenly tasted bland, and I had a hard time swallowing it.

"Guys," I choked out, sipping my Diet Coke. "Come on." I knew I was blushing, but hell. How to answer this?

"Look," I said, getting a headache from the ice-cold drink chugging. "Jake is a… great guy. Smart. Fun. I'm-"

"Having fun. Yeah, yeah. Come on, Bella. You didn't say anything to him, did you?" They were killing me with their demanding stares, but I needed this. I needed them to grill me. I needed to know that I wasn't a horrible person.

That night, Jacob had enveloped me in his warm arms while slow tears ran down my face. I didn't know what to say. Love? How could he love me? He barely knew me?

_You barely knew Edward._

_It isn't the same._

And I sighed. I sighed and hugged him back, pressing my nose into that spot just above where his arm met his shoulder; he smelled warm and a little sweaty and if I were any other girl, it would have been a perfect moment.

Unfortunately for me, I was still the Bella of Months Ago. The Isabella who couldn't let things go.

Even now, in the arms of another guy- a wonderful guy, a younger guy- I couldn't stop thinking about him.

Edward smelled different. He felt different. Was different. And it hurt. It hurt because I was starting to see that I had been going about things the wrong way.

Was it so wrong that I wished I had handled things differently?

He was going to be a father. So what?

Why did I feel the need to separate?

Why?

_Because it just isn't right._

And that would always be the answer. Edward was going to become a different person. Still the same wonderful guy, only now- Daddy.

And I never wanted to get in the way of that. Because being the girlfriend to a man who was Daddy was just _heavy_. Not that I didn't think I could handle it, I just-

It's different when there's a kid. I didn't have to have experience with that to know it to be true.

You just don't dive in when a kid is involved. That's, like- sacred.

And a teensy, tiny part of me knew that no matter what… I'd come in second. And I just can't come in second. I'm worth more than that.

All of this flashed in my mind while I stood there, enveloped in Jake's long arms, his chin pressing into the part of my hair and his heavy breathing getting unsteady as we swayed in the spot.

"Hey," he said, grasping my shoulders and pulling me away. He brushed my chin with the tips of his fingers, the rough pads scratching at my skin and forcing me to look into his eyes.

"Aw hell, Bella. Don't cry. I'm not so bad, am I?" He was grinning, that damned moonlight bouncing around in those eyes that held such joy, such vitality.

"Look, I know you don't feel the same. I know you're hung up on that idiot who let you go. Don't sweat it," he murmured, pulling me back into his embrace so that my nose pressed into his sternum. "You don't have to love me back. Just… leave it open, okay? I can wait. You're worth it."

And that's the reason I let Jake comfort me. He was helping me understand the staggering truth of that statement- I was _worth_ it. Dammit.

"Guys," I sighed, dropping my fork and bringing my elbows to the table; a cardinal no-no for manners, but I had to set my girls straight. "I don't love Jake." Alice's visible relief at this made me cringe a little. "But-" her eyes widened- "I can't say that I want things to stay that way." Rose was smiling encouragingly, but I could still see her hesitation. I know she had made up with Edward because I had seen her scanning some pictures of him onto her iMac the other day, and well. I knew Rosalie Hale enough to know that if she were still pissed, she would've cut him out. So they must have made up, and for that I was glad. Friends shouldn't stay so mad at each other, especially when it was for ridiculous reasons.

"Jacob and I- we're- it's- ugh. Complicated."

"Bella," Alice chided, "we're not idiots. Of course it's complicated. I mean, look. I just don't want you to regret being friends with him, or whatever it is you guys are calling it. You're not the type to just lead a guy on, so-"

"She's not, Alice. Let it go." Rose was snapping her fingers rudely, signaling for the waiter to bring her more iced tea. I rolled my eyes, totally amused that the guy was so fixated on her cleavage that it didn't occur to him to be annoyed at her.

"But I-"

"Alice. Bella's a big girl. She can handle a Jacob Black. And I hope she does." Rose put emphasis on the word "handle", and I just smirked back at her. I won't lie- I was insanely attracted to the guy, and well. I had seen him naked. _Great, now I'm picturing his abs and his muscular thighs and_-

"Blush away, Bella. Which reminds me. Spill." Rose was pulling an Alice, bouncing around and tapping her spoon on the tabletop. Alice looked wary but interested, and I almost wanted to keep them squirming and guessing, but I just didn't feel like it. It was fun to distract myself with thoughts of Jacob, but that pesky doctor kept popping into the peripheral vision of my brain.

I decided to act all innocent. "Spill?"

They both snorted. "Don't act naïve. We want details." They leaned in. What gossipmongers.

"Just so we're straight- you're Samantha and Alice is who, Carrie?" A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth.

"Bitch, please. I'm Miranda," Rose scoffed, pursing her lips and tossing her hair over one shoulder. We all laughed, and I hoped I had successfully deflected them, but of course not.

"Quit trying to sidestep, Charlotte. Is he Harry, Trent, or…"

"Mr. Big?" I finished, covering my eyes with my hands and snorting loudly. They sort of shriek-laughed, and for half a second, I felt free. But then I stopped laughing and whispered, "We haven't done it yet. I mean, not this go-round."

Rose seemed surprised, but not Alice. She knew me way too well.

"You don't want to just sleep with him," she offered, looking down at her plate. I knew Alice held high hopes for me and Edward, and hell. I hated disappointing her.

"Until I get out of friends zone," I finished for her. She nodded and Rose pretended to look annoyed, but I knew she was with me. They both knew that I couldn't just do that.

I'd have to be fixed first. The thing was- if anyone could fix me, I was starting to realize that it was Jacob Black.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Time passes. You don't realize it, not really. By the time Friday rolls around, you can't even remember what you had for lunch on Wednesday, much less how you managed to spend an entire week's worth of living without so much as a single detail sticking out at you.

Jacob was picking me up for yet another "spectacular date night". We had decided that constantly hanging around with "the boys" was cramping our style, so he had come up with these ridiculous things to do that were turning out to be the highlight of each week. I was keeping myself as busy as possible at the paper just so that I would have less and less time to dwell up inside my head. Oldest trick in the book, really- deny there's a problem keep yourself occupied and then one day… you're over it. Just like that. I looked forward to the day when I would wake up and there would no longer be that unidentifiable pang that I knew the source of, but never wanted to think about it.

The chapter in the book of my life that was short-lived and sweet, but not the overall story arc. Just one of those things that helped put together my story but wasn't the moral.

Maybe I should venture out of the copy editing and get to writing short story fiction.

I put the finishing touches on the sugar cookies I had baked; Paul had been grumbling at my lack of presence in the apartment, so I had baked him cookies with sprinkles. He'd love 'em.

My phone rang as I was leaving the apartment, so I balanced the cookie plate in one hand and dug around in my jeans pocket with the other. I saw "Alice" on the screen and flipped my phone open.

"Heya, Al. What's up? I'm just leaving. Did you need something?"

"Umm… no. You're going out tonight, right? I just don't want to leave you alone."

She sounded nervous. "Yeah, Jake and I are doing something mysterious and quite possibly childish. Did you need me?" I'd feel bad if she needed a girl's night, but I also hated to disappoint Jake. He was so enthusiastic about these "Operation: Bella has a Blast" dates, and I never wanted him to stop smiling. Jacob was my ray of sunshine these days, and for whatever reason, I was his.

"No, no. You go have fun. I'll be out with Jasper." She hung up and I stared at the phone for a minute, puzzled. Something was up. But I knew she'd tell me when she was ready.

I dropped the cookies off and picked Jake up; his sorry-ass car had died, and he was caught between being embarrassed that he couldn't afford a new transmission and proud of his "sugar mama", so I was providing the wheels these days. Luckily for me, he was handy with a wrench and kept my car in tune for me. Jacob was making it rather easy to for me to fall into his life pattern, which I'm pretty sure was his intention all along. And I can't say I hated it. I knew I was smiling more; even Jasper said as much the previous morning when I realized I was humming as I scrambled us some eggs.

"So, Bella," Jake was saying as he chucked baseballs into a milk can. He had chosen a local church carnival as the site of our date, and I hate to say it, but I was enjoying myself immensely. The evening was cool; the spring air was chilly but clear. A real rarity, and we were taking every opportunity to be outside. He was busy trying to win me a ridiculously large stuffed pig and wasting way too much money on it. I loved it. I also loved the veins in his arms straining as he exaggerated a wind-up and pitch; I noticed some girls milling around, watching him, and my insecure pseudo-girlfriend came out; I stood up straight and pushed my breasts out. _Back off, ladies; he's mine, if I want him._

_Did I?_

"I've been thinking." I realized he was trying to tell me something, and it had to be serious because he dropped his grin as he concentrated on the task in front of him; his tongue stuck out and flicked along his bottom lip, wetting it and making me sort of want to make out with him. We may not have slept together again- yet- but I can't say the idea of doing just that in the near future wasn't appealing. I'm human, dammit. I have hormones.

"Thinking, eh?" I murmured, watching him sink the ball right in. I jumped up, pulling an Alice and cheerleading all over the place; the annoyed criminal taking Jake's money gave my bouncing tits a lewd sneer and thrust the pig at Jacob; I rushed up to claim it, but he held it behind him.

"Tut, tut, woman. Gimme some sugar first." He leaned down and I stood on my tip-toes, pressing a kiss onto that juicy bottom lip. He had some dried blue cotton candy there, and he tasted sweet. Literally. Licking the spun sugar off of both of our lips, I grinned into his mouth and pulled back. He always got this dazed expression on my face whenever I kissed him, and while we hadn't progressed to making out yet, I could suddenly envision just that.

He pulled me under one arm and my new pig under the other.

"So, thinking," he said, laughing off his daze. We started walking aimlessly, being called out by the other vendors to win a goldfish or bop a clown in the face.

"Thinking is good." I had no clue where this was going, but for the first time, I didn't really care. I was enjoying myself too much.

"I think it's about time we made out." I would've been shocked if it weren't so damned endearing.

"Oh, really?" I said, pausing so minutely before uttering it that I knew he didn't catch it. He just didn't know me well enough yet. Alice would have caught it. And I felt ridiculous and pissed for even thinking it, but so would Edward. He just… he just would have.

"Yes, really." Jake was steering us toward the parking lot.

"Wait, now? Do you wanna just jump in the backseat?" I was amused and well, half-serious. I hadn't made out in my car since…

"Well, if you want to. But I was thinking more like back at your place?"

"Wow. You're cocky."

"It's one of my more endearing traits," he grinned, helping me to my seat. He never let me drive.

"It is," I responded simply, waiting as he stuffed Pig into the back.

"So. Whaddya think?" he asked as he slid in. I looked down at his legs, too long for the car. He was just so large, I doubted he'd ever really fit anywhere.

I was going to kill myself in metaphor one of these days.

"I think... that you are adorable. And that making out should definitely be on the table."

His answering grin was so large that I swear, the streetlamps were outshined as we pulled out of the parking lot.

We got back to my place and he was just so _eager_, and I was laughing at his buoyancy and his light-hearted joking. Jacob was my sunshine, and for that I would always love him.

But still…

"Let's watch a movie," I suggested. He walked over to the DVDs and pulled out a few selections while I made popcorn. He prattled on about the guys, hockey, his classes. Anything and everything. The comfortable conversation that I had come to rely on.

"Come on," I said, grabbing the bowl and his hand.

"Where we goin'?" he asked, reaching over and popping a handful of kernels into his mouth.

"Let's watch in my room." He waggled his eyebrows and led the way down the hall.

I decided I needed to get comfortable and set about arranging the pillows, but of course clumsy me spilled buttery popcorn on my one of them.

"Shit. Hey, do me a favor? Grab a pillowcase out of the closet?" As I tugged at the soiled linen, Jake walked over and rummaged around. As he stepped out, grinning, I gasped. He had found it.

"Someone's into role play!" he crowed.

He was wearing it.

The Zorro mask.

I thought I had hidden it well. It must have slipped out into view or something.

And I couldn't breathe. It was like seeing your ex-best friend from high school. Your initial reaction is to embrace, but you recoil when the full ramifications of the situation hit you square in the solar plexus.

"Hey," he said, concern marring the brow that was visible above the dark line of the mask. "You okay?" He looked up and removed it.

"Wow. He really did a number on you, didn't he?" I only nodded. Leave it to Jake to understand in an instant. Why couldn't I just love him? Things would be so much simpler if I could just leap to that stage of this- whatever it was.

I took the mask from him and shoved it into my butt pocket. Jake was on me in a heartbeat, hugging and comforting and shushing me. I think he expected me to cry, but I made a decision right then to get over it. I had to. This was getting ridiculous. There's nothing I hated more than a person who stood in their own way, and I was doing just that. _Be with Jake. It can't be all that difficult_.

I heard the front door open and Alice's sweet bubbling entered the apartment like a breeze; I stepped out of Jake's arms and swiped at my dry face.

"Bella? Are you here?" Alice had a weird tone to her voice, so I used that as an excuse to walk out of my room.

She and Jasper were there, their arms full of bags.

"Shopping? You'd think you'd be bored with it after all this time," I said, but I stopped when I saw the Babies R Us logo.

"Oh, hey," she said, a lost look of sadness on her face. Oh, Alice. I hated that she felt that she had to hide that from me. And I hated how seeing those bags made my face fall.

"So, baby shower?" I should have seen that one coming. It had to be close to the due date. Fuck. Why was I blind-sided by this? I stood there with Jake behind me, palming my shoulder. And I listened to Alice be uncharacteristically unexcited about a party as she explained that Edward's mother was throwing it and she, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett were going there for the day and she just didn't know how to tell me-

And so I decided that it had been way past those three weeks. Screw three weeks, or the eight weeks or however long it's been.

I was over it.

I snatched the yellow baby registry sheets out of her hand and said, "What time do they close, nine?"

Alice blinked a few times and Jasper's head popped out of the kitchen. He was wearing my apron and a warning.

"Bella-"

"I need to get him something, Jas. Come on, Jake." He could sense not to argue with it. Hell, he probably knew that this would be like, cathartic or some shit. Cleansing. Whatever.

We pulled into the giant store of baby goods; my eyes were wide as I took in the smell and the high maintenance-looking mothers with infants and toddlers and tired-looking husbands. The sickly lighting reminded me too much of the hospital, and the garish noises shooting out of some ridiculous walking device were grating to my nerves.

So, what to get the guy who you might have loved and been loved by for a week who was the perfect specimen of man except for the pesky fact that he knocked up his ex-girlfriend who turned out to be a lesbian?

Jake was leaning warily on a blue cart, trying not to look at me and my crazy. I knew I must have had a determined expression on my face, so I just went with the resolve I could feel burning the lining of my stomach and started marching around, looking for a poor, unsuspecting salesperson.

"How does this thingie work?" I asked the first one I saw, thrusting the yellow sheaf of papers at him. It's a testament to what pregnancy hormones are like that my rude and abrupt tone didn't even faze him; he simply explained the numbers and descriptions and "needed"s and I found myself somewhere in linens, looking at sheets.

There. Sheets. Yellow and cocoa-colored. Cute yet practical. That Jessica had practical tastes. No wonder Edward liked her.

Clearing my head, I heaped a bunch of crap at Jake who amusedly and silently tossed all of it into the cart and acted like my lackey, kind of like when we were at the grocery store and he had absolutely no say over which brand of cereal I bought for my apartment. If I wanted Special K with strawberries, I'd get Special K with strawberries, dammit. He could get his sugary and eye-catching little cereal array selection so that if he wanted Corn Pops today and Frosted Flakes tomorrow, so be it. Me? I was going with boring corn flakes with fruit, and I was going with boring sheets and dust ruffles. And I ended up spending eighty bucks on a guy that I just didn't know. Well, on his baby and his baby mama, too. But let's not kid ourselves- I was doing it for him.

They practically had to kick us out of the store, so I stood there at the debit machine, waiting to enter my pin as Jake loaded the belt up. No, thanks. No gift receipt. They could deal with returns the messy way.

Jake held my hand as we left, the bag of sheets slung over his shoulder as he squeezed my palm in time with our tandem footsteps. Silently, he brushed his lips across my forehead as he opened my car door, pressing me onto the side with his body and hips and legs and I just wished wished wished that for even half a second- that none of this- none of it- was about Edward Cullen.

"So… I know each chick has her own special brand of crazy, Bells. But seriously, you kind of take the cake," he said as we were barreling down the highway.

I heaved and sighed. I wanted to be upset, but well- he was right. I was definitely acting off. I turned to him, swiping my thumb along his jaw line. To his credit, he kept his gaze forward, but I could feel his tension and see the neck muscles straining as he attempted to… I guess he just wanted to see where I was going with it.

I leaned up and pressed my nose into the spot on his jaw where the angles meet the soft lines of his neck; I didn't mean to, but I exhaled and he kind of shivered a little. Deciding that I shouldn't do that while he was driving, I kissed him on the neck; a simple, loving-my-friend kiss as opposed to the other kind. I could see that he wanted it to be more than that, but he controlled his smile and patted my hand as I sat back. Good ole Jake.

I suck.

"I think I'm going to call it a night, Bells," he said, exiting early to head toward his place.

"Aww, Jake. Now I feel like an asshole."

"Bella," he chuckled, turning the wheel with one palm, "it's okay to have a shit day. That's what I'm here for. So your shit days don't suck quite so hard." I laughed at the way he expressed himself. So simple, so unhindered. So different.

"I know. You're here for me… and thanks, Jake. Thanks for your patience. I just…"

"Hey, Bell. Come on. You don't have to come clean, and I'm not exactly sure I want to know right now, anyway." We got out of our sides simultaneously, and I met him at the front of the car, hugging him fiercely. I wished he would come home with me, but… too complicated.

"I don't want to drop you off." It was whispered, and slightly desperate.

He held me back and looked into my face, his eyes searching for something. He didn't find whatever it was, though, and he moved my hair off my forehead with one large finger, tracing down my nose and down to the bow in my lip. I kissed the tip and closed my eyes as he cupped my face. I could feel his hot breath in the air around me, but he simply brushed his cheek against mine and whispered into my ear.

"One day, we'll be great."

And he went inside.

I have no clue how I made it home.

I was waffling between feeling sappy and being unapologetically _pissed_.

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

I stormed back into my apartment; there was no sign of any gifts, and I was super annoyed that Alice felt that she had to hide everything from me, but I also knew that she was totally justified. I barged into her room, not even enjoying the guilty look on her face because she was in the middle of marathon gift-wrapping.

"Bella, I-"

"Do me a favor, sweetie," I said, plastering on the fakest smile I could muster up. "Wrap these up for me, for Edward and Jessica and the baby. Oh," I added, reaching into my back pocket and tossing the mask in her lap.

"Return that for me, would you? I don't need it anymore."


	21. Elizabeth's Seal of Approval

**apparently, fanfic is screwy. lotsa people couldn't pull up le chapitre for one reason or another. so i'm reposting this.**

**apologies if you get confused. i'm more confused, trust me. I START SCHOOL AGAIN TOMORROW**

**SOMEONE TAKE MY PLACE SO I CAN WRITE MORE FIC**

**I'mma quote a great movie here: **_**Almost Famous.**_

"**It's all happening."**

**Dedicated, as always, to jandco- my Detroit playah, **

**Please check out the lazy, yet discerning ficster blog for some great recommendations and articles on the twilight fandom… and the supercool temptation twilight podcast. There are some amazing people in fanficland doing some truly outstanding things in our community, and I am proud to associate with them. You guys are fantastical for putting in the time and effort required to make these things happen, and you do it with style and grace. Hats off, ladies. And pants, of course. (linkage on m'profile, lovies)**

**Edward**

"Did you have fun, darling?" My mother kissed the tip of my nose and the young boy in me wanted to wipe it away, but I couldn't help it. She was just too sweet, so I allowed it and responded by hugging her tightly.

"It was a wonderful party, Mom." Elizabeth Masen Cullen was a class act. When I had told my parents that I was expecting a baby with Jessica, I swear- I thought she was going to cry. And not in the happy way. But they've become very supportive these last few months and have turned into big cheerleaders. Mom was warming up to the idea of Jessica as the mother of her first grandchild, and I was glad to see her being so attentive to both Jess and Lauren at the shower.

She had decided to make it more of a formal "getting to know you" kind of thing as opposed to the traditional baby shower. I knew she'd never admit it, but I think she believed that the… lifestyle to which Jess and Lauren were accustomed to did not include room for "guess the baby food" and "you can't say 'baby'" games that accompanied most showers. She had a nice spray of good vegetarian food and subtle decorations; it was almost hilarious seeing the odd mix of the bohemian side of San Francisco meeting the more highbrow friends of the family.

I didn't invite any of my colleagues. It just didn't seem appropriate, and I was in the middle of cutting ties with most of them anyway.

Not that I was neglecting my doctor duties by any stretch, but I was no longer working the ridiculous hours that I had been foisting on myself. I had always tried to live my life not relying on my trust fund, but I was starting to see the advantages of never having to worry about money. It was elitist of me, and I didn't care anymore- I could now pursue what I wanted to, whole-heartedly. Without the accompanying worry of financial strife that usually besets first-time parents.

Of course, I hadn't told Jessica any of this yet. The only person who knew that I was a lonely piano man in my off-hours was Alice.

Seeing her and my best friends back in town made me much happier than I had been in months. I was shocked at the weight that sprang off of my body the instant they walked into the bright, remodeled kitchen of my mother's house. Alice hopped into my arms, squealing and squeaking and doing her Alice thing, but I was nearly shocked to shit to see a hangdog sad look when our eyes met. We had been communicating via text and sporadic phone calls ever since I had left, and I had seen her a few times. But she looked so sad… so sad for me. And I felt terrible about it. I knew without asking that she hated my situation just about as much as I did. But she knew. She knew that I would never do anything to shirk my duties.

It took everything I had to keep Rose from giving Lauren "the beatdown of the century" as she hovered over everyone and everything; my mother was flitting around, making sure glasses were filled and people were having a good time. Lauren was slithering around, making cutting remarks about everyone and everything. She truly was one of those people who could and would find fault wherever she wanted. I had been immune to it for some time, so when she said something snarky about Rosalie's designer dress and commented to Emmett about murdering meat, I stood in front of Lauren as Emmett held Rose back and Jasper ran interference, asking Lauren about the history of vegetarian consumption until Alice was giggling and I was trying desperately to keep my face neutral. It was like old times having them back there, back in this town. They looked so different yet astoundingly the same, considering all had paired off and were just happy back in Seattle. It made me wish that I had made the same transition.

_You could have, you know._

_Yeah, I know. I'm working on it._

Really, the only awkward part of the entire day was when it came time to open the gifts.

"Who's Isabella Swan?" Lauren asked, her nostrils flaring as she regarded Jessica with narrowed eyes. I had been drinking a Coke and I nearly choked on it; Bella sent a gift?

Alice shrugged, pleading with her eyes for me to not say a word. I noticed with irritation that Rose was sitting there, all smug and unrepentant as she challenged me with her always-arched eyebrow. Again, I kept a neutral expression, but inside I was a mess. Ridiculous how after all this time, the mere mention of her name set my blood boiling.

I had been dreaming about her. Quite a lot, actually.

Beautiful, meaningless dreams that left me forlorn and pissed off. I actually welcomed that; welcomed the emotion, because it made my piano playing that much more intense. They were loving me over at Stucky's, and I must have had that hungry, lonely man look because I got quite a lot of numbers every time I was there. Women responded to that burn, I know; too bad I wasn't interested. Not that I ever had trouble getting numbers, but for the first time in a long time, I simply couldn't be bothered.

I was way more interested in becoming my own person than I was in molding myself to someone else's image of me. Way more interested in finding out who the guy was that Bella Swan had seemed to be so into. Even if I couldn't have her, didn't mean I couldn't find that guy again, right? Because somewhere in between coming home from spending an intense week with her, finding out I was going to be a father and this here baby shower… I had completely lost myself. I saw this with so much clarity, and it was never so obvious as it was here and now. At this baby shower, where my gentle mother and her polite friends accommodated the crunchy, arty and opinionated friends of Lauren while the three people I loved most in the world (give or take a few) patted my shoulder and gave me sympathetic looks. And I stood in the middle of it all, hating myself for being a coward. Hating that it had taken to this point for me to do anything about it.

I was going to be a father. But it didn't mean that I had to let go of everything else. I was done pandering. Time to react.

It was getting easier and easier to do what I wanted. So, I focused on the day-to-day business of getting my shit together. Because I was gearing up for a big change, and I needed the strength to pull it off.

I took the simple little note card with a stork on it and read the inscription, my heart thumping in anticipation. I don't know what I expected to see there- a personal note of some sort, perhaps. But it simply read "Best Wishes" and "-Isabella Swan". And it wasn't even her writing; I'd recognize Alice's swoopy loops anywhere. Ridiculous how much of a letdown that was, seeing that she didn't even sign the card. I couldn't even be sure the gift was from her. It could be a misguided attempt by Alice to cheer me up. But she wouldn't do that, would she? Alice was usually so intuitive, knowing how I'd react to things.

And I really needed to stop obsessing over the minutiae of Bella Swan if I ever wanted to be a part of her life again. I could see how I would create this whole weird scenario in my head with her as the star if I didn't watch it. I thought about her entirely too much as it was.

"You need to pull your head out of your ass, my friend," Emmett said, pointing at me with the corner of an almond and pepper finger sandwich. He had loaded his plate at the buffet table, and when Rose had smacked his hand and called him a greedy effer, my mother had come over, laughingly kissed Rose on the head, and stacked Emmett's plate with more. That was as much an Elizabeth seal of approval as anything, and from that point on- Rose had let up on the guy. We were sitting outside by the garden, enjoying the sunshine while it lasted. Alice and Rose were seated with the other women, watching as Jess opened the gifts and Lauren hovered, sulking petulantly. They were making out as far as the loot was concerned- or, I suppose it was the baby who was making out. Mother's friends were very generous.

"Thanks, Emmett," I said, sipping on my Coke and grinning without feeling it. I was itching to get to Stucky's; I had a new jazzy ditty I wanted to try out. I think my head was getting too big, because people were starting to come to the joint just to hear me play. I rather liked it.

"Come on, brother. You mope. You're a moper. It's bumming my girl out," he said, popping strawberries in his mouth and swiping the juice away with his sleeve.

"The thing is, Edd-o," he said, leaning forward so that his elbows balanced on his knees, "Rose is all tough, but deep down inside, she's the fiercest, most loyal softie I've ever met. I love that. So when something she loves is hurt, my God. I never want to break her heart, you know?" He wasn't looking at me as he soliloquized on Rose, so I let a small smirk escape. Emmett McCarty was getting Cullen approval all over the place today.

"Rose loves that Bella of yours, and she loves you, too. She's never said anything about it to me, dude. Just know that she believes in the two of you, and hell. I trust her implicitly. If she thinks you guys are going to work it out, then so do I." He stood up, presumably to find my mother and the sandwiches, and as he passed me by with his empty plate, he leaned down and said, "Look. My Rosie thinks the world of you. Don't disappoint her. Bella's on the mend, brother. Don't let that happen. I hate hockey." I shook my head in puzzlement, but I felt a new fire stoke itself as I pondered what he just said. The hockey thing must be some weird sports writer metaphor, but nevertheless- I needed to set my plan into action.

The sun was setting as Alice and I helped pick up plates and such. Rosalie was with Mother in the kitchen, and Jasper and Emmett were loading the gifts into my car.

"So, Edward. How are you, really?" Alice asked, just jumping in like she always did. And I appreciated that. I felt the need to purge, but this certainly wasn't the place to do it.

"Great, actually. Alice… I'm just going to ask you a question, and please. Be honest with me."

She dropped the garbage bag she was holding and sat down cross-legged right where she had been standing. I crouched down next to her, mindlessly pulling up grass from the lawn. I could feel the fog settling in around us, and I was glad that it at least didn't intrude on the party. I laughed at the symbolism and dove right in.

"Bella. How badly did I fuck up?" To her credit, she didn't appear taken aback, but I could see a glint of approval in her eye as she hesitated before answering me. She looked behind her, even though we both knew everyone was inside or in front of the house. I stared down at my hand, feeling the dew coat my fingertips and letting the cold keep me focused on what I wanted to say.

"Not… terribly. I mean, Edward. Come on. It's been months. No contact, no anything. You came down and didn't talk to her. And she doesn't know you were there, either. I love you both, but no one is going to be hurt anymore, okay? I don't think my little heart could stand it." She was being light and flippant, but dead serious. I felt a swell of love for my strong little cousin, and I wanted to just hug her and assure her that I was fine. But I needed the assurance that Bella was fine, too.

"Is she happy?" I looked away as I asked this. I didn't want know. I desperately needed to know.

"I think she's on the mend, Cousin Mine." She stood up and dusted off her crisp khakis, holding out her hand as though I needed the help to raise myself up. I clasped her warm fingers in my cold hand and stood, feeling resolve settle in.

"I'm taking time off, Ali," I whispered, putting my arm around her thin frame. She accepted this, nodding once and stuffing a plate into the garbage bag I held out. We continued in this vein until the backyard was once again righted and then went into the house together.

I was taking time off. From doctoring. I just had to. I couldn't take care of others when my heart wasn't in it anymore. And if I ever wanted to go back, I'd really have to learn to take care of myself first.

Starting with Stucky's. Piano. Then Bella. In that order.

I was done feeling bad for liking a girl just because I had a baby on the way. The guilt was there, but the overwhelming feeling that I was ignoring me, ignoring myself… it was way worse.

People did this all of the time, didn't they?

_Doesn't make it right, Edward._

I had been fighting with myself a lot lately.

_She may not want you anymore._

But that's just my guilty conscience talking.

The thing was- piano time made me realize a few things.

First- that doing what I wanted didn't mean that I was shirking my duties.

Also, that there were ways besides being a doctor that I could help others out. Sure, maybe it was some drunk and lonely people who needed some smiles, but hey. That's something, isn't it?

I doubted Jessica and Lauren would begrudge my happiness, even if they did occasionally act like soul-sucking harpies. I blamed the hormones (even if Lauren had no actual excuse).

Taking time off from the hospital was something that I wasn't one hundred percent sure of, but the Chief assured me that I would always have a place on a Med-Surg floor. She had been so patient that I was sure she could see right through me, could see my indecision and heartache.

_Thank God she was a woman. It's like they can sense these things._

So with my dateless return to the hospital in place and my stint as a piano guy a solid comfort, I set about the business of Baby and Bella.

Because I was going to get her back.

I just had to figure out how.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two weeks. Two weeks had passed. And two more weeks until the due date.

The girls were all in a flurry with baby preparations. Jessica had insisted we set up a crib at her apartment and keep the Pack N Play at mine; I wasn't arguing with the arrangement, even if Lauren was. Actually, I had noticed that they weren't spending as much time at my place, and I definitely wasn't arguing it. The scarves were still everywhere, but Lauren had taken her weird batik shit back, so that meant serious business. It gave me the opportunity to right the apartment and start figuring out how I was going to baby-proof the place.

I was preparing myself. For the big action. I took the weekend off from Stucky's, and I was figuring out how I was going to tell Jessica and Lauren that I needed one more weekend to myself when I walked into the apartment to find Jess sitting on the couch on her own. The place was quiet, so I assumed Lauren was out.

"Hey," she said, looking troubled. She put her hand on her blossomed belly and tried to stand up, so I rushed over to help her. I placed my hand on her back and we sort of rocked her forward, but she overcompensated and ended up in my arms.

"Hey," I said back, looking down at her. She really did look great; that glowing pregnant woman thing was no lie. But her eyes were watery, and I hoped she wasn't having another emotional outburst. She always felt so bad after yelling at Lauren or "ordering" me around, and it just wasn't good to upset her in those times. But at that moment, she looked like she was going to cry.

"Jess… what's wrong?" This wasn't normal, and Doctor Cullen kicked in as I assessed her, checking her breathing and noting whether she was holding herself differently. But she seemed fine.

"Hey, what is it?" Her dirty blonde hair was scraggly and I suddenly noticed she wasn't wearing any makeup; maybe she and Lauren had a fight?

"I… I just feel bad. For everything we've… I've put you through." She sniffled and I leaned over to get her a tissue, never letting go. She didn't seem too steady on her feet. She blew her nose softly and seemed at a loss for words.

"How was the doctor?" At this point, she was going twice a week, so I figured there was a good chance she had gone today.

"Fine," she answered vaguely, twisting the ends of the tissue between her fingers. She was never this fidgety or nervous around me, so I unthinkingly wrapped my arms around her and rubbed soothing circles into her back. She sighed; I remember in my OB rotation that pregnant women often had low back pain, so I kept going and started humming the piano bit I had been working on.

"You seem… different, Edward. Happy? No, more like… at peace. Did… did something happen?" I was a little taken aback by this, since she never really pushed into my private life anymore. Maybe it was because Lauren wasn't around. And I had forgotten that it used to be like this, when it was just the two of us. She wasn't a bad person, just… not for me.

"Resolved is a better way to put it," I said, but I wasn't ready to tell her my plans. Mostly because I wasn't sure what they were beyond the baby and Bella. I didn't even really know how I was going to reconcile the distance issue, but I figured I'd stop over-thinking things and live in the now, as they say.

"Everything okay with you?" she asked, looking up into my face. I liked her like this, all nice and quiet. I forgot sometimes that Lauren didn't always speak for the both of them. Anyway, since I had started the piano playing, Lauren was less of an overbearing jerk. She even took the trash out occasionally.

"Yeah, actually. You know. Just… preparing for the future." I helped her sit back down and stuffed some throw pillows behind her for support.

"Look, I'm going out of town this weekend. There's something I need to do… before the baby gets here." I made myself busy with picking up the living room and arranging my junk mail. I looked up and saw that she looked mildly panicked; her eyes were wide and she was leaning forward.

"Hey, Jess. Calm down. What's the matter?"

"What if the baby comes early?" she whispered, clutching subconsciously at her stomach. I kneeled before her, clasping her shoulders. I wanted to laugh, but I knew better than to upset her further.

"Jess, come on. Most first-time mothers deliver late. And even if so… I'm only going up to Seattle. You'll be okay. Lauren won't leave you alone for a second." She grimaced and I did laugh at that; Lauren was "baby on its way" crazy lately, but her heart was in the right place. If anyone would watch Jess like a hawk at this point, it would be her.

"I just need to take care of something for me before the baby gets here," I said, patting her shoulder. And I think she knew what I was talking about, but to her credit, she didn't bring it up again. I went to stand up straight, but she put her palm on my chest and I paused. She crooked her finger at me, so I leaned in, surprised when she kissed me softly on the lips.

"You're a good guy, Edward Cullen. Do you know that?" She whispered into my lips and it was an intimate moment, only not intimate like lovers. More like two people who had been through a thing together. And in that moment, I was glad to be there for her.

"Thanks, Jess. I'll see you come Monday." And I went into my room to pack a bag and hash out a plan.

So far, it had consisted of me going to Seattle and hoping my intrusion wasn't going to be too disruptive. I figured I could stay with Emmett since he had gotten the Green Light from my mother. Grinning at that, I stuffed some balled-up socks and a change of boxers into my bag, trying to ignore that my hand itched to grab the set that I had worn the night of the infamous "dry blow" incident and just let things happen. _Not going to get in my own way anymore._

I paused to kiss Jess on the top of her head as I walked into the living room and I even waved at Lauren, who had let herself in and was in the kitchen, making a veggie wrap. She gave me a half-wave and a tight-lipped smile and that old adage about your face sticking that way was on the tip of my tongue, but I clammed up and simply walked out the door.

I was buoyant, light. Almost carefree. I could feel the daddy thing creeping up on me and while I welcomed it, I was also apprehensive. It made for an odd temperament because permeating all, eclipsing everything and making me grin was the thought that I was going to see Bella. I wouldn't let anyone get in the way of that. Not Rosalie or Jasper or Edward or even tall guys with shiny dark hair and white, white teeth.

Because I would never know if it had been love if I didn't go and ask, right? I figured it must have been. There's no way that I would be so hung up on a week's worth of undiluted joy if I weren't still in love with her.

And this realization shouldn't have been such a shock. But standing there in the check-in line at the airport, putting it into clear words and a definitive sentence, I realized- I had been dancing around that the whole time. I felt like an idiot. Of course. I wasn't simply flying to another state just "to see what would happen"- I was going to find out if it had been, indeed, love. Not just for me. But for her as well.

The woman behind the airline counter appraised me, and I probably had a goofy grin on my face because she was beaming back at me as she checked me in (and out). I was too full of joy to even respond, so I simply thanked her and went to wait for my flight.

I was impatient as I heard the overhead voice announcing departures and arrivals; my jiggling foot was irritating the person sitting behind me, but I couldn't help it. I had to fight off smiles and thoughts as I sat there, waiting. Impatiently waiting. Waiting for a glimpse into my what-if. And it was the fucking scariest waiting I had ever experienced in my life.

I didn't allow the bad thoughts, the "she doesn't"s and "she won't"s to impinge on my buoyancy. Because I hadn't felt this excited for anything in a very long time. Not the "do what I want" plan nor the piano nor even approaching fatherhood had ever made me feel this calm, this in control of my fate.

Scary.

Boarding the plane was like boarding a vessel of hope, and I hated the analogy as I hated having to wait for the flight attendants to explain how to buckle a seat belt. I was seated next to an elderly woman who showed me pictures of her granddaughters, and I allowed the distraction, commenting on how they did, indeed, get their eyes from her and no thank you, I had a lady in my life.

Well, I had more than one. But I'd have to await the outcome of this trip before I could settle on just how many that was, really.

We touched down in Seattle, and I was practically bursting with distracting energy as everyone filed out of the plane; silently thanking my trust fund that flying first class was an option, I bounced down the Peoplemover, trying not to knock fellow passengers into the stretched-out beige walls as I made my way to the terminal. I was going to her. I was going to find out.

The cab couldn't get there fast enough. I had decided while on the plane to go to Bella's first and figure out my sleeping arrangements later. I could always get a hotel if things got dicey, but I really hoped it wouldn't come to that.

When the cab finally pulled in front of the house, I hesitated. What-ifs started to choke me, but I swallowed a couple of times, forcing my misgivings down into my stomach. _Just get in there, Edward._

I could hear laughter emanating from the opened windows; it was overcast and light rain was drizzling down as I waited, waited for her to open the door.

"Edward!" Alice breathed, her hand to her chest. She threw the door open and stepped back, a look of near panic on her face.

"Hey, Ali," I grinned, stepping in to the apartment. The activity I had heard was quite clear as I took another step into the living room.

There she was, looking fresh and rosy and beautiful. The Coffee Guy was there, his large form crowded around her. She was holding a hockey stick and he was apparently showing her how to wield it; he had a big 01 printed on the jersey he was wearing, and I finally understood Emmett's odd hockey comment. Rose was perched on the back of the couch, swinging her long legs, Emmett perched behind her with a grin that was fading as soon as he saw me standing there. Jasper was behind the bar, blending something fruity-looking and pink. The Guy looked up at me, his expression at first quizzical and then understanding. One corner of his lip lifted, and his arms tightened around Bella as she looked up, her eyes widening as she took in what was there. Me standing, a bag hanging off my shoulder with Alice's hand on my arm. A frozen moment. No one knew what to do or say.

"Edward," Rose said, breaking the awkward silence. Yes, Edward. I'm here.

Before I or Alice or anyone could say anything, my phone chimed. Annoyed yet glad at something to do, I reached into my pocket and hit the green button, noticing it was Lauren calling.

"Get back here. It's time."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**:D**


	22. How to Handle a Hockey Stick

**Wow, she's updating quickly, you say.**

**It's all happening…**

**So check out m'profile for a link to Temptation, a Twilight Podcast. THEY LET ME GUEST HOST. You can hear the dulcet tones of my cackle as moon witche, cdunbar, rialle, the romanticidal edwardian and I slog our way through conversations about fanfiction. And seriously, guys… leave comments! They love the feedback. Make suggestions for topics or fics. Tell them you can't handle the sound of my voice.**

**PS- the obnoxious noise in the background is TOTALLY my noisy family making breakfast.**

**For my jandco. and jfly/thallium81 for being the sweetest person the planet has to offer. and angel, just 'cuz i give her a lot of shit.**

**So yeah… here ya go. Poor, poor Edward. Can a hottie catch a break?**

**Bella**

Yes, yes. Things were progressing.

Where they were progressing to, I had no clue. But I was determined to do it.

And Jacob was great about it; he was. I think he could sense that I was a little driven to be happy, but in typical Jake style, he flowed with it. Showed up at the office to take me to lunch. Bought me silly little things from street vendors. Texted me totally inappropriate pictures and forwards. I was slowly letting him become a part of my everyday existence, rather than a distraction I had on my nights.

I was letting my guard down around him, trying to see when the right time was to not only let him in, but to tell him about why I was so messed up. He knew there was a guy, but that was the extent of it.

Rose and Alice were not so thrilled with my newfound sense of moving on. To their credit, they remained close-lipped about it.

But something was holding me back, and that something was not named Edward Cullen. I don't know if it was that I knew he was going to be a father soon (I mean, it had to be soon, right? It seemed like a million years if a week, but we were approaching the end of February, and my mind did that quick mental math thing, coming up with March at the latest for end dates) or that I was impatient to start having more than friendly, warm feelings for Jacob.

This was making me feel insanely guilty. Part of me wanted to just jump him and get it over with, hoping to jar some serious emoting into my slightly numbed body.

But the sappy part of me couldn't stand the thought. And the worst part of me knew that if I did that- if I slept with Jacob- that I'd never be able to be with Edward. I would have closed that chapter in the book of my life at that point. I may have tossed out that Zorro mask, but there were still, to be dramatic, Zorro Z's etched in my chest.

And I just couldn't do that yet.

There was also the whole I-_liked_-Jacob thing. I did. He was amazing. And he put up with me. Put up with my subtle keeping him at a distance thing. But we could both feel that thing, the thing that was keeping us apart.

The thing with shiny, grabbable hair and a smirk that haunted me in that moment before waking.

The gang came back from San Francisco all quiet and pensive. I could tell that Rose had something to say to me, but Emmett slapped his hand over her mouth and dragged her over to the sofa, softly arguing with her as he forced a guitar controller into her arms. He tried to distract her by dropping weighty hints that she couldn't possibly best him again, and it worked because she didn't say one word to me about the baby shower.

Jasper and I were in the kitchen, laughing and cooking. He was showing me his Mama's sausage gravy recipe, and I was elbows-deep in biscuit dough-kneading when Jake walked in, wrapped his arms around me, and smacked a sloppy kiss on my neck.

"Heya, Jake," I smiled, glancing at Jasper, who was busily ignoring us and prepping the ingredients by tossing stuff into the little condiment bowls I had gotten as a gift from Alice. She was busily going through my entire kitchen, trying to get everything to match. She didn't appreciate my haphazard collection of bowls and measuring cups and spoons, so she had made me pick a scheme (as long as she left my grandmother's Tupperware _alone_). I went with red since that was the color of the new KitchenAid Mixer Jake had gotten me for Valentine's Day. I nearly killed him for spending that much money on me, but as he had explained it, I "needed a new one, it's a holiday, and there's nothing less romantic than kitchen appliances".

I sort of disagreed with that, but I let it slide because he was so damned pleased with himself for getting me the perfect gift. Even Alice couldn't top that one; I think her turning my bowls red and upgrading my bakeware to silicone was her way of assuaging the huffy feeling she got every time she glared at my new, shiny red Baby.

"Heya, Bells," he breathed into my ear, tickling my ribs and backing off. We kept having moments like this, sweet moments where in a normal relationship, I would turn around and wrap my arms around him, his being there being the highlight of my day.

But there was this thing, this awkward smirky thing between us, and I had decided when everyone came back from seeing the smirky thing that weekend that I was going to come clean with Jacob.

We were having breakfast-for-dinner ("brinner, Bella. _Scrubs_ is never wrong, and it's brinner"), and everyone was over at our place. Emmett was in ecstasy over my making biscuits and gravy, and he insisted on scrambled eggs and bacon, too. Rose nearly choked at the thought of that much artery clog, so I was fixing her a lovely fruit and yogurt thing, complete with granola I had been making that morning. I had been in a major cooking jag lately, but only Alice knew that creating from scratch was how Bella coped with life's big issues.

Having Jake over was both great and seriously uncomfortable. There was a big ole elephant in the room named Edward Cullen, and only Jacob was unaware that the elephant had an actual name. I knew that they were all waiting for the elephant ball to drop, and it was creating this weird tension. I chose to act blissfully unaware, waiting for the right time to tell him about it.

And I had decided that Brinner Night was just such a time.

We ate in a comfortable, friendly, banter-filled evening. Jasper was uncharacteristically verbal as he relayed his chagrin at the level of papers his students were turning in. Emmett was a crack-up, discussing how badly he was doing in the basketball pool at the paper, and Alice was busily chattering away about the various accounts she was now in charge of at work. Jacob was in fine form, complaining about his intrusive roommates while touching my arm and rubbing the back of my neck. Everyone was surreptitiously watching our interactions, gauging. Always gauging. And I was a little tired of it. Tired of my lack of action. I could feel the conversation coming, and I wasn't looking forward to it.

I think everyone had sensed this, because after the boys cleared and cleaned, everyone made themselves scarce. Rose and Emmett went to his place, and Jasper and Alice went to see a movie. That left Bella and her Big Conversation.

"So," Jake said by way of introduction, leaving the door open should I choose to walk right in. I heaved myself onto the couch, untying my Donna Reed apron and tossing it on the coffee table. He came over and put his heavy arm around me, pulling me in for a brief hug before flicking on the television. He stopped on AMC, knowing that I loved the classics, and he settled back for an evening of mindless entertainment.

"So," I offered, putting my head on his shoulder. He started to run his hand up and down my arm, attempting to soothe me. I could tell, he sensed it coming, and he was patiently putting up with my waffling. Like always.

"Look, Jake. I want to apologize," I began, and he turned to me expectantly.

"Apologize? What do you have to be sorry for?" he murmured, taking me seriously and looking into my eyes. He leaned down and brushed a kiss at the corner of my mouth. He didn't pull away, so I leaned up and kissed him back. This got a smile out of him, but he didn't push it.

"I've been… holding you at a distance. And it isn't fair to you, Jake. It just isn't fair. Why do you put up with me?" My voice took on a petulant tone of remorse, and I hated that. Hated that even now, Edward was sitting in between us.

"Why?" he laughed, throwing his head back like I had made the funniest joke in the world. "Because, silly girl. You're worth the wait. I told you that." He resumed rubbing my arm and turned back toward the TV, so I turned into his warm embrace and reached for his face.

"Jake, you know I've been…. I was…. ugh." I disgusted myself. Really, I did.

"You've been trying to get over Zorro," he finished for me. I sat back in shock. To have it put like that was so- it was so-

"Bella, come on. I'm not a total idiot. Seth and Embry say I am, but that's because they don't have an awesome girl like you to wait for." I almost couldn't stand how sweetly blunt he was.

"I get it, Bella. I do. You were broken, and you needed me to glue you back together. Maybe I'm a fool for thinking the cracks would never show, but there it is. I'm a young fool. And I'm cool with it."

"Aw, Jake. You shouldn't be. You deserve more than a broken person, you know," I mumbled, my face flushing at the sheer relief of getting this out there. Why was he so damned understanding?

"Nah, I'm not that great. I'm selfish. I'm sitting here, waiting for you to just jump me," he said with a grin, and I saw it there. The joking hidden behinds words he was dead serious about. _Oh, Jacob. I hope someday you're enough._

With that hope came a flare of anger- anger at myself for being such a jerk, for leading him on like this. Anger at _him_ for leaving me, for knocking her up and for- _stop. Just stop it, you sentimental fool. Quit thinking and start feeling._

So I did. I sat up on my knees and straddled his lap. He looked shock for half a second before reaching down with disbelief.

"Bella-?" he asked, putting his hands on my hips. I leaned forward and breathed him in, breathed him out, just breathed and willed _us_ to happen. He licked his lips as I leaned closer, bringing my mouth to his and enjoying his minty breath; always so willing to be ready for me, if I was ever ready for him. That stung, that continuing realization that what I was doing was off, but I was hoping to shock something into my system. So I kissed him. Softly at first, oh-so-softly. No tongues, just… mouth on mouth and breath mixing with breath.

I pulled back when I felt him beneath me, moving a little and stiffening in places. I couldn't do that, not just yet. It wasn't a heart-stopping moment, and that pained me. But it wasn't horrible either, just sweet. Lovely. Nice. Like Jake.

"I think I'd better go, Bella," he said, his voice low and full of want. That also pained me, but since I was what he wanted, it was the least I could give him, right?

"Yeah," I said, not at all ready to do much else. I climbed off his lap and didn't look at him as he got off the couch, disappearing into the bathroom for a few minutes, to collect himself, I assumed.

I kissed him chastely at the door, smiling and trying my best to look together. If I didn't seem composed, he never let on, like always, and we made plans to go out the following evening.

And this is how we spent the next few weeks. Hanging out with the others, hanging out alone. He still stopping by work to cheer me up, sending me lewd emails and calling just when I needed a pick-me-up. And kissing. Making out, really. I could sense his urgency, but he never pushed it. Like a gentleman, he always waited until I was ready.

And things would have progressed, I would have been ready, if _he_ hadn't shattered it all with a simple "Hey, Ali." Jacob had been arguing with Emmett over the superiority of hockey as a man's sport, and we all had decided to sit and watch a tape of the L.A King's greatest hits. Emmett had an old _Sports Illustrated_ in his lap, and he was tearing out pages and crumbling them into little wads, tossing them at the screen every five seconds. Alice was grumbling about the mess, and Rose wasn't paying any attention at all as she was painting her toes. Jasper and I were sharing the loveseat, engaged in a rousing game of Uno.

"Anyone can learn how to handle a hockey stick, man," Emmett was saying, calling out rude things to the TV. Jacob laughed at him, flexing and pumping his chest with two fists as he pointed out brilliant plays. We were laughing, having a good time. It felt… well, it felt damned good.

"Anyone, Emmett?" I teased, tossing down my handful of cards as Jasper won yet another round. I stood up and grabbed Jake's hockey stick, casually dropping it in Jake's lap. "Show me." He looked up at me, tilting his head back and grinning.

"Sure thing, Bells," he laughed, hopping off the couch and coming over to me. Rose finally looked interested and stood up, heading to the back of the couch where she made herself comfortable by dangling over the side. The TV was ignored now in favor of Bella doing something that would surely get her injured, but I was having too much fun to care.

Jake came up behind me, pressing his strong body into my back and I involuntarily gasped; Emmett smirked and got dimply while Jasper lowered his head, looking away at the TV. Alice had gotten up and was tidily picking up the wads of paper; she went to the kitchen, undoubtedly throwing the wads away when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," she sang out, and Jake was wrapping his arms around mine, showing me how to hold his stick while swinging his hips with the movements.

"Hey, Ali." I heard it, heard the voice. That voice that tried to lull me back to sleep every time my alarm went off. That liquid voice that made every nerve ending in my body buzz with tension, that voice that was connected to burning eyes and a beautiful soul. Dammit, dammit, dammit. It's because I was having fun, wasn't it?

I looked up in slow motion, like when you just know the next thing you see is going to change your life and you either want to savor those in-betweens or never have to look at it and can't help it. There he was. Haggard-looking; God, where did he go? He was thinner, a little gaunt in the face. You could barely tell because he was scruffed out, growing a beard and succeeding. The shadows under his eyes were pronounced, and his hair looked limp and unkempt, like he had been trying to get it to stand up without using any product. His cargo pants were hanging off his hips, and his button-up was wrinkled and rolled up around his elbows, the skin that was pulled tight over his forearms the only thing revealing the strong man lying underneath. He looked tired and wonderful to my starved eyes. I could feel Jake tensing around me, tightening his embrace. Making a clear statement. _Mine_. Fucking fantastic.

I wanted to say the perfect thing, the one thing that would diffuse the situation. But of course, my mind went blank, and I silently prayed that Jasper would have a flash of brilliance when a phone went off, Edward's phone. I watched every movement he made, his brows furrowing slightly when he saw who the call was from. One corner of his mouth turned down as he answered, his mouth parting slightly to say something when he slapped it shut.

"Alice." He didn't say anything else, just stood there, staring blankly at the wall behind me.

"Edward? What is it?" She looked instantly concerned, and I knew she was also taking in his haggard appearance.

"It's… I've got to go," he said, hoisting his bag up higher on his shoulder.

"Go? You just got- oh, God. The baby? Already?" Those words did it. I unfroze. I stepped out of Jake's embrace and walked over to Edward, not thinking, not killing myself with what-ifs and thoughts of Jacob Black. Edward had walked back in and was going to walk right back out again unless I did something.

I guess my plans to remove Zorro from my life were shot to shit.

"Edward," I breathed, and I saw his nostrils flare as I got closer. But he was looking at me, dammit. Looking at me like it was the first time. That dull shine in his eye brightened, absolutely lighting up the room as I got closer. And I could smell him. Oh, Lord, but I could smell him. He smelled like home. He smelled like my dreams and my pillow and my fucking dammit, why?

"Bella," he breathed back at me, and I saw it- the faint trace of that sexy smile, the smile that I wanted to eat and to own and to have in my face every morning when I woke up. Who was I kidding?

I never got over him. Never. I was a fool for entertaining the option.

"I- the baby," he said, looking at once remorseful and pissed off. That damned baby. Getting between us, once again.

"You need to go," I said dully, looking down at my hands which had somehow made their way into his. And I didn't even care. Everyone could see us- see _this-_ even Jake. And I no longer cared. What I wanted was in front of me, and once again- he had to go.

"Yeah." There was really nothing left to say. But somehow, he said it. He looked down at me and offered me one intense look, no smile on his face as he tried to impart something to me before he turned and walked right back out of the house. Alice was trailing after him, jingling her keys and grabbing her purse.

"You. This- I'll be back. I'll be back," she rushed, pausing to briefly look over her shoulder at Jake and the others.

Jake.

Fuck.

I turned back around and saw them all standing there, sort of frozen and waiting for me to do something.

"Bella," Jake said, striding over to me and restarting the action as he moved. Jasper, Rose, and Emmett made quick excuses and grabbed their coats, rushing out the door and into the night. Jake and I stood there, facing each other, neither of us knowing what to say because it was pretty obvious that all of my progress toward an Edward-less existence was for shit.

"I'm guessing that was the guy," he said lamely, sheepishly rubbing his stubble that never seemed to make it to beard. I ached. Ached for this guy who cared so much for me, and I just couldn't return the sentiment.

"Yeah," I said, not knowing what else to do.

"Well, at least I'm taller than he is," he offered, forcing a laugh and standing up straighter.

"Listen, Bells. This throws a wrench in things. I don't know what's going on here, but I'm willing to bet he walks out again. Just so we're clear- I ain't giving up without a fight," he said, and my heart broke in a thousand pieces for this sweet guy who just didn't know when to stop. I would have to tell him all, but I just couldn't do it. Not right now. In many ways, I needed him to be the friend that picked up the pieces this very second, but in every other way, he was the worst person for the job. Edward Cullen had just walked out on me again, and it was never clearer than it was in that moment that Jake Black could never be Edward Cullen.

"Jake-"

"Nope. Pain's too fresh. I'm going to go. I'll send Rose back in," he said, pulling his sweatshirt over his head. He kissed the back of my hand and was off before I could respond.

Rose came bustling in a moment later, muttering under her breath about "worst timing in the world" and "stupid boys", but she was a doll and didn't say anything else. She simply walked to the kitchen, grabbed my Cherry Garcia, and forced me to sit on the couch. She found some old _Melrose Place_ and we sat in tense silence, waiting for Alice to bring us news.

Rose was usually pretty good at distracting, but nothing could take away the one question that kept popping up in my mind while we sat there, and the same question was there when Alice came back two hours later with a troubled expression and lips pursed in thought.

This question would keep me awake. Its answer had the ability to make or break me, for good this time. And I understood without articulating the thought that until I heard from Edward again, I would not be able to sit still or accomplish much of anything. So I sat there between my two girls, absently scooping ice cream into my mouth and laughing at the appropriate times and sighing when Rose and Alice sighed, but I was really only functioning by focusing on one thought, on one reality.

Why the hell had Edward flown down here in the first place?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Why, indeed?**


	23. the Necklace

**What did you do to deserve this many updates in a week, you ask?**

**Well, you all left amazingly lovely reviews is what you did. I'd especially like to thank one I got after a long-ass day today…so thanks, BB0925. And Kerri03nwc… you are love.**

**I'm pretty sure this is the one you've all been waiting for, so yeah. **

**For jandco, my little scarlet begonia. And bittenev, my peanut butter fluffernutter muffin. And goo82… you HOR.**

**Edward**

Baby. Holy shit.

I wasn't ready yet.

I didn't get to do it, to say it.

I had to give Lauren credit for having the absolute worst timing in the world. I had been gearing up for the reunion of the century and was stopped at the sight of the Boy, his goon arms wrapped around my girl.

For a half a second, I almost turned around until my inner voice calmly told me to go to her, to get her. To give her the opportunity instead of leaving her with the coffee option.

But then the heavens showed their intentions by bringing about the early birth of my first child.

I was starting to feel like we weren't meant to be.

But as Alice sped me back to the airport, chattering nervously about preparations and bad timing, all I could think of was that I done fucked it up, and after I saw to getting Jessica and Lauren comfortably settled, I should consider taking a long vacation to the city of Seattle.

Because I simply refused to let bad timing get the best of me. I was done.

But I'd see to the birth. And I'd figure out the details later.

I had a happy little smile on my face as we drove. I think it must have irritated Alice, because she kept glancing over to gauge my emotions, and every single time, she looked disgusted when she saw that I was neither perturbed nor experiencing any sense of urgency. I was complacent and accepting.

But I was also determined.

How long could it take to see to a baby being settled? I knew the average stay in the hospital, seeing that everything went fine, was about two to three days. And despite the slightly early arrival, the baby being delivered at thirty-eight weeks' gestation was normal, so I wasn't worried. I'd be there for the birth, I'd hold Jess' right hand while Lauren held her left, I'd see to it that everything went smoothly during her postpartum days, and I'd drive her home. I'd hold the baby, feed the baby, change the baby. Everything I had been seeing myself doing for the past few months now as I slowly gained acceptance of my role in the kid's life as Daddy.

And then an unbidden image of me and this faceless child holding hands with Bella popped in, and instead of the downtrodden look, instead of the sad outpouring of loss that usually accompanied such things… I felt hope.

And it felt fucking awesome.

**Jessica**

"Just keep squeezing, babe," she said, holding my hand and smiling grimly into my face. I _was_ squeezing. Dammit. I wish he was here.

"Did you call him again?" I asked between clenched teeth. I had asked for the epidural like ten years ago, and Lauren had been charging the nurse's station every ten minutes, not-so-nicely asking for the anesthesiologist. I'm pretty sure they were all tired of her, but she was just looking out for me.

"Yes, hon. I sure did," she answered, her eyes crinkling down slightly with that look she always flashed whenever I talked about Edward. He was a constant sore point between the two of us, for more reasons than the fact that he was going to be our Daddy. She felt he was too cold, too controlling. I had to keep reminding her that this wasn't exactly his ideal situation, either, and that I had been his girlfriend, for crying out loud. But that's what I think it was, anyway.

Not to mention that she knew I had been in love with him for a while before I had started dating him, but I never told him that. She feels like we have this untold love story or something, which is ridiculous. I mean… Now, I'm in love with the silly, wonderful girl. Not him.

Yeah, I'd always have good, warm feelings for him. He wasn't cold or controlling, he was just… Edward. The kind of guy that as soon as he rushed into the hospital room, looking rakish and excited and flustered and well, handsome… about four nurses found an excuse to be in my room. I knew he worked here, so I'm sure there were plenty of fans of Dr. Cullen.

And they were all shocked. Shocked that he was the father. I had explained the whole baby daddy situation, but I didn't say what his name was. I felt a little bad that we were here, at his place of work, but he had insisted when I told him I wanted to give birth at this particular hospital that he didn't care. But it hurt a little that no one knew already. Maybe he wasn't as excited about all of this as he had seemed to be.

"Jess," he said breathlessly, rushing forward to kiss me on the forehead. He brushed my bangs aside and patted my cheek, and I had to do a double-take because I hadn't seen him look so… engaged… in quite some time. Sure, he was participatory and interested and all-around great, but this eagerness was… unusual. I always got the impression that he was a guy putting up with two demanding women, not a guy eager for fatherhood. But the expression on his face made me feel about a thousand times better and a thousand times guiltier.

I shouldn't be doing this to him. He had so much ahead of him and I didn't like, want this to break his spirit or something.

"Shit," I whisper-hissed, drawing out the "sh" sound and it like, made Lauren squeeze my hand harder than I was squeezing hers. Edward patted my hand in sympathy and walked over to the monitor-thingie, looking at the red graphing paper that was spitting out the squiggles of the baby's heartbeat.

"Babe. I need it."

"No. Absolutely not." Lauren was firm, and if I weren't in so much fucking pain, I would've snapped at her. "Look. The birthing plan is already shot to shit. Trudie Turnbold told us ages ago that she wouldn't be around from-"

"Lauren," I said, gritting my teeth as the wave passed. Edward looked at the clock and back down at the sheet, his brow creased with slight worry.

"Hey," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. I reached out and grabbed at him and he absent-mindedly patted my head.

"Scale of one to ten, Jess," he asked quietly, grabbing my ice cup and slipping a few rabbit-pellet-looking pieces to my mouth. I accepted them and Lauren snatched the cup out of his hand, but I shook my head when she offered me another scoop. She put the cup down and stomped out of the room.

"Seven," I said, swiping as the watery ice made me drool a little. He nodded and then leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms. I couldn't help it; he looked so good standing there. Haggard as always, but glowing, somehow. I was glad he was there.

"So Trudie's a no-go, huh?" he asked, looking up at the corner the room; his eyes traced the wallpaper and he was fidgeting with his hands, his ankles crossed and the one bent leg tapping on the floor. When he noticed me looking down, he sheepishly stopped and stood straighter.

"Sorry," he said, then he laughed. He _laughed_. I haven't heard him laugh like that since… well, since we were together. I kinda missed it.

"S'okay. Yeah, she was going to a big Midwifery conference or something out Midwest, but she had promised she'd be here until my due date…" But I didn't really finish the thought. He didn't need to know these things, anyway.

"Well, I'm glad you guys came to my ol- to my hospital." He had obviously changed what he was going to say, but I didn't care because I felt another one. Fuckfuckfuck. Holy hell.

I reached out and he took my hand, glancing at the clock again.

"Come on, Jess. You can ride it out. Come on, honey." He reached out and got a damp washcloth Lauren had been mopping me with and swiped at the sides of my face; it provided little comfort, and I started to pant.

I waited for the deep-seated cramp twinges to stop and closed my eyes, allowing Edward's cool dabbing soothe me back to normal breathing.

"I want the drugs," I whispered. I cracked my eyes open and was almost surprised to see his nod and small smile.

"Of course. I'll go find the anesthesiologist; should be Jenny." I was pleased he was here; for one thing, Lauren was going to be pissed that I decided to not go all-natural like we (she) had decided, but I didn't really fucking care anymore. But it'd be good to have him here, intervening. The two butt heads, but I'm pretty sure the doctor would come out the victor in a hospital setting like this.

"Ah, Shannon. Could we get Dr. Robertson in here? She's changed her mind about the epidural," Edward said as my nurse walked in. She beamed at him, patting his back before coming over to make sure that's what I wanted, asking me about my pain and bustling over to check the fetal heart rate monitors.

Fuck yes, that's what I wanted. 'Bout frickin' time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

..

I will never doubt the power of Western Culture and its belief in chemical relief again.

It's totally weird, like… I could feel the pressure and movements and stuff, but I no longer felt any pain. From the waist down. I found that I could tolerate having Lauren hovering and bickering with Edward, who was simply standing there, taking it.

It was just… rude. Lauren was such an unfeeling jerk to people sometimes. But God help me, I loved her. I just did.

"You can't help who you love," I mumbled. Lauren scowled up from her laptop, cracking her gum and shifting positions. I don't think she heard me, but if she did, it's not like it's nothing I haven't said to her before. Hell, it took me years to realize I had been in love with her. Ditto on her end.

"Truth," Edward sighed, bringing the straight-backed chair over next to the bed.

"You want a backrub?" he asked. I shook my head because I felt so good that I didn't think I would ever want to move again. Well, at least not until it was go-time.

"What's truth?" I asked, mindlessly flipping through channels. I stopped on the hospital's baby info channel and stared without seeing, waiting for Edward's response. Lauren got up and muttered something about making a phone call; our friends should be on their way to the hospital. Those who could stomach non-holistic methods of healing, anyway.

"Oh, not being able to help who you love," he sighed, leaning so that he was resting his elbow by my head. I smiled at him; I figured the odds that the baby would resemble him were like, nonexistent, but who knows… maybe? I mean, I knew that unreal hair and bright greens were like, unique or whatever, but still. It was possible, right? Aw, who'm I kidding? The baby would have the dominant dark and boring eyes of its mother, I just knew it. I stared up at him, really wishing I would luck out in the genetic lottery, but eh. Edward Cullen was one-of-a-kind, and I doubted science would work in my favor here. Because even if I didn't do guys anymore, I was still insanely attracted to him. I mean, it was like chicks who dig Angelina, right? That fresh-fucked hair and the smirk and the whole doctor-y thing, plus he just looked kind, you know? Lots of guys can fake looking like a good guy, but it's really freaking tough to fake looking kind. And Edward was definitely the kindest, most thoughtful guy, ever.

And I was turning him into a father.

My stomach twinged. Not the baby-filled abdomen, either; actual stomach. Acidy, bile-filled stomach twinge. Unadulterated guilt. We were really doing this. I was really doing this.

Baby.

"So," I said, trying to make myself un-guilt-ify. "Lauren and I decided the baby's middle name should be Masen."

"Oh?" He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, trying not to look excited, but it was the same manic glow he got that one time he took me to a Mariners game and a doctor buddy had gotten him tickets like, behind home plate or whatever, and he was just like a little kid with his stupid foam finger and umpire heckling.

"Well, yeah. Hey, Edward?" He turned, fully facing me so that he was bearing weight on his elbow, gazing into my face.

"I know," he said softly, smirking and turning back to the TV.

Right at that moment, I seriously wished I still liked boys.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Nine centimeters apart, 100% effaced, plus one station," the nurse intoned, removing her hands and snapping off her gloves. "How you feelin', honey?"

"She's ready to pop, Nurse Shannon," Edward said, laughing and joking. I couldn't stand it. He was so damned at ease, so handsome and so trying to be nice to Lauren despite her being a raging cunt and the nurses just kept on coming in to talk to him and touch him and I was having a _baby_ for chrissakes.

"Now, now, Daddy. That's no way to talk about the mother of your first child," the nurse chided, and Lauren sneered at the silly flirting of the two. She was old enough to be his mother, gees.

"Forgive me, Mama!" he said, coming over to me. He had his hands behind his back and I gasped as he brought them out, thrusting a box at me.

"It's nothing, Jess. Don't freak out or anything," he said somewhat sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck and glancing nervously at Lauren. I opened it up; it was a beautiful little necklace that he must have gotten in the gift shop. There was no way he had been carrying it around all this time, right?

I burst into tears.

"Look what you did, asswipe," Lauren hissed, rushing over and snatching the box out of my hands.

"I… I…" he said, bewildered and making his hair all crazy-like. I grabbed for my gift.

"It's a tradition," he shrugged. "My mother taught me that the mother of your child is a precious person and to treat her as such. I've been carrying that around for a while now. It was my grandmother's."

That just made me cry harder. Why why why why why? I just… I didn't deserve him.

"Look, I'm going to call Alice. I'll be back." He sauntered out into the hall and was gone from sight.

"Laur-"

"Jess, no."

How did she know what I was going to say?

"I know exactly what you're going to say, and just… no."

"Laur-"

"We talked about this." She handed the box back to me.

I sighed. And glanced down at my necklace.

"Want help putting it on?"

"No. Not yet."

**Edward**

"Yeah. I know. She's almost there, Ali. Yeah. So… is… uhh." I didn't exactly know how to ask the question, but I did know that I desperately wanted to.

So Coffee Guy was hanging out with my friends, stepping in on my turf. He with the rippling biceps and towering height and stupid hockey jersey. I could definitely take him in a fight, though. And knock out his shiny, white teeth.

"Okay, Alice. Yeah. I'll let you know as soon as the baby's born. Mm hmm. Tell everyone we're fine." Tell Bella I'm fine and I'm coming for her. Soon. I just had to get this baby business squared away first.

And get Jess and Lauren set up. And work out a schedule of some sort. I should probably get a lawyer involved, too. And-

I saw a flurry of activity over by Jess' room and realized it was time. Shannon was rushing to the room along with baby admit and some nursing students. I practically sprinted down the hall and nearly skidded into the wall in my haste to be there.

I grabbed a gown and cap and shrugged into them haphazardly, rushing into the room and donning a set of gloves. I carefully opened the door, the bright and the light washing through. Capped and gowned personnel, baby warmers. Needles, action, reaction, nurses everywhere, calling out, urging to push, to stop, to breathe, to squeeze. I prepared to take my place at the head of the bed, realizing we had never decided who got to cut the cord-

"Get him out of here!" Jess wailed when she saw me. Wait. What?

Lauren's eye narrowed from her post at the head of the bed where she was holding onto Jess' hand for dear life.

"You heard her."

_Lauren_.

No.

Shannon came bustling over to me. No one else paid heed to the suddenly unwanted baby daddy, but Shannon met my questioning and narrowed gaze head-on.

"Jessica?" she called, questioning and hesitant. Jess just nodded.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

I didn't move.

"Edward."

"My baby, Shannon."

"Dr. Cullen, you know the rules." She was gentle yet firm. I refused to budge.

"Dr. Cullen, you need to go," she said. Fuck that.

"Dr. Cullen, please don't make me call security."

"Edward, just… go," Jessica whispered in between pants.

_Fine_.

I left.

And waited.

What the fuck.

My mind was blank.

I just-

Of all the-

Who does she think-

Activity. Nursing students rushing in and out of the room. I sat up when I saw Dr. Grant rushing into the room; I was gripping the arm rests of the uncomfortable chair sitting outside of a room down the hall. Grant was NICU. What happened? Was something wrong? Shit. Shit shit shit.

Why wouldn't she let me in?

Pacing, stomping. Tapping and drumming. Hours passed. Days. Weeks. Maybe minutes.

Another flurry of activity; I saw an isolette being wheeled out of the room with about five people walking around it; I got up, but they rounded the corner and all I ever saw was a glimpse of dark hair. I rushed to follow the baby and the NICU team, but Nurse Shannon took that moment to step out of the room and blocked my path.

"You don't want to do that, Dr. Cullen." She was gentle but firm.

"Shannon, that's my-"

"Dr. Cullen. I will most definitely call security on you, but I think you should go in there first."

I was agitated. Pissed and worried. I had to take a few breaths and calm my heart which had magically jumped up and hit my uvula. Nauseated and anger and just _shit_.

How was I going to reason with them? What had happened between my walking out of the room and that phone call? What had Lauren said?

I pushed on the door, the smooth, cool surface mocking me as it squeaked shut.

I just stood there, arms crossed and waiting. Jess looked like hell; she was laying back, eyes closed. Lauren was by the window, back turned and on her phone, whispering furiously and sneaking sidelong glances my way.

"What the hell, Jess?" I said. No anger in my voice, just utter calm. Lauren didn't like that, though.

"Lay off, Cullen," she said, her voice venomous and tired.

"Stay the hell out of this, Mallory." Was it her? Did Lauren finally get tired of financial security?

"Jess," I said, trying desperately to sound reasonable and calm. But I needed to know. "Are you okay? Is the baby… what happened?" It wouldn't be the first time I saw a father barred from the birthing room, but hell. That was just… unsettling.

"I'm fine," she said after a short pause She couldn't meet my eyes, though, and was gazing at the ceiling. "He's… they said he had a low blood sugar and he's a little big, but other than that, he's okay," she whispered, looking and sounding exhausted. I was relieved; low blood sugar isn't too bad. They'd keep him for a few days, just until his sugar went up. I noticed the paper by the bed with weight and height and chest circumference written on it.

"Phew. Ten pounder, huh?" I chuckled, trying to make light of everything. What the hell, Jessica?

"Edward." She reached out for me, pulling me down. Lauren saw this and started to rush over to us, probably trying to stop what I was about to hear.

Not that I blamed her.

"He's not your baby."

He's not my baby.

And I should have been mad.

Pissed, even.

Indignant.

Screaming, hulking.

Ball of impotent rage.

However…

_Not my baby._

Wow.

What do you do with that?

What do you do with losing

What do you do with the loss

What do you do with that kind of

What do you do to feel

What could you possibly

What do you do?

I suppose I could've yelled.

Or punched Lauren.

Accused, shouted, threatened to sue.

But I found I only did three things.

I grabbed my grandmother's necklace, which Jess had been holding out to me.

I kissed a confused Jessica on the forehead and whispered "good luck".

And I grinned the biggest dumbass of a smile this planet has ever seen.

I tossed the door open and waved at Shannon, who looked like she was ready to block me should I try to turn toward the NICU.

But I didn't.

I turned toward Seattle.

**Go git her! No more badluckward!**


	24. Hippie Influence

**Sigh. I know, I know. The real life, she gets in the way of fanfiction. Stupid RL.**

**A few things: my new blog article is out Saturday. Go to the Lazy Yet Discerning Ficster!**

**Aaaaand… WE'RE ANNOUNCING THE WINNERS OF THE EDDIES AND THE BELLIES ON SUNDAY AT 4PM EST. LIVE. Come listen to the girls at the Temptation Podcast (Rialle, moonwitche , cdunbar and the Romantical Edwardian) along with Limona and myself… should be a hoot and a holler! Go to the podcast website for deets (linkage on m'profile).**

**This one's for the Swedish Mafia Princess to my Rob- jandco.**

**And Thallium81/jfly, who takes my boys to the park and buys them frappuccinos. Love ya, BB.**

**Bella**

After the Edward thing, I waited. I won't lie.

I waited for him to come to me, to call me.

I mean, I wasn't an idiot. I knew we had a moment back there. We did.

That whole hand-holding thing and the look of red-flamed want in his eyes-

There was no _way_ we didn't have a moment.

And yet…

He didn't come for me.

I waited. For a whole day.

Then I got pissed and wrote him off again.

When would this end?

I decided that the next time I saw him, I'd give him a piece of my mind. Make him cry. Renee had always said I had a nasty way with words when I put my mind to it; I hadn't used it to make a boy cry since the third grade when Jimmy Buswell had stolen my new Mickey Mouse pencils, but I was pretty sure I could do it, anyway.

The worst part? Jacob. Freaking Jacob Black. So understanding and patiently waiting. Waiting for me to be there for him.

I just couldn't. I was being awful to him. Was it stringing someone along if you told them you needed to-

I had to stop it. It was going to hurt. Hurt me, hurt him. No one could win in this scenario.

So I called a powwow. Alice and Rosalie. I obviously couldn't be trusted to make my own decisions.

And yeah, maybe I was fishing for information.

Unfortunately, I was stonewalled.

"Come on, Alice," I wheedled. I knew she knew something. Something good; something juicy. She was practically bouncing with it. Shining and happy. Not good.

"Nope," she said, beaming and cleaning. Jasper and Emmett were out golfing, a ridiculous attempt at bonding that Rosalie had suggested. They both had raised their eyebrows when she brought it up, but no one questioned Rose when she looked that determined. So they had put on the ridiculous pants Alice had produced and filled their pockets with flasks full of booze, heading out to the golf course with laughter and promises of scoring holes-in-one.

"Have you seen pictures?" I asked, constantly trying to hit somewhere that I knew Alice was weak. She was a girly girl, and she loved her some babies. But still.

"Nope."

"No you haven't seen them, or no you're not answering me?" I was getting impatient. We were all in the kitchen, us girls up on the counter and sipping something yellow and vodka-y out of martini glasses. We had decided to make (or decided that Bella would make) Chex Mix and drinks for our Girl Day. I was surprised Alice hadn't suggested retail therapy, and I was unsettled that Spa Day wasn't on the menu from Rose. No, they did a Bella thing. Not a good sign. Placating me because of potential bad news, perhaps?

"Are you guys trying to make me crazy, or what?" I was in my "Kitchen Bitch" apron and brandishing my wooden spoon like a weapon, one hand on my hip and the other waving the spoon around like an Italian mama. They snickered and rolled their eyes, but they didn't answer.

"Guys," I whined, shoving the pan back in the oven. I wasn't exactly helping, either. I didn't ask them about what I wanted to know, but that's only because they had to already assume that I was talking about Edward and his baby. What else was there?

I was buzzing. Ever since he had walked in and back out again, I had been fairly wriggling out of my skin, desperate to know what the hell it had all been about. Stupid baby interfering with my plans.

I couldn't work anymore. I was so distracted that I was letting tiny grammatical errors and misuses of idiom slip through. My boss was sure something life-changing was on the horizon for me because he kept hinting that I might have "a big announcement" or something, and to let him know if I needed time off. Sheesh. Just because he had seen pictures of me and Jacob and thought he was "a hot hunk of boy meat", he assumed I was ready to announce my Big Event Wedding or something.

"Jacob," I groaned, not quite realizing I had done it out loud. I was all over the place these days. Well, for the last week, anyway.

Both Alice and Rose stopped giggling and froze in place.

"What?" I demanded, whipping my apron off and tossing it in their general direction. It fluttered and landed at their feet; both of them stared at it and then looked back up at me simultaneously.

"Stop doing things as a unit, dammit. I want to know."

"Know what, Bella?" Rosalie was using her cautious voice, that "don't taunt the crazy bear" tone making me madder and madder.

"The baby! God!" Done. I was done.

"Bella- it's not really our place to-"

"Oh, fuck that, Alice. You have info and I want it." I turned and faced the stove, feeling the furious flush on my face.

"Bella. This- this isn't- I just-" Wow. Alice was never at a loss for words. But she still looked so damned smug. Smug Auntie Alice, or Smug Matchmaker Alice? I couldn't decide.

"Ali. Please?" Catch more flies with honey.

"Bella. You need to do something about Jake." Rose was matter-of-fact and annoyingly beautiful in her superiority.

"Jake." I sighed. "I know, I know. He's too good for me. And hell, it's your damned fault in the first place! 'Go play with the younger guy, Bella. Get Edward out of your system, Bella.' I don't know why I ever listened to you guys in the first place."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't blame me because you two can't communicate effectively. Just- why don't you call him?" So helpful, Rosalie.

"Call him?" It seemed like such a foreign concept. I couldn't just call him. Could I?

"Yeah, you know. Pick up the phone. Contacts. E for Edward. I know you have his number. You're not the type to erase a guy for life."

"I can't just-" Yeah, I could. I could email him.

So I did. I hopped over and whipped out my laptop. Shot off a quick, "How are you? Getting any sleep?" thing and hit "send" before I could talk myself out of it.

"There." As if that solved everything. Ball in his court and all that.

"There? Like that's going to solve everything?" Shut up, Rosalie.

"Bella. Jacob." Alice's voice was gentle; I felt her arms wrap around me and she leaned her face between my shoulder blades. I allowed the comfort for exactly eight seconds before I pulled away.

"I gotta go talk to Jacob."

"I know. We'll save you Chex Mix. There's ice cream in the freezer, too."

I hated that she knew me so well sometimes.

This was going to hurt.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You're here because you want to tell me I'm a nice guy, but it's just not our time."

"Hello to you, too." Jacob looked amazing and fucking hot, but dammit. He just wasn't doing it for me.

He swung the door open and swept his arm aside. I breathed a sigh of relief that the apartment was empty of the others. Just a bunch of PBR cans and Subway wrappers. I wanted to roll my eyes and clean up, but I wasn't their mother. Or their roommate's girlfriend.

I was a jerk.

"Jacob-"

"Bella, I told you. I was willing to wait. But hey, sometimes nice guys finish last, right?" He was smiling, but the pain shining in his eyes made my heart hurt. Why? Why can we not decide who to love? Unfucking fair.

"Stop being nice to me. I don't deserve it."

"Yeah, you do. Come on, Bella. Every story has a hero, and every story has the guy everyone wants the nice ending for but doesn't necessarily want to get the girl. I'm not the hero in your story, Bella. I've sort of known that from the beginning. You were done before I took you to that broomball game. The guys tried to talk me out of it, but well- you know how stubborn I can be." He was still joking the pain away, and the one thing I wanted to do- to comfort him- just wasn't going to happen. I had to stop giving him mixed signals. Maybe Edward the Fertile deserved Bella theJerk, leader-on of nice, attainable men.

"Jake, you're going to find-"

"-the right girl. I know. I did find her, Bells," he said, trailing off as he took my hand and kissed the back of it. That hurt, but I totally and completely deserved it.

"Aw, man. Don't cry. I didn't mean to- shit." He wiped my tears away with the hem of his white undershirt. "I guess I couldn't resist. I mean, I know you don't think so. But you are worth all the pain in the world, Bells. I had to try for you. I just did." Okay, that made me cry harder. He finally pulled me in, and I took a deep whiff of his Jake smell, just knowing that I wouldn't see him again. It would hurt me, knowing how much I had hurt him. I wanted him to yell at me, to toss things at my feet and spit on my grave. But Jake was too nice for that. Why does Love always have to shit on the nice guy?

"Don't worry about me. I'm going to curse your name every time I see some happy couple, but other than that-" I punched his shoulder, pulling away and looking up into his sweet face. He was full of emotion, but I could see that I wasn't going to break him. He was too strong for that. And so young. If I had to be his life lesson, so be it. I just- I really wished I could have made it work.

"So, what's the plan?"

"Hmm?" I was still comforted by his presence, and I should have left, but I couldn't help it. Jacob Black was a great friend, and I hated that I was going to be losing that. Still so selfish.

"What are you going to do about the guy with the hair?"

I laughed at that one.

"No, really. I remember him from the coffee shop, the day you guys had that crazy costume party. I saw how he looked at you back then, and I remember thinking, 'she wouldn't go for someone with carefully orchestrated messy bed head like that, but what do you I know, right?" He was laughing, the rumble in his chest making me smile and making me hurt because God, no matter what happened, Jacob Black was one of my favorite people.

I stepped out of his embrace and walked over to the kitchen. I couldn't help it, I started to clean. I suddenly felt better, my dry, scratchy throat clearing slightly. I had done it, and I didn't break him.

But I still felt like I owed him something. An apology? An explanation? Would it be fair of me to keep beating the dead dog?

"Jake, I-"

"Aww, come on, Bella. I already told you I'm going to be okay. No need to get all angsty on me now," he said, interrupting me and turning around. He was studiously picking up various stacks of junk off the floor and making piles, but it wasn't lost on me that his voice trembled ever-so-gently, and he wasn't looking at me anymore.

Oh, Jake. I sincerely hope that one day you get your happy ending, too.

Then again, what am I saying? I wasn't even sure I was getting my own Ever After.

But I did know that I wasn't going to just sit around and let it happen to me, either. And if my best boy friend wasn't able to be a part of that, I'd just have to deal on my own.

"So I guess I can't really call you anymore, huh?" I mumbled, heavy and giddy and annoyed at the conflicting emotions pulsing and pounding in my head. I was looking at the back of Jake's head but seeing Edward everywhere, and the weight of not knowing what was going to happen was both stifling and pleasant. Watching Jacob press on and deal with his pain was giving me strength. I hate to say it, I hate even thinking it, but I was determined to make the best of this shit situation, and I decided that enough was enough. Fuck Alice and Rosalie for telling me nothing. I let the self-righteous anger wash over me and give me strength, propelling me toward the door.

"Yeah, get the hell out," Jake laughed at me, and I paused- paused because I just couldn't fucking stand this- but he kind of ran up behind me and pressed a kiss into the top of my head.

"I'll miss you, kid," he said. "Don't be a stranger, yeah? Just… don't bring bronzed locks into the coffee shop. I might be awesome about letting you go, but I doubt I'd be that awesome to the guy who got the girl." Oh, Jacob.

"Deal," I whispered, craning my neck up and looking into his sad eyes. I turned around and threw my arms around his neck.

"I am truly, truly sorry for the way things had turned out. If-"

"If, if. Don't finish that sentence, Bella. I won't let you go if you do. Just do me a favor?" He gently pried my arms from around his neck and set me down, opening the door and leaning heavily on it.

"Hmm?"

"If you're going to do this, do it whole hog. I know you hesitate, and I don't know why. Any guy would be retarded to say 'no' to you." Then he flashed me his Jake grin and raised his hand, crinkling his fingers in a sweet good-bye wave. My lip trembled, but I refused to let him see me cry. Not for my humiliation, for his. I just couldn't stop hurting him, and I was done with that.

I heard the door shut behind me, and I steeled myself. Maybe I do deserve this. And Jacob was right. Whole hog.

I deserved it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Edward**

Seattle.

How does one go about changing, like… everything?

Because I was done with San Francisco.

I had no actual reason to stay. My parents would visit me; they loved it up there. They stayed because of Dad's practice, but I knew they'd retire to the place of their childhood. And that was my only reason to stay in California.

I had tons of reasons to move to Washington.

But I also knew I couldn't make hasty decisions. I had to start thinking, to start planning. To stop letting the wishes and actions of others dictate how I led my life. Even Bella.

Yet I couldn't stop thinking about seeing her, about her putting her small, wonderful little hands in mine and looking at me with a shiny love so overwhelming that I think I actually stopped breathing-

-I needed to see her again.

I had to suss her out, to make sure we were on the same page.

_Of course you fucking are._

The thought was thrilling and fucking frightening.

What would be worse than uprooting and moving to a new city and professing and making declarations only to have her laugh in my face or tell me I was just a great lay?

_Stop being a pussy_.

Besides… we had never slept together.

And I had to stop thinking along those lines, because I didn't want to walk around with my dick making my decisions for me. Well, not initially anyway.

I decided to feel Alice out for information.

"Tsk," she responded when I called to ask how things were. "Don't you dare fish for information, Cousin Mine."

"Who, me?" What was she on about? It had been a day since the baby was born and my life was upended. After that whole reveal business, I was strangely blank. I knew I had walked into Stucky's with a ridiculous grin on my face because everyone kept asking me "What's with the happy tunes, Piano Man?" and I had to tone it down and start playing sad bastard music again. Those drunkards weren't feeling my euphoria.

"Yes, you. The hell, Edward?" Alice was smacking gum on the other line, which ordinarily drove me up a wall, but I was too agitated and restless to chide her for it. I just- I needed to know.

"Alice. I need to know about Bella."

"Oh, really? What about her?" Snap snap smack smack smack.

"Alice," I said, my voice low with a fervent kind of warning. She was going to make me say it, wasn't she?

"Edward." Snap snap.

"Fine," I sighed. "Jacob. Are they-"

"Oh, you," she giggled. "Didn't you just have a baby via lesbian? Do you feel that you're ready to start looking for replacement love?" I couldn't really tell if her teasing tone was serious or not. It was hard to tell with that tinkling voice of hers. Alice was quite adept at hiding her feelings when her face wasn't in view.

"Ali, please," I whispered. I suppose I'd have to tell her, but I hated to do it over the phone. "I need to know."

"Know what, exactly?" There it was. She was tired. I heard it. Tired, and probably protecting her girl. I was suddenly glad that Bella had both Alice and Rose in her life. Between the two of them, Bella would never have to worry about jerk-offs like me breaking her heart.

So I'd have to work extra hard to make sure they let me in.

"Alice, it's not my baby," I whispered, the confession at once embarrassing and rather liberating. I savored the feathery words, glad to feel them slide out of my mouth.

There was total silence on the other end for approximately ten seconds.

"Alice?" Was I too quiet?

"What. The fuck. Edward. Edward, Edward. What?" Her words were rushing and she ended with a stream of obscenities and babbling that I started to not understand, and it was making me grin. But then she started muttering, "I'mma kill me some lesbians," and that's when I had to interject.

"No, no. Come on, Alice. If I can get past it, you can." Well, I hadn't actually dealt with it yet. But I had to look on the bright side. Was it so terrible that I wasn't angry at them?

"Edward," she said, exasperation and agitation clear in her tone. And I loved her for that; Alice was loyal and would always fight for those she loved. And I wanted to be near that. I missed her. I missed Rosalie. I missed Jasper. And I really missed-

"Edward, what happens now?" she whispered. I could practically hear her biting her lip through the phone. I shifted on the counter I was leaning against, stirring my cold coffee with my finger. My apartment was clean, cold; there was little evidence of either Jessica or Lauren anymore, but I was well aware that they'd come back for their stuff at one point. I just had to decide exactly what would happen once they did.

"I don't know, Ali," I replied softly, desperately wanting the answer to the question.

"Don't wait too long, okay?" she said, and I'd like to say that she was vague and that I didn't understand what she meant by it, but I'd definitely be lying to myself, and I was tired of it. But first things first.

I'd have to see about some lesbians and the truth.

It was much easier and happened much faster than I had assumed. I had envisioned this long, drawn-out drama fight involving tears and thrown Birkenstocks, but Lauren was, for once, subdued and quiet.

The two came a-knockin' three days after the birth. I had spent the time at the piano. It was the only way I knew of controlling my agitation. Surprisingly, my agitation had nothing to do with my anger or irritation at being played; it was all because I was so anxious to get on with my life. But I would wait. Be patient. I had this feeling that things were set in motion and all I had to do was wait for the perfect moment to happen, and from then on- it'd be smooth sailing.

Right.

Maybe I was just scared shitless. Regardless, I tinkled the piano keys and kept my mind blank.

So when the knock came at the door, I knew it was them. I was prepared. I opened it and there they were, both looking haggard and I'm glad to say sorry. Not apologetic, just… sorry.

Jess was holding the baby, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to see the kid or not. That's terrible, and I just didn't give a fuck. I could feel my reserve slipping as I stared at the bundle of fluffy blue, but I swallowed hard and forced the regretful bile back down my throat. _I would deal with this. My catalysts have arrived, and they're wearing gypsy skirts._

"Edward," Jess murmured, not meeting my gaze. Staring hard at the two of them, I swung the door and my body went with it, sweeping my hand in an open gesture, allowing them in. Silently, I went to the little kitchen and grabbed two bottles of Fiji, childishly enjoying Lauren's cringe as she accepted it. She hated the waste of plastic bottles, but she accepted the offered water and opened it without comment. Oh, I was going to enjoy this.

"Something else I can do for you ladies?" I asked, leaning back on the breakfast bar. I crossed my arms and arched my eyebrows expectantly. I mean, it's not as though there was something they could say to make up for the past few months of-

"Edward, what can I say to make this better?" Jessica said. She was looking down at the bundle in her arms, rocking slightly as she adjusted to the position she was sitting in. She and Lauren were not sitting closely, and I wondered if they had argued much about this. They couldn't have been out of the hospital for more than a day, and I was surprised the baby was discharged when it was obvious that some sort of distress had been present at birth, what with them whisking him off to the NICU and all, but that was no longer my concern.

I didn't answer her. I wanted to see what they had come to say. That expectant feeling of- I wasn't sure, but it wasn't negative- hope, maybe- was creeping up my spine. I had to fight the urge to smile. The two of them were quite obviously scared out of my reaction, and there was no way they could understand that I wasn't mad. And then there it was- that expectant feeling was _euphoria_.

_I'm on my way_.

"I really wish he was yours," Jessica whispered, and I felt a twinge of annoyance that her words made me feel good. Of course she wanted him to be mine; golden ticket. _Don't be so uncharitable, Edward_.

"Oh, really? How's that?" I said crisply, still not wanting to make things easier. My pettier side winning out, I turned my back on them and faced the kitchen, waiting for her response. I could still feel the happy creeping up my back and I let out a huge grin. _Come on, ladies. Let's get this over with_.

"Edward, I honestly didn't know whether you were the father in the beginning," Jess started, and I leaned there, hearing her justifications pouring out, and I was glad to find that I really wasn't mad. Wow. Maybe living amongst the hippies had mellowed me out, but I found it pretty easy to let things go. Sure, I could rant and threaten to litigate and demand justice, but I just wasn't interested in it. Sure, they had hoodwinked me and taken advantage, but what would be the use in hollering? There's no way I could get my time back. The months. The wasted fucking months. The potential. The love.

How could two lesbians with a fatherless baby give me back love lost?

I realized that it had been silent for a moment or two, and the mean part of me wanted to let them sweat it out, but I found that I didn't have the will to do so. They were going to have a tough enough time raising a child while adjusting to life without their cash cow pumping money infusions at them without me adding to the mix by threatening to sue this and holler at that.

Could I just let it all go?

Yeah. I really could. Mother would kill me and possibly them, but I could let it die.

I let Jessica's stilted apologies and hemming and hawing continue because well, she was tired and probably needed to purge to make herself feel better. Poor girl. She would have a tough time being a mommy with Lauren in tow, and I found myself wondering about the poor kid, so I turned around and held my arms out.

She looked a bit surprised but handed him over without hesitating. I took the warm, sleeping bundle and didn't even gasp when I noticed his dark skin. The kid quite obviously wasn't mine. It occurred to me that perhaps they had seen the obvious, glaring differences between would-be-daddy and little whatever-his-name-was and came clean, but I knew Jessica. Her guilt had forced her confession prematurely back in the hospital.

Lauren was uncomfortable, and Mean Edward again grinned appreciatively, but I held the kid and let my relief wash over me.

I was _free_.

"We'll pay you back," Jessica whispered. I didn't lift my eyes from the dark little face, but I nodded. Damn straight they'd pay me back.

"And the gifts…"

"Look, ladies. I'm not going to pretend that you're not a fucked-up couple of people, but what's done is done. Just… pay me back. Return the shit to my mother. And then I really don't ever want to see or hear from you two again. I wish you luck, though. And I'd recommend you find this kid's real father, because a boy needs a man in his life." No bitterness, no surly anger. Just truth. Karma would get them in the end- I just hoped the kid wouldn't be dragged into it.

As for karma… I'd have to hope that I had enough good stored to make it through the next phase of my life.

I handed the baby back to his mommies and walked to the door, silently letting them leave. Simple. I didn't need more drama. That chapter was officially closed with the door as I pondered my next move.

I grabbed my keys and headed out to my mother's. That was going to be a painful conversation.

Oddly, though, it wasn't. Elizabeth was a class act. I found myself relating the events to her without emotion or commentary, just simple facts. And she took it all in stride.

"What's next, Edward?" she asked, patting the back of my hand and wiping at her eyes with a Kleenex. I couldn't tell if she was glad or pissed or what.

"Next?" Oh, I don't know, mother. Get the possible love of my existence back in my life? Challenge a barista to a duel?

"I was thinking of a change of scenery," I said without thinking. But as the words left my mouth, a tingle in my throat and temples indicated to me that it was _absolutely_ my next move. Seattle.

"That's probably for the best. Get a new perspective, find someone or something to be with…" Bless her heart, she was doing everything she could to cheer me up. Should I tell her my secret desire, my secret fears? I had never mentioned Bella to my parents because I didn't feel like I deserved the hope. But now… I felt like I deserved it, without reservation.

I had put up with enough shit. It was finally time to go after what I wanted, no reservations.

Could it be so simple?

How could I just… leave?

"Easy. You just do it." I didn't realize I had spoken the thought out loud.

"Mom-"

"Edward. You have a reason to be there, don't you? I don't mean Jasper and Rosalie." She always knew me better than I ever thought she did.

"Yes."

"Well, darling. What the hell are you waiting for?" I looked up and saw that she was smiling at me through tears. God, I love my mother.

"I don't even know, anymore, Mom." I got up and kissed the top of her head. She reached up and patted my face.

"She must be wonderful."

"She is."

She is.

A week later, I was headed out the door. It's a little depressing how easy it is to pack your entire life into boxes and tie up loose ends. Hospital, piano bar. These little things seemed so unimportant, yet they summed up what I was without the baby. And I wasn't bothered by it.

I would go to Seattle. Find a new piano bar. Or a new hospital. New life. Back to my best friends. My cousin. My Bella.

Bella.

Her name echoed faintly in my ears, like when you get your favorite song stuck in your head. And I knew the only way to get the song out was to pop it in and hit "play".

Off to Seattle I go.

I'd figure out the details when I got there.

**Eddies and Bellies, Eddies and Bellies. Make sure you're there on Sunday!**


	25. Knit 1, Purl 1

**OMG FML**

**SORRY ABOUT THE SCARE EARLIER**

**FANFICTION AND POSSIBLY MY BUSTED-ASS FLASH DRIVE CORRUPTED THE ORIGINAL FILE**

**ugh, ugh, ugh. you can all thank the illustrious and beautiful and talented thallium81/jfly for making this update possible. srsly. kiss her feet and read sanctuary. DO IT. DO IT NOW. wait. read this first, then do it.**

**Gah. Hello, little twitterers. Tweeters? Twitts? Idk idk**

**So very sorry about the update lackingness. I actually lost the flash drive for this story when I was switching to my new l'il mini laptop… and a piece of me died. Luckily, I found the thing 3 days ago.**

**So thanks for still reading this here first story o'mine. This one's for my lady jandco. And the ficster blog. Please to be sending all of your fandom/twilight/rob/jandco inquiries to dearwtvoc (at) gmail (dot) com. Check out the profile if you dunno what the ayche I'm talking about.**

**Also… thanks for sticking with me. this one's for you and you and you. but especially **_**you**_**.**

Bella

It's funny, sometimes, how time can alter our perceptions of things.

For instance… it had now been a month since Edward had shown up and subsequently left. Which I took as a sign to break up with my whatever-he-was and for the second time, ever, do something unlike me (the first time being that whole VampBella business, of course).

And what did that yield?

Nothing.

Yet.

It's like I was biding my time, waiting to be told, "Nope. Not getting what you want."

And Alice freaking knew something and she wasn't telling me. I could tell. She'd look at me with expectation and anticipation every time I answered the phone, and she was more Tigger-like than usual whenever the doorbell rang.

Yeah. I'll admit it. I sort of assumed it had something to do with Edward. I mean, come on. Wasn't it obvious?

Sure, Rational Bella said, "No, that's just Alice being Alice. The new and surprisingly versatile Galianos just got her all wet.

But then that other voice- the stupid, teeny tiny one named Bella's Deepest Desires- called out to me from whatever grouping of nerve endings resided between my intestines and my Kegel muscle. The tingly, not really arousing and unpleasant-only-'cuz-it-hurt-so-good whispery voice that said, "Something changed. Edward's coming and Alice knows it" would start calling out to me. Taunting and hinting and making me smile inwardly while cringing outwardly.

I hated it. And would die without it.

But then he didn't call. He didn't show. The light in Alice's eyes dimmed a fraction, but I could tell the difference.

So my shoulders slumped and Rational Bella took over and decided everyone needed casseroles. And freezer cookies. Cakes in the cake dome. I turned into a baking fool.

It wasn't enough.

So one day, when my boss asked me if I'd stay late, I did.

Still not enough.

I kept baking and working late.

And I knew what was going on. Classic denial strategy. I think everyone else knew, too, because they all had that look on their faces- that "don't poke a sleeping bear" wariness that made me want to punch something.

But I made chicken pot pies instead.

Rosalie tried everything. She tried to show me how to use Adobe Illustrator. How to rotate my tires. Anything.

Jasper made half-hearted attempts at showing me Mario Kart, but he stopped when I started beating him.

Alice kept on pretending everything was normal.

Emmett was the only one, as ever, to point things out.

"What? Let her be. Girlfriend's mourning. Both Jake and Edward. Ow," he said, rubbing his chin. Rose had tossed my latest project- rock candy- at him. He popped the purple crystals in his mouth and drooled out, "Dude. I've been eating like a fat fattie these last few weeks. And I don't mind. One bit." He got up and crunched loudly, giving Rose a sickeningly sweet and purple-wet kiss on the mouth. Then he came back to me on the couch.

"Listen, Bella. If you really want something to occupy your time, I think Rose could teach you how-"

"Emmett. Don't you dare." She was clacking on her laptop, but I looked up in time to see her shoot him a glare.

"What?" He was grinning, the apples in his cheeks lighting up the room and Rose's face. She sighed and lightly slapped her laptop shut.

"I can't tell you anything," she snapped, reaching down into her laptop case.

"What?" Even I knew I sounded tired, so I figured it was time to start letting others try to cheer me up.

I hated feeling so deflated. I mean, he was never mine. Moooooove on. Move on.

Ugh. So restless. I just didn't _feel_ right.

"Okay, Bells. Here's the deal. I am not a girly girl. You know this."

"Right." She had my attention now; Rosalie Hale hated anything that revealed her feminine side unless it was a stacked stiletto or a micro mini.

She sighed. "Okay. Understand that I trust you."

"And I you."

"I know," she said, patting my arm. Then she slipped something cold and thin and metallic into my hands.

"Yes. Don't look at me like that. This is just the thing to calm you the fuck down, Bella."

I almost laughed, but she totally would've kicked my ass. Then Emmett's.

"Rosalie Hale," I said, trying to sound accusatory without laughing. It came out like a swallowed snort. "You knit?"

XXXXXXXXX

So now Bella knits, too.

Scarves. Really long ones.

Amazing how soothing it was, too. Showtime original programming and a scarf in chunky rows. Took my mind off everything quite nicely.

So imagine my disgust and surprise when a furious knocking on the door interrupted the _Tudors_ season premiere and my first attempts at purling.

"Ali. Get it, would you?"

"Bella. Like I want to miss any potential Henry Cavill nudity. Please. _Come in_." She hollered the last bit out, and we giggled like teenagers as Jasper and Emmett played Connect Four, trying to pretend they weren't vested in Henry's crown.

"Whoa," Emmett said, and I looked up-

-and he was just there.

Edward.

I froze, my ridiculously huge 15-gauge needles held like weapons, Rose at my feet with the yarn wrapped around her hands. She looked up; her eyes narrowed then zipped over to me, and the whole room paused for a breath.

"You knit? Did Rose rope you in?" It was ridiculous, really. Five thousand things rolled through my head. There were five thousand things he could've said, and he went with knitting? I started to feel light-headed.

"Good to see you, man." Emmett was the first to move. He got up and stuck out his big hand, the slap reverberating across the room and making my ears ring.

Rosalie was not quite so generous as was Emmett. Her needing-a-good-plucking eyebrow shot up, looking grotesque for Rose and still shaming mine, judging Edward with its prickly edges.

"Edward. What are you doing here?" She managed to monotone her voice, but I knew her enough by now to realize that it was barely controlled annoyance. She still hadn't forgiven him a hundred percent.

And I might have felt sympathy for him because of that, but I couldn't actually feel much of anything. He was just… standing there, looking exhausted and simply _radiant_. New fatherhood certainly agreed with him.

He got this sheepish look on his face before kind of looking down a bit and scratching the back of his neck. "I, uh… sort of just packed up and… well, I'm moving to Seattle."

Knit 1, purl 1.

"What?" Alice's voice was cautiously ecstatic. I could hear that slight squeak at the end of the word, like she was trying to temper her reaction. And I knew it was for my sake. Knit 1, purl 1.

"I needed to scope out the area, see what apartments are available. Did you know that…" He kept talking, and I felt like these awkward beams were radiating out, hitting me square in the back. But Bella was sort of in denial mode and just kept on knitting and purling.

I could hear the baritones and sweet timbres of everyone's voices as they asked him questions, everyone completely on edge and eyeing me like I was going to jump and overreact or something. I mean, really. What did they think, that I was going to freak out? Why would I? Why should I get irrationally angry or happy or excited or frustrated or whatever? So I was going to have to deal with him being around now. So I was going to have to-

"…since it isn't my baby…"

Wait. What?

"What?"

Somehow my attempts at making a ribbed, textured scarf ended up on the floor, and Rose scrambled out of my way at the same time that I stood up, turning so swiftly that my own hair smacked me in the face on its way to rest around my shoulders again.

I was looking at a spot directly behind Edward's face, but I could still see him. The tired. The bright, shining light in his eyes. He was tilting his head in the direction I was looking so that he came into my view, but I couldn't focus on him. Couldn't, wouldn't. I tightened my grip on the knitting needles, my arms clenched to the sides of my body as I studiously avoided looking at him while simultaneously trying to pick up as many details as I could without really _seeing_.

My mind raced for like, a zillion things I could think about. But of course, the only thing it alighted on was "not" and "his baby".

But really, it didn't matter. Everything we had was gone. If he had really felt anything, he would have told me. If I had been enough of a blip on his radar, I would have known this already. I mean, it was all clear now- Alice certainly knew. She didn't tell me because she felt bad that it had all gone down the way it did. I got it. Message received.

My grip on the needles loosened a bit. I almost felt like I should have been blinking back tears or something, but eh. It's fine. I'm _fine_.

I turned and sat down, leaning over to try and salvage my scarf. I could feel eyes on me, but I didn't really know which ones. Unearthly green, sparkly blues, concerned browns. Didn't matter. Bella is _okay_.

"So… yeah. I decided to tie up some loose ends and come be with the people I cared about most in the world…"

And with that, I started to chuckle. And the fucking looped ends of my now destroyed scarf just wouldn't fucking _cooperate_.

"…I needed to get my stuff in order, you know? Just, push it past me as a bad time in my life and take stock and…" _Wow. Does he even realize how much of a tool he sounds like right now_? I was slowly and deliberately trying to loop the big needles back in, doing my best to salvage the bad scarf situation I had going, but that was hard when your body was trembling with the effort of trying to hold hysterical laughter in. I leaned down, trying to hide my face. I mean, the guy was explaining his thought process for whatever- forgiving the lesbians and wasted months and taking stock and blah blah blah. I simply couldn't hear it anymore. Who did he think he was? Well, first off, a psychopath. Making girls fall for him all over the West Coast and just loving and leaving them. Him with his stupid Zorro gear and his smirk and that smoke-on-the-water voice- I swallowed a giggle, but it sounded strangled. Knit knit knit. Purl, too.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and the laughter kept coming. Edward stopped his soliloquy, and I chanced a glance up to see Alice, furiously gazing over my shoulder at him.

"Shh. Bella, it's okay. Do you want me to ask him to leave?" Oh. _Oh_. She thinks I'm _crying_.

And that did it. Months and months of sad just let _loose_.

I started to laugh. Chortle. Guffaw. Whatever. It was loud and obnoxious and a huge fucking _relief_.

I am such the drama queen.

I finally looked up and covered Alice's hand with my own, using her to help me stand up. She looked perplexed and slightly irritated as I stumbled, trying to stop the laughter while gaining my footing. Jasper looked worried, Rose looked pissed, and Emmett looked amused as I stood there giggling. I had no idea what Edward looked like because I still refused to really acknowledge that he was even there.

"Bella-?" Jasper was coming toward us, but I waved him away and doubled over in laughter. It was ridiculous, really. Why the hell did Edward even come over here? He was a smart guy. He should have known that just dropping in on me would have made me- well, okay. No way to foresee this one. Still.

"No, no. Please. Go about your business." Or at least that's what I meant to say; I have no idea if anyone understood me through the gasping chokes.

And I might have continued on in this vein, delighting in the utter confusion I was causing with my nearest and dearest, if it weren't for one thing.

_Him_.

"Bella." That voice. The smooth, whipped consistency of it poured over me and around me and through me. And I would have rejected it if it weren't so damned comforting.

"No." That voice was the one thing that stopped the laughter. And it stopped immediately. I looked up from the cascaded curtain of my hair to see everyone looking at me, startled and struck by my abrupt change of tone.

"Bella?" Alice was with me again, her hand at my elbow, but I shrugged it off. A lick of anger coursed up my spine and down my arms, and I flexed involuntarily, shoving aside _that_ emotion so that I could go back to my irrational laughter.

"I'm cool," I giggled, taking a deep breath and leaning against the back of the couch for support. I mean, really. Who did he think he was?

I looked down and over at him and noticed he was wearing the same shoes, and that was all it took, really. I mean, I had changed and morphed into a person I didn't really know anymore. Someone who capitulated into easy stuff to avoid confronting emotion or whatever. And he had gone and become a daddy and then not-daddy and he had this whole new thing going on, whatever it was… but his shoes were the same. And _that's_ what made me react.

"Who do you think you are?" I mouthed the words, not really voicing them. The sane part of me understood that I had no right to ask him this question, no matter how much I wanted to. And Sane Bella was still calling the shots, despite the hysterical laughter.

"Edward," Alice said, the excitement in her voice evident as she bounded over for a hug. "What are you doing here, exactly?" Hope and anticipation. I remembered being like that.

She was next to him, talking fast and in low tones while the rest of us stood there, frozen in our spots and perplexed. Well, except for me, of course. I still had giggles sporadically bursting from my lips.

"I, uh," he said sheepishly, looking around the room- everywhere but at me. "I'm moving to Seattle."

…

….

……..

No one had a response. And I actually stopped moving. Laughing, breathing, thinking.

"Oh my God, that's wonderful!" Alice's slightly delayed response didn't faze the room as everyone started to react and come forward. Well, except for me.

"What about the… the apartment? And Jessica…" My voice trailed a bit.

The lying lesbian. 'Cause if he wasn't the father, then she _lied_. I didn't feel myself speaking, but there I was, automatic mouth turned on.

"I, uh. Forgave her. Forgave them." It sounded like a question, but I finally looked up and met his eyes and saw the ridiculous truth there. _Just like that_. Ridiculous.

"What? Man, that's great, that's just…" Emmett must've gotten another sock in the arm from Rosalie because he stopped abruptly and looked over at me. In fact, everyone was looking at me. I realized I had moved toward him again, but my arms were rigid, at my sides. I must've had a terrible expression on my face, too, because everyone was looking at me like a lion escaped from the zoo or something. I felt rage and relief wash over me and out of every orifice in my head. No _way_ this was happening.

"Oh, hey. We all have that thing. You know. The thing that doesn't require Bella and Edward. Come on, yo. Let's book." That Emmett. Such a way with words. Silently and in about eight seconds, everyone rushed out the door, Alice taking one last glance over her shoulder as she quietly shut the door behind her.

Leaving me and him. Him and me. Us.

Alone.

What the hell was I supposed to do?

I threw my knitting on the floor and turned a complete one-eighty.

"Bella, wait-"

No.

"-I feel like an ass-"

Because you are.

"-but I'd really like to talk to you about all of this-"

All of what.

"-I've been thinking so much lately-"

Must be nice to not be trapped in your own head.

"-coming to terms with my own issues-"

Great. A guy who watches daytime TV and self-analyzes.

"Oh, fuck it." He was, after all, taller than me; therefore, his legs were long. Before I could get to my bedroom door, his hand was at my shoulder, spinning me around to face him. And I couldn't protest. I couldn't squirm away. I couldn't escape into my room, and I couldn't refuse because his mouth was on mine, dry and chapped and requesting and insisting. Soft, crackling lips brushing mine and my mind screamed out to slap the shit out of him, but he just felt so good and right that I couldn't-

"Goddamn, I needed that," he whispered, breaking free of the hot connection but not at all pulling away. Stupid hands of mine were grasping his collar, refusing to let go. My neck was straining, my feet scrunched at the tippy toes of my chucks because I was stretching my whole body just to get closer. He was so tall, so looming. Warm and smelling just like I remembered, his nearness making me want to crawl in bed and bask in it like I did every single morning having just awakened from an Edward-centric dream.

I sobbed then, one of those embarrassingly cracked sounds, and I just let go and latched onto his mouth, teeth grazing and pulling, feeling the triumph as he responded in kind, pain shooting at my temples as he wound his hands through my hair.

"Sorry," he whispered into my ear, making my heart thud once loudly and then hammer softly as I breathed in, trying to slow it down. This was too fast, too much. What the hell was happening?

"Why are you here?" I hated how desperate I sounded; I hated that I had to ruin the moment. Because I knew- I knew what was going to happen. It was a terrible idea, but I was just so very tired of thinking. I wanted to feel again.

And then he said the words I wanted, the words I needed.

"To get you back."

Thank God.

"And Bella, I'm sorry. I handled this terribly, but I just needed-"

"Shut up." Stop being so frustratingly _good_ all the time.

"What?" He was both amused and confused. Silly boy. Kiss me again. Make me feel.

"Just shut up and kiss me again, Edward." Saying his name strengthened my resolve.

"Okay." He leaned in, his eyes closed, and I think maybe he was smelling me or my hair or possibly just basking because his face was soft and light.

"Sorry," he whispered into my ear, making my heart thud once loudly and then hammer softly as I breathed in, trying to slow it down. This was too fast, too much. What the hell was happening?

"Why are you here?" I hated how desperate I sounded; I hated that I had to ruin the moment. Because I knew- I knew what was going to happen. It was a terrible idea, but I was just so very tired of thinking. I wanted to feel again.

And then he said the words I wanted, the words I needed.

"To get you back."

Thank God.

"And Bella, I'm sorry. I handled this terribly, but I just needed-"

"Shut up." Stop being so frustratingly Good all the time.

"What?" He was both amused and confused. Silly boy. Kiss me again. Make me feel.

"I said to shut up and kiss me again, Edward." Saying his name strengthened my resolve.

"Okay."

I blacked out for a minute when he came closer to me, his joyous face filling my field of vision as brushed his lips across my forehead before kissing me hard and kissing me fierce.

His lips- God, his lips. Bruising and gentle, drawing in and softly sucking on the very middle of my bottom lip, drawing in the soft and moist mass, gently nipping at his teeth. Everything, all of it so gentle, so fervent.

I briefly considered slapping him to get him to react more passionately, but that just didn't seem too adult of me. So I sighed. A barely audible wisp of breath, but a sigh nonetheless.

He immediately let go of me, backing up exactly one step and putting his hands up like you see them do to the crazy people in the movies who make a questionable move toward the hero.

"Whoa. Too fast? It's too fast, right? Dammit, dammit. I'm such a fucking idiot," he said, muttering and shoving his hair off of his forehead where I had managed to twist it into a huge, unruly mess. He kept sweeping the flat part of his hand through the slightly greasy hair there, all the while letting loose a long litany of self-scolding half-sentences; all I could catch was the occasional "stupid, stupid" as he slowly backed away, refusing to look in my direction.

"I should come back when I've figured things out, Bella. I'm so sorry. I was just excited to see you, to tell you that I was…" But he didn't finish. Why didn't he finish? He was what? Sorry? Free to be with me? An idiot? Yes to all three? His whispers seemed to be pleading with himself more than with me, and it was this quiet desperation in his voice and countenance that gave me the wherewithal to just forgive and forget. For the time being, anyway. I think we both needed it; needed this.

"Hey," I said, stepping toward him. He was dangerously close to leaving this room again, and no way I'd let that happen without some sort of closing statement. But I could sense it coming; I knew that this was a pivotal moment, that he was there to fix the Us that never was. And in a near-blinding mental flash, I saw everything clearly, maybe for the first time ever.

We'd both dance around it. I could see it. We were both so hesitant to step out of our preset boxes, so afraid of what the other and the others would think, that we could dance around this forever. Never confront it, never confront each other.

So he left me.

So what.

So he knocked up a lesbian.

So what. That turned out to be a wash, anyway.

So he didn't call me.

So he kind of let me hang there for a while.

Could I blame him?

Yep.

Well…

_Fuck. I thought I had dealt with this already_. Quite obviously, I hadn't.

I must have sat there and thought obsessive thoughts for a beat too long because he shuffled a little bit with his feet and the noise startled me, making me look up. The confused and slightly irritated conversation I was having with myself in my head probably put an irritated look on my face because when our eyes met, just like that- I saw the bright, lust-filled light in his eyes dim. Like he read something in my face that indicated to him that I was done.

No. Not again.

"I'm just going to-"

"No, you're not just going to do anything." I was fed up with this shit. No more, dammit. Time to take a stand. I stomped over to the still-open door to my bedroom and slammed it shut behind him.

"Bella?" He sounded scared, but suddenly, that fierce, simmering light flared in his eyes and face and smile. He must've had the same self-argument I had just had, because I knew… knew in that moment when I stood there, pissed at everything and heaving chest and my hand still out from slamming the door- I knew when our faces turned toward each other and I finally calmed down long enough to take a breath and when I did, his eyes zoomed in on the rhythmic rise and fall of my chest and I just let out this choked laugh because what a freaking guy, to ogle a set of tits, even when the world is possibly falling down around you- I knew that we were going to be okay.

I also knew that we were about to have sex. A lot of it.

About time, too. It was like someone had awakened my seriously dormant libido by stabbing it in the groin. Out of absolutely nowhere, I felt a vibrant buzz in the pit of my stomach, and it made a devilish grin pop out on my face. I remembered that feeling. The last time I had it was in this very room with this very guy. Just to test it- to flex my muscles, so to speak- I did the time-tested thing that got an even bigger grin on my face- I clenched my muscle down there. Mmm. Tingly.

I looked up to his face and took a moment to bask in its fire. He looked so alive in that moment; he took a step at me, sucking the corner of his bottom lip in as he looked a little hesitant. And right then, I decided that we needed the air clear if I was going to enjoy myself. Or him.

"Edward," I said, low and girly-gritty, taking a step toward him. He turned away from me, looking anywhere but at my face, like he was ashamed of himself. Which- maybe he should be, but here in my room where the last time we had been together had been a fine morning-after glow of warm and almost-sex- I just wanted to get back to the good stuff. Like… ignore the previous few months. I knew that wasn't healthy, and I might have been able to focus on such things like the status of my mental well-being, but as soon as I had huskily said his name, his eyes had snapped back to focus on mine, and it was like tunnel-vision. We were drawn together until we somehow ended up in each other's arms, his warm and strong and mine shivering with not-cold as I pressed my palms into the pits of his shoulders so that my fingertips were pressing into his collarbone.

My heart went ballistic as I yanked at his shirt, bringing his face to mine. His breath in my face, warm-hot, sweet but not cloyingly so, very Edward and full of my missing him as he came right up to my lips to kiss and savor, but I whispered against him so that our mouths were moving together.

"Not your baby. And I don't care about the missing months, okay? Let it go."

Who knew that I had it in me? With a strangled sob, I smashed my lips onto his, wetting my dried lips with his tongue, our teeth grazing and scratching as he kissed me and I kissed him. I could feel an ache in my arms as I strained to wrap myself around him and through him, so I pulled them down and grabbed him by the waist, pulling him toward me so that I could feel him hard and against my belly, and I gasped at it because… I don't know why. It just seemed to make it all so real. He was here. He was _here_.

"You're here."

"I'm here."

No more talking.

My hands started traveling, over his hips and down his ass. My fingers slipped against something soft and smooth, and while he was busily burying his nose in my hair, I pulled at the silken mass and breathed in a grin.

The mask. The freaking mask. I'd know it anywhere.

I yanked it out and produced it, grinning a sly half-grin as I showed it to him, holding it up to my face.

"Alice," he whispered, shaking his head in wonder. He gently pulled it from my hands, his fingers lingering on my skin as we held the thing between the two of us. Such symbolism. It seemed ridiculous now, yet very pertinent and full of meaning.

Oh, hell. I made to grab it, but he tossed it over his shoulder and grabbed my wrists.

"C'mere, you," he said, smirking and beaming. He yanked my arms straight up and grabbed the hem of my shirt, pulling it off in one smooth motion.

I slowly lowered my arms, lamenting my boring bra choice as I stood there. Edward was in front of me, his head hanging against one shoulder as he looked me over. Any day before this one and I would have felt self-conscious, but not here. Not now. I felt right and I felt good, and I didn't even blush _once_.

I was pondering whether to return the favor when he leaned in and buried his face right there between my breasts and then his arms were around me, his roughened hands scratching at my back as he kneaded his knuckles into my shoulder blades and down the small of my back, his mouth making sloppy wet sounds as he kissed my skin without moving his head. My neck flexed as I rolled my head around, giving in to the electricity, the pull as his mouth moistened and his breath cooled and the tight feeling in my chest slowly made its way lower and lower, my clenching increasing. I pulled his head in, my hands clawing at his messy hair. Yes. God, yes.

I wanted to draw it out, but I didn't think I would be able to stand it. He was being so slow, so careful. I could feel his arms tightening around me; I could hear his feet shuffling below, trying to find purchase; I could smell him, the warm Edward smell growing stronger with each sweep of his tongue; I could taste his need, and I could feel my own. I opened my mouth to tell him just that, and as I did, I realized that we were suddenly back in sync. Months melted as he lifted me swiftly and delicately, his hands burning every inch of my body they brushed against as I was tossed onto my own bed.

The soft glow of the sun setting was making the room dark and golden, the faint rays of streetlamps turning on, adding to the affect. As I looked up at Edward through my lashes, I could barely make out the shine of his hair catching some of the last rays of sunlight; his face was bathed in dark, but all I needed was his heavy breathing over and around me. His body pressed against mine, making me overheat and want more, always more. I tentatively reached a hand out, unbuttoning his shirt so that I could feel his skin against mine. As my fingers made their way down, he leaned on one elbow and used his other hand to press my questing fingertips over his chest.

He sat up, making quick work of his own buttons as I propped myself up on my elbows. His legs were straddling my thighs, and I eyed his belt with a raised eyebrow, wondering if he could see my face in the growing dark.

"See something you like?"

Well, that answered that.

I responded by laying back but arching up slightly, reaching underneath me to unclasp my bra. I let it lay limp across my chest, making no move to remove it, but simply putting my hands behind my head. I smiled at the anticipation of it all, taking care to watch my breath so that I didn't get overexcited.

Edward, of course, had other plans. With a quick breath in, he fell above me, his knees still surrounding my legs but his palms falling right below my armpits. The warmth from his skin made it seem like it got much hotter, but maybe it was just him or the fact that an hour ago I was knitting and now here he was, leaning above me and now dipping in, his hair poking my nose as he hung his head down, looking at me. My eyes were getting used to the dark and I could just make out the scraggly mess at my chin. I could feel him, hot and trailing down, leaning back a little on his knees as he kissed the tops of each of my breasts.

His fingers tickled my shoulders as he gently pulled at my wrists, bringing my arms out from under my head and down to my sides; he slipped the straps of my bra down as he leaned in, grasping the center of it with his teeth and removing the thing with one quick swish. Much like the Zorro mask before it, the garment disappeared over his shoulder.

"Lovely," he murmured before coming back toward me. His warm and calloused hands cupped the sides of each breast, his thumbs rubbing up and near- but not quite on- my nipples. I was gasping, writhing. His pants were baggy and they were stretched across my legs, creating a distance that I found frustratingly awful. I just wanted him on me, dammit.

He sat up a bit, and in the last few moments of setting sun, his hair flamed red and his face glowed with a faint shine; I could see him smirking at me as he unbuttoned the rest of his shirt.

Once that went the way of the mask, he finally stretched out and covered my body with his. Holding my face in his hands, he kissed me long and lovingly, our lips moving with each other, hard and fast. It was too much, but I couldn't quite get enough.

With one swift shift of his elbow, he was curling me up and around and on him, flipping us over so that I was now lying across his long body, my toes barely making it past his knees. I dug in a little, kneading his legs through his pants. He smiled into my mouth and I lifted my head up, my eyes beginning to make out the ghost-like shapes of his features in the now dimly-lit room.

"What?" he softly laughed, his voice husky, low. Sex. That rhythmic throb-clench I had been experiencing ever since he walked in the door intensified with that one simple question. What, indeed?

The thousands of other questions we could be asking glossed over in my mind like _that_. I pushed all of the thoughts and misgivings and wondering asides away in favor of focusing on my lust.

I pushed up, taxing the bend of my elbows as I scrambled my legs up and around, purposefully straddling him so that I was sitting on his hard, long, delicious… yeah. I shoved and pressed up with my hips, getting a rumbling groan as a gift and earning a second moan as I let the momentum of my hippy shake knock my tits right into his face. His hands were suddenly on my hips, his fingers squeezing, and I hoped I would be able to see the bruises from each individual finger there in the morning as I leaned down, opening my mouth and covering his with my lips, my jaw unhinging and flexing. He tried to match my furious mouth kissing and he seemed to like that he couldn't; I was losing it joyfully, grinding my hips into his, rubbing and massaging my clenching buzz with his hardened thickness, moving and undulating and mouthing, tongue long, my palms on his biceps, squeezing and wondering if he worked out or jacked off a lot or was just naturally so fucking well-made.

"Bella," he said, trying to move his head to the side so that he could get the words out. I wasn't letting him. I wasn't thinking, couldn't think. Would not. I kept meeting his attempts at talking with my opened mouth.

"Slow" lick "down" lap.

"Nuh uh," I breathed in between tongues. I think he tried to say "okay", but I couldn't be sure because I became well-aware that there was no point in wearing pants anymore. The Bella Libido was taking over, and its takeover was going to be swift. No more drawing it out or mouths on underwear, no more fucking around.

I sat up.

Stood up.

Hovered over him, my upper half lighting up with the glow of the street lamps and the dark surrounding me. I couldn't see him, but I could feel his smile penetrate the dark as I slipped out of my pants and shed my underwear. I nudged his hip and ass with my toe.

"Now you."

He didn't even hesitate as he removed the rest of his clothes, pausing to pull something out of his butt pocket.

I raised my eyebrow as I lowered myself to my knees. "Not gonna lie," he panted, "I thought it might be on the table." He started to open the condom foil but I flicked it out from in between his fingers so that it landed next to us on the wrinkled sheets.

Grinning while I bent down, I laid a soft lips-only kiss right above his hip, brushing the dip of his pelvis with the bottom of my chin. He hissed and shifted, his dick brushing against my hair, which only made him take a deeper breath. I shook my head a little bit, the hair shimmying and tickling; this time, he lurched forward in reflexive laughter, hitting my cheek with his cock.

"Did you just dick slap me?" I giggled, and when he started to laugh and relax, I turned slightly and licked up the length of him, my tongue slipping as I got to the tip as his dick moved with the motion. Without thinking, I grabbed it to steady him and I paused as he gasped in a breath; oh, the control a girl has sometimes. I grinned and took just the head into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the salty-yet-not-unpleasant taste that was nothing but man, this man. This Edward. What the fuck had I been thinking with the dry blowing business? Wet blows were much better. His soft grunts intensified and I felt him very tense and still beneath me, my hands propped on his tightened thigh muscles as I slipped down and around him, my teeth grazing soft skin as I tried to take more and more in each time, each mouthful stretching out my lips and cracking the corners of my mouth with pleasure pain, pleasure-pain.

My bare ass was sticking up and out, and as I perched there, blowing this man that my mind understood I was still pissed at, my thoughts strayed and I became aware that I was pretty fucking wet, and I wanted to do something about it. I sat up abruptly and now I could see his features darkened but clear- his eyes were closed and his eyebrows were furrowed, a look of pained bliss lighting his entire face. He cracked open his lids and looked out at me.

"Wow," he breathed. Indeed. I straddled him again, my wet almost touching his until I remembered… well, he may not be as fertile as we had sort of joked about, but I sure as hell wasn't taking any chances.

I pawed at the sheets next to him, leaning down for another kiss, not caring if he was the type of guy who didn't kiss the mouth that just blew him. He didn't seem to mind, though, kissing me back, sucking in as he tried to steady his heavy breathing. My fingers closed in on the foil and I sat up, hissing as the still-moistened tip of his dick brushed against my slightly-moistened thigh.

I ripped open the package and pulled the condom out, pinching it gingerly by the roll as I handed it to him.

"Hurry up."

"Yes, ma'am." He was amused yet obeying. He did those things that men are always better at than women, pinching and base-holding and rolling. I watched, mesmerized by the size of the damned thing. I mean, fuck. I was going to _sit_ on that and roll and writhe. Fuck, yes.

Crawling on my palms and my knees, I hovered so that our body parts matched, leaning down with my head to brush my lips against his.

"Bella… it's always been you." Eye-to-eye, held breath. The both of us. I had just wanted this to be fucking, goddammit.

I thrust my hips toward our feet, low and with a quick, jerking movement. The tip of his cock hit paydirt but then veered; I swiveled, searching. Writhing and feeling, getting wetter and more desperate. Finally, finally. The right angle, the right moment. Up and angle, down and oh. Ffff. Hiss and up, his hips up, pressing as I sat back, letting him handle gravity, the burn in my inner elbows as I moved, shoved. The angle gone, move and hips up, angle away, there it is again and oh. "Ooh." He got the hint. Kept the pace, the angle. Must be killing his back but fuck it. So good. The tickle, that hot painful tickle, like maybe I had to piss but not really, the burn that I knew I'd feel, the friction on my skin, just… God yes, shiver and shudder and I looked at him, reveling that he'd obviously been fixating on me or maybe just my tits but no, he was looking at me and his hands left the mattress, fists at my side as he tried to find his spot to hold onto. His fingers unfurled and found it, guiding my movements as I thrust and just went at it. Had at it, at him. The bad melting, melted and my breasts swaying everywhere and his palms cupping, thumbs brushing and giving new tingle down there as I focused down there and just… he was there, under me and filling. Fuck. Now now now "Now now now. Oh, now."

I knew I was mewling, I knew I was moaning. I knew the bed was squeaking, the telltale rhythmic springing sounds of sex, really good sex filling the room and hitting the bed and I hoped they had really left and not come back because how embarrassing but who could care because it was here… no, coming and coming and I looked down to make sure he was with me but who could give a fuck because it's not like guys don't always come no matter what and oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh _yes. There it is. He got it_. Thank you, but he _got_ it. The Spot, the spot that just yes yes yesss. The searing white, the searing pain, the muscle strain and the burning rain and the tickle and the comedown. The comedown as I became more, became me and became us. His hips lowered, bringing us down. Down to the mattress and to earth and I was fucking breathing heavy, I never exerted that much effort and Jesus, did we really just fuck like that?

I didn't want to look at him because it was over but I couldn't stay away from his face because it's not like everyone didn't have that insecure moment where they wondered if the other person came or was faking and hell, he's a guy, they all come, right?

"Fuck, Bella," he heaved, slapping his wet palm on his sweaty forehead. "Jesus. Whoa," he breathed, and he laughed, a high-pitched masculine laugh that filled the dark and my chest cavity, suffusing everything with the relief I could hear in his voice.

"I know," I laughed back, feeling giddy and dread creeping up on me.

Well, that was out of the way.

I made a move to get up and he held the condom in place, grimacing a half-laugh as I moved up, pulling him out. He moved his head up and looked down, seeming embarrassed at the after-care inherent in the post-coital activities.

He sat up and I watched the broad expanse of his back, watching the interplay of his muscles as he did his business at the side of my bed. I could've let myself be mesmerized, so I stopped it, crawling over and putting my chin on his shoulder.

"I think we need to talk." And I was not at all amazed that we said the exact same thing at the exact same time.

**So, while I dedicate everything I will ever create to jandco… that smut was for ninapolitan. I dedicate all 1.49 costco hot dog/diet coke combos to her for being a hot bitch. **


	26. Fishbowl Junebug

**Bella**

"Did you ever do something you totally regretted?"

"Mmm." Edward had lain back down, not exactly shrugging off my chin and warmth, but not accepting them, either. He had tossed a sheet over himself and put his hands under his head, staring at nothing. I had simply waited for him to begin. Mostly because I didn't know what to say.

I mean… to be crude, we had just fucked. Good and proper, too.

Now what?

I could've yelled, I suppose.

Cried, maybe.

Whined, pleaded. Begged for answers.

But the truth was- I was tired. So tired. Over it, really.

Was it fair to me to just let everything slide?

No.

I desperately wanted to, though. Desperately. Sometimes it seems like the conversations that you know you need to have are just destined to break you. And I didn't want to be broken anymore.

_Fix me, Edward. Let's fix Us and move past it all_.

God, if it could only be that simple. Please, let it be that simple.

"So, you're saying you regret what we just did?" He had closed his eyes and the wrinkle between his eyebrows was deeper than it had been back before- well, you know. Before babies and ex-girlfriends and their girlfriends had intruded on our Moment.

"Don't be silly," I said uncomfortably, chuckling and nervously running my hand through my hair while fingering the sweaty sideburns on his face. He leaned into my hand slightly, his lips brushing my wrist as I looked down at him, trying desperately to figure out if maybe _he_ was feeling a little regretful.

Not that I was regretting the sex. God, no. More like… kicking myself over months of inaction and stupidity.

But I wasn't going to tell him that. Hell no. I might be a stupid girl, but I still have my pride.

"Oh…well, then why do you ask about regrets?" Edward asked, and he propped himself up on his elbows, making my cheek slide down his chest before I sat up.

He looked at me with full…concentration. Like he was concerned or maybe worried or just intent on listening to me—which made all of this suddenly seem like a big deal.

And it _was_ a big deal, but I couldn't just _say_ it was a big deal—could I?

His head cocked to the side and I sat up, folding my legs Indian-style directly across from him, keeping my eyes on his.

I wouldn't look down to where the damp, freshly sex-worked sheet just kind of tangled across his lap, not really hiding the dark, sparse hair that—I just wouldn't look down.

"Bella? Look. Like I said before we, uh, did this, I could have understood if I was too late—"

Oh.

He said the words that set it off.

Because he wasn't too late for this, and if I was honest with myself, I knew he could've walked into a senior home forty-eight years from now and I probably still would've saved a spot for him on my dance card—but dammit.

He was late nonetheless.

"You were late," I repeated, cutting him off and then his head snapped straight and he rubbed his left eye with the back of his right hand before he spoke again.

"I was saying I could have understood if you told me to take a hike _before_ we got into bed."

I shook my head and closed my eyes to gather my thoughts so that although it wasn't probable, I'd stand some kind of chance of coming across as coherent.

"I'm not saying you're too late for us. I'm saying…I'm saying…where the hell _were_ you?"

He blinked at me and I was fairly certain he thought I was crazy.

"I was in San Fran—"

"I know where you were!" I shouted, much louder than I intended to, and he kind of jerked back, his eyes wide, but his mouth trying not to smile. "Why didn't you call me? You didn't even call me and God, I liked you. A lot—"

"I still like you. A lot," Edward offered, and now he was seriously losing his battle with laughter.

"I _still_ like you. A lot. But that's not the point! I went out and got a maybe boyfriend! I hurt that poor kid's feelings. I baked pot pies and I mastered Mario Kart and I can knit now! Probably not a full sweater, but at least a pretty decent scarf. I have more rock candy than Willy Wonka, and I drove myself crazy, and, hell Edward…all you had to do was call."

I breathed an embarrassing pant for about five seconds while I looked around at everywhere but him and if he didn't say something very soon, I was pretty certain I could make a nice life for myself underneath my comforter.

While I was staring at my knees, I felt the bed shift and the sheets pull, and really?

He was going to leave?

I probably should've been prepared for this. I've noticed Edward has a knack for leaving at the most inopportune times.

Heck. He didn't even call me for seven months when he was sitting idly, preparing to be a father to a child born to lesbian parents. Who did this guy think he was, anyway? I jerked my head up to let the nonsensical rage fly again, but he wasn't leaving.

He was getting comfortable.

In my bed.

He leaned back on the pillows and put one hand behind his head and he looked so at home there, nestled in my spot.

He looked like he belonged there and he looked like…like…like he wasn't going to leave any time soon.

"You wanted me to call?" he asked with raised eyebrows. "And say what, exactly? Still in San Fran.? Still having a baby with a lesbian and her militant life partner? Still regretting the poor decision to ever let Jessica Stanley in through my door? Still wanting to regret ever bringing you into this mess, but somehow I can't because thinking back on you is the only thing that makes me remember I used to like my life?"

What?

I looked up and I looked at him and he was staring at me—actually waiting for an answer.

"Well. The last one would've been nice," I mumbled, folding my knees up to my chest.

"Would it, though?" he asked. "I mean, Bella, if I had done that, if I had called and said 'Hey, Bella, I think the biggest regret in my life is not having the chance to be with you'—if I said that, would it have helped? I think it would've just made it…tangible. It would have made it seem so much more just out of reach."

"I was just…left here. Hanging. Waiting," I said, fully aware of how selfish it sounded. I mean, granted, he was obviously going through huge shit—but I was also aware of how pissed I was getting the more I thought about this.

"I'm sorry," he said, and he sat up from the pillows and poked at my big toe with one finger.

"What the hell was your master plan, anyway? I mean, were you just going to be celibate and live with lesbians until this kid turned eighteen? What exactly were you thinking?"

He withdrew his hand and sat up straight. A thick lock of hair fell into his right eye and I waited for him to put his hands in his hair, but he didn't. He seemed frozen.

"I was thinking I had seven months to adjust to the fact that I was having a kid with someone I don't even love. I was thinking let me just get this kid born happy and healthy. I was thinking how the hell am I going to not resent an innocent, tiny, seven pound person? I was thinking how had I managed to fuck up this badly, and how will I ever manage to not think of Bella? I was thinking as long as I physically put my priorities in order, it didn't matter much where my mind was. I didn't think about six months from now or two or eighteen years from now. I spent that time just trying to get through each minute."

And that made me really pissed.

Because it didn't matter when he would've came back—he would have and I would've taken him back. Even if I'd been committed to Jake or anyone else. Even if he had a Kindergartener under his arm. Even if he was flanked by lesbians—I would have taken him back.

I was always waiting, and he. Should. Have. Called.

He should've saved us all of that time and hurt and knitting and Mario Kart.

"So…you're saying that whole time you were thinking of me? You were thinking of how much it sucked and how good we could've been together?"

"Yes. God, yes."

"Then. You. Should. Have. Called," I shouted, and I just knew somewhere Rosalie was out there, cheering me on.

"You could've called me," he said.

Oh, that did it.

I blindly grabbed out and picked up the first thing my fingertips touched-- then I threw it at him.

Edward ducked quick to the left as a crack echoed in the room.

He stared at me wide-eyed while I stared at the discontinued Bath and Body Works Sheer Freesia Body lotion dripped and clumped on my head board, slowly making its way down to my pillows.

A high-pitched noise came out of my throat.

"Fuck! They don't make that anymore!" I croaked then scrambled forward, leaving the sheet behind in an attempt to save my lotion.

I used the edge of my hand to squeegee the lotion down into my other waiting palm. Edward's hot shoulder was touching mine and he was watching me frantically trying to salvage what was left—and then I was suddenly crying.

Hard.

The painful kind of sobs that sound ugly and come from nowhere—the kind that you can't stop and come on so fast that you don't even know when or how they started.

It was just too much. It was just that all the time and all of those feelings that I should have, then shouldn't have and now it was okay to have them again…and all that time…and just…all of it.

I felt his hand, warm and firm on my back and I just kept crying and now blindly gathering lotion.

"Hey," Edward said, low and smooth over my loud, throat-ripping cries.

"It's…it's…just…such a w-w-w-waste," I cried and snotted.

His other hand came to my face and he used two fingertips to wipe wet, sticky strands of hair from my cheeks while I stayed put, leaned over, with my eyes squeezed shut.

"It could've been," he said. "Look."

I blinked and hiccupped, then used the crook of my elbow to wipe my eyes, which was pointless. I was still crying.

Edward was holding up a half full cracked bottle of lotion. Without a word, he unscrewed the top, then took my hand and lightly scraped each of my fingers over the lip of the open bottle. He used his forefinger to gather the lotion in my palm, then he stuck his own finger in the bottle…and together, we put most of it back.

Quietly, Edward put the cap back on and let the bottle drop to his side, then he looked up at me.

And I looked at him.

Expressionless but tired, we just looked at each other and even though he should have called, and even though I was angry and overwhelmed—and maybe he'd been wrong. But maybe he'd been right, too.

But.

He was back.

He came back.

For me.

And despite everything, that's all I ever really wanted out of this whole thing.

If he was here, we could cope with the bullshit. We'd have to. Because I wasn't letting go again.

Then in a truly ungraceful but quick move, I lunged at him with my arms out and he caught me, and he didn't let go, either.

I kept my arms firm around his neck while I scooted and worked my legs until I was straddling his lap and my face was pressed into his neck.

His hand slid under my hair and his palm curved around my neck while his other arm stayed firm and warm around my bare back, holding me close.

Quieter, hot tears dripped and leaked onto his neck and he just kind of rocked us while I got it all out.

"I'm here."

Yeah, for now.

"Look at me."

I wiped my gross face and looked at him, all perfect and not crying and gorgeous despite the dark purple smudges under his eyes. I tried to smile, but it felt false, because how could I be sure he would stay?

"I'm not going anywhere."

Stop reading my thoughts.

"I'm serious. Do you have any idea what it's been like for me? Being there, being a responsible person, being who I thought everyone wanted me to be? It's exhausting, Bella. Utterly exhausting. And all I wanted to do was play my damned piano and smell your hair and tell everyone to let me be. But now that's what I'm going to do. I'm tired of it. Tired of all of it. Everything but you. I will never be tired of you. Do you understand?"

I nodded solemnly, accepting what he said but not really hearing it. I was suddenly exhausted, too. Deep down inside I felt guilty- righteous and indignant, but guilty.

"Can we just make out or something, and forget my little breakdown here?" I sniffled and laughed, and it sounded gross but I didn't care anymore.

"I don't know, you're all puffy and wet," he said, and when I looked up quickly to see if he meant it, his eyes cracked with sparkle and amusement, and it was like a freaking beacon in my suddenly too-small room. I weakly smacked his side, my palm still gooey with lotion and sweat and sex.

"Crap, I'm going to smell like a hot chick for days," he said, looking down at his skin. I noticed streaks of lotion on the two of us and sniffling once again, I laughed, a watery sound that grew stronger as my chuckles filled my throat.

"Marking my territory," I said, the previous guilt being melted away at amusement and relief. Even though I was feeling like, a thousand things at that moment, the strongest and most acute feeling was that he was there, in my bed. Between my legs and right next to my heart.

"Mark away, Beautiful," he whispered, once again wiping away the tears that had seeped down my cheeks. "It's not necessary, though. Do you know that?"

I nodded, but he tilted my chin up, making me look right in his eyes.

"Do you _know_ that?" I nodded again, and he kissed the tip of my nose.

"I love you, Isabella Swan. I think I always did. How could I not? You pour yourself into dresses for costume parties and correct Rosalie's grammar and turn into Martha Stewart when you're depressed. How could I not be utterly charmed by you?" I laughed weakly, not wanting to believe. Desperately wanting to believe.

"I'll spend as much time as possible making you love me back. I have the time now; I'm a relocated piano player and former doctor. I have _time_." He kissed each cheek and then my forehead, and dammit. The tears started pouring again.

"Why are you crying now?" he asked, sounding exactly like a guy exasperated with his girlfriend. Which I know he was, and the thought just made me laugh and cry, laugh and cry. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Just… we're so stupid. So stupid." The laughter and relief bubbled up, pushing the anger down. God, I suddenly felt good. Too good. Without thinking, I wiggled around, kissing him on the neck.

"Hey, now," he said, his relief apparent and giving way to some movement underneath me. I became quite aware that I was making him hard again, and the irritated Bella in me wanted to say _Really? Now_? But the Rosalie in me kind of wanted to fuck him again.

Before I let that happen, though, I had to make something clear.

I leaned right into his neck, resting my cheek on his shoulder and tilting my mouth so that it was directly at his ear.

"I love you, too. No more lesbians, okay?"

He laughed softly, wrapping his arms around me and shifting my body so that we were better placed for Round 2.

"No more lesbians. Just Bella and Edward."

"Deal."

**The End**

**Epilogue**

_An indeterminate amount of time later…_

**Alice**

"Stop it. Dammit, Jasper, just stop!" I was doing everything I could to contain my glee, but it just wasn't possible. We were going to be a family, like hugely deliriously happy family!

His sister was finally tying the knot with Emmett, and my best friend on the planet was so… content with my cousin that it was like they were married.

Sure, I secretly wished they'd shit or get off the pot already, and I had offered to go ring shopping with Edward like a thousand times in the last year or so, but he stubbornly refused to let me in and told me not-so-politely to "butt the hell out". Humph. If he wanted to make some sort of permanently egregious jewelry error, that was his business.

"I wanted to make Edward my maid of honor, but I don't want this to turn into some fucking sappy chick flick where he finally realizes he's loved me all along and Bella gets dicked over," Rosalie was saying. I turned my attention back to the gorgeous blonde holding a huge fishbowl-sized junebug out to us, flashing her bling and grinning like an idiot.

"Not on your life, Barbie," Bella sniffed, knocking back her Newcastle and slapping a hand on Edward's thigh. "Mine. Besides, Emmett would try to kill Edward and they'd both end up in body casts. For months. Doctors don't make provisos for hospital sex. Then where would we be?"

"See, I knew I liked her for a reason," Rosalie said, clanking her huge glass with Bella's bottle, the sound ridiculous and loud in the already noisy restaurant. I grinned appreciatively, leaning on my husband (God, I'll never get tired of calling him that) and toning my mega-watt grin down when Jasper rested his warm palm on my middle. We were expecting, but no way in hell I'd interrupt Rose's engagement dinner and tell everyone that. She'd kill me for one upping her.

"So, Eddie," Emmett said, spearing a chunk of rib-eye and pointing it at Edward. "When're you two gonna…" He trailed off, waggling the meat from Bella and back to Edward. "Fucking make an honest woman out of her already."

Edward rolled his eyes and Bella giggled into her hand. Every time the subject was brought up, I would flicker my eyes to Bella's real quick, checking to see if it really pained her. And it didn't. I had asked her forever ago- back when the two idiots had come to their senses and screwed each other's brains out before admitting their love- if they were like, forever. I had tried to keep the desperate longing/hope out of my voice, desperately hopeful for my friend's happiness, and I think she still heard it because she had patted my arm and smiled a sphinx-y Bella smile, but she never answered.

A while back, I had asked Edward if he had run into Jessica and Lauren since… "the incident". Rosalie could joke about the gold-digging girlfriends, but even after all this time, I just didn't think it was funny, at all. Anyway, Edward had said he hadn't seen them, but his mother had shipped him the present Bella had bought for the baby. Apparently, Jessica had sent it back along with a note, but Edward never told me what the note said, and I guess I didn't need to know. I guess I had been worried that he would have felt like, obligated to the kid or something, but I'm pretty sure he closed that bad chapter of his life pretty thoroughly.

Will they get married? God, I hope so. I know neither is against it, and I'm not sure what they're waiting for, but if they're happy, then I suppose I am, too.

It was a long time coming, the two of them. I always knew they were meant for love; I had seen it clearly, especially that day they had met at our crazy costume party. I'm just content knowing that they're together, and well… one day, they'll do it. I had faith.

Bella and Edward were together, and that was all that it mattered.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Holy crap, my first fic is finally finished.**

**Seriously, if you're still here, thanks for stickin' around.**

**/who cares:**

**I learned a lot about my writing doing this. A few close, trusted people are all "Dude, it's so not you in the beginning of this fic," and I quite agree. I mean…. I didn't even know jandco when I started writing this one. Sheesh.**

**Anyway, this story is now done, and I hope you guys all enjoy the next new endeavor. That's the only teaser you're getting. Those of you on the Gazebo have seen me hinting, and well. It's coming, I promise. **

**We're announcing the winners of the Bellies this week, keep checking out the website (linkage on my profile) and I'll see you at the live chat!**


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